Who has a funny joke? The more the better!

Don't worship me, or your sister-in-law will make you a legend.

Don't be infatuated with elder sister, or your brother-in-law will make you vomit blood.

Don't fall in love with your sister, she will make you haggard.

Don't miss your brother, he will break your heart.

Don't be jealous of dad. Dad is just a myth.

Don't underestimate mom, mom is a village flower.

Don't envy me, I only drive Porsche.

Don't neglect milk, it is still pulled like that.

Money is not the problem, the problem is no money.

It is not necessarily a monk who burns incense, but also a panda.

There is no room for two tigers in one mountain unless there is a male and a female.

Unity means that one monk carries water to eat, two monks carry water to eat, three monks fight the landlord, four monks play mahjong, and five monks steal Xinkai dishes.

Why do Haier brothers only wear underwear? Because Haier brothers don't have Q coins.

You are the legendary 290, right? Because you are 250+38+2.

What can be solved with money is not called anything, and what you don't know is not pronounced.

Work hard for your Audi, my Dior.

Sister, are you carrying a donkey bag? (It's Lu)

Bajie, don't think you are a night pig standing under a street lamp.

Your name will appear in my household registration book one day.

Life is about living and living ~

If you drink too much, no one will listen, so just hold the wall.

A woman without talent is a virtue. I must be too evil.

1, if marriage is the grave of love, then-blind date is to look at feng shui as the grave, confession is to dig the grave, marriage is a martyr-love, empathy is to move the grave, and the third party is a thief-grave.

2. Two villagers, Lao Zhang and Lao Wang, went to the village committee to do business and saw a banner hanging on the wall, which read a famous motto: "A person's life is either burning or decaying." Lao Zhang didn't understand what this meant, so he asked Lao Wang, "What does this mean?"

Lao Wang explained: "Burning is cremation, and rot is burial."

It's best not to criticize others on Monday, because most people have depression on Monday, and it's best not to criticize others on Friday, so as not to ruin each other's weekend mood.

My children have lived in Beijing for many years and have never been from Beijing, but my dog is a Beijing dog because it has a Beijing hukou.

I have lived half my life, and I don't even have a secret. A sneaky face is a waste.

6. Online games are a puddle on the roadside. Someone bypassed it, someone jumped in and climbed out, and someone squatted inside.

7. I am willing to face it with the mind of the sea, bask in the sunshine of South Africa, and spend it with Gates' dollars every day.

8. Unless it is really necessary, ordinary people generally don't need to buy four digits like 8888-otherwise people will think you are selling cards.

9. At a luxury goods sales meeting, a man stood in line with a suitcase and was stopped by the security guard: "Sir, we are only allowed to bring wallets in." The man opened the box and said, "Excuse me, this is my wallet ..."

10, at the entrance of the cemetery, a man asked, "How much is the paper house?" The stall owner replied: "20 yuan!" "So expensive! Didn't you just spend 15 yuan last year? " "House prices have gone up!"

1 1. Xiao Li is sitting in front of the TV watching entertainment news, and there is a bowl of instant noodles and several wedding invitations on the table next to it. After watching it for a while, he suddenly patted his thigh and sighed and said, "Alas, if half of those guys were as low-key as these stars, my life would be higher!" " "

1. Toad was taking a bath in the river when he saw the turtle.

Tortoise: Haven't you seen a beautiful woman like me? Look, your eyes are popping out.

Toad: Sister, don't tease me. Can't you see I have goose bumps?

2. The oriole saw the weasel looking for food and said, "You thief have been sneaking around all day, losing the face of the old Huang family."

As soon as the voice fell, the oriole was shot down, and the weasel scolded, "Silly X, you don't even know how to sweep pornography now!" "

Dragonfly made a girlfriend "cicada". Mother dragonfly asked anxiously, what does she do?

Dragonfly: That's a singer!

Mother Dragonfly: Singer? I've dug tunnels before!

4. An ant quarreled with the crow in the tree!

Ant: Come down if you dare!

Crow: Come up if you have the guts!

Ant: OK! You wait for me, and you will know!

Crow: What do you want?

Ant: I'll let all my brothers shake you down and kill you immediately!

5. Two dung beetles discuss the welfare lottery. A dung beetles: If I win the grand prize, I will buy all the toilets within 50 miles of Fiona Fang and eat enough every day!

B dung beetles: You are so vulgar! If I win the lottery, I will pack a living person and eat fresh food every day!

6. The male butterfly sings to the female butterfly, "You are my lover, a woman like a rose!" " After singing, I flew to pick roses.

Then there was a scream, and Mother Butterfly sang, "Honey, fly slowly, be careful of the thorny rose in front!" " "

7. A pair of ducks went to play by the river and saw the frog couple hibernating in the cave by the river. Drake: Look, how happy I am. Mother duck said to the drake: Don't look, it's the big boss, living in a villa, honeymoon, let's never think about it in this life!

Problem: I have a virus in my computer; I sprayed insecticide on the mainframe. Why don't I care?

Answer 1: You can talk to the pesticide manufacturer, otherwise you can sue the consumer association.

Answer 2: Not bad. You don't spray enough. A little more.

The best answer: Chinese virus should be a software problem, not a hardware problem, so it is useless for you to spray the host. You should turn on the computer, remove the hard disk, and then remove the hard disk before spraying, which will solve your problem! (Don't laugh, be serious)

Question: Are there any fattening drugs on the market? What can I eat to get fat? The simpler the better!

Answer: Yes, it only takes a while to get fat immediately. The way is to find a hornet's nest and put your hand in it and stir it twice. Oh, just for a moment. I promise to be so fat that I don't even know your mother.

Question: Ask the master what gun is suitable for robbing a bank, where to buy a gun, and how much is an AK-47? Tell me what you know. thank you

Answer: no experienced people are here, but you will see if you try to catch them.

Question: Please give some examples of chemistry benefiting mankind.

Answer 1: In the past century, chemistry has made the most outstanding contribution to human society: synthetic fibers, dyes, petrochemicals, medicine, fertilizers, synthetic materials and so on.

Answer 2: the original bomb. Nothing is not "service".

Question: An intellectual problem. What's behind 228? What is behind 103? What is behind 85? All three answers are the same! Just give me the answer.

Answer: Yes.

Question: Why is it forbidden to "heat quickly" in student dormitories?

A: First of all, it needs electricity.

Second, it is easy to catch fire.

Third, boiled water can only wash feet, because the quality is not good.

Question: How to wash clothes?

Answer: Wash frequently.

Question: Is it so difficult to eat shrimp porridge alone?

1 A: Let's practice oral English. It is not difficult to make it clear.

A: Is porridge human? ... using anthropomorphic technology?

A: It won't be difficult to give porridge a steamed stuffed bun.