What are the classic swearing sentences without dirty words in history?

China's language is extensive and profound. For thousands of years, our ancestors left us many wonderful dialogues, especially some dirty words without dirty words, which still make people laugh.

If swearing is not swearing, it is the first Confucius to be a teacher for generations. Confucius' cultural level is very high, and the level of swearing is definitely top-notch.

Confucius advocates etiquette and always says a few words when he meets someone who violates the rules. Even some people will be scolded by Confucius for sitting casually.

During the Spring and Autumn Period, there were rules for sitting posture. Sitting on the ground with both feet and knees on the ground is similar to kneeling, but the kneeling person is straight and his hips don't reach his ankles. If the sole of your foot touches the ground, your hips droop and your knees stand forward, it is also called squatting; Sitting on the ground with your hips and feet stretched forward is called sitting on a dustpan. It's impolite to squat.

Yuanrang is an old friend of Confucius. Once Confucius went to see Yuanrang, only to find that Yuanrang did not meet himself, but sat by and waited for himself. He was very angry. Confucius went up and hit Yuanrang in the leg with a cane and scolded him. Young without grandchildren, long without sound, old without death is a thief! ? ("The Analects? Xianwen ")

What do you mean? You didn't observe the ceremony of filial piety when you were young; Old, there is nothing to say about achievements; He is a thief who doesn't die when he is old.

Kong's words have been circulated for thousands of years, and it has also become a classic quotation for later generations to accuse the elderly.

Old acquaintances have no face, and Confucius said that princes still have no face.

Confucius traveled around the world and arrived in the state of Chen. He had nothing to do and discussed with his disciples the issue of self-cultivation. Zigong asked Confucius what kind of person can be called a scholar? Confucius replied:? Those who know honesty and shame and do not disgrace the mission of the king can be called scholars; People who receive less praise, respected neighbors can be called scholars; Third, people who keep their word do what they want, but they are stubborn. Although he belongs to a villain, he is barely a scholar. ?

Zi Gong asked again:? What about the governors in power today?

Confucius said:? Hey! A man fighting for shāo is not enough! ? ("The Analects? Lutz ")

Dai Li, an ancient container, has ten liters in a barrel and two liters in a barrel. Describe a narrow-minded and short-sighted person.

In the eyes of Confucius, governors are narrow-minded people, and they are not worth talking about themselves. What is even more shameful is that the princes who are open to the public are not even qualified to be scolded by Confucius.

How did Confucius, who had 3,000 disciples, scold his old friends and despise the princes? A word from Confucius? You can't carve rotten wood. It has been circulated for more than two thousand years and has always been a classic word for teachers to scold students.

Zaiyu, also known as Zaime, was a native of Lu at the end of the Spring and Autumn Period and a famous disciple of Confucius. Confucius and the Ten Philosophers? Words? The head of the family (before Zigong), thirteen sages of Confucius? One.

Even in the face of such excellent students, Confucius' scolding is not soft.

One day, Confucius gave a lecture to his disciples and found that Zaiyu had not come to the lecture, so he sent his disciples to find him. After a while, the apprentice came back and reported that Jae-woo was sleeping in his room. Confucius said sadly: Rotten wood can't be carved, and the wall of dirt can't be carved (wū, a building tool similar to a trowel)! What is the punishment given? ? Confucius said:? I start from others, I listen to me and believe in me; Today, I am a man. I listen to his words and watch his actions. Giving and changing are. ? ("The Analects? Gong Yechang ")

You can't carve rotten wood, and you can't draw a wall of dirt. I have nothing to say about killing such a person. When I first heard what others said, I believed that his behavior must be the same as what he said. Now that I have listened to others, I want to examine his behavior. I changed my attitude from Jae-woo. ?

This curse is already quite cruel. Confucius not only compared Zaiyu to? Rotten wood? 、? A mud wall? He also said that Jae-woo's words and deeds changed his own standards of judging people. A thin-skinned person will feel ashamed.

Perhaps it was more contact with Confucius, and the monarch of Lu also learned to be cruel. Zuozhuan? Twenty-five years of mourning for the public recorded an incident that happened to Lu Aigong that year.

In June of that year, when he came back from Yue State, Ji Kangzi (then Lu Zhengqing) and Meng (doctor) met him in Wuwu (now Pingyi County, Shandong Province). Guo Zhong drives for Ai Hong. When he saw them, he came back and said to Ai Gong. These two people have a lot of bad words, and the king should hold them accountable. ?

So Aigong gave a banquet in Uwu to punish Ji Kangzi and Meng Wu Bo.

Meng Dui hated it even more, and took the opportunity of toasting to laugh and say, Why are you so fat? ?

Ji Kangzi listened to deliberately dozen circle field:? Wu Bo drank too much, so he punished himself! Lu is surrounded by powerful enemies. As courtiers, we can't go out with the king. Guo Zhong is tired of being with the monarch. Can he stop getting fat?

Then Lu Ai spoke openly:? If you break your word, can you get fat? ? This man eats too much by himself. Can he not be obese? Is this an idiom? Break your word and get fat? The origin of. )

Meng always goes back on his word, so he used this sentence to laugh at Meng.

Unfortunately, Lu Aigong was just addicted to words. At that time, the power of Lu was already in the hands of Ji Kangzi. At this time, although everyone is drinking wine, they are very unhappy, and the relationship between Aigong and the doctor is becoming more and more alienated.

Not only Confucianism does not use dirty words, but Taoism does not give up. Should Taoist curse levels be pushed? Meng Xiao butterfly? Zhuangzi. Although Zhuangzi is confused in his dream, he is sharp in swearing, which makes you feel like a lump of cotton stuck in your chest. You can't get up or down.

Zhuangzi? Essay? Column imperial mouth recorded Zhuangzi's scolding of Cao Shang.

Cao Shang, a native of the Song Dynasty during the Warring States Period, once visited Qin as an envoy of the Song King, who gave him several cars. When he arrived in the state of Qin, the king of Qin was very happy and gave him a hundred cars.

When Cao Shang returned to Song State, he met Zhuangzi and said that living in a remote and narrow alley, I was so poor that I knitted Ma Xie myself, my neck faded, my face was yellow and I was hungry. This is where I am not as good as others. Once I have the opportunity to meet the monarch of the country of Wancheng, I will get the reward of Wancheng, which is where I surpass others. ?

Facing Cao Shang, Zhuangzi casually said? It is said that the king of Qin summoned a doctor when he was ill, and those who treated abscesses and boils could get on the bus for one ride, and those who licked hemorrhoids could get on the bus for five rides. The dirtier the treatment, the more vehicles they can get. How did you treat Qin Wang's hemorrhoids and how did you get so many cars? You can. ?

In the face of Zhuangzi's curse, I think Cao Shang must be as disgusting as eating flies, and every time he sees the vehicles given by Qin, he will first think of Qin's hemorrhoids. Zhuangzi is so bad.

Zhuangzi? Foreign articles? Colchicine also recorded one thing about Zhuangzi's disgusting Keiko.

Keiko, Hui Shi, are you going to argue with Zhuangzi? Do children and non-fish know the happiness of fish? The real one. Although Keiko Zhuangzi is always the one who got hit with a stick, Keiko is far more than Zhuangzi in his official career.

Keiko joined Wei as an organizer at the end of the Warring States Period. Once Zhuangzi was going to visit Keiko in the state of Wei. Someone told Keiko with false information: In fact, it was false that Zhuangzi came to see you, and it was true that he wanted to replace your prime minister.

Keiko a listen to, that's ok, I can't flatter him, let him see Wang Wei really lost my position as prime minister. So Keiko immediately sent someone to look for Zhuangzi.

Zhuangzi heard about it and couldn't stand it. He came out to see Keiko and said to him. There is a bird called Phoenix in the south. It is said that this kind of bird is special. It is not a buttonwood tree, it does not rest, it is not the fruit of bamboo, it never eats, it is not a clean spring water, so it would rather be thirsty than take a sip. One day, an owl caught a dead mouse, and the phoenix flew in front of the owl. The owl is afraid that the phoenix will rob its dead mouse, and its mouth keeps shouting' drink'. How do you feel after hearing this story? Are you trying to scare me with your prime minister status today?

There is a bird in the south. Its name is yuān ch? , son know? The couple set off from the South China Sea and flew to the North Sea. They practiced without eating or drinking spring water. So the owl caught the rotten mouse, and the stork passed by and looked up and said, scare! ? This son tried to scare me with his son's Guo Liang?

Hearing this, Hui Shi already understood Zhuangzi's mind, but the taste in his heart was as disgusting and sad as eating a dead mouse.

To say that Zhuangzi scolded Confucius the most, Confucius certainly didn't expect so many people to die before, and Zhuangzi scolded him to pieces more than 0/00 years after his death.

Zhuangzi didn't directly scold Confucius, but made up a story to express his thoughts through the protagonist's mouth. Here I quote, readers can translate by themselves.

Zhuangzi? Essay? Stealing feet: Is this clever fake Kong Qiu evil? Tell me: You coined words, arrogated the title of the crown of literature, martial arts, branches and trees, threatened dead cows, said a lot of things, ate without plowing, wore without knitting, shook your mouth and joked, and charmed the masters of the world, so that all the scholars in the world became filial brothers, but lucky people. Son's sin is extremely heavy, run home quickly! Or I'll feed the liver to the baby.

Confucius and Zhuangzi are both masters of swearing, but I think the real swearing person is Su Shi's friend in Song Dynasty, Zen master Fo Yin. Su Shi is a natural actor, a famous snake man, in a word? A pear tree presses Haitang? People all over the world who scold old cows for eating young grass. But Su Shi sometimes suffers.

Su Shi and Fo Yin are very close friends. They are just like Zhuangzi and Keiko. They quarrel as soon as they meet.

One day, Su Shi visited Fo Yin and asked, Look what I am. ?

Fo Yin said? I think you are a Buddha. ?

Su Shi is very proud of this.

Fo Yin asked Su Shi again:? What am I? ?

Su Shi wanted to embarrass Fo Yin, so he said, I think you are a piece of shit. ?

Hearing this, Fo Yin kept silent, while Su Shi gloated and laughed.

It seems that Su Shi took advantage this time, but after being reminded by others, Su Shi suddenly realized that he was the shit. Fo Yin has a Buddha in his heart and sees that everything is a Buddha; Su Shi treats others like shit, which shows that Su Shi has shit in his heart.

Fo Yin's silent response can be said to be wonderful. Swearing not only does not bring dirty words, but also makes you proud.

Su Shi and Fo Yin can swear, and Ji Xiaolan, a gifted scholar in the Qing Dynasty, is a master of swearing. There are countless jokes made by Ji Xiaolan. For example, the story of Ji Xiaolan poking fun at eunuchs. On one occasion, Ji Xiaolan was in a hurry to enter the palace to see Emperor Qianlong, but on the way, a little eunuch stopped Ji Xiaolan and told him to tell a joke, otherwise he would be let go.

Ji Xiaolan was in a hurry, but he couldn't get rid of the little eunuch, so he hesitated and said, Once upon a time, there was a man. ?

Then Ji Xiaolan stopped talking and looked at the little eunuch. The little eunuch could not bear to ask: What's next? ?

This is exactly what Ji Xiaolan expected, so he asked and replied? There's nothing down there! ?

The little eunuch was stunned: What kind of joke is it so short? Ji Xiaolan left in a daze. The little eunuch pondered for a long time before he came to his senses: Ji Xiaolan was scolding me, scolding me that there was nothing down there.

The little eunuch told the eunuch manager about it. The eunuch manager is a learned man. He thinks Ji Xiaolan is too rude and decides to meet Ji Xiaolan once to save his face.

Before long, the eunuch manager saw Ji Xiaolan and said? A man of great talent, I have long heard of a bachelor of science. I have a couplet: three talents, heaven and earth? Please help me out of the bottom line. ?

Ji Xiaolan thought: This is to find a place for my last joke, so he said: I talked about it. Am I right? Four seasons, summer, autumn and winter. ?

The manager asked: The four seasons are spring, summer, autumn and winter. Why is there no spring? ?

Ji Xiaolan glanced at the eunuch manager's lower body and grinned. Spring has passed. ?

The eunuch manager blushed when he thought about it.

Since we talked about Ji Xiaolan, we must mention the feud between Ji Xiaolan and Xiao Shenyang.

It is said that Xiao Shenyang built a new pavilion in his back garden. Shenyang asked Ji Xiaolan to write a plaque, but Ji Xiaolan didn't want to write it. After thinking about it, he wrote a word for small Shenyang: bamboo shoots.

Bamboo shoots? This word comes from The Book of Songs? Xiaoya? Scott:? Like bamboo shoots, like pine trees. ?

Xiao Shenyang is also a literate person. He thinks the name has profound connotation and is very related to the environment, so he ordered the craftsman to make a gold plaque and hang it on the pavilion.

One day, Emperor Qianlong had nothing to do, and strolled to the home of Xiao Shenyang. Shenyang let Gan Long rest in the back garden. Did Ganlong see it on the gazebo? Bamboo shoots? The word smiled.

Xiao Shenyang asked why. Gan Long said? Bamboo? Can this word be broken down into? Everyone? Two words; ? Bracts? Can this word be broken down into? Asshole? Two words, say your home? Every asshole? .

Xiao Shenyang was too angry to speak.

On one occasion, the Ministry of Industry (also known as the Ministry of Water Resources) caught fire and needed to be rebuilt. Jin, an official of the Ministry of Industry, reported to the. When I was there, I looked at the official surnamed Jin and suddenly remembered a couplet, so I said to him, Master Ji, it suddenly occurred to me that the Ministry of Water Resources was on fire, and Jin Shangshu was building many buildings. I wonder if you can match it? ?

The first couplet of Xiao Shenyang contains Jin Mu's five elements of fire, water and soil, which is very difficult.

Ji Xiaolan looked at Shenyang's shameless face and opened his mouth. Northerners and southerners, and the main hall. ?

There are many people in small Shenyang, but they are handsome. This couplet contains five parts: East, West, North and South. Ji Xiaolan was absolutely right. He severely reprimanded Xiao Shenyang: The Ministry of Industry was on fire, and Xiao Shenyang was still in the mood as the Minister of Military Affairs. What is this?

In the forty-seventh year of Qianlong, Ji Xiaolan served as a bachelor of cabinet and assistant minister of the Ministry of War, and Xiao Shenyang served as a minister of rites. One day, they were invited to eat and sit together.

When serving, the servant slipped and leaned over and dropped the ham. At this moment, a rhubarb dog appeared among the flowers, picked up the ham and ran away.

When Xiao Shenyang saw this scene, he immediately thought of Ji Xiaolan, the assistant minister, and thought: You have scolded me many times before, but today I finally seized the opportunity. So he asked with a pun:? Is it a wolf or a dog?

Hearing this, Ji Xiaolan came at me again. If I don't scold you today, I will definitely lose face in front of the officials. So he immediately replied:? A wolf with a drooping tail and a dog with a vertical tail. ?

Everyone laughed. Yes, the wolf's tail can't stand upright. It must be a dog.

Little Shenyang stole chicken and wasted rice, which was very embarrassing. At this time, a suggestion appeared on the seat. This person wanted to please Xiao Shenyang and express himself, so the clear voice cut in. As the saying goes, dogs eat shit in the sky and wolves eat meat in the sky. Since this beast has just eaten meat, whether it is a wolf (assistant minister) or a dog, you don't have to ask. ?

Ji Xiaolan thought, I'm not afraid of military affairs ministers, and your little advice also wants to take advantage of me.

Ji Xiaolan said slowly? However, there is no certainty about dogs. They eat meat when they meet meat, and shit when they meet shit. ? He glared at the suggestion and continued: Enough eating shit and licking your ass! ?

Now everyone laughs even harder.