Women love beauty.

1. What are the three characters of women in the humorous discourse of chatting with girls: more parties, less homes.

Go out, a flower. Stay at home, mom.

Don't be depressed, don't digest. Look for girlfriends to praise each other.

Beauty and gossip. Go shopping and spend your money.

Drink less and drink more tea. Sleep more, money is wasted.

Don't wait, your ears are all spent, no matter how good your clothes are, your waist will turn into shrimp. No matter how good the rice is, it has no teeth.

No matter how much money you have, lie in bed. No matter how strong it is, it is uncomfortable.

No matter how good a person is, tofu dregs. 2. Man: "Do you have feelings for me?" Woman: "Yes, very emotional."

Man: "What does it feel like?" Woman: "The feeling of pregnancy." Man: "Ah, what's it like to be pregnant?" Female: "I feel uncomfortable if I want to vomit!" " "3. Wandering in the street, a beautiful woman came face to face. I opened my mouth and said, hello, handsome ... I looked around, glared at her and left.

Shit, you're trying to bluff me when I'm not looking in the mirror! I asked my mother, "I'm so old, don't keep me kneeling?" Mom shook her head: "No, unless you are married." I asked, "Don't you let me kneel when I get married and become an adult?" Mom sneered: "Hum, when you get married, your daughter-in-law will make you kneel."

2. Who has it? The depreciation rate of women is amazing. It only takes one night to change from a' new' mother to an' old' woman.

2, the effect of contraception: unsuccessful, it will become a' person'.

3. Look at beautiful women in the street. If you look up, you will appreciate them. If you look down, you will be hooligans.

Money treats me like dirt, and I treat money like dirt! It's all dirt. Who's afraid of who?

5. Lie on your back tonight, get up early tomorrow, lie prone tomorrow, stay up late the day after tomorrow ... Exercise, sometimes it's as simple as that.

6. I know I'm not a handsome guy, but someone saw my full moon photo and said my left nostril was idolized.

7. Before eating peanuts, monkeys should put peanuts in their buttocks before taking them out. The administrator explained: Someone once fed it peaches, but the peach core could not be pulled out. The monkey is afraid. You must measure it before eating now.

I am in a bad mood today. I only have four words to say. Including this sentence and the first two sentences. I finished ...

9. Don't call children rabbits, because from a genetic point of view, it is not good for parents.

10, the real steamed bread is omnipotent. You can eat it when you are hungry. If you want to eat cake, pat the steamed bread flat; If you want to eat noodles, comb the steamed bread with a comb; If you want a hamburger, cut the steamed bread and eat it. ...

1 1, the inner beauty that men say refers to the inside of the bra, not the heart.

12 However, I read the so-called criteria for contemporary women to choose a spouse: having a car and a house, and both parents are dead. Depressed. I wrote down the imaginary criteria for choosing a spouse: the family property is over 100 million yuan, the beauty is the best in the world, the virtuous, gentle and sexy, and the father-in-law has terminal cancer. ...

13. My father asked me what kind of life I wanted. I answered money and beauty, and my father punched me in the face; I answered career and love, and my father touched my head appreciatively.

14, except for one item, all the other columns are well filled in. The column of "relationship" should be filled with "mother-in-law" instead of "nervous"

15, I just found out that the way to attract a man is to make him not get it; The way to attract a woman is just the opposite, that is, to satisfy her.

17, I think I should go to lose weight. Last time I donated blood, I actually shed 100 ml of lard.

18, if marriage is the grave of love, then the annual wedding anniversary celebration is to sweep the grave.

19, a young lady walks at night, and there is a thief in Lu Yu: "Give me the money!" The young lady replied, "No, even if you force me, I won't give it!" " "The robber looked at the young lady carefully and said," You think it is beautiful! "

20. If happiness is a cloud and pain is like a star. Then my life is really cloudless and full of stars in Wan Li …

2 1, man, upper body is cultivation, lower body is essence; Women, the upper body is the bait, and the lower body is the trap.

23. In life, you can't hang yourself on a tree, but try to die several times on several nearby trees.

24. The cat greets the cow. The cow teased the cat and said, You have a beard so young! The cat was very angry and said, why don't you wear a bra when you are so old?

Generally speaking, boys are not allowed to go to the girls' building and must leave before 8 pm. Otherwise, at 8 o'clock, Aunt Lou will shout loudly: Girls, Fujian.

30. If marriage is the grave of love, a model couple is at best a' model graveyard'.

32. The salary is dead. If the salary is worthy of going to work, you have to go to work less.

35. Maintaining life lies in exercise, and creating life also lies in exercise. The difference is-under the bed.

36, living alone, people can only waste; Wives and concubines in groups make people know how to be frugal. But now, I am eager to be frugal in waste all day.

37. You ask me, where is happiness? I tell you, if you stand on tiptoe, you can get closer to happiness. If you close your eyes, you can feel happiness. ...

38. If your eyes blink, I will die. If your eyes blink again, I will come back to life. Your eyes keep blinking, so I will die!

40. No matter how high a woman stands, she can only wet the land under her feet; Men are amazing, stand higher and pee farther!

43. In a military parade, the head of an army walked by with his head held high. "Hello comrades", "Hello chief", "Comrades have worked hard", "Serving the people", "Comrades are tanned" and "Chief is black"

44. Someone met a friend in the street. When he first asked about his friend's wife, he suddenly remembered that she had passed away, so he changed his tune: "Is she still in the original cemetery?"

46. Two birds saw a hunter aiming at them. One said, you protect the scene and I'll call the police!

49. My dream life: I sleep until I wake up naturally and count my money until my hand cramps. My real life: count the money until I wake up naturally and sleep until my hands cramp. ...

3. Seek humor and creativity. The vast sky makes you fly high, beautiful stories are interpreted by you, kind children have to chase them, and humorous messages are sent to the little turtle! ! ! Family cares about you, love nourishes you, God of Wealth cares for you, friends are loyal to you, and lucky stars shine on you forever.

Take good care of yourself and sneeze occasionally, which means I miss you. 0 233 1 You go! Find someone who is worthy of your love. I don't know you and your feelings well enough. I know that some things can't be forced and some distances can't be crossed. Just like yesterday, I really can't believe you ran away with someone for a bone! 0 2330 Press if you love me! Urgent ... hey, hey! I told you ... you pressed it because you love me! You are still pressing ... I will tell you that you love me and deny it. I can't stand you ... you press it again ... okay! I love you too! Dear slacker, do you sleep soundly in winter and smile in your dreams? It's a beautiful day today. Remember to take a bath in the afternoon, lest your fragrance put me down tomorrow! The man paid the bill without looking at it. He's chasing this woman. When he began to pay attention to the items on the bill, he had caught up with the woman; When he looked at the bill and complained that it was too expensive, his relationship with this woman was very stable.

Rabbits don't eat grass near their nests, old cows like young grass, and good horses don't eat grass back. There is a lot of grass in the sea, and once you get married, it becomes grass. 0 2326 Love is the most hurtful martial art in the world, which is much more harmful than Qiao Feng's eighteen moves to subdue the dragon, Duan Yu's six-pulse Excalibur and Ling Huchong's nine swords of Dugu.

The highest way to pick up girls: tear your face, put aside your self-esteem, empty your wallet, empty your mind and run out of time and energy. Nothing can't be soaked! It is a pleasure to miss you! Nice to meet you! Loving you is what I will always do! Keeping you in mind is what I have been doing! But I lied to you, and it just happened! Ha ha! If it is a mistake to look good, then I am all wet. If loveliness is a sin.

I have committed a terrible crime. It's hard to be a man! You are fine, yes, you are not guilty … I envy you! If the government stipulates that a person can only be kind to one person in his life, I'd rather it was you. Till death do us part, I have no regrets! But the government has no regulations ... then forget it! 0 232 1 Do you know why I like you? The doll's face is funny, the panda's figure is stupid, his ears are lucky and his steps are funny. Best for you to see the exhibition.

What kind of language can express my feelings at this moment? What kind of action can express my love at the moment; Whisper your nickname-pig, you are the only one in my life, and continue in the afterlife! 0 23/kloc-0 9 honey, do you really want to meet? Then you have to promise: if I turn around and run away, don't pull me. If I faint on the spot, you should give me artificial respiration, remember to breathe hard.

0 23 18 I have a feeling now that I have never had before. Every time the phone rings, I think it's you. My heart beats faster, I feel short of breath, my hands and feet are cold, and my limbs are numb. I feel bad, so I will! 0 23 17 in college, falling in love is called going to work, falling out of love is called being laid off, empathizing with others is called changing careers, and falling out of love has not started to find another object yet, so we can talk about being laid off and re-employed again! 0 23 16 love is a dish: when you put your feelings into the pot of fate, pour happy oil, sprinkle happy sugar, pour a bottle of sad vinegar, add bitter salt and colorful peppers, and burn the years to bitter taste, this dish can be served. 0 23/kloc-0 5 where's my captain? Without you, I will lose my way; In the vast sea, I will be swallowed up by the waves; I feel lonely in the starry night; Can you accept my invitation to be my captain? 0 23 14 I am a spoony bluebird, willing to be injured at your gun. Even if you stride away, your laughter will warm my heart like the wind. If you look back occasionally, you will find that tears have filled my eyes.

0 23 13 You are the cup when I drink water-kiss you; You are my pillow when I sleep-love (touch) you. The stars in the sky are the eyes that shed tears when I miss you, and the waning moon is the heart that splits in two when I miss you! 6 23 12 I have a crush on you, but I have been afraid to tell you.

This table is a little small. When I met you, my heart was always pounding, and sometimes I even wanted to hold you. 0 23 1 1 childhood friends, do not guess; The love of a virgin will never be forgotten.

Please tell me, when will this long-buried seed germinate? 0 23 10 0 If loving you is a task given to me by God, I hope this task is permanent, and it should not have a deadline. Because God knows I will cherish you.

On Valentine's Day, I want to make a fish. You can stew, boil and steam it, and then lie in your gentle stomach. 1 2308 Sister, I love you just like a mouse loves rice. It misses you, falls in love with you at first sight, chases you without saying anything, looks for you again and again, and must catch up with you.

2 2307 You are the sun in the sky and I am the mountain on the earth; You are the moon in the sky, and I am the ocean on the ground; You are a crow flying in the sky, and I am a dog chasing on the ground. If I had a million dollars, I would take you there. Do I have a million dollars? No, so I can't take you; If I have ten yuan, I love you. Do I have ten yuan? Yes, so I love you! 0 2305 me! I want it! I want you! I want you to look at me. I want you to look me in the eye! I want you to look me in the eye and say! You want me! Five hundred years ago, I was an ordinary worker in your family. I fell in love with you when I peeked at your embroidery posture at the window the other day.

Don't blame me for not telling you! Because there were no text messages at that time! I love your heart, your liver and three quarters of your body! I love your meat piece by piece, and my money is ten yuan! You were the landlord in your last life, and I was your parents' worker. I worked for you for 30 years, but you didn't give me a penny. In this life, God is doomed to want you to accompany me all my life to repay me! 0 230 1 You are my cotton-padded jacket in winter and ice cream in summer. You are the Apollo in my life. I am willing to pull a scooter and collect junk for you! I hope I can walk side by side with you, and Qianshan will definitely cross it one step at a time! As God is my witness, my shadow will always be with you, and my eyes will always be on you ... damn it, I mean-except when you take a shower! I'm ugly but I'm gentle, I'm thin but I'm full of tendons.