A fatal joke

On the last bus, a woman in white sat in the last row. The driver looked in the rearview mirror, and the woman was gone, shocked! Suddenly braking, people sitting there. Keep driving and look in the rearview mirror. The woman is gone. Brake back. The woman is now. Keep driving, look in the rearview mirror, and no more women! Suddenly, the woman with messy hair and blood all over her face came up slowly and whispered, "Do I have a grudge against you?"? As soon as you tie your shoelaces, you slam on the brakes ...

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There are three people, competing marksmanship together, and a black man is holding something as a target.

The first man put an apple on the black man's head, and then at a distance of 10 meters, he raised his hand and shot it and broke it. He blew his gun and said, I'm Zorro!

The second man put a cherry on the black man's head, and then at a distance of 50 meters, he raised his hand and shot it and broke it. He blew the muzzle and said, I'm m007.

The third man put a sesame seed on the black man's head, and then raised his hand to smash the black man's head at a distance of 100 meters. He also blew the gun and said, I'm sorry ...

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Lao Zhang went shopping for food, and it was a bit slow to pay. The vegetable seller urged him: hurry up, big brother, the city manager will come soon, and my food is gone. Lao Zhang said, nonsense, I don't want to rush? If I go back late, I may lose my house! …………

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Eat rice noodles at noon. There are several kinds of rice noodles in the shop, ordinary 4 yuan, crossing the bridge rice noodles 10 yuan ... only a few are talking. Man: "I don't understand why crossing the bridge rice noodles is so expensive." More expensive than ordinary, 6 yuan? "Woman:" I don't know, maybe this 10 yuan includes the toll! " "

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Once, the boss of a communication company went to the public toilet. The old man at the door said: 30 cents in and 20 cents out. Learn from you, two-way charge. After the boss came out, he was stopped again: you squat in pit 8 and pay a one-yuan number selection fee; Fart, pay one yuan roaming fee, and pay one yuan overtime fee for more than three minutes; There is background music in the toilet. Spend 20 cents on color ring tones. The boss was furious: Who made this rule? Grandpa: I am in charge of my website!

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It is said that Tang Zhongzong Li Xian is the most awesome emperor in history. Why? Because he is the emperor, his father is the emperor, his brother is the emperor, his son is the emperor, his nephew is the emperor, not to mention his mother is the emperor. So history gave him a glorious name: Liuhuang Pill!

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Xiao Wang and Xiao Li want to attend an interview. Xiao Li had some listening problems, so he asked Xiao Wang to copy his interview answers, and Xiao Wang agreed.

Examiner: Who do you like best in The Journey to the West?

Xiao Wang: It used to be Wukong, but now it's Bajie.

Examiner: Do you think there are aliens in the world?

Xiao Wang: Although scientists have not confirmed it, I think so.

Examiner: OK, you are accepted.

It's Xiaoli's turn Examiner: What's your name?

Xiaoli: I used to be Wukong, but now I am Bajie.

Examiner: Are you sick?

Xiao Li: Although scientists have not confirmed it, I think so.

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Xiaoming's first day at school. After school, his father asked: Where does the water in the river flow?

Xiaoming sings: The river flows eastward.

Dad asked again: How many stars are there in the sky?

Xiaoming sings: The stars in the sky join Beidou.

Dad was very angry and said, if you talk like that again, I will hit you!

Xiao Ming sings: Do it when you should.

Dad: Get out!

Xiao Ming sings: Go as you say.

Dad: Are you sick?

Xiao Ming sings: You have everything I have!

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Aunt He said to his wife, "Uncle Han, the neighbor, named his grandson Han, and Uncle Gao named his grandson Gaoke. We will have grandchildren soon. Why not give him a loud name? "

Without thinking, Uncle He said, "Just call it a weapon!"

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The table is full and the leaders are here.

The house was full of greetings.

The lady next to the party is very beautiful, new, inexperienced and quite nervous.

Everyone sat down, and someone called, "Miss, tea!" "

Miss hurried forward and pointed her finger: "1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, seven in all!"

Everyone laughed, and the leader went on to say, "pour the tea!" "

Miss busy "down" again: "7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, or 7."

Someone asked, "What are you?"

The young lady hesitated and replied in a low voice, "I'm Shu Gou."

Everyone was very angry and shouted, "Call your manager!" As soon as the manager came in, he put his hand down and asked with a smile, "What do you want to tell me?"

The leader said, "Don't ask any more questions. Ask about the age of this young lady."

The manager thought for a moment and answered according to his orders: "18 years old, a dog!" " "

The leader smiled and everyone laughed. It is not convenient for everyone to pursue the massive failure of leaders.

Miss and manager are like falling into the clouds.

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The student wrote: "I was walking on the road when suddenly a pile of cow dung appeared on the road. I was shocked." After reading it, the teacher approved: "massive, massive."

The student's composition reads: "My mother is a middle-aged woman in her thirties." The teacher criticized under the word "middle age": "redundant." Then let the students copy it again. After the students copied it once, this sentence became: "My mother is an extra middle-aged woman in her thirties."

There was a young man who didn't like studying and went to work in the city. He wrote a letter to his family, saying, "Mom and Dad, I have a good time here. I ate steamed buns and slept in a fire pit (kang). It rained two days ago, and I found that I was killed (umbrella). Come on! " Parents fainted on the spot.

A student loves to write typos and always writes rest as drinking.

In his diary, he wrote, "The squad leader instructed us to carry shit. Everyone worked hard and no one dared to take a sip." Later, we were really tired, so we secretly drank behind the monitor's back. "

On new year's day, my family went to the history museum to visit the "ice toilet" …

Teacher's comment: Is there such a thing? I'm going too! (Terracotta Warriors)

After getting up in the morning, we gathered at school and took a bus to the tomb of the martyrs.

Teacher's comment: I don't know which funeral home is your home? Teachers never know ... (Yi Rong)

Last night, my classmates and I went to a fast food restaurant for dinner. We ordered two hamburgers and "chicken nuggets and shit" …

Teacher's comment: Is it delicious? Chicken manure? (A piece of chicken)

The young man decided to hold a wedding in his hometown. The man's father sent a telegram to his in-laws in the city.

Q: "How many people can come? Be prepared. "

My in-laws called back and said, "Not many people can go, just prepare a ton of rice." He wrote "dun"

Convert into tons.

Soon I received a telegram from the countryside: "The wedding date was postponed for one month, because it was difficult to collect one ton of rice at one time."

Qi. "

The couple took their grandfather to the hospital. The husband saw that the age on the registration form was wrongly printed as "age"

When billing, he said to the doctor, "the word' single' missed a word' tooth'."

"It's' tooth', the doctor said, because this is an elderly clinic!"