Lanzhou dialect joke

1 Beef noodles rank first among the five great inventions in China, and the other four are printing, papermaking, compass and gunpowder.

2 the production of beef noodles is included in the compulsory course of 9-year compulsory education. At the same time, the university offers a comprehensive beef noodle making course from undergraduate to postdoctoral. The historical study of beef noodles is called' Niu Xue', and its authoritative institution, China Niu Xue Institute, is located in the former site of Mazilu, Yongchang Road, Lanzhou. Someone won all the Nobel prizes in that year because he published a paper entitled' How did I eat three bowls of beef noodles in three hours' in the authoritative magazine JOURNAL OF BEEF NOODLES, and was hired as a tenured professor by Harvard University.

3 Ma Baozi, an old Hui man, surpassed Einstein and Newton and was called the greatest scientist and inventor in human history. The formula of beef noodles is the same as E=MC2, which is called the two most genius and mysterious discoveries in the last century. The statue of Ma Baozi stands in the most prominent position in tian~an-door Square. Next to Chairman Mao's Memorial Hall, the Ma Baozi Memorial Hall was built for everyone to pay their respects.

29-9-12 1:12 Reply

Lizard 29

Two fans

4th floor

The story of that bowl of beef noodles sung by the famous singer Dong Xiaohua (note: Dong Wenhua's daughter) achieved the same sensational effect as her mother's story of that spring. At the beginning of this century, Andy Lau, a famous performing star, had to change his name to Niu Dehua after his trip to Lanzhou, which ushered in the second spring of performing arts. In the same year, Singaporean singer-songwriter A Niu became famous.

5 In the first referendum in China, Lanzhou was chosen as the new capital of China because of its great contribution to the development of beef noodles. At the same time, countries all over the world strongly demand that the zero-time zone be set as Lanzhou time, and the director of Greenwich Observatory in Britain was honored to attend the ceremony to modify the time. Unfortunately, I was so excited that I ate 1 bowls of meat and was sent to the hospital for emergency treatment.

6 fanatical beef noodle FANS all over the world started to set up the' beef noodle teaching' at the beginning of this century, and in just ten years, it has reached its peak with Christianity and Islam (although beef noodle teaching has deep roots with Islam). When George W. Bush, the bishop of the United States and former president of the United States, died, he regretted that he could not go to Lanzhou, the holy land of beef noodles, and repeatedly told his son George W. Bush to fulfill this wish on his behalf.

7 the president of Microsoft ate beef noodles for the first time in 218, and resolutely renamed the fist product WINDOWS XP as NOODLES XP, and built-in beef noodle making simulation program-－NRM simulation V.2., an academician of Chinese Academy of Sciences. Strangely, the U.S. High Court did not use the' antitrust law' to accuse Microsoft of collocation sales. NOODLES XP went out of stock as soon as it went on the market, but then the hottest post on BBS around the world became-'How to safely delete NOODLES XP from NRM simulation.

8 Lanzhou dialect has become the most popular language in the world because of its unique effect of ordering food. Lanzhou dialect has been formulated as the only designated language of the United Nations with its concise and humorous features. There are many varieties of Lanzhou dialect in the world, such as' Yinglan dialect',' Flange dialect' and' Xilan dialect'. The word JUE has become the most POPULAR word in the world because of its extensive use environment and expressive ability. After MAMA, JUE became the first vocabulary that newborns learned. The first sentence when young parents meet is:' Can your child say JUE?' -the negative answer is generally: juega, not yet! According to CNN, Greenspan insisted on learning Lanzhou dialect at the age of 1, and successfully conquered the difficulty of Lanzhou dialect on his 1th birthday-uncle of the People's Liberation Army reading under a tree.

9 in 225, the United nations adopted resolution 298-to promote beef noodles around the world at the density of one beef noodle restaurant per 1, people. The president of Rolls-Royce called a board meeting and decided to provide its latest model, Golden Angel, as a take-away car for free. Shu Niuhe, a famous F1 driver (note: Schumacher's son), excitedly sent out his first takeaway, and decided on the spot to give up his career as an F1 racer and become an ordinary takeaway employee at Saddam Beef Noodle Restaurant in Lanzhou, so that he could eat the most authentic beef noodles every day. Apparently angered by Rolls-Royce's decision, the president of Boeing decided to provide 1 Boeing 999 wide-body aircraft for delivery to Eskimos for free the next day. (Note: President Bush acquitted Saddam Hussein in 25 because he happened to have the same name as a brand beef noodle restaurant in Lanzhou and was forced by the strong demands of the American people. Saddam Hussein subsequently obtained the franchise right of Lanzhou, and made great efforts to develop more than 1, branches in the United States)

In the middle of this century, KFC, a world-famous fast food chain, made a surprising decision-changing its name to KFC, giving up all its products and making beef noodles and snacks in Lanzhou instead. A year later, McDonald's almost went bankrupt, and finally it barely survived by selling syrup. As a classic marketing case of MBA, this decision is listed as a reserved case of Jiuye Business School of Lanzhou University, the number one business school in the world. At the end of this century, a common phrase used by the elderly in the United States to educate young people is:' It was bitter at that time, there was no beef noodles, just eating hamburgers and chewing French fries ...'.

11 although go-vern-ment in various countries has changed the alarm numbers of 911, 999, 119, etc. into beef noodle take-out lines, it still cannot meet the ordering requirements of the vast number of beef noodle FANS. AT& In 231, T made the most successful decision in the company's development history: to add a button in the shape of a bull's head to each phone it installed, and directly connect with the nearest beef noodle restaurant in the community. Later, big telecom companies such as BT followed suit and launched the activity of exchanging old models for new models for free, which was warmly welcomed by consumers. China Mobile has even launched the function of' Beef Noodle Group Call', in which users in the group can make calls free of charge, so that the public can exchange their experiences in eating beef noodles in time.

29-9-12 1:12 Reply

Lizard 29

2 fans

5/f

12 Tens of thousands of Americans made a pilgrimage to Lanzhou on September 11th, 228, and were unfortunately shipwrecked in the North Pacific Ocean, resulting in the biggest tragedy of this century. Ten years later, Hollywood made this painful experience into a film, and the global box office was more than 1 billion yuan, including all the awards of Oscar and Cannes. The touching love story of the hero and heroine touched the hearts of countless men, women and children around the world. The dialogue between the hero and the heroine drifting on the sea before dying has become the most tearful movie scene in this century:

Male: (shivering voice) You won't die! Promise me that you will live well!

female: (crying voice) No, none of us will die! We will eat Ma Zilu's noodles, Du Weicheng's grey beans, the stuffed skin and the roast mutton in Huangmiao, and many more!

male: (trying to smile) I won't make it. When you go, remember to bring me a bowl, too, as if I were still around ...

female: (desperately) No!

At this moment, the hero took off his life jacket and tied it to the heroine's body, and pushed her away with all his last strength

Woman: No, you come back!

The hero smiles and sinks, and the heroine reaches out to pull him back. At this moment, the hero shouted a sentence that people will never forget in English accent:

M: Remember to give me a second, and put more chili pepper! ! Plus ...

The hero's words sank before he finished, melodious music sounded in the background, and tears filled the heroine's eyes

Female: I see ... Second, play more chili pepper. Bake the cake crisply.

This is the end of the movie. Fans all over the world are wondering what the hero wants to add-some say it's meat, some say it's an egg, and some say it's radish. Maybe only his girlfriend knows, but we don't know. The director of this film did not give an answer.

A Lanzhou native took part in the Water-Splashing Festival, and suddenly he cursed: Fat splashing on the ground? Fat splash? Zengmen is so cheap? The tour guide told him that splashing water was a blessing to you. People in Lanzhou said: You are not old Hoover, and it's a goddam day. It's just Hassan who is throwing blame!

I once saw a group of jokes in Lanzhou dialect on the bus to Lanzhou, which was very funny. The following is one of them.

-fellow villager, ni (you) feed pig nima?

-ah, I feed pig Ernie.

-did you feed Sasha to the pig?

-I fed the bran to the pigs, but the leaves were scattered.

-Sado should pay attention to nutrition now. Can you feed pigs with hard poplar (nutrition)? I'm from the Hard Poplar (Nutrition) Association, and I'm willing to pay a fine (1 yuan).

-fellow villager, ni (you) feed pig nima?

-ah, I feed pig Ernie.

-did you feed Sasha to the pig?

—— My pig feeds the delicacies (seafood) and honey eggs.

-ouch, many people in our country don't have enough food and clothing. What do you feed pigs? I am a thrifty office worker, and I am willing to pay a fine (1 yuan).

-fellow villager, ni (you) feed pig nima?

-ah, I feed pig Ernie.

-did you feed Sasha to the pig?

-I didn't feed my pig.

-Nani (you) will starve the pig to death? We are from the Animal Protection Association ......

-Oh, hey, I care for you. I care for pigs for two yuan every day, and I eat whatever I want and buy it at home.

———

The mysterious disappearance of Lanzhou, China, shocked the White House and sent thousands of agents to Lanzhou! (joke)

On the night of November 25th, Beijing time, the White House was brightly lit, and all the intelligence personnel stayed up all night. What happened?

Just three days ago, the United States found that Lanzhou, China, could not be found on its satellite map, and Lanzhou disappeared. Lanzhou is an economic city in China, and it is also an important military stronghold. Lanzhou suddenly disappeared, which is not bad. This shocked the whole country in the United States. Did China invent any new science and technology that could hide the whole city? If this is true, it would be a great threat to the United States. The United States sent CIA personnel to Lanzhou overnight to investigate the reasons, and contacted all the secret agents engaged in intelligence in China for several days, but failed to find the reasons. Moreover, there was nothing particularly reflected by the China leadership, and the United States was very depressed. Prepare to withdraw the intelligence personnel in Lanzhou,

29-9-12 1:12 reply

Lizard 29

2 fans

6th floor

Just as the intelligence personnel left Lanzhou, an expert who studied China bought a local Lanzhou Daily on the morning of 26th, and prepared to browse on the road. When he opened the newspaper, the headline suddenly read. In the past few days, the problems that have been solved from top to bottom in the United States have been solved by a small Lanzhou Daily! !

damn it, 5 words! !

Attached YAHOO News: According to the statistics of the State Environmental Protection Administration, on November 26th, the air quality pollution in Lanzhou was five-level heavy pollution, with a pollution index of 5, ranking first among 84 monitored cities, the highest since this winter, which was 39 higher than the pollution index of 191 in Urumqi, the second-ranked city. Meteorologists say that moderate and severe polluted weather (Grade 4 and Grade 5) will cause poor air convection and it is difficult for pollutants to spread. People should avoid outdoor activities as much as possible in such weather. It is necessary to strengthen indoor ventilation in the morning and evening, maintain air circulation, and drink more boiled water and eat more fresh fruits and vegetables to improve the body's immunity.

Buddha is a native of Lanzhou who married an old Russian daughter-in-law, who gave birth to four dolls. Personally, I think my doll name

should be well-written, with both our Lanzhou characteristics and Russian flavor, alas! Yes, old. The eldest brother is called "Lizali

Sha", the second is called "Price-based Laosha" and the third is called "Price-based Laosha".

A Lanzhou man came into the beef noodle restaurant and shouted: Boss wants a bowl, more noodles, more soup, more radishes, more garlic sprouts

, and more chili pepper. Boss Buddha said: Your brother is begging, can't you fucking ask for a big bowl?

The fly fell into the glass.

Beijinger: Bah, it's so fucking disgusting.

Cantonese: Wow, the Yakichang fly is nutritious. Drink it!

Shanghainese: Grab the flies and spit out Allah's wine!

Lanzhou people: Blow up the hands, but lose the money and lose the tiles!

One day, the teacher asked Xiaoming to make a sentence with "pleading"

Xiaoming wanted to be old and say, "My mom cooked a pot of ribs and my dad couldn't bite the ball ~ ~ ~ ~"

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Fifty-three classic Lanzhou dialects

1. Go in Lifo dialect.

I' ll pinch your two heads and step into the cannon.

3 you just formed a team.

4 Xiguan 5 cents

5 Dare not go outside? Ah Wuzi is eating you.

6 groups killed by Salim, and groups killed by Salim, so the ghost killed the people there.

7. Pour a soup.

8. Son of Aunt Chai, nephew of Idle Ball Baby.

9. The production is a bunch of half-withered Han Man.

1 Practitioners, come on, lift the bottle and blow it to Laoguo.

11 My mother who is not in the house will quickly take it to Laoguo.

12 Buddha, Koneko.

13 Liang lived very well.

14-tile dregs are sold with one hammer.

15 watts is not enough for printing.

16 Brother Abuzi, 2 million, uncles and bearers

17 Boil medicine, which is a wake-up call for our children.

18 Look, you can kill like a Hangke! Looking at you, I'm angry. I can't say where it is. I'm still with my father.

19 fat? Postman.

2 dirty hands don't always dig cakes.

21 is rotten everywhere.

22 You assiduous son, hold on to the old man and beg for mercy, and start spinning and sweeping his hair. My family is quietly getting up ~

23 Xun Di, and my nose is clean and old waves are rising.

24 Sasha Vujacic, the time and place are very good. Let's have a fall.

25 The world belongs to things, things are moving, things are rich, and rich can be dug and grasped

26! Hangke!

27 The nose wakes up to chatter.

28 prick the hand and dig it.

29 Sasha in a hurry, will wait.

3 dig up bad gossip and make people talk.

what's up with p>31 families? Stop nagging Hoover.

32 Although the pot is an old bowl shelf, you only know the high ground, but you don't know how to scratch the ground.

33 You are tired of being old

34. Is the pizza a gray tone? Is it Watson?

35 Try to be a brown society when you are fishing with brown ink glasses.

36 I put you in the head.