Super funny joke, urgent! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !

Two frogs fell in love and got married and gave birth to a clam.

The male frog was furious and said, Bitch, what's the matter?

The mother frog cried and said, Dad, I had a plastic surgery before I met you.

(Love needs trust)

Xiao Lv asked the old donkey: Why do we eat hay every day, while the cows eat concentrated feed?

The old donkey sighed: We can't compete with men. We eat by running errands, while others eat by breasts!

(Life needs patience)

Ducks and crabs race to the finish line together, and it's hard to tell the winner. The referee said, Let's have a pair of scissors, stones and cloth!

Duck is furious: Shit, set me up? When I make cloth, he always scissors.

(Competition needs talent)

The dog said to the bear, Marry me, and you will be happy.

The bear said, I won't marry. If I marry you, I will only give birth to a bear. If I marry a cat, I will give birth to a panda. That will be noble!

(Marriage needs reason)

The old turtle molested the mussel and was bitten. The old turtle reluctantly dragged the mussel back and forth.

When the frog saw it, he said with admiration, "Dear, Brother turtle has grown up, and he has a briefcase in and out"

(1) A patient came to see a psychiatrist. Patient: I always thought I was a bird. Doctor: Oh, that's serious. Since when? Patient: Since I was a bird ...

(2) A doctor in a mental hospital asked the patient: What would you do if I cut off one of your ears? The patient replied, then I can't hear you. The doctor listened: mm-hmm, it's normal. The doctor asked again, what will happen to you if I cut off your other ear again? The patient replied, then I won't see it. The doctor is getting nervous. How can he not see it? The patient replied: Because glasses will fall off.

(3) Two mental patients escaped from the hospital. They ran and climbed up a tree. One of them jumped from the tree and rolled and rolled. Then he looked up and said to the man above, hey, why don't you come down? The man above answered him: no-ok-ah-I'm not familiar with it yet ...

(4) There is an old lady in a mental hospital who is squatting at the gate of the mental hospital wearing black clothes and holding a black umbrella every day. The doctor thought: to cure her, we must start with understanding her. So the doctor also wore black clothes and took a black umbrella and squatted there with her. They spent a month in silence, and the old lady finally spoke to the doctor: Excuse me, are you also a fragrant mushroom?

(5) A mental hospital heard that the leader would come to the hospital to inspect the situation, so the dean called the patients to a meeting. At the meeting, the dean said, "This afternoon, there are very important leaders coming to visit, and all the people will go to the door to welcome them. When welcoming, all patients should stand on both sides of the hospital gate and stand neatly. When I cough, everyone applauds together, the warmer the better; When I stamp my feet, I must stop completely, and I can't make a mistake. If everyone is ready, we can eat meat buns for everyone tonight. As long as one person screws up, no one will eat buns, remember? " The patients in the audience shouted together: "Remember!" This afternoon, the leader arrived on time. When he stepped into the gate, the welcoming patient had stood at the door. At this time, as the dean coughed, all the patients applauded together and the atmosphere was very warm. The leaders who came to visit were infected by the warm atmosphere, smiling and applauding with everyone to enter the hospital. Seeing that the leader had entered the hospital, the dean stamped his foot and all the applause stopped, which was very neat. Only this leader is still smiling and applauding, and the dean is very satisfied. Suddenly, a patient as strong as Schwarzenegger jumped out of the welcome crowd, strode to the leader, gave him a big slap in the face, and shouted angrily, "You don't want to eat steamed buns?"

(6) A mental patient asked B, "What do you think of this novel I recently finished?" B looked at it and replied, "Not bad. However, there are just a few more people. " At this time, the nurse in the mental hospital came in and said, "You put the phone book back for me!"

(7) A doctor in a mental hospital is going to talk with a mental patient who is about to leave the hospital to confirm whether the patient has fully recovered. Doctor: What are you going to do after you leave the hospital? Patient: Take a stone and smash all the windows of your hospital! After hearing this, the doctor found that the patient had not fully recovered, so he decided to continue treatment. A few months later, the doctor felt that the patient seemed to be ready to leave the hospital and decided to talk to him again. Doctor: What are you going to do after you leave the hospital? Patient: Get a job. Doctor: Then what? Patient: Make money. Doctor: Then what? Patient: Save money. Doctor: Then what? Patient: Marry a wife. Doctor: Then what? Patient: The bridal chamber. Doctor: Then what? Patient: Take off her clothes. Doctor: Then what? Patient: Take off her pants. Doctor: Then what? Patient: Take off her underwear. Doctor: Then what? Patient: Take out the rubber band on your underwear and make a slingshot! Find some more stones and smash all the windows of your hospital!

(8) Two mental patients, A Jun and B Jun, recovered at the same time, and their attending doctor said to them, "If one of you is ill, the other one should send him to the hospital at once." Suddenly one day, the doctor's phone rang. It turned out to be Mr. A: "Oh, no, Mr. B has been crawling in my toilet since this morning, and he has to say that he is my toilet." "Come on, then why don't you send him here?" A gentleman was silent for a moment: "Then … I don't have a toilet?"

(9) There is a mental hospital where many mental patients live. One day, the dean there, in order to see the recovery of the patients, thought of a way. I said to these patients, come here, draw a door on the wall and say, "Today, whoever opens this door can go home." Hearing this, the psychopaths swarmed and surrounded the door of the painting. The dean felt very disappointed. At this time, he found that a patient was still sitting in the original position, and he felt that it was ok. He went forward and asked, "Why don't you open the door?" He looked at the dean and said something, which made the dean laugh and cry. The patient secretly told the dean, "I have the key here."

(1) Psychiatric patients in hospitals often have a complex of admiration for doctors or nurses. One day, a female patient came to a male doctor. Female patient: Dr. Lan, do you love me? Dr. Lan pondered for a long time. Dr. Lan: "What about us? It's the relationship between doctors and patients. Because you are sick, I have to take good care of you ..." In order not to hurt patients, Dr. Lan explained for a long time and finally finished. Female patient: "Dr. Lan, do you mean that you don't love me?" Dr. Lan (puzzling over nothing): "Hmm ... hmm ..." Female patient: "Fortunately, I love Dr. Chen ..."