Guo Degang’s classic cross talk dialogue

A lot of people came, and I was very pleased.

You deserve to die~~~~~

I am used to sleeping on the kang at home

Are you willing to listen, willing to listen, or willing to listen?

Non-famous cross talk actor "Guo Degang"

Don't leave after the show, I'll treat everyone to a meal - whoever goes will pay.

Friends on the third floor...Hello!!!

Crosstalk pays attention to four skills: pit. Mongolian. Turn. cheat!

Is there this sentence for lyrics in the background?

The truth that has been sung more than 16,000 times

Spend two hundred dollars to buy a little pig, drink water, eat beans, untie the wall and throw it over, With a squeak, guess what~~~ He died!

You don’t just get paid for coughing~

Many crosstalks are made up, but this one is true.

I want my life

The animals in the mountains, the swallows in the clouds, the cattle and sheep on the land, the seafood from the sea, the hericium bird's nest, the shark's fin, the bear's paw, the scallops and the deer's tail tip! Open your cheeks and lift your back molars. The food is like water from the Yangtze River, like the wind and the remaining clouds, just like being poured into a box of earth...

If the law didn’t care, I would have beaten him to death

Don’t you even like fried noodles? You forgot your roots! ! !

I have been an artist for more than a week~~~~~

One dollar and six grenades, I will throw you a hundred dollars first!

Eat pancake rolls and steamed buns with rice

The cross talk is great! Carry forward truth, kindness, beauty, and righteousness

English, Japanese, Korean, South Slavic, North Slavic, West Slavic...can speak 8 foreign languages, and curse in the streets with the Eight-Power Allied Forces None of them are the same

This matter was not far away from now. If you have elderly people at home, you can go back and ask ----- During the Spring and Autumn Period and the Warring States Period

Who knows martial arts when gangsters know it? I can’t stop it

Thank God for giving me braised food

A conscientious scientist

The house I live in is riddled with holes and will be destroyed if it rains It’s my fate: It’s raining moderately in the house with light rain outside, and it’s raining heavily in the house with heavy rain outside. Sometimes the rain is really too heavy, and the whole family goes to the street to take shelter from the rain.

I am interested in your business

I have to take care of the food, four dishes and one soup. Shredded peppers and potatoes, scrambled eggs with tomatoes, shredded fish-flavored pork, cucumbers, enough rice

One more thing, what can I say? Let’s talk about the facts

Yu Qian is a good person, no matter how he deals with people or does business on stage, to be honest, bah! ...No, there was a little bug in my mouth just now...

Yu Qian, what a horny person! Talking and learning to sing...it's okay

Do you care? Have I ever done this with you? I can't help you with this!

Don’t tell me what your name is for coming here. If you say it, it’s just a curse.

If you are willing to die, I will be willing to bury you.

I don’t often watch the production going on

Whoever doesn’t know Yu Qian has never eaten pork

You have to work hard to talk about cross talk, and I’ve already done it He is sweating. You see, people don’t sweat. They sweat.

We are planning to hold a "Three Years of Art Commemoration" for him this year.

We are planning to let him Yu Qian committed suicide to thank the world...

Yu Laoqian, Yu Xiaoqian, Yu Shaoqian, Yu Youqian, Yu Zaiqian, Yu Huanqian...

Yu Qian is in my heart , that is, a perfect person...this person is finished.

You worship me! If you worship me, you have already become a human being.

Brain is like pine nuts, just open it and cook it in a bowl

Thank you everyone for your encouragement!

This can’t be done, this…………!

I said it wrong! I said it wrong, what do you do to me!

What a good child Li Jing is

A lot of people come. I'm very pleased.

Are these people who are causing trouble all donated money to Shen 7?

I make more money by raising a bar than by sailing

From now on, I will never settle for lobster again!

I thought the wig you bought was processed, oh, it’s true

This young man looks like an actor when he covers his face...

p>

Since everyone likes it, let me tell you one more~~~~Why don’t I remember that I said one?

Don’t feel bad! !

One or two beers and four nuts, wait a minute...

I am a second-hand scientist

For several days I haven’t eaten yet, everyone looks like pancakes

Pancakes rolled into steamed buns and eaten with rice. Those things are timeless and solid

A country with picturesque scenery and spring all year round-- Tongxian, Baoding...

From a botanical point of view...

Add two more dates and it will be all cake

You are going crazy

Let’s die together

Why did you come here to pinch me

The beauty of a thought

Look at your expression Quite happy

I'm young, please forgive me, I don't know how to do this

300, regardless of whether Jin Yong or the wife of the American embassy all sat for 300

Hire ten Those who wear red hoops, I scold them every day

What do the guests ask me to do? Why don't you fight for a hundred dollars?

The performer for you is Li Jing, the young gang leader of the Beijing Beggar Gang...

There are more than a thousand segments of traditional cross talk. Thanks to our efforts, there are still four Hundreds of sections...

No one is paying attention, just digging like this, and you won't hear it in the garden tomorrow!

Talk about maids: bituminous coal, wintersweet, apricot plum, honeycomb briquettes

Also talk about big girls, wearing jingle rings when walking, "Dada~Dada, another, another, another." ~~~~~~~~~"

"I am the representative of Yu Jie Bingqing! I am a chaste and martyr woman, a professional chaste and martyr woman!"

In this time, I am the representative of Yu Jie Bing Qing! In the appreciation program...

You get to know your wife when you get on the kang, and you get to know your shoes when you get off the kang.

First practice holding a bicycle and saying goodbye to the male ***.

It’s not easy to come together

Let’s have something serious, let’s have something Elejind

I have to be older, and my two sons should be together. I'm worried

Don't talk if you're not in good health

I'm very pleased that a lot of people came

Backstage, the young leader of the Beggar Clan, the big-eyed leader Li

The five immortals crossed the sea, but the three immortals were stewed

Those who live in Taiwan... If it is 105 later, there will be no car

The cross talk is great! Promote truth, goodness, beauty, and righteousness

What is peacekeeping? Keep the peace. Where is Lao He? You have to keep the peace!

Five-star General James Corporal

The blond hair closed his eyes

If you don’t accept it~~~~~~If you don’t accept it, I will plant you in the garden!

< p>Sometimes if you say something wrong, you can get it right again!

He is beautiful and has a beard like Zhang Fei.

Science is very rigorous

An ethical scientist

It is shameless to want to attend the Spring Festival Gala

A skilled woman (prostitute)

Thousands of years of cultural heritage and a lifetime of learning and training will bring you temporary joy and intoxication. This is folk art

There are people who are short of houses, cars, money and morals.

Begging for food, begging for food, I am begging for food today

English, Japanese, Korean, South Slavic, North Slavic, West Slavic...

My family lives in Tong County, a country with picturesque scenery and spring-like weather all year round.

When you talk about a woman’s beauty, you say: “That face looks like mine—much better than mine.” This will make me lose weight." "Ring with jingle bells"

After the continuous efforts of our actors, it will finally be lost

Knickerbockers, shoes, belts, holding a book The book "Jin Ping Mei"

The sincere love between Ximen Daguan and Jin Lian'er

Someday we find a chance~~ we will

People go to higher places , the urine flows to the lower place

Mr. Wang "It's interesting! It's interesting here!"

The old gentleman has a spacious belly!

A slap is wide enough to protect my heart hair, and there is a hairtail tattoo on my chest

If you don’t leave me here, you will have a place to stay; if you don’t leave me everywhere, you will join the railway.

No, you, why, oops, I’m so anxious

While walking, eh, there was a question mark in front of me, and Liu Bei jumped "唔奕楞楞"", Hey~ A mushroom appeared, and after eating the mushroom, Liu Bei grew taller. Still walking forward, there was another one. When he touched it, a flower came out. After eating the flower, Liu Bei raised his hand and said, "Dudududududu" can shoot bullets! That bastard with wings will Here we go

We won’t pay for this, so we have to sit in a 2-seat ticket;

It looks like a car accident scene;

I am just making fun of you;

Lifting two kilograms of lamb and cutting it for drinking;

This can be regarded as the first person in ancient and modern times

I have become wise!

As thin as a goat.

"Shall I move it for you? Ah!... I'll move it! Let me move it! I'll move it! I'll move it for you!... I'll move it!...."

"More than 10,000 foreign guests are waiting at the entrance of the alley..."

It completely shattered Donkey Huo's dream.

If you are willing to die, I will be willing to bury it!

Only one tooth is still stuffed, so eat lotus root

The Queen Mother is cooking dumplings, and the Jade Emperor is squatting at the door Huuguan

You are in good health! I’ll be fine for another two months

At first, I thought the carburetor was broken. After I checked, I found out that the pedal was loose

What kind of prison? The juvenile detention center has all gone and I can’t find you.

There were four plates of food on the table. I opened the first one and looked at it. Ha! It’s so good! Old jealous peanuts! Open the second one, it’s even better. Yes! Old vinegar peanuts! The third opened, peanuts, no vinegar, the fourth saw a plate of vinegar

If you had the energy to unload the truck by the river, you would have made a fortune long ago

I can’t stand it while holding this book "Jin Ping Mei"~

Have a steak, don’t put the beef, I love onions, put more onions

Sit in the pool Bian'er eats apples, loves to be clean, eats a bite and rinses them.

I want to say goodbye to these days when the white clothes come and go like the wind. At the age of 85, I resolutely put on a wig and returned to secular life

Usually Fridays are a day of trouble, and later they all say it’s ours

A brain stewed in the Northeast...

It’s said to be two Love is compatible, why not pork or pork?

It’s May Day soon, so busy, so busy

Golden bell mask, iron trousers

Iron pants, iron pants, our pronunciation is different in Russian!

We speak Beijing dialect pretty well! ?

Hey - this old man is interesting! If I had known, I would have given him two guns!

I don’t sell in hair salons, I buy in hair salons!

Cloning requires skills

What skills? That's called procedure, procedure

Prepare a large white porcelain jar, wipe it with a cloth inside and outside and dry it

First, pump 500 kilograms of oil

I... My gross weight is only 100 kilograms

Put another photo of Zhang Wenshun, put a pair of glasses next to it, close the lid, and press the cooking setting

Take the remaining pancakes and put them together Ah

I spent one yuan to buy a bottle of mineral water, took one sip and vomited, it was fake!

What's wrong

It's watered down

It's just water

Buy a watermelon for one dollar and weigh it correctly

< p>Then you have to find someone to discuss it

Wear a plain coat in summer

No clothes underneath

A law-abiding person is depressed in the morning, but a strong beam sings every night. Riding a mule to benefit oneself at the expense of others, being upright and fair and starving. Building bridges and roads is blind, but killing people and setting fires are common. I went to the West and asked the Buddha, and the Buddha said - I have no idea.

Smoking fake cigarettes, drinking fake wine, watching fake football matches, and listening to fake singing. Wearing fake name brands and fake headgear. Only the bastard in the world is real and is called a turtle.

Born, after the eunuch~~

The moonlight shines brightly in front of the window, I suspect it is frost on the ground. I look up at the bright moon, I am Guo~de~gang!

If you want to eat a hamburger, wrap it with a piece of paper and eat it; if you want to eat a crab, uncover it; if you want to drink milk, put a piece on the bun...

Everyone looks like a sesame seed cake. .

I am richer than them. I eat noodles, ramen, beef noodles, and instant noodles.

I have been an artist for so many years.

The Governor loves to eat noodles, whether it’s stretched noodles, ramen noodles, or shaved noodles, let’s put it this way, he loves to eat noodles anyway.

You are so fat. In the big circle chair you sit on, the flesh on your body is stuffed into the empty space of the chair. It is full. When you stand up, you pull the chair down.

As soon as the master entered the door, the governor raised his head and said, "Hey, here I am, I was looking for you. Today I want to discuss important national affairs with you." The master was happy when he heard that. The commander-in-chief had never said How about living like this, "Excuse me, sir, what's the big deal?", "Yesterday, I invented another thing."

Your marriage is unfortunate! In middle age, I got married twice. The first time the woman was taken back by my master; the second time the woman became your apprentice's wife.

You have to work hard to talk about cross talk. I'm sweating now. You see, people (referring to Yu Qian) don't sweat, and they keep their sweat.

The ugly queen digs the river. The exhausted god wrote a line on the ground------I must succeed

The Ugly Empress------I wish you success

—— You are lying!

——Nonsense, this is called robbery!

With a gun, a bottle of Sprite, and a lighter, when you get to Tiananmen Square, you shout: "I want to practice!"

At her age, and at my age, there are people who can speak but can't. Listen, it's crushing people to death under the tongue, jumping into the Yellow River can't wash it away, I have to take care of - this (face)!

Guo Degang: Brother Emperor, I hope that the world will be peaceful, that the people of the world will live and work in peace and contentment, that the country will be peaceful and the people will be safe, and that there will be no war. Is that okay, eh?

God thought for a while, this is difficult, let’s tell the truth, I’m not that creative, really, I won’t tell you anything else, can you do something else? Let's discuss something else.

I brought a photo of Li Jing with me. Brother Di, look at this. This is my senior brother Li Jing. He looks quite cold and can’t find a partner. Why don’t you give me a photo? Let him be prettier.

God: (Think about it) Let’s talk about world peace (tear up the photo)

Guo Degang: Hey, why did you tear up the photo? You may disagree or disagree, why did you tear it up? I still keep it to ward off evil spirits!

There is a watch in the sky corresponding to a man on the earth. The good guy's turn is slow, the bad guy's turn is fast, what about Li Jing's piece? Not here, oh, I'm working as a fan in God's house.

I am "Guo Degang", a non-famous crosstalk actor in the Chinese crosstalk circle

Student Guo Degang pays tribute to my parents who provide food and clothing.

Nowadays, I want to arrange TV Actresses have to sleep with male directors, I'm so cruel (why are you so cruel), what should we male actors do if you actresses sleep with them? There are really too few female directors

Want me It’s her own life~~

With bristly eyebrows, big eyes, and black eyes, she doesn’t have a beard. If she does, she looks like Zhang Fei!

Mr. Guo’s decision The complete collection of field poems

A general is born with courage, his waist is crossed, the autumn water is flying, the wild goose feathers are flying, the wind is blowing, the mountains and rivers are moving, the lightning flashes, the flag is high, the sun and the moon are high

How can the ants in the burrow of the unicorn in the sky escape? I am waiting for the return of the imperial edict in peace. I will undress my shirt with my husband

A curved tree will eventually become straight. It is difficult to raise a wolf as a dog to look after the house.

The ink will soon be dyed cormorants black, and the paint will be crow white. No God,

candied yellow lotus must be bitter in the end, and forced picking of melons and fruits will not make them sweet.

Good deeds must be done by good people, how can any mortal become a god?

"The golden mountains and bamboos have shadows for thousands of years, the clouds are flying high and the water flows by itself.

The jade belt of the Yangtze River is floating for thousands of miles, and a bright moon is rolling the golden ball.

Far away Hubei is three thousand miles away.

The scenery is not clear for a while, but Tianyuan is in the middle of the painting. ”

Qianlong and Guo Degang

< p>"The bamboo shadows in Lushan Mountain last for thousands of years, and the water flows by itself at the peak of the cloud lock.

The jade belt of the Yangtze River floats thousands of miles away, and a bright moon rolls the golden ball.

The road is three thousand realms to the northwest, and the momentum is There are millions of states in the southeast.

The beauty is endless, and if fate has the chance, come again. ”

——Zhu Yuanzhang

“The green mountains and pine shadows last for thousands of years. , The clouds lock on the peak and the water flows by itself.

The jade belt floats on the long river, and the bright moon rolls into the golden ball.

You can’t get enough of the beautiful scenery in one place, so come again if you are destined by fate.”

——Kangxi

“The bamboo shadows in Longchuan last for thousands of years, and the water flows freely at the peak of cloud locks. /p>

The jade belt along the Yangtze River floats thousands of miles away, and a bright moon rolls into a golden ball.

Looking from a distance, the three thousand realms in the northwest are overwhelming the twelve states in the south of the Yangtze River.

The good scenery cannot be seen for a while. When the time comes, we will come again if we have destiny.”

——Qianlong

Withered vines and old trees, there are dim crows, small bridges and flowing water. The horse is thin in the west wind on the ancient road, the sun sets in the west, and the heartbroken man is in the hospital

The horse is thin and hairy but has fat hooves. A son who steals his father is not considered a thief. A blind old man married a blind old lady, and neither of them saw each other for more than half their lives.

Luxury and romance do not mean that enemies will not get together. She is just a prostitute, and cannot protect her wife and children. She plays around with her immediate plans, and after she is full of sins, her retribution will start all over again. All kinds of evil are the first, so she is a go-between for sex.

If you raise your eyes to keep them straight, they will eventually become bent. It is difficult to raise a wolf and use it as a dog to look after the house. The ink soon dyes the cormorant black, and the whitewash paints the crow white but does not stick. Yellow lotus soaked in honey will eventually be bitter, but melons and fruits picked by force will not be sweet. Good deeds must be done by good people, how can any mortal be a god?

Storytellers, singers and operas persuade people, and the three continents go to the center. Good and evil will be rewarded in the end, and the right path in the world is subject to vicissitudes of life.

The white dew of the Mid-Autumn Festival in August makes the pedestrians on the road desolate; the small bridges flow with the fragrance of rice and flowers, and I have thousands of thoughts day and night. There is no peace in my heart, so I read articles early in the morning. After ten years of hard work in the study, I can show my talent and wisdom.

The moral Three Sovereigns and Five Emperors were famous after Xia, Shang and Zhou Dynasty; the Heroic Five Tyrants made trouble in the Spring and Autumn Period, rising and falling in an instant! There are several lines of names in the history of Qing Dynasty, and there are countless barren hills in Beimang. The fields of the predecessors are harvested by the later generations, and it is said that there is a fight between dragons and tigers.

A law-abiding person is depressed in the morning, a strong beam sings every night, he rides a mule and rides a mule at the expense of others, and he is starving at the right time. Repairing bridges and repairing roads is blind, and there are many murders and arson. I went to the West and asked my Buddha, and the Buddha said: I can't do anything either!

The saddest thing is the cold weather at night, and the haggard man cannot be pitied. Invite wine to destroy the intestines and get drunk after three cups. Looking for fragrance and startling dreams at dawn. The hairpin-headed phoenix is ??leaning towards you with tears, but I have no chance to spend the tea flowers. The lonely heart of the small building is as hard as a hook and it is hard to round.

Wine is a poison that penetrates the intestines, sex is a steel knife that scrapes bones, wealth is the root of trouble, and anger is a smokeless artillery. There can be no feast without wine, colorless humanity will become extinct, it will be difficult to move without money, and people will bully people without spirit.

Zhao Qian, Sun Li, Zhou Wu, Zheng Wang, Feng Chen, Chu Wei, cut cakes and dipped them in sugar.

The horse is thin with long hair and fat hooves, and the old couple sleeps on a hot kang. The old man wanted to sleep on the kang, but the wife refused to let him go. The old man picked up the door stick, and the wife picked up the rolling pin. The old couple played ping-pong all day long, and the kang was left to cool down, and no one was there. Sleeping on the hot kang.

There is a bright moonlight in front of the bed. I suspect it is frost on the ground. I look up at the bright moon. My name is Guo Degang.

Prostitute, skilled woman.

I bet you have become a beggar! You are very well dressed!

As soon as I plucked the hair that protects my heart, I went out, there was a rush of momentum!

Today is a good day, the beginning of autumn, the day of making autumn fat. I specially ate four taels of vegetarian fried pancakes at noon today. I believe everyone has also made autumn fat.

From next year today will be the National Day

Take a taxi... We don’t take a taxi for $1.6, we take a $1.2 fare!

I won’t take it It's in the front, you have to pay if you sit in the front!!

You are all seated, I want to overtake the plane

There are big seats

Mr. Guo, where is the sheep? On the tree, what's going on? (Henan dialect)

Do you have chicken here? Waiter: "Shh! I am!" (Niu X) Hilarious

Hit 1 Block 2 (Xia Li)

The audience is getting more and more with each show!

Big pills, six or two each, made of cut cakes.

p>

This is a hairtail with a tattoo.

Master, do you want a plate? What do you think the White House Cultural Bureau is doing for food!!!!!!!!!

Oops , look at Nezha! !

"Do you know where the ticket seller is?" The policeman was so happy... "I'll look for it too!"

"There's good news, there's bad news, you Which one?" "What's the bad news?" "We're lost. I don't know this place, and I guess we'll have to live on cow dung." "What's the good news?"

The sky is freezing and the hydrangea balls are rolling on the ground. Those with fillings are steamed buns and those without fillings are steamed buns

Yu Qian is a good person. Whether he is dealing with people or doing business on stage, to be honest, bah. ! ...No, there was a little bug in the mouth just now...especially this one

When I see this, we have to "get" it. Get it.

Put the evil in the car , so wicked. Take a pinch of salt out of the bad, it's so bad.

Stir-fried sesame tofu with scallions

This thing is amazing

I hate it so much

What’s your name here? , don’t say that, you said it’s just a curse

The lock can be opened with a poke of noodles, and a pack of instant noodles can open a small neighborhood.

Well, looking at your shameless look, you have the charm of my youth.

Little Pan! Little Pan? Golden Lotus

Looks like "Ultraman".

I want to be related to him. In fact, his daughter likes me very much, but my son-in-law is against it.

To describe the beautiful girl walking: the wind blows the lotus leaves, the rain beats the bananas

There is another one that is often used between sentences: ...and speaking of it...

p>

The rich man in Yu Qian’s cross talk industry wanted to ask Yu Qian’s father Mr. Wang!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

But he was afraid of letting him burn the boiler He steals coal to eat

He is even uglier than Hou!

Apple face, cherry eyes. . . . . . His whole face looks like a fruit stand

Sun Daxian, please use your magic skills

It’s my turn to hit him. Can I hit him a few more times? Can I hit the guy?

For you, except for dying, everything else is worth it

The most interesting thing is the sentence: Live~~should...die~~~it's okay!

You are going crazy, you are going crazy!

Have a sip of wine and a sip of food

I am so beautiful for you

It was so real that I even saw the patent leather falling off. Come here, come here, after this fight, there will be no worries!

Please, garlic must not be eaten as a staple food

The truth that comes out of your throat ~! !

I am a scientist, where can I go to reason?

From a botanical perspective,...

Looking at beauties under the lamp, the more you look at them, the more energetic you become!

Add ten yuan for oil!

If you lend me a knife, I will kill you!

Many crosstalks are made up, but this one is true.

This is my porcelain~

I have to take care of the rice, four dishes and one soup. Shredded peppers and potatoes, scrambled eggs with tomatoes, shredded fish-flavored pork, cucumbers, enough rice~

When I say a typo, I will say, this is a polyphonic word~

That makes sense Tsk

How powerful

Yeah...just look at it...

It’s so flattering!

Thank you all for your encouragement!

When we were in the folk art troupe, I scored 100 points in every subject! Regardless of whether I got 100 points in learning to sing and didn’t take the test, the teacher also wrote 100 points

Yu Qian didn’t! He is stupid, always working hard at 30 or 25! Practice every day! I practiced for a week and then took the exam 17

How can a fortune teller do well in the exam? Someone told him: If you eat one fried dough stick and two eggs before the exam, you can get 100 points on the exam

So obedient! After eating, I went to take the exam.

0 points He ate the eggs first

In the opera directed by Zhang Yimou a few years ago: Plando, it was necessary to find four cross talkers, each wearing a big coat and picking up his bald head to go to that station like Mr. Wang: hard work! This is outrageous

No matter how big your wrist is and you don’t have ancestors, you are not doing this!

The end of Taiping Lyrics One-on-one Meeting: Guan Yunchang got angry after watching it for a long time! I called him a thief and called him Yu Qian

This one is so famous! Everyone of all ages knows him! Hey, what's your name? Don't say it! You say it's a curse! < /p>

Yu Hai doesn’t sound good

If your name is Qian (Qian), then add the word “ten thousand” to the middle of your son’s name!

Wan Hai, do you know what your father said?

I don’t bully people! Bullying me, no!

Don’t you know me? Yai?

What kind of interjection are you talking about?

I am from Tsinghua University!

Tsinghua Pool?

Well, Tsinghua Pool is for bathing! You said it was from Hufang Bridge!

Who are you?

I have been to Huguang Guild Hall!

Same!

Can you post another article like this?

Okay! Do you want a textbook or a paperweight?

If you just ate from textbooks, give me a paperweight

Mr. Jin’s cell phone rang: Ding Ding Ding Ding Ding Ding Deng!

Sharpen scissors and kitchen knives!

Hey! Hello! Depend on!

PHS!

Principal? Is there anyone selling direct cards here?

I will teach you how I learned it back then!

That’s great!

I learned it as a son to others

Huh?

But how can I be embarrassed about our relationship?

Then you shouldn’t do it

Just stop doing it for two days

It doesn’t matter whether you eat, live or receive money, you don’t receive gifts or give away 15 yuan of performance fee and 70% will be deducted Taxes

The fare for flight 901 from Xizhimen to Daxinghuangcun is 5 yuan. Please board the plane

When the goddess descends to earth, she lands face first.

It looks like a car accident scene

Yang Shangkun, whose apprentice?

What does playing a bear in the circus teach? What does fifteen people riding a bicycle teach? What did Peking Opera Sanchakou educate? Since cross talk is so capable, why can’t our income increase? Let cross talk educate people, that is inhumane! Spare the cross talk!

The armor will be at the end of the redemption. I can't give you the proper courtesy!

If the law didn't care, I would have killed him long ago

My family is rich and drives a Cadillac with a 13-door opening. As soon as I heard the sound, I knew it was a good machine, imported from Germany, "chu tu tu tu tu", oh, Sanbengzi. As soon as you start driving, half of Beijing will be filled with black smoke, and the traffic police will shout directly at you: "Elder Sun, please take away your magical powers."

The old man only has one tooth left, and he still has his cheek teeth. What's going on? If you eat lotus root, you will be blinded.

The audience in the audience said this sentence three or four times with Mr. Guo: Die~~Haha, Mr. Guo was very moved and said thank you to everyone. The third time everyone said it together, Mr. Guo improvised and Everyone said: Thank you, thank you, I will take you wherever I go from now on! Hahaha, Mr. Guo has worked so hard and it’s great. The audience is also great!

Take a puff of cigarette, and then say "Just come"

I have copied it now

"Eight Screens": "The first couplet is 'The wind blows' "There are waves on the water, what is the second line?" "You are so stupid that you can't make a copy and post it there." Slap your eyes (seems like a slip of the tongue) - "Slap your eyes until you're blind"

"Learning Little Songs": "Why can't you shoot the stars in the sky when you set off fireworks?" It will flash." "This question is too profound."

"Xue Xiaoqu": "What wires are monkeys most afraid of?" "High-voltage wires, not to mention monkeys." "No. I am most afraid of parallel lines because they never intersect (banana).

”

Send a plaque to his father with four big characters: “The star of the thief shines brightly”;——Praising the residence

“I’m sorry that I’m in armor and can’t give a full gift”—— —Buy Noodles Tea

I am from Conghua University——Article Club

There are a lot of Japanese people in China now, and I really hate Japanese people where I live. There is a couple among them. Although Japanese people are generally not tall, this couple is very tall among Japanese people. The boy is 1.2 meters tall and the girl is 1.1 meters tall. They also play noble sports and like to play golf. When the ball was fine, the two of them would hit it with a small steel ball and then pick it up. It took them a long time to get the ball back after hitting it for 10 meters. One day, they were very happy.

After the fight, I went to look for it and found that the glass was broken. I looked through the glass and saw that an antique vase was also broken inside. Their little ball was on the ground next to it. They hurriedly knocked on the door and saw something inside. A man said: I'm sorry, we accidentally broke the glass and the antique when we were playing. Let's apologize. The man said, no need to apologize, I have to thank you two. The Japanese didn't understand. What's going on?

The man said, I'm not an ordinary person, I'm a god. I've been staying in that vase. You saved me today. I can't get out unless the vase is broken. Come. Hey, the couple was happy and said to the god, "If you save the god, can you make a wish? Can you help us with anything?" The god said, "Okay, if you have any requests, just ask the man." I want China's land and resources, do you think so? The god said, I'll have it when you get home. The woman said again, I want all the gold and jewelry in China. The god said, I'll get it when you get home. I have gold and jewelry. At this time, the god said, my magic power is limited, I can only promise one to you and I have to keep one for myself. Can you satisfy me? No problem for us. The Japanese are the most honest people. We promise you, you tell me. I have been in the vase for 1000 years. I am very happy to see your wife today. I hope I can lie in bed with your wife for a while. Japanese men are very happy. Not happy, you have to add 5 yuan. The god said, the money will be on your bed when you go home. The god led the woman into the house and waited outside for 2 hours. The door opened, and the fairy and the lady came out. They sat down to rest. The fairy said, "How old are you?" The Japanese man said, "We are all 27." Immortal? After that, the audience applauded. Master Guo said that crosstalk is to persuade people to do good, but as an actor, it is the duty to promote the spirit of patriotism. ——The short paragraph after the wedding in the dream

That day, at home. A happy event... The house is on fire

"Time slips away like a thin veil - hidden meaning in the book..." "Hey! Good on you! Now you are Xu Zhimo, and now you are Shan Tianfang"

"Qin Shihuang, you gangster, how dare you mention him later, it is: Qin (bird) flu (dare)"

After education, he is a gangster~~

The fee is too high~~

Confucius taught us: Sun~~ is a thief~~

Deserves to die ~~~

A Tang poem~~

You can ask the old people at home, what happened during the Boxer Rebellion...

What did you do? Come and pinch~~~

It’s not just cake today~~~

It’s light rain outside, moderate rain inside, heavy rain outside, heavy rain inside, sometimes the rain is really too heavy , the whole family went to the courtyard to bear the rain~~

I can’t do this with you~~~

A protective look on my face~~~

Everyone else is Sell ??it for two yuan, you sell it for three yuan, you are going crazy~~~

Can you control it (rascal like)~~~

I put down the butcher knife, please spare my life ~~~

Donkey Fire International Hotel~~~

Say it to the big man, I am your father

God, who is your disciple? How can you argue with me?

Fortunately, I fell to death

Brother Qianer: Which university are you from?

Guo Degang: Can I handle this with you? Is this the case with you?