If you are looking for a joke, make sure it is super funny. If it is not funny, don’t post it.

1 My grandma passed away when I was five years old. My grandpa spent the next ten years alone. When he was in his eighties, he was tired of the worldly world. Every day They all told us that he didn't want to live anymore, and we thought he was useless. We just wanted to complain to the old man, but we didn't expect that one day he went to the photo studio and took a photo of his body. Even the frame was fixed, and he hung it on grandma's house. Next to the photo of the mourning hall (he also nailed the nail bridge position himself). The adults said that maybe he would live longer if he deceived the Lord of Hell. One day my brother brought his junior high school classmates to play at home, and he casually asked Who are those two photos on my brother's wall? He replied: Grandpa and grandma, I didn't expect that grandpa would silently come down from upstairs at this time and then walk out of the door silently (presumably to go to the vegetable market). After a while of silence, brother Classmate: Did you see it just now?

2 There was a couple on the bus. The woman let a pervert touch her while the boyfriend showed no expression. After arriving at the station, the boyfriend grabbed the pervert out of the car, beat him skillfully and then left with his girlfriend. A website analyzes the reasons for voting. 75% of people voted for "This guy is waiting for his skills to cool down..." The weather is nice and his skills are cooling down

3 In high school, our toilet had a door with a spring that could return to its original position, but only It can be opened inward but not outward. Many people have a habit of kicking the toilet door open. Most people kick at about knee height. I have a classmate who has practiced martial arts. Probably to show off, or to maintain his flexibility, he always raises his feet very high and kicks at about chest height. One evening, this person went to WC, walked to the door, and without thinking, kicked our dean. When he was done, he opened the door and walked out. Then our dean was kicked hard by my classmate, and he was kicked back to the toilet. . .

4 The walls on both sides of our bus shelter are made of glass and are used to post large-format advertisements. Sometimes, a bus shelter has just been built with a frame and is put into use without glass, so many people take a shortcut and step directly over the metal frame after getting off the bus. (In fact, it was only a few steps closer) One night at around seven o'clock, it was dark and raining, and we were waiting for the bus. A young man jumped off a bus, stepped into the bus shelter, and shook his hair. He glanced at the metal frame, suddenly turned around, took two steps, jumped, and tried to escape over the metal frame. Cups and cups appeared. The pavilion had no glass before, but it was just installed that day, but there was no advertisement. . . I heard a loud "boom", followed by a scream of "ah". . . This guy's whole body was pressed against the glass for a second, and then he slowly slid down. . . In the end, his face was pressed against the glass and his body was lying on the ground. In one of Stephen Chow's movies, the scene where Stephen Chow hit the glass door while jumping into the swimming pool and slowly slid down would appear in reality. .

5 I heard from a friend that when he was in college, a boy with a low EQ finally met a girl he liked, and they just started dating. Once the girl was sick, the boy accompanied her to the infirmary for a drip. Ten minutes passed, twenty minutes passed, and there was no movement. The boy wanted to break the silence, so he asked: "Are you cold?" "Cold" "Cold, can I cover it for you?" The girl blushed and whispered "Okay" and the boy stood up. . . . . . . . . . He covered the drip bottle with his hand.

6 When I was in middle school, I met some gangsters who enjoyed fighting. Although I didn’t participate, I often watched from the sidelines. The following is one of some slightly bloody and hilarious events: a fight between two gangs of gangsters, with several different types of soldiers. 1 Those who go up empty-handed are usually idiots pretending to be 13, and are used as human targets. 2. Take a light and practical weapon such as a stick. This is the main force in fighting. 3 Using a saber. The saber has a heavy head and a slow blade, and is used to break the bones of the enemy. 4 Use a seven-hole knife. This kind of knife is light and has holes. After stabbing the enemy, the blood on the wound will be drained out by the knife with holes, so it is used for bleeding. Although it looked quite KB, in fact no one was seriously injured after each beating. Only once... a buddy got a knife for cutting off a horse's head from somewhere. The head of the knife was so heavy that he couldn't swing it even though he was carrying the majestic sword. In the end, he was beaten up by others and sent to the hospital... Second: Don't think that a fight is just a group of people howling and rushing to chop. Occasionally everyone I also want to play some new tricks. We made an appointment on the park lawn in the middle of the night, and saw five people riding bicycles and holding knives.

The guys here were stunned. Fortunately, I reacted quickly and asked everyone to take off their belts and pull them very close to the ground. They all fell off the bike = = (Fortunately, the lighting in the park is not good at night, so I only used it. Such inspiration) Third: My buddy told me to find an expert to participate in the weapon fight. Old Yuan Yuan saw an imposing and handsome guy walking over with a sausage and some kind of weapon that was nearly 2 meters long and wrapped in cloth on his back. Just as they were about to admire him, the opponent took off the weapon from his back and opened the bag very gracefully. Everyone was stunned again. The buddy brought a long bow... and then he stood behind our group of people quite calmly, aiming at the enemy. One arrow at a time, all hitting the shoulder. It's not very painful or hurtful, but it is absolutely effective in suppressing the opponent's combat effectiveness. Even if your shoulder is injured, you can't even lift a knife or stick. The arrows that Ya used were made of wood, and the little sausage that Ya brought was well trained to help his master retrieve the arrows in the chaotic battlefield... I saw him laughing and dying next to me, and later I heard that this guy is a good boy who studies well. My child, my family is rich. (Can I develop a hobby like bow and arrow if I don’t have money = =) I’m used to being a good kid, and occasionally I want to go crazy. It's a pity that a good kid is a good kid, and he is still not used to the life of a gangster. After playing for a few days, he went back to be an honor student.

7 I remember when I was in elementary school, the sweaters I wore in winter were all knitted by my mother with wool. One morning when I was bored in class, a classmate suddenly found a piece of lint on the cuff of his sweater. The classmate was very curious as to why there was a lint. He thought that he should listen to the teacher and have the spirit of scientific exploration. Thinking about this made him excited and worked very hard. Pull the thread. Push hard. Push hard. Try harder. Those of us sitting next to us were silently cheering for him in our hearts (during class). Finally, with his efforts, the thread came loose, and when he pulled the thread, it wrapped around the cuff and pulled it open. The classmate found it very interesting, and finally finished pulling up one sleeve at the end of the class. After class, he stood on the podium, laughed and made us look at it, and encouraged us to play together. Finally, before class, he In ten minutes, with the enthusiastic efforts of the whole class, a whole sweater was pulled out, and the wool was rolled all over the floor. In this way, the student was frozen from the second class in the morning to the end of school in the afternoon on a cold and snowy day. The student finally dragged I went home with two long and thick noses. The last thing I heard was that when he came home, his parents chased him away with kitchen knives and beat him up (it was not easy to knit a better sweater in those days).

8 One day, he found that it was difficult for him to recognize himself. The condition in which people can't remember other people's names is a disease called prosopagnosia, and it is hereditary, so I started to wonder whether it was my father or my mother who inherited it. Then suddenly I remembered something. I was in my first year of college at that time. When I returned home during the winter vacation, my parents went to the train station to pick me up. It was almost half a year since I left home for the first time in my life. I got out of the car and saw my parents looking around in the distance. So I walked towards them with a smile on my face. I was planning to give them a hug after a long separation. Unexpectedly, my parents suddenly People walked by me from left to right, looking around and saying to each other: "Did you see it? Is it over there, eh, is it that one, not this way~~~~~" My smile froze. My face was stunned for 5 seconds, then I turned around, regained my smile, and shouted loudly: "Mom, Dad, I'm here, I'm back!!" I have lived at home for 18 years, which is less than half a year, although I have lost a little weight. , my hair was a little longer, but I also sent photos home in the meantime. It seems to be hereditary.

9 Five years ago, in the first semester of my senior year, I suddenly found something like bloody phlegm in my stool one day when I was going out. I didn’t pay much attention to it at first, but then it appeared one after another, which scared me. , could it be - hemorrhoids are impossible! A buddy in the class has hemorrhoids and the pain is excruciating, but I don’t feel any pain. When I went to the school hospital, the doctor (can’t call him a doctor) said that the school hospital was not able to diagnose because of its limited capabilities, so he had to go to a big hospital. On Sunday afternoon, I went to the Provincial People's Hospital with Lao Wu from my dormitory. Lao Wu was relatively fat, and JJ always huddled in the back and suffered from eczema. Why do we say that today’s doctors are of poor quality? I went to the anorectal department, where there were three women, old, middle-aged and young. The older one checked me first: I took off my pants and stuck my butt out; since I was a child, I don’t think I have ever been exposed to such a large scale in front of a strange woman. , really shy.

"Hurry up, young man, aunt has never seen anything before!" Everyone said that, hey! Give it your all! Put on disposable gloves, grab a bucket of Vaseline, and voila! The chrysanthemum is really cool! ah! ! ! I was exploded like this, it hurt! It hurts my heart, for the first time in the world, I feel so painful that I don’t want to live! "X, little Y, come and take a look, I touched it and it doesn't look like hemorrhoids." Then, the heart-breaking feeling came twice more; the diagnosis was: colitis, just pay attention to dietary hygiene. The walking posture was ugly. After Lao Wu and I took a taxi back to school, we found many people looking at us strangely (my legs couldn't be closed, it was painful). When we returned to the dormitory, my elder brother came over to me very concerned and asked me how I was doing. , I said it all as soon as my head got hot. . . Unexpectedly, this big loudspeaker went out to promote it within a short time. A few days later, on the way to the cafeteria, two girls pointed at me, "It seems to be him, he is quite handsome, and he is the vice president of the student union." "His girlfriend is from our department." Ah! No, then he is gay with the boys in their dormitory? "It's so disgusting, the big-mouthed boss!" (I learned from others that the version promoted by the boss is: The seventh and fifth children in our dormitory went out for an afternoon, and when they came back, one of them had pain in the penis and the other in the PY.) In fact, it’s no wonder others. After the fifth child completed the examination that day, the doctor gave He prescribed some topical medicine, but he said it was uncomfortable to have it sticky in the crotch, so he crossed his legs and walked with his penis stretched out. What about me? Walk with your legs crossed and your butt stuck out. ． ． ． ． ． ． ． ． ． ．

10 I remember a scene I saw when traveling to Kunming. A long-tailed monkey in the long-tailed monkey cage at Kunming Zoo was sitting on a suspended horizontal bar to defecate. First it peed, and then the poop came out and stuck a little on its tail. An amazing thing happened. Brother Monkey dipped a little of it with his hand and took a sip as if nothing had happened. LP and I spit it out together, and then the cup happened. . . Brother Monkey once again stretched his hand to the door of the chrysanthemum and said, soon after, we saw a thick and fresh piece of poop slowly sliding out of the chrysanthemum, smelling fragrant, lying quietly and completely on Brother Monkey's hand. Brother Monkey stared straight ahead, calmly holding the poop in his hands, biting it into pieces like a banana. . . Everyone onlookers vomited. . . . . .

When I was about to take the college entrance examination in 11 high school, I needed to add a lot of forms and post a lot of personal bareheaded photos. Once, when I was about to post a photo on a very important form, I found that there were no more, so I asked Fake, I quickly ran to the photo studio outside the school and took photos. Since I was in a hurry, I told him ten one-inch black and white photos. I hope you can send them to the school for me now. I left the class and ran back. Sure enough, that home The photo studio works very efficiently. Before the first class, I heard the head teacher say that someone called me. I ran out happily and wanted to say thank you, but after I went out, I was stupid because it was in the hand of my brother. It was a ten-inch black-and-white photo of me. I wanted to cry but had no tears at the time! Brother, what I want is ten one-inch black and white photos, not one ten-inch photo

One day on December 12, I took a coupon for free iced coffee from a friend and happily came to the snack bar. . I pulled the door, but it wouldn't open. After a hard pull, the door handle broke... I looked up and saw a sign on the door: Please use another door. In the embarrassment, someone opened the door from the inside and said: "It's okay, I'll fix it, guests please come in." He walked to the front desk in shame: "I want to get a cup of iced coffee." The staff smiled and said: "This coupon is from next door. From the store..." I don’t know how I walked out... Transfer...

13 During class, the class was very noisy! The teacher got angry and slapped the desk. When the class fell silent, I farted the loudest thing in my life...