Everyday classic lines

1. A cake got lost in the forest. Who encouraged him to go out of the forest?

Answer: pig. Because of chocolate cake.

2. Qian Feng: Why is the penguin's belly white?

Everyone is at a loss.

Qian Feng: Because penguins have short hands, they can only touch the front when taking a shower (while talking, demonstrating and laughing).

There are five people walking side by side in the street. Suddenly a typhoon came and knocked down a billboard, but only three people were killed. Why? Because that's McDonald's ("M")

Qian Feng: Do you know the name of the tiger?

Ou Di: Tiger.

Qian Feng: Wrong! !

Everybody: What?

Qian Feng: Dandan!

Everyone:

Qian Feng: Because Tiger is Danny.

5. The joke is that astronauts use adult diapers. Qian Feng quickly responded: "Adult diapers, play personal names." Wang Han said coldly that they were not interested in knowing the answer, so they ignored him. However, Ou Di couldn't help it later and said, "Sorry, brother, I want to know Qian Feng's answer."

Qian Feng immediately stood up-adult diapers, and package-adult! !

6. A bird was shot several times. Why are you still flying?

Answer: Because it is strong.

7. It is still a bird. It's been filmed several times. Why are you still flying?

Answer: Because the response is slow.

8. There are 800 Spartan. Why are there only 300 left in the end?

Answer: Because Wu Bai went to sing.

9. What are cloth and paper afraid of?

Answer: not (cloth) afraid of 10 thousand, just (paper) afraid of one thousand.

10, a pig was bored and left. What did it become when it went to England?

Answer: pig,

1 1. The number you dialed cannot be connected. Why?

Answer: Because Ningbo (you dialed) is far from Beijing.

12, there is a man climbing a rock. When he was about to climb to the top of the mountain, a wolf tried to burn the rope with a burning candle. The man said a word and the wolf blew out the candle. What did he say?

Answer: Happy birthday!

13, Nash is fast, why?

Answer: Because it's too late, then (Nash) will be soon.

14 or the number 1- 10, which is the brightest?

Answer: 1, 3, because of the twinkling stars.

15. If there is a car with a prince and a princess, whose car is it?

The answer is "if".

16, which of the 26 letters is the coolest?

Answer: C, because Lucy (C) wears pants.

17, 26 lETters, et is gone, how many letters are left?

Answer: 2 1, because ET took a UFO.

18, Qian Feng said: There is a little rabbit, which walks, jumps, left foot and right foot. Why?

Answer: Because she likes it.

19, there is an eggplant. It walked in the street and sneezed three times. Then he said, "Where did you take pictures of graduation photo?" .

20. One day, a man fished and caught a squid. The squid said, "Please leave me alone."

The man said, "I'll test you a few questions and I'll let you go if you answer them."

The squid said, "OK, OK, you can take the exam." As a result, the man baked it.

2 1. A match is walking on the road. It felt itchy, scratched its hair and caught fire.

22. Customer: "Why doesn't the wine you sell smell of alcohol?"

The waiter smelled it and said, "Oh, I'm sorry, I forgot to mix your wine."

23. How much does a star weigh?

8 grams, because the star is 8 grams (Starbucks)

24. There is a steamed stuffed bun. When he is hungry, he eats himself.

25. A polar bear stayed in a daze on the ice and began to pluck his own hair when he was really bored. One … two … three … finally, there was no one left, and he suddenly shouted … how cold! ! ……

26. One day, Xiao Qiang asked his father, "Dad, am I a stupid child?" Dad said, "Silly boy, how can you be a silly boy?" (It's cold enough,,,)

27. There is a polar bear playing with a penguin. Penguins pull out his hair one by one. After pulling it out, he said to the polar bear, "It's so cold!"

Hearing this, the polar bear tore off his hair one by one and turned to the penguin and said, "It's really cold!" " "

(It's very cold ...)

A long time ago, a bird passed a cornfield every day, but unfortunately, one day there was a fire in that cornfield.

All the corn turned into popcorn. When the bird flew by ... it thought it was snowing, so it was cold. ...

29. Once upon a time, Tomato A and Tomato B went shopping together.

Suddenly a truck rushed out.

Squeeze the tomato nails through.

Tomato b laughs at tomato a.

[Ha ... ha ... ha ... ketchup-]

30. One day, the little penguin asked his grandmother, "Grandma, am I a penguin?" "Yes, of course you are a penguin."

The little penguin asks his father again, "Dad, Dad, Dad, am I a penguin?" "Yes, you are a penguin. What's wrong? "

"But, but why do I feel so cold?"

3 1, Ou Di's joke:

One day, Xiao Qiang came home crying and said, "Mom, mom, everyone at school says my head is a kite."

Then my mother said, "How come? Won't it? Come and run with me. " (Laughter)

3 1, from koji: There is a bird, which flew from the sun to the earth in one day; It took two days to fly from the earth to the sun.

Why?

Because flying towards the sun, one wing blocks the sun, and only one wing can fly, which takes two days.

32. A person looks like a sweet potato and falls down while walking.

There is a man who looks like an airplane. He walks and flies.

There is a man who looks like chocolate and is eaten when he walks.

There is a person who looks like a light bulb and lights up when he walks.

There was a man named Xiaohua who was picked while walking.

There was a man named Coke who was drunk when he walked.

There was a man named Cai Xiao, who was abandoned all night and spoiled.

There is a man who looks like an onion, crying as he walks.

33. Xiaohong asked: Do you use your right hand or your left hand to make coffee?

Xiaomei said: right hand

Xiaohong said: Oh, you are awesome. You are not afraid of scalding, just like I use a spoon.

34. In the first phase of the college entrance examination star class, two girls were admitted to Fudan Mathematics Department, but they all said that their dream was to make a movie.

Wang Han: Sorry, Fudan's teacher. Our children in Hunan are like this. They took the math exam, but their dream is to make a movie.

Qian Feng: Now it's a digital movie (cold ...).

35. Once a group of young scientists came, a Beijinger said that there were five poisons in his house, and spiders were weaving webs at his bedside. Then Qian Feng said, "One good thing is that there are no mosquitoes ..."

A cold wind blew, and Wang Han and Ou Di immediately dodged and said, Come, I'll interview you alone.

Qian Feng walked up to the little scientist and asked coldly, Are there any mosquitoes in your house?

36. The little snake nervously asked the big snake brother, "Brother, are we poisonous?"

The snake said, "Why do you ask?"

The little snake said, "I accidentally bit my tongue just now."

37. A patient came to see a psychiatrist.

Patient: I always thought I was a bird.

Doctor: Oh, that's serious. When did it start?

Patient: Because I am a bird.

38. A doctor in a mental hospital asked the patient: What would you do if I cut off one of your ears?

The patient replied, then I can't hear you.

The doctor listened: mm-hmm. This is normal.

The doctor asked again, if I cut off your other ear again. What will happen to you?

The patient replied, then I won't watch it.

The doctor began to get nervous: how could it not be seen?

The patient replied: because the glasses will fall off.

39. There are two mental patients. Escape from the hospital.

Two people run and run. Climb a tree.

One of them jumped from the tree.

Go on, go on.

Then he looked up and said to the man above, hey, why don't you come down?

The man above answered him: no, I'm not familiar with it yet.

40. There is an old lady in a mental hospital.

Wear black clothes every day. Take a black umbrella.

Squatting in front of a mental hospital.

The doctor thought: treat her. You must start by getting to know her.

So doctors also wear black clothes. Take a black umbrella. Squat over there with her.

The two men were silent for a month.

The old lady finally spoke to the doctor:

Are you a mushroom, too?

4 1, there is a mental derangement. I don't know where to get a pistol. He is walking in a small black alley. Suddenly, I met a young man. Without saying anything, the psychopath pressed him to the ground and pointed a gun at his head. Q, what is one plus one? The young man was frightened and pondered for a long time. Answer, equal to two. The psychopath killed him without hesitation. Then I pulled the gun in my arms and said coldly, you know too much …

42. A boy said his nickname was Jolin, and everyone began to think about why.

Wang Han: Is it because vegetables are soaked like jolin that they grow taller?

Qian Feng: I see. Because he is1.90m, he is called jolin.

As soon as the words were finished, it was like a cold wind blowing, and the boys kept nodding wildly (dude, you know me-)

43. A child came to a toy store with a fake bill and wanted to buy a toy plane. The buddy said, "Son, your money is not real." The child replied, "Is your plane real?"

44. An American, a Japanese and an China are exploring the jungle. As a result, they were all arrested by cannibal tribes. But the tribal leader said, "I'm in a good mood today. I won't eat you, but you all have to get a hundred boards, but you can have a wish come true before you get a board." The American was the first to be hit by the board. He said, "Before touching the board, put 1 mat on my ass." Mats, boards rained down; In the past, 70 boards were ok. After the 70-board back cushion was smashed and there was blood on the board ... America always left. When the Japanese saw this, they asked for a 10 mattress. After 1, 2, 3 ... 100, the Japanese got up and patted their ass, nothing happened; Then he boasted about his imitation ability and re-creation ability with a smelly mouth, and wanted to sit in a Chinese drama. China people slowly get down and say slowly, "Come on, give me the Japanese mat."

45. Son: "Dad, are you free on Friday afternoon?"

Dad: "What is it?"

Son: "The school will open a micro-parent forum!" "

Dad: "What is a micro-parent forum?"

Son: "Just the head teacher, you and me!" " "

46. A man was walking on the road when his feet suddenly felt pain.

Looking down, a lemon rotted at his feet.

Daily funny quotations

1, life is inch by inch. The so-called foresight is too far away from me.

I think I am the real Wu Zongxian, and I have no religious restrictions.

Table tennis will bounce back when it hits the wall, but it won't bounce back when it hits the sponge. How can I make myself strong? Is to have knowledge support, let yourself become a wall, no matter what kind of table tennis is called, it can bounce back, and any guest will give you feedback. Language communication and confrontation are like this.

When people are old, there should be four old people: wife, old friend, old nest and old base.

5, riding a white horse is not necessarily a prince ... it may be a Tang priest, or it may not be an angel with wings ... it may be a mosquito.

6. Whether a person is a tree or not, the more he wants to blossom, the more he wants to drill into the soil. Drilling underground is painful and lonely, but only in this way can we accumulate nutrients.

7. What is the most beautiful thing in spring? They say cloud flowers and green leaves. In fact, the most beautiful thing is the spring breeze. Without wind, clouds would not float, leaves would not move, and there would be no ripples on the lake. A good host will be like a spring breeze.

8. Life has different masks, and there are also stage masks on the stage.

9. My father is from Jiangsu and my mother is from Hunan, so I am a Jianghu person.

10, the so-called star host or something, after decades, everything is empty, so don't say star at all, just be happy.

1 1. True happiness comes and goes quickly. We must persist, learn to lower the standard of happiness, and master the happiness points at each stage. Only when you are happy, the people around you will not have too much burden, and everyone will be happy.

12. Minnesota cheerleaders asked Wang Han, why is China called China? Wang Han replied: That's because a long time ago, we thought China was the center of the world, and we believe that in the near future, China will become the center of the world again!

13, there are two hosts that can succeed. The first is to treat the audience as God, and God will treat you well and bless you. There is also a god who regards himself as an audience. If you believe me, you will be happy. I wish I could do the latter.

14, it is my blessing to stand on this stage and bring joy to everyone, so I stand on this stage with gratitude every day, hoping that every minute I am on the stage can bring you a little happiness. Because I think the happiness of a person's life is the accumulation of happiness every day. If my daily program can bring you short-term happiness, I think I will participate in the happy life of every audience.

15, I am tall and very low-key.

16, Lele is not as good as Lele, and Lele is not as good as Yang Lele.

17, I am the limit of people, and you are the bottom line of people.

18, focus on one thing and you will always open the door to success.

19, I have always felt this way. It's like seeing a tree on the roadside, a very big tree. You see its lush branches and leaves, even its swaying figure in the wind, but you can't see its deep roots. Maybe what you see is me swaying in the wind of entertainment programs and even making a fool of myself, but in fact, others can't see my life.

I am where I am today because many people have helped me. I hope there will be many excellent hosts in the future. I can help them grow up, because being helped by others is happy, and helping others is also happy. Therefore, whenever there is an opportunity, I hope more people will have the opportunity to appear in the camera, but success still depends on themselves.

2 1, the difference between vulgarity and humor should be the difference between poisonous mushrooms and non-poisonous mushrooms. On the surface, it can make people laugh, but poisonous mushrooms make people sick, and non-poisonous mushrooms make people comfortable. One can stand the aftertaste, and the other is disgusting without aftertaste.

22. I hope a man can only be a woman's playboy: spend time and thoughts on her.

23, half-hearted: let parents rest assured, make lovers happy, let leaders worry, be good to women, and be casual to men.

24. Marriage is the grave of love, but it is better to be buried underground than to die in the street.

25. After the word "love" is written in traditional Chinese characters, it is a feeling of having a heart in the middle, so I think love is to feel it with your heart.

26. According to my observation, handsome guys all say that they are not handsome, so I also feel that I am not handsome.

27. Whether you are rich or dead, this moment is your life.

28. Don't ask me if Lele and I are married. If you ask me again, we will divorce.

If you don't regret it, the only thing you can do is to cherish it. Be kind to yourself when you are alone, and be kind to each other when you are alone.

Wang Han's Classic Quotations in Everyday Up.

1. My father is from Jiangsu and my mother is from Hunan. They say I'm a Jianghu person.

2. The night gave me black eyes, but I want to use them to wear Bosch & Lomb. 3. God is responsible. They go to their boss, Jade Emperor, to punch in every day.

It is said that marriage is the grave of love, but without marriage, isn't love a good end?

I have made up my mind to be a robber when I have a son and a princess when I have a daughter. According to my observation, handsome guys all say that they are not handsome, so I also feel that I am not handsome. I don't know much about Wu Bai, but his brother 250 knows me very well.

8. Half-hearted: reassure parents, make lovers happy, make leaders worry, be good to women and be casual to men.

9.Playboy: put your mind and time into it. 10. What people fear most is not death, but regret. 1 1. When you are old, you should have four elders: wife, old friend, old nest and old base.

12. Love is not like drinking beer. There is a big table. Love should be like drinking coffee, sipping it quietly in the corner.

13. Whether you are rich or dead, this moment is your life. 14. Be kind to yourself when you are alone; When two people are together, be kind to each other.

15. There are many things in the world that make me feel bored, so I don't care about their occurrence and development. I know people have to do something.

16. The weather is given to you by God and is a manifestation of God. Living in the arms of God, you must learn to appreciate God's expression.

Wang Han's wisdom quotations come from everyday life.

1. Living is inch by inch. The so-called foresight is too far away from me.

2. True happiness comes and goes quickly. We should hold fast to it, learn to lower the standard of happiness, and grasp the points of happiness at each stage. Only when you are happy, the people around you will not have too much burden, and everyone will be happy.

There are two kinds of hosts that can succeed. First of all, treat the audience as God. God will treat you well and bless you. There is also a god who regards himself as an audience. If you believe me, you will be happy. I wish I could do the latter.

I have always felt this way, just like seeing a tree, a big tree on the side of the road. You see its lush branches and leaves, even its swaying figure in the wind, but you can't see its deep roots. Maybe what you see is me swaying and even posing in the wind of entertainment programs, but in fact, others can't see my life.

Marriage is the grave of love, but it is better to be buried underground than to die in the street.

6. After the word "love" is written in traditional Chinese characters, it is a feeling of having a heart in the middle, so I think love is to feel it with your heart.

According to my observation, handsome guys all say that they are not handsome, so I also feel that I am not handsome.

8. Whether you get rich or die, this moment is your life.

9. Don't ask me if Lele and I are married. If you ask me again, we will divorce.

10. If you don't regret it, the only thing you can do is cherish it. Be kind to yourself when you are alone, and be kind to each other when you are alone.

1 1. Half-hearted: reassure parents, make lovers happy, make leaders worry, be kind to women and be casual to men.

12. When people are old, there should be four old people: wife, old friend, old nest and old base.

13. It is not necessarily the prince who rides the white horse, but the Tang Priest. It is not necessarily an angel that has wings, but a mosquito.

14, whether people or trees, the more they want to blossom, the more they want to drill into the soil. Drilling underground is painful and lonely, but only in this way can we accumulate nutrients.

15. The difference between vulgarity and humor should be the difference between poisonous mushrooms and non-poisonous mushrooms. On the surface, it can make people laugh, eating poisonous mushrooms makes people sick, and eating non-toxic mushrooms makes people comfortable. One can stand the aftertaste, and the other is disgusting without aftertaste.

16. Table tennis will bounce back when it hits the wall, but it won't bounce back when it hits the sponge. How can I make myself strong? Is to have knowledge support, let yourself become a wall, no matter what kind of table tennis is called, it can bounce back, and any guest will give you feedback. Language communication and confrontation are like this.

17. What is the most beautiful in spring? They say clouds, flowers and green leaves. In fact, the most beautiful thing is the spring breeze. Without wind, clouds would not float, leaves would not move, and there would be no ripples on the lake. A good host will be like a spring breeze.

18. It is my blessing to be able to stand on this stage and bring joy to everyone, so I stand on this stage with gratitude every day, hoping that every minute I am on the stage can bring you a little happiness. Because I think the happiness of a person's life is the accumulation of happiness every day. If my daily program can bring you short-term happiness, I think I will participate in the happy life of every audience.

19. I am where I am today because many people have helped me. I hope there will be many excellent hosts in the future. I can help them grow up, because being helped by others is happy, and helping others is also happy. Therefore, whenever there is an opportunity, I hope more people will have the opportunity to appear in the camera, but whether they can succeed or not depends on themselves.

20. Love is not like drinking beer. There is a big table. Love should be like drinking coffee, sipping it quietly in the corner.