"Skip generational marriage" often has pros and cons. What are the disadvantages?

A friend once complained to me that he regretted leaving his eldest son in the care of an old man. Because he was busy with work, the eldest son was raised by his grandma. Grandma loved his grandson very much and responded to his requests. As a result, this child has a very strong character and speaks volumes at home. At the same time, because the grandma was too spoiled and fed the child every time she ate, the child really became a little emperor who opened his mouth for food and stretched out his hands for clothes. The child is already in sixth grade and cannot feed himself yet, so he still needs to be fed by his grandma.

My friend was very anxious and protested to the grandma many times, asking the child to eat by himself. But when the grandma saw the child eating slowly, she was worried that the child would not have enough to eat, so she still fed her. Until the summer vacation when the child entered junior high school, my friend insisted on taking the child home and taking care of it by himself, so that the child learned to eat by himself during the holiday. Otherwise, when the children reach junior high school and need to be fed, it will really become a big joke.

Having gained experience with the eldest child, my friend insisted on taking care of the second child by herself and would not let the old man interfere in the discipline of the child.

Although "parenting across generations" represents the love of the elderly for their children, the "love" should be measured at all times, and not everything should be determined by the child's temperament.

The negative impact of "separate generations" on children is mainly divided into the following three aspects:

1. It is not conducive to the cultivation of children's good habits

General Most elderly people say they love their children more. Many times, they will take the side of their children in many matters, which is not conducive to the cultivation of good habits in children.

For example, if parents ask their children to get up on time in the morning, the old man will say: The child is young, so it doesn’t matter if he sleeps a little longer.

For example, parents require their children to observe table manners and let the elderly use chopsticks first. But the old man said: Eat, eat, don't starve the child.

For example, if a child is rude to others and the parents teach the child a lesson, the old man will say: The child is young and ignorant, and it will be fine when he grows up.

……

There are many such situations. Every time a child makes a mistake, every time a parent educates their child, the old man always stands up to defend the child. Children will regard the elderly as their own protection umbrella and seek the protection of the elderly if anything happens. Parents will be powerless in educating and guiding their children, and miss the best opportunity to cultivate good habits in their children.

2. It is not conducive to the cultivation of children’s self-care ability

Just like the children of my friend’s family mentioned earlier, they are already in sixth grade and still can’t eat by themselves. This seems to ordinary people What an incredible thing to come. But in the eyes of the elderly, children are children, and feeding children is a normal thing, but they ignore that this is also a necessary survival skill for children.

When old people take care of their children, they often like to do a lot of things for them. They think that if the children are young, they can’t do this well or that they can’t do that. They can just do it themselves. In this way, the children lose a lot of hands-on exercise. ability, weakening the child's ability to take care of himself.

3. It is not conducive to the good development of parent-child relationship

Because the elderly always stand on the side of the children to protect the children, especially when the children make mistakes and need to be taught by their parents, the elderly Always stand in front of your children and be a good person. The psychological misunderstanding this gives children is that parents are not good to them, and only the elderly are good to them. If this continues for a long time, children will become resistant to their parents and do not like to communicate with their parents. If parents cannot get into their children's hearts, they cannot understand what their children are thinking and need. This will intensify parent-child conflicts.

Especially when the educational views of the mother-in-law and the daughter-in-law conflict, the mother-in-law will always speak ill of the daughter-in-law in front of the children, destroying the previous relationship between the children and the mother. This is the most inappropriate thing.

As an old man, it should be a very happy thing to help your children take care of them within your own ability. You cannot have a negative impact on your children because you are too doting on your children. So what should be done to reduce the disadvantages of "skipping a generation of parents" on children's growth?

When it comes to educating their children, the elderly should adhere to the principle of putting parents first and the elderly second. That is to say, the issue of children's growth and education is mainly focused on the children's parents, scientific parenting, and the elderly can communicate with the children's parents about their thoughts on the children's education.

As a family, we must do everything for the good of our children.

But what is really good for the children is a question that requires the whole family to reach a consensus.

The closeness between the elderly and children can cultivate the relationship between the children and the elderly, so that the children can learn to respect the old and love the young, and let the children learn to share. At the same time, the elderly can also teach their children their experiences in life, or It is to tell children stories about the past and cultivate them to establish a correct world view and outlook on life.

At the same time, the elderly should also set a positive example in front of their children, that is, their children's education should be based on their parents' opinions. Because parents are young after all, they can be exposed to more scientific and reasonable parenting views, and can better cultivate their children's abilities in all aspects.