Why not take "face" too seriously before educating children?

Do you know what is the biggest expense in our life?

Houses, cars, children ... and faces.

Yes, we spend a lot of money, time and energy on face, maybe our parents don't realize it.

As a parent who is not good at getting along with teachers, the main channel for me to pay attention to children's learning situation is the "excellent list" distributed by teachers in class.

I must be very happy to see my child on the list, and I will praise him when I go home.

But once a child failed in the exam, I chatted with my classmates' parents. This one said that the child didn't do well in the Chinese exam, with only 93 points, and that the child's English was not good at ordinary times. This time, he got 100 points. ...

I was super embarrassed, too. I swallowed my child's grades and vomited, "We didn't do well in the exam either."

Mother wants to save face herself, and she also wants her children to save face for her.

A friend, her daughter, wants to perform rope skipping at the end of the first grade New Year's party.

Hearing this, my friend shouted at school, "Who can't jump rope?" ! Why don't you perform ballet and play piano? The money I gave you to sign up for class was wasted? "

"But I want to challenge whether I can jump 200, and I promised my classmates."

"no! Jumping rope is too common, and others will laugh at your lack of talent. "

In the end, my daughter reluctantly obeyed her mother's arrangement and her friends were satisfied, but on the day of the party, my daughter was not happy at all.

There are even more deadly situations. If something happens to the child, he immediately chooses to "betray the child and save himself".

Last semester, several children were detained by their teachers for their parents because they were at the bottom of math scores. Parents who stay in school will inevitably get angry when they see other children happily carrying schoolbags home.

A mother scolds her children directly in front of everyone. "How many times have I told you, play less games? Why are you so disappointing! "

The child rushed out of the classroom angrily, so did the mother, and the onlookers shook their heads and sighed.

There is an old saying in China:? Desperate to save face and suffer.

No matter what aspect, face is the biggest, you can lose everything, but you can't lose face.

But parents love face too much, but it is the child's lining that hurts.

1

How many parents raise their children with face?

Zheng in cpaing and 4 19 crime said:

Most of the results of saving face are losing face.

I chatted with my friends that day and talked about a mother of their class family Committee.

This mother is very capable and active, and everything in class affairs is ahead. As long as the class teacher sends a message in the group, she must be the first to reply.

She is very concerned about her children's study. The teacher only asks them to sign their homework, and she also writes comments every time.

She also recommended her son to the class teacher as the monitor and asked the teacher to give the child a chance to exercise.

Such a jealous mother everywhere, everyone found that her son didn't like her and often avoided her mother, completely unable to see the intimacy between mother and child.

Once there was a parent-teacher meeting in the class to discuss one thing. The class teacher asked the child to tell the parents in advance, but her son didn't tell her. She also stood up and spoke. The scene is extremely embarrassing.

Saving face is interpreted as narcissistic personality in western psychology, which means always proving yourself right and maintaining your sense of superiority.

For the sake of parents' saving face:

It doesn't matter what the child thinks, whether the child is wronged or not, whether the child can do it or not, what matters is that I think it is important.

Like the mother above, regardless of the situation and conditions, it is essentially a disregard for the child's life to let her children satisfy their desires.

Talking about loving children and being good for them is actually thinking that children are not good enough and don't like them.

Finally, the child was forced to confront his mother and flee.

Many parents are used to taking good care of their face in front of their children, but the children have to face the cruel facts thrown at them by their parents:

Criticize children in front of everyone-I don't deserve self-esteem;

I am always the one who does the wrong thing-I am the stupidest child;

I don't deserve to be understood-I won't tell you, and you will accuse me if I do, so I shut up.

When parent-child relationship becomes a game, parents always win and children always lose. The more comfortable you are, the more the child will be hurt.

2

Let the children be themselves, don't be afraid of shame!

When a child is obedient, sensible, good at grades, good in character and popular with everyone, how can parents not love this child when there is light on their faces?

But when a child has a problem, makes a mistake, can't do it, disobeys, and doesn't do what his parents expect,

Many people's inner monologues are: How did I raise such a child?

In fact, the child is more painful at this time: why do I have a mother who can't understand me and accept me?

There is a topic in Zhihu: What are promising children like?

A highly praised answer is:

Take the first test, concentrate on college study, earn millions a year, marry Bai, marry. The former is brilliant as a tower, while the latter is bleak as sand. I live to be the face of my parents and relatives, but I can't live to be a calm and calm self.

People whose face is more important than the sky are often vulnerable inside.

In fact, they dare not face the root of the problem, dare not admit their own shortcomings, children's shortcomings.

When you can't overcome your face, parents might as well ask themselves two questions:

If you feel that you have lost face, what face are you losing? Whose face?

Many times, adults think that the lost face is their own face, which has nothing to do with children.

Next, I want to ask, "Who do you think found your lost face?"

It's interesting to ask. Come to think of it, you lost face, and it seems that no one picked it up. What are you afraid of?

It is every parent's wish to expect a good child, but if the child is not good, parents should also accept it.

I don't need so much "face" because I know I have the ability, and I'm not afraid of anyone criticizing me. Because I have confidence in my children, I will admit my mistakes if I criticize correctly, and I will openly admit my shortcomings and problems.

What is really good for children is to face problems and grow up together with them, rather than standing on the opposite side of them.

Tell your children:

Whether you promise or not, I love you.

If Excellence becomes your heavy shackles, then I'd rather you waste your life.

three

Parents who educate their children to "lose face" can laugh at the end.

Some time ago, there was a news that caused a heated discussion on the Internet:

On May 2 1, Suqian, Jiangsu, a child splashed ink from his balcony on the 7th floor. As a result, the neighbors of the whole building were damaged, and all the external walls and drying clothes were stained with black stains.

After learning the news, the children's parents didn't lose their temper, beat up their children or scold them in front of their neighbors to save face.

I didn't make excuses for my son because he was still a child.

They took their children from house to house to apologize, collected clothes stained with ink, and washed them with their hands.

For the dirty exterior wall, parents also invited a cleaner to take their children to watch the cleaner's cleaning in the scorching sun.

Pay too much attention to face, let children say "sorry", but neglect to let children make up for their mistakes and bear the consequences.

Although you did something wrong, I still love you, but you also need to be responsible for your actions.

Putting down face and accepting children's wrong parents can bring real growth to children.

When an accident happens, I think of my face, which is the inner layer that hurts children the most.

Educator Suhomlinski said:

"Children's dignity is the most sensitive corner in the human mind, and protecting children's self-esteem is the potential power to protect children."

Once a child's self-esteem is crushed, it will form a scar that is difficult to heal.

Knowing how to protect children's self-esteem, children will be more sensible, know right and wrong and pursue progress.

As a parent, the most important ability is to see the child and see the child's lining, so that the child can feel that he is understood and become self-loving, self-respecting and self-respecting.

On the road in the future, I will have greater strength to cut through the thorns and bloom the brilliance of life!