A vulgar humorous joke.

The beginning of the matter is this:

One of my cousins had to work overtime on Sunday. Her cousin took a driver's license test that day, so she sent her 5-year-old son to my house and asked me to look after him for one day.

I was afraid of disobedience, so I went to the market and bought him a lovely little white rabbit.

Ask me what the rabbit eats, and I will tell him to eat carrots and all the green vegetables. I had a good time with the rabbit and went to read a book.

The rabbit soon finished eating the carrots, and when it was noisy, it went to the refrigerator to find vegetables. Who knows that only a part of the peppers in my refrigerator are green? If you make a scene, break the pepper and feed it to the rabbit.

The rabbit won't eat, but it will eat when it quarrels. The little white rabbit was forced to hurry and kicked his feet wildly, so he pushed the fine sand spread in his nest into his noisy eyes. I was busy rubbing it with my hands. His hands were burning, and I burst into tears.

I heard him crying badly in the study, so I rushed out and asked him what was wrong. He covered his eyes with his hand and kept crying: "The rabbit kicked me, and the rabbit kicked me."

I thought the rabbit really kicked him in the eye. I was scared to death. I thought, if there is a mistake, how should I tell his parents? Busy calling 120.

Then the doorbell rang. I opened the door and saw that it was my brother's classmate. I didn't have time to say hello to him, so I ran back to comfort him. I didn't pay attention to stepping on a piece of watermelon skin he threw around and knocked my head on the door frame and fainted.

My brother's classmates quickly dialed 120, and then remembered some first aid knowledge they learned during military training. They knelt on the ground and tried to pick me up.

At this time, my brother came back. When he saw this scene, he thought that his classmates were going to flirt with me, so he picked up one of his mother's pointed shoes and shone it on the unlucky man's head. Suddenly, blood gushed out.

When the younger brother rushed into the kitchen and took the knife, his classmates tried to explain and ran downstairs desperately.

At this time, Grandma Wang downstairs heard screams and looked out from the peephole of the security door. She saw a man running down with blood all over his face, and his brother was chasing after him with a knife. She was so scared that she immediately dialed 1 10.

Originally, she had a slight stroke. In this panic, her hands and feet are even more clumsy. She suddenly sat on the ground and put positive pressure on the kitten's tail.

The kitten jumped out with a sigh, knocked over a pot of soup, and flames scurried around. Grandma Wang picked up a bottle of water and poured it over, but it contained Erguotou that her wife had secretly hidden. So, while putting out the fire, the whole family called the 1 19 fire alarm.

When my brother's classmate ran as fast as he could, he was bumping into an emergency doctor who was walking upstairs. As both sides were in a hurry, they rolled into a ball and fell down the stairs.

At this time, my brother's classmates explained everything to him. But two doctors broke their arms.

After waking up, I called my cousin and brother-in-law. Cousin is drinking water Hearing the news, she choked in her throat and rolled her eyes at once.

Her colleague is busy typing120; When my cousin heard the news, he drove frantically to my house and ran three red lights.

At this time, two ambulances and two fire engines have gathered downstairs in my house. The fireman was about to turn on the fire hydrant when his cousin's car suddenly came and hit it. Suddenly, the water flowed like a river. He turned the steering wheel again and ran into a police car that had just arrived.

And in the back, several traffic policemen riding motorcycles are galloping, and then behind, it is the municipal facilities to repair the car.

That day, it was like a Hollywood blockbuster playing downstairs in my house. According to statistics, only five ambulances were dispatched. I called one, my brother and classmates called one, two injured doctors called one, and my cousin's colleague called one. ...

You said you were missing one? Don't worry, didn't my cousin come back from his driving school? The old coach in the car was so scared that he had another heart attack. Don't you need to order another one?

A room full of rabbits.

One night, an old friend I haven't contacted for a long time made a long-distance call from Beijing and invited me to her "love question and answer" with a smile. Seeing that she was in such high spirits, I readily agreed. She gave me something:

The house, the rabbit, the tiger and myself, let me make up a story intuitively.

I thought about it and said, "There is a tiger chasing me. I was so scared that I quickly threw the rabbit to the tiger and ran into the house to hide myself ... "

The old friend smiled and said, "Wow, you are really a conservative! To tell you the truth, the tiger represents your husband or wife, the rabbit represents your lover, and the house represents your family. It seems that you are a housewife and it is unlikely that you will have an affair in the future. "

After hearing what she said, I felt quite satisfied, so I repeatedly said, "That's it!" " The old friend suddenly said mysteriously on the phone, "Hey, ask your boyfriend this question and see what he says ..."

I think, yes, now is the time to test him. Boyfriend comes back from work. As soon as he stepped into the house, I greeted him and pulled him to the sofa and sat down. I can't wait to know his answer to this question, which is what I expect. Who knows his story became:

"In the forest, I saw a tiger chasing a rabbit. I quickly opened the door, let the rabbit run in and hide, and then drove the tiger away ... "

After listening to my boyfriend's story, I was not only disappointed, but also sad. I kept calling him heartless, but he was puzzled. After hearing my angry explanation, my boyfriend smiled. He gently pointed his finger at my forehead and said, "Oh, who told you to be a tigress?" Can't you be gentle? "Looking at my boyfriend's serious expression, I said to myself," Yes, why do you want to be a tigress! " "

The next day after work, my boyfriend smiled all the way home. I asked him what made him so happy. He laughed almost out of breath and said, "There is no happy event, but do you know how our boss made up that story?" I shook my head.

He said, I was walking on the road and saw a fierce tigress. I learned from the hero Song Wu and killed her. When I get home and open the door, wow! A room full of rabbits! "

A beautiful woman decided to spend a lot of money to lose weight. Spent hundreds of thousands, she felt very satisfied!

On the way home, at the newsstand, she bought a newspaper and asked her boss, "Excuse me, how old do you think I am?"

The boss said: 32.

She is so happy: 47!

Then she went to work as a laborer's salesman and asked the lady at the counter the same question.

Miss said, I guess 29.

She is so happy: no, 47!

In high spirits, she went to Uni-President Supermarket on the corner and bought a pack of chewing gum. She couldn't help asking the counter lady there. The lady said, well, I guess 30.

She is so proud: 47, thank you!

While waiting for the bus, she asked the old man next to her.

The old man said: I am 78 years old and my eyes are not good. I do not see any at all. However, there is one way to be sure when you are young. If you let me put my hand in your bra, I'll definitely know.

Your age!

After a long silence, in the empty street, she finally couldn't help thinking: OK! You have a try.

The old man reached into her shirt, then into her bra and began to grope slowly and carefully.

A few minutes later, she said, guess how old I am?

The old man squeezed the last one and pulled out his hand. Ma 'am, you are 47 years old.

The beauty was surprised and asked in surprise: awesome! How did you know?

"Promise not to get angry?"

"Don't be angry!"

The old man's answer let beauty passed out:

The old man said, I was behind you in the queue at McDonald's.