Joke question

1, freeze! Robbery! Hands up. Men stand on the left, women stand on the right, perverts stand in the middle, hey! I'm talking about you, pretending to look at your mobile phone!

Because your mobile phone is extremely ugly, Beijing Telecom has stopped it for you. Please stop the machine before the end of this month.

Two cows are eating grass. One of them said; "Recently mad cow disease epidemic. We will not be infected, will we? " The other end of the phone said; "No, we are kangaroos." Already crazy!

The hunter found a pig, raised his shotgun and killed it. The hunter approached the pig, but the pig stood up. Do you know why? Can't guess? The pig is also wondering.

5 rooster hen hatches chicks, chicks have brain problems, don't eat, don't drink and don't rest, rooster hen observes small stay chickens, stupid chicks don't pay attention, and they are looking down at their mobile phones!

6, please read aloud: lying plum smells flowers, lying branches hurt and hate low. Invited to smell the wet rubble lying in the spring green.

7. The eagle chased the rabbit, but because of the rabbit's words, it fell and died. Do you know what the rabbit said? It shouted, you're not wearing a bra! Hearing this, the eagle quickly covered his chest. As a result, ...

8. Your smile is sweet, your anger is lovely, you are the most beautiful in my eyes, and you are the best in my heart. Is it very touching? You pig.

9. I had a dream last night, and you were the protagonist! I dreamed that you were panting after a pig with a kitchen knife. The pig suddenly knelt down and begged for mercy, saying, we are born from the same root, so why fry each other!

10, I Kao! I took you there!

1 1, handsome, handsome, with a nest of cabbage on his head and a sack wrapped around his waist. He thinks he is Dong Fangbubai, but he is actually the second generation of the fallen god!

12, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to. I just want to cooperate with you, because you are too impulsive. Although I am not a gentleman, I will not take advantage of people's danger!

13, one center on the internet, two basic points: the personal situation centered on MM is basically shameless and basically untrue. This policy is most fully implemented among men.

14, your five senses are all good individually, but they can be combined to distinguish animal images.

15. Sorry, I sent it wrong.

Lover's words 1. Feelings are in arrears, love stops, promises are empty, trust is closed, care can't be connected, acacia is not in the service area, and everything is suspended. Happy holidays! I want to be a fish. You can stew, boil, steam and lie in your gentle stomach. Baby, baby, I love you as mice love rice. You are a phoenix flying in the sky. I am a jackal chasing on the ground. I won't hit you or scold you. I torture you with my feelings. You are the wind, I am the sand, you are the leather shoes, I am the brush, you ignore me and I commit suicide. 5. If you are a fish, then I am a hook, and I throw the hook to catch you; If you are a hill, then I am a river on the side of the mountain, and I want to walk around you; If you are a steamed stuffed bun, then I am a bowl of mutton soup, and I want to soak you. 6. Miss you, miss you so much, find a painter to draw you, stick you in a cup, drink water every day and kiss you. 7. Five hundred years ago, you were a regular worker in our family. I fell in love with you the other day when I peeked at your posture of cutting vegetables in front of the window. Don't blame me for not telling you! Because there were no text messages at that time! 8. I fell in love with you at first sight, and I hugged you without saying anything. I came to see you every three days, and no one kissed you around. I married you in five days and stayed together for 60 years! 9. If your eyes blink, I will die. If your eyes blink again, I will come back to life. If your eyes keep blinking, I will die! 10. Husband, husband, I love you, just like an old farmer who grows rice, waiting for you carefully. When you slowly become rice, I love you and miss you, I will start planting rice. 1 1. There are no deserts in the world. Every time I miss you, God drops a grain of sand, and there is Sahara from now on! 12. Don't pursue me, I want to tell you: the back waves of the Yangtze River push the front waves, and the front waves die on the beach. After the waves continue to rise, they will die on the beach. Give it up! 13. I must make you the second happiest person in the world-because with you, I am already the happiest person! 14. I am breathing and thinking of you. 15. I want to kiss you, not long, just for life. I wish you: high position, light responsibility, more money and less work, close to home, sleeping until dawn every day, hand cramps, spending money to give you gifts, and others working overtime to give you a raise! 2. I wish you: get rich and set foot on Marlboro, go to Hongtashan in your career, love you better than Ashima, and your financial resources are all over Greater China. 3. Hope: the leader follows you, the car lets you, the money sticks to you, the court dotes on you, the official transport accompanies you, the school depends on you, the real estate depends on you, and the lover loves you! 4. Hello! Happy Children's Day! 5. My husband wears shoes on his feet. Only he knows whether he is comfortable or not! Shoes, happy holidays! Send short messages for free www. 139 130.net to tell you about a website that sends short messages for free. There are many ready-made fun short messages to send, as well as cell phone ringtones and patterns. 1. Warning: Your mobile phone is about to explode due to overload. Please take a look at this hint and throw it into an empty place at once. 2. Dear customers, hello: Due to the system failure caused by rainy days, please put your mobile phone into the water in order not to affect your normal communication! Thank you for your cooperation! 3. Tips for answering the phone for free: When there is an incoming call, press 54ShaMao before ringing for the third time, then press the "#" key and the power off key, and then you can make a free call. 4. Emergency reminder: Look at the left first, then look at the right. Please be careful of a psycho who just slipped out. His characteristic is: looking around with a mobile phone. It's not your fault to be ugly, it's your fault to come out and scare people! 6. You are really loved by everyone. You can see the car, and you can open the lid when you see the coffin. 7. You are handsome, you are handsome, you are the most handsome in the world, with a nest of cabbage on your head and a sack of kelp on your waist. You think you are Dong Fangbubai, but in fact you are the second generation failed god. 8. You are cool, you are cool. You drink water in the reservoir, sleep in the tomb, have a waterfall in your mouth, and your limbs are like sleepers. You think you are the story of diusim lyu3 bu4, but in fact you are an Antarctic. 9. The rooster and hen are husband and wife, and they are busy incubating chicks all day. There is something wrong with the chicken's brain. It doesn't eat, drink or rest. The rooster and hen are anxious, so they hide to see the chickens. Silly chicken didn't pay attention, secretly looking at his mobile phone. 10. A pig and a penguin travel to the South Pole. The penguin froze to death the next day, but the pig was fine. Why? Do you want to know? By the way, pigs are also wondering 1 1. Do not move! Robbery! Hands up. Men stand on the left, women stand on the right, perverts stand in the middle, hey! I'm talking about you, pretending to look at your mobile phone! 12. Zhu Bajie's four ideals: all the surrounding fences are removed and the feed falls from the sky. The butcher in the world died quietly, and the people all over the country believed in Islam. 13. Is your Mandarin up to standard? Please repeat after me: look at it, look at it, forget it, forget it. All right! Stop barking, dog. It's time for dinner. 14. Wrong posture, get up and go to bed. 15. Please read aloud: lie like plum blossom, lie like deep well ice, lie like spring green, lie like hard wood and bamboo. Hey, do you understand? If you don't understand, read the next one: dark stone green, dark powder, dark stone through Chun Lv, dark stone through Chun Zhu. True confession 1. Love at first sight, goodbye infatuation. Take pains to win people's hearts all day. I took great pains to urge my heart. Don't want your heart, don't understand my heart, so cruel, make me sad! The closer you get, the sadder you get. 2. I am infatuated with your heart. It makes me sad that I won't die. You are my sweetheart, which means I sincerely hope to win your heart. I wish you a contented death without regret! 3. I want to send you roses, but the price is too expensive; I want to comfort you, but I haven't learned it yet; I want to kneel to you, but the ring is still in the safe; I can only text you. I hope we will never screw up. 4. I am very excited to see your name; Hear your voice; Please go out three times and five times; Afraid of acting rashly; Hey! I didn't move when I saw you. Meimei, I love you just like a mouse loves rice. You are my bread when I am hungry, my fruit knife when I commit suicide, my heart, my liver and three quarters of my life! Life perception 1. The longer the wine, the more mellow it is, and the longer the friends meet, the more true it is; The water is getting clearer and clearer, and the vicissitudes of life are getting lighter and lighter. 2. Being single is understanding, falling in love is wrong, breaking up is awakening, marriage is wrong, divorce is awakening, remarriage is stubborn, no lover is a waste, and many lovers are animals. 3. The wife should follow when she goes out, obey her orders, and blindly follow if she is wrong; The wife has to wait for makeup, remember her birthday, be willing to spend money, and endure beatings. Loving someone is when you dial the phone and suddenly don't know what to say, just want to listen to the familiar voice. What you really want to dial is just a string in your heart. 5. Stupid man+stupid woman = marriage; Stupid man+smart woman = divorce; Smart man+stupid woman = extramarital affairs; Smart man+smart woman = romantic love. 6. There is much grass in the sea, so don't look for it at work; The quantity is small and the quality is not good! 7. The woman changed her mobile phone because a colleague in the company changed her new mobile phone; When a man changes his mobile phone, he just feels that there is no hope of changing his wife in his life. 8. The person I love is famous, and the person who loves me is unsightly; Either go bad in debauchery or pervert in silence. 9. Men are 20 Pentium, 30 Microsoft, 40 Panasonic and 50 Lenovo. 10. Article 1: The wife is always right; Article 2: If the wife is wrong, please refer to Article 1.

Please read aloud in ascending and descending tones: mud is a nest! Mud is the dream of bird's nest. I looked at the mud gloomily, and I wanted to say to the mud: I love the mud!

The couple hugged each other tightly. M: Honey, today is Valentine's Day. I gave you a chocolate, and it was hard for you to touch it. Woman: Honey, let it go, or you will crush the two rose buds I gave you.

- ! -(@ Mei-！ -(@ Rose-！ -(@ Here you are! ! ! - ! -(@ - ! -(@ - ! -(@

Wish is the wind, happiness is the sail, happiness is the boat, and wish wind blows the sail of happiness, carrying the boat of happiness to your side and sending you all the happiness in the world. I just hope you can live a carefree life!

The little toad saw the frog and asked his mother, that uncle looks like us, but why is he green? Mother Toad: Shh! His wife has gone to spend Valentine's Day with someone else.

I have been thinking about what kind of fate made us meet. In the fate of life, it is the red line drawn by the truth that implicates you and me. Because you thank you for everything.

Today, I sent the most expensive chocolates and roses to you and your lover by express delivery as Valentine's Day gifts. Oh, I forgot, you paid for this gift; I got a job in a gift shop.

Have a good dream tonight. If you smile sweetly in your dream, it is my blessing to the bright moon and cool breeze. Happy holidays, my baby.

I remember your appearance with my hands, your voice with my ears, your taste with my lips, your dribs and drabs with my eyes and everything with my heart. I love you!

If there were no moon, I wouldn't miss you. If there is no sun, I can not care about you. But how can I forget you because of the reincarnation of the sun and the moon?

Want roses? I won't give it to you! Do you want to eat chocolate? I am greedy for you! Want me to kiss you? Beautiful! Oh, honey, don't be angry, I just miss you in Doby!

I am used to many things, to seeing the same scenery, to taking the same route, to going to the same destination, to holding your hand and feeling you.

Although mountains and rivers can separate people by distance, they can't separate heart from heart. No matter where you go, my heart will always be with you, forever.

I really miss you. My acacia, like a green vine wrapped around a tree, has tenacious vitality and keeps growing every day, and you are the evergreen tree in my heart.

If you are chilling, I am spring; If your heart is bitter, I am sweet; If you are sad, I am smiling. Maybe I am not everything to you, every day, but I am by no means a burden to your life.

How was your day? I miss your heart and dance in every rain. When can I stop? I don't know. Do you know that?/You know what? Do you know that?/You know what? Put my heart in your hand, will you please take care of it?

Everyone has his own sky, and there is a you in my sky.

You miss me, I understand! But don't call every time. Telephone? Very expensive, you know? Send a message later, okay? Please. ! ! ! !

We may not be able to have that happy time until we get old, but we are glad that we must have our own beauty.

I only hope that love and friendship will never fade, even if they leave a sky that can be recalled. If I can write more, I will make it more colorful.

): 1。 The macho man lost his job, didn't cry, and went to nightclubs to serve the rich woman. I will also rely on the government and society to eat, drink and tip. Who said that men have no status and occasionally become ducks? It doesn't matter whether they want the new century or not. Humans are not afraid of sacrifice or fatigue.

2。 Confuse the minds of 60-year-old men, seize the property of 50-year-old men, break the waist of 30-year-old men, and kill all 20-year-old men.

3。 Meeting the right person at the wrong time is a heartbreak;

Meeting the wrong person at the right time is a sigh;

Meeting the right person at the right time is a lifelong happiness!

): 6 When you meet 9, say: Take two steps and practice handstand; 0 meets 8 and says: if you are fat, you will be fat. Why are you wearing a belt?

Take it; 7 meet 2 and say: come on, don't kneel down again, I won't marry you; I haven't seen breast augmentation for several days!

You are very creative, living is your courage, ugliness is not your intention, but God has a temper, you

Live bravely. Without you, who can foil the beauty of the world?

One day, Liu Hongtao met a foreign guest. He stepped forward and said, I am Liu Hongtao. The foreign guest said, I am still Fang Qi.

So what!

A man kept a parrot. The parrot was so strong that all the other birds in it were killed by it.

Later, the master brought back an eagle and put it together. When the owner came to see it, the parrot's hair hung outside the cage.

The host said, "Not this time."

But on closer inspection, the eagle died, and the parrot said naked, "This grandson is really amazing. If you don't take off your arm, you can't beat Yating. "

A driver is driving a truck full of hens, teasing his parrot while driving. When a beautiful woman hitchhiked, the driver put the parrot and the hen together in the cargo box and invited the beautiful woman to sit in the cab. After driving for a while, the driver tentatively asked the beauty, "May I kiss you?" The beauty shook her head shyly and said, "No". After waiting for a while, the driver reluctantly asked, "Can you hug me?" The beauty still shook her head and said, "No."The driver said angrily, "If you can't, go down." After driving for a while, the driver felt that his behavior was very ungentlemanly, so he went back and invited the beautiful woman to get on the bus. But after a while, the driver asked, "May I kiss you?" Beauty still shook her head. "Can I have a hug?" Beauty still shook her head. "If you can't, go down." This was repeated three times, and finally I got to the chicken farm. The driver opened the suitcase and found that there were few hens in Miu Miu. Only the parrot mentioned a hen and asked, "Can a beautiful woman kiss me?" The hen shook her head desperately, and the parrot asked, "Can you hug me?" The hen still shook her head. The parrot said, "If you can't, go down." The hen was thrown out of the car. ......

The little white rabbit met a wolf while walking in the forest. He came up and put two big ear stickers on the little white rabbit and said, "I told you not to wear a hat." The little white rabbit left very grievance.

The next day, she skipped out of the house wearing a hat and met the wolf again. He came up and gave the white rabbit two big mouths and said, "I told you to wear a hat."

Tutu is depressed. After thinking for a long time, I finally decided to complain to the king of the forest, Tiger.

After explaining the situation, the tiger said, "OK, I see. I will handle this matter, so trust the organization." On the same day, the tiger found his partner wolf. "It is wrong for you to do so. This is very difficult for me. " Then he wiped the dust off the table: "Do you think this will work?" You can say, Tutu, come and find me a piece of meat! She found the fat one, and you said you wanted the thin one. She found a thin one, and you said you wanted a fat one. So you can hit her. Of course, you can also say that. Tutu, come and find me a woman. She found plump ones, and you said you liked slim ones. She found a slim one, and you said you liked the plump one. You can beat her. It is both reasonable and powerful. "The wolf nodded and clapped his hands, and the reverence for the tiger once again reached a new peak. Unexpectedly, the above instructions were heard by the little white rabbit who was weeding the tiger's house outside the window. I hate this in my heart.

The next day, the little white rabbit went out again. What a coincidence! It's the big bad wolf coming. The wolf said, "Tutu, come and find me a piece of meat." Tutu said, "So, do you want to be fat or thin?" The wolf listened, his heart sank and he was happy again. He said, fortunately, there is a plan B. He added, "Tutu, Mary, find me a woman." Tutu asked, "So, do you like plump or slim?" The wolf was silent for 2 seconds and raised his hand to give Tutu two big ear stickers. "Shit, I told you not to wear a hat."

The little white rabbit skipped to the bakery and asked, "Boss, do you have a hundred buns?"

Boss: "Oh, sorry, not that much."

"well. . . "The little white rabbit left in dismay.

The next day, the little white rabbit skipped to the bakery. "Boss, do you have a hundred steamed buns?"

Boss: "Sorry, there is still no"

"well. . . "The little white rabbit left in dismay again.

On the third day, the little white rabbit skipped to the bakery. "Boss, do you have a hundred steamed buns?"

The boss said happily, "Yes, yes, we have a hundred buns today! ! "

The little white rabbit took out the money: "Great, I'll buy two!" " "

The prisoner was shot. The first shot didn't go off because of the poor quality of the bullet, and then the second shot was fired. . . The third shot. . . At this time, the prisoner cried and hugged the bailiff's thigh and said, eldest brother, you strangled me! It's fucking horrible. .....

A pupil confessed to his long-cherished teacher. The teacher said it was wrong, but he wouldn't listen. Finally, the teacher couldn't stand it anymore and said, I don't want children. The pupil said: I will be careful! "。

A mental hospital heard that the leader would come to the hospital to inspect the situation, so the dean called a meeting of the patients in the hospital at the meeting.

The dean said: "This afternoon, there are very important leaders coming to visit, and all the people will meet them at the door. Zaihuan

When greeting, all the patients stood on both sides of the hospital gate, standing neatly. As soon as I cough, everyone plays drums together.

Palm, the warmer the better; When I stamp my foot, I have to stop completely. I can't make mistakes. If everyone is ready,

We can give you meat buns tonight. As long as one person screws up, everyone has no buns to eat. Remember.

have you finished? "The patients in the audience shouted together:" Remember! "

This afternoon, the leader arrived on time. When he stepped into the gate, the popular patient was already standing at the door.

At that time, with the cough of the hospital dean, all the patients applauded together, and the atmosphere was very warm. Visiting leaders

Infected by the warm atmosphere and with a smile on his face, he applauded and walked into the hospital with everyone. See the leader has entered the doctor.

When the hospital director stamped his foot, all the applause stopped and it was neat. Only this leader is still playing drums with a smile.

The dean felt very satisfied when he walked forward. Suddenly, a disease as strong as Schwarzenegger emerged from the welcome crowd.

People, strode to the front of the leadership, picking up Yuan gave him a big slap in the face and shouted angrily-"Your ya don't want to eat steamed stuffed bun? ! ! ! "

There are three people, competing marksmanship together, and a black man is holding something as a target.

The first man put an apple on the black man's head, and then at a distance of 10 meters, he raised his hand and shot it and broke it. He blew his gun and said, I'm Zorro!

The second man put a cherry on the black man's head, and then at a distance of 50 meters, he raised his hand and shot it and broke it. He blew the muzzle and said, I'm m007.

The third man put a sesame seed on the black man's head, and then raised his hand to smash the black man's head at a distance of 100 meters. He also blew the gun and said, I'm sorry ...

A scientist went to the South Pole and met a group of penguins. He asked one of them, "What do you do every day?" Penguin said, "Eat, sleep and beat peas." He asked the other, "What do you do every day?" Penguin also said, "Eat, sleep and beat peas." He asked many penguins, and they all said, "Eat and sleep and beat peas."

Later, he met a little penguin, very cute, and asked him, "What do you do every day, little friend?" The little penguin said, "Eat and sleep." The scientist was stupefied and immediately asked, "Why don't you hit peas?"

The little penguin said, "Because I am a bean."

References:

Snow finishing strongly despises, plagiarizes and steals the achievements of others!