How to treat yourself wronged, please others and dare not refuse?

Grieve yourself and please others: why don't you have the courage to refuse in the face of unreasonable demands from others?

"I really hate my personality."

Yesterday my friend sent me a message to chat. My friend said that this is the sixth time that she has not refused her colleagues' troubles.

My friend is 25 years old, a kind and honest girl, and she is single so far. As long as she is in love, she has a phobia. When she gets along with her friends, everyone always laughs at her and says she is a "silly girl".

No matter what happens, she always thinks of others first, considers the problem from others' perspective first, and puts herself last. Sometimes she is obviously wronged, but she still has to consider others.

My friend couldn't stand it again yesterday. She said: Every day after work at noon, she goes out to buy food, but a female colleague in the company is very troublesome and doesn't want to go downstairs to buy food. She found various reasons to say that she was not feeling well, and then asked her friends to bring her food.

The first time I brought her a meal, my friend bought her a lunch of 20 yuan, without directly asking the female colleague for money. She thought that the female colleague would directly transfer the money to her. Unexpectedly, the female colleague seems to have forgotten not to give money until the second meal.

The second time I asked my friend to help me with my meal, my friend didn't have the nerve to ask for money, but my female colleague gave her the money for the second meal instead of returning the money for the first meal.

From the first time to yesterday, my friend has bought food for this female colleague six times, and this female colleague has only given money to her friend three times.

My friend was very wronged and confided to me. At the same time, he said: I am also embarrassed to ask her for money. They all work in the same office. Keep your head down. Is it shameful to ask for money? Hurt her pride?

At that time, I directly forced this silly girl to take a lesson. I said: you feel wronged and bullied, why do you have to consider the problem from the other side's position? The other party is no longer willing to consider for you, why should they be patient without a bottom line?

The more you say this, the more friends don't know what to do.

Actually, I understand her, too She just felt wronged in her heart, but she didn't dare to express it with each other. She can only talk to us onlookers. After talking, she may continue to be wronged in the future.

Some people are really kind and warm-hearted, and they can always think from each other's perspective; But this kind character is a bit lacking.

I have been wronged and bullied by the other side, and I have to consider the other side's psychology from the other side's point of view.

Can this character of being wronged and pleasing others not be uncomfortable?

-02

There is a kind of personality, called "please personality"

Encyclopedia explains "please-type personality" in this way: it is an unhealthy psychological state to please others blindly and ignore your own feelings.

Psychologically, people with likable personalities often live very tired; At the slightest thing, they will fall into deep self-doubt.

When talking to others, always think about it many times, for fear that if you speak too hard, it will hurt the other party; The same is true of doing things. I often think about it many times in my mind for fear of affecting others.

What are the characteristics and behaviors of people with likable personalities?

First: I am embarrassed to refuse unreasonable demands from others.

When someone asks you for something, you can't find any reason to refuse. Even if you can find a reason to refuse, you will struggle for a long time, thinking in your heart: will refusing the other party lose face and hurt the dignity of the other party?

After careful consideration, you still decide to agree with the other party, even if the other party's request makes you very embarrassed, you have to bite the bullet and help to complete it.

But you forget that the last time you asked for help, the other party turned you down directly.

Second: always take the initiative, others are very passive.

In love, I always take the initiative and pay a lot. No matter what I do, I have to look at my partner's face, lest my partner get angry. When I get along with my friends, I always find my own topic, for fear that silence will make everyone feel embarrassed.

On the other hand, please personality can also be called "paying personality".

I am obviously wronged and can't control myself by blindly paying and thinking too much about others.

Third: others always talk to you when they have negative energy, but you are afraid to disturb others when you have sad things.

The flattering character in the circle of friends is often the "trash can role". When friends have troubles, they always talk to him. Some things remind me of him, but nothing can forget him.

And when he has his own troubles and negative energy, he doesn't want to disturb others, for fear of affecting others and annoying them.

Fourth: I have lent it to others, but I am embarrassed to ask for money.

Others borrow money, and they are embarrassed to refuse. Even if they are difficult and have no money, they should help each other. But when you encounter a problem, the other party has not paid back the money, and you are still embarrassed to speak, for fear that the other party will be angry.

In fact, flattery is really a particularly unhealthy psychological state; People with this kind of psychology often find it difficult to be happy in life.

How can such a person get happiness in life if he always wronged himself and helped others?

-03

How to get rid of your "flattering personality" and seize the initiative of a happy life?

People who please their own personality need a long time to get rid of their own personality and psychology.

If you want to be happy in life, you must first learn to refuse, respect your own ideas, make yourself happy, and then consider the outside world.

First: respect your heart and make yourself less "distorted"

When you meet other people's demands and unreasonable demands, first consider in your mind: Is it difficult for me to do it? Did it hurt my interests? Will it cause me trouble?

If the first feeling is to give you trouble, then respect your heart and choose to refuse.

Only by respecting your heart and thinking for yourself first can you have the courage to refuse unreasonable demands from others.

Second: kindness is a good thing, but there must be a bottom line.

If we say that some kindness is built on the basis that others have no bottom line and hurt you unscrupulously, are you still willing to have this hypocrisy?

Some people think that you are honest and that you will bully you if you work hard. At this time, learning to refuse can make you feel happy.

You know someone is a scoundrel, so why lend him money? Just say no.

People always ask you for help. When you are in trouble, why help them when they are far away from you? Stay away from them.

People are unhappy because they know how to think for each other too much and are too used to empathy, without considering their own interests and difficulties.

If you want to get happiness, you must make yourself a "nuisance". In the face of unreasonable demands from others, you should learn to say bravely: no, I don't accept it, I can't.