The latest funny long jokes every day?

There are many funny jokes updated every day. I don't know what funny jokes you remember. The following is what I arranged for you. I hope you will like it.

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1. "Master, why do you always say Amitabha?" "benefactor, I think it's too vulgar for a monk to express his emotions with hehe. Amitabha. "

2. A cricket bet with a pig that you couldn't see me when I jumped into the grass. The pig said, What if I could see you? So the cricket jumped into the grass. The pig is watching, the pig is watching! The pig is still watching! Why is the pig still watching?

The young couple were very happy when they were students and children in college, but they disagreed when they were named. My classmate traditionally takes his surname and his daughter-in-law takes her surname. After quarreling for two days, I finally decided to adopt a double surname. So they named their daughter "Wang". Went to the hukou ...

It is said that Tang Zhongzong Li Xian is the most awesome emperor in history. Why is this? Because he is an emperor, his father is an emperor, his younger brother is an emperor, his son is an emperor, his nephew is an emperor, and more importantly, his mother is an emperor, so history has given him a glorious name: Liuhuangwan.

5. Tang Sanzang: Bajie, run two steps for the teacher. Pig Bajie: Master, why do you suddenly want to watch your apprentice run? Tang Sanzang: Hey! Shame! I have been a teacher in a temple since I was a child. I have never eaten pork or seen a pig run.

6. The Buddhist pavilion in Shaolin Temple caught fire. As a result, many scriptures were burned, and the abbot couldn't help crying ... The young monk didn't know why the abbot was crying, so he asked, "Why is the abbot suffering?" The abbot continued to cry and said, "I have dysmenorrhea ..."

7. I was in a daze at home that day. Suddenly a bird flew in and ran into the window. I thought: God is playing Angry Birds, but this is wrong ... God thinks I am a pig.

8. Jade Emperor: "Which monkey did Ai Qing describe to me?" Taibai Venus: "a yellow hair, very capable of fighting, in a word, very yellow and violent!" " "

9. On the plane, I leaned against the window bored and knocked on the inner bulkhead with my hand. A child in the back was very angry: "Mom, that uncle is masturbating!" " ! "My hand suddenly froze ... I hit the plane for the first time in decades and was also surrounded by people ... I picked up the newspaper, but I couldn't understand anything. ...

10. My first-grade sister is doing her homework at home. She ran over and asked me expectantly: Brother, what is the antonym of Can? I scratched my head for a while, and then said weakly, don't look. My sister gave me a contemptuous look and left. . .

1 1. Seeing my husband playing iPad, I rubbed up to him and asked, "Husband, what am I to you?" "Oh, you are my iPad!" "So you can hold me in your hand, right?" "No ..." "What's that?" "The front flat back plate is ..."

12. At the wedding, a bride suddenly felt sick in her stomach and couldn't help but fart. The emcee smiled and said, The bride farted, good luck! Everybody clap. Let the bride have another one, said the emcee. Let the bride have two, which will be a great success in the coming year. Everyone applauded for a long time. The bride released another one, and the emcee immediately changed his face and said, don't you dare to make way quickly, the bride wants to pull.

13. I suddenly had a stomachache at work and ran to the toilet. I just took off my pants and farted. I found that I didn't bring any toilet paper, so I had to put on my pants and run out to get the paper. I heard a buddy next door say, "Cow B, fart to the toilet ..."

14. There are some things you should know! The sky is used for wind and rain; The land is used to grow flowers and grass; I was used to prove the greatness of mankind; And you: "It is used to stew vermicelli!" " "

15. A couple in love, the woman asked: Are you willing to die for me? The man looked embarrassed and the woman continued to ask, If you don't want to die for me, then you don't love me. Let's break up. The man hesitated for a long time and finally made a difficult decision. He took out his ear and fed her earwax. ......

16. I broke free from the thick rope that tied my hands and ran for my life. The kidnappers are getting closer and closer. Late at night, only the lottery shop on the corner lights up. I fled into the lottery shop and said, "Help me call the police ..." The kidnapper had put the gun on my waist and said with a smile, "Help him note the two-color ball." I was desperate for a few days, and then the kidnappers inexplicably gave me 200 million and let me go. ...

17. Snow White was persecuted by the queen and fled to a small house in the forest. The owner of the house is seven dwarfs. They heard Snow White's story and left her. Later, the princess ate the poisoned apple, and the seven dwarfs put Snow White in a crystal coffin to guard her day and night until the prince's kiss saved the princess. This story tells us that no matter how good * * * is to the goddess, they are only paving the way for the emergence of Fu.

18. The Jade Emperor and the Tathagata argued about who was the eldest brother in heaven. Jade Emperor: I am in charge of heaven! Tathagata: You were beaten by a monkey. Jade Emperor: I robbed 17,500 people! Tathagata: You were beaten by a monkey! Jade Emperor: Can we not talk about monkeys? Tathagata: Your sister Yao Ji has been slept by mortals. Jade Emperor: ... Tathagata: Your daughter * * * Weaver Girl * * * was slept by mortals. Jade Emperor: ... Tathagata: Your niece, the Third Virgin, is also a mortal. Jade Emperor: Let's talk about monkeys …

19. "Married to my village, my village is relatively rich, communication basically depends on yelling, and traffic basically depends on walking. Farming depends on cattle, lighting depends on oil, heating depends on shaking, getting rich depends on stealing, and beautiful women basically don't exist! "

20. Female: Twenty years old-football, twenty people grab it! Thirty years old-basketball, ten people grab it! Forty years old-table tennis, two people pushing around! Fifty years old-golf, play as far as you can.

appreciate

1. One day, Xiaodong and Xiaoming went to play and saw a hole in the pants of the man in front. Xiaodong said: that man worked too hard and his pants were torn; Xiao Ming said: that man must often fart and burst his pants!

Your clothes are clean and environmentally friendly, your body is crystal clear and soft, your face is white and smooth, your heart is colorful, your figure is symmetrical and angular, and your breath is fragrant. I like you.-Zongzi.

The father of a family of three called the robber's mother a kitchen knife and his son trouble. One day, his son suddenly disappeared, so his father took his mother to the public security bureau and told the police that I was a robber. I made trouble with a kitchen knife.

4.a, I saw a person as soon as I closed my eyes. This is C, my mother, so it's you, stretching your neck, looking at hand G, grinning with EF's smug expression, and HH's smile.

5. If you are a mobile phone, I am your music card; If you are a fixed line, I am your receiver; If you are PHS, I will accompany you to roam, dear, let me be your eyes!

6. Shanglian: Mahjong Poker Golden Flower, lost home; Bottom line: the ancient road is thin and the west wind is thin, and the heartbroken people are in the end of the world.

7. "I'm looking for it! Keep looking! What am I looking for? I'm looking for dry food, water and legendary love! ! ! "You are as kind as a cat, as loyal as a dog, as lovely as a bird, as good as a butterfly, as diligent as a bee, and everything is the same. No wonder everyone ... calls you an animal! hahaha

8. Moon cakes are round; Fortune, official, popularity, love.

9. There is a monkey in the zoo, so ugly that everyone vomits. One day I went and I vomited; One day you went and the monkey threw up.

10. Your mother is really nice. You are so ugly, raise you! Your mother is so bad and you are so ugly, let it out to scare people!

1 1. You flashed by, making my blood boil and my heart surge. Looking at your back, I really want to keep you. I told myself that I can't let you leave again, and I won't catch thieves again!

12. Win money with all my heart, my eyes are red, my food is tasteless, my limbs are weak, my five jobs are abandoned, my six relatives are hard to recognize, I am so angry that I borrow money from all directions, and I have been stuck in a quagmire for a long time, which is a 100% disaster.

13. Please call my mobile phone number: talk about work, feelings and life, introduce things to me, press #, invite me to dinner, please tell me directly, and please hang up when you borrow money from me!

14. You gently lean on me, your slender hands touch my tender skin, and your gentle mouth sucks my body fluids until you are satisfied and float away! Oh, damn mosquitoes

15. Yesterday you went to the mountain to play, but you met a wild boar who wanted to eat you. At this critical moment, you shouted: Mom. The wild boar is stupefied: Baby, don't run around in the future. Look how thin you are.

16. My son sang loudly while taking a shower. Mom: "What time is it, baby?" Keep your voice down, I'm afraid of attracting wolves. "Daughter:" You flatter him too much. He can only scare the wolf away! ""Have you heard the story "The big pig said yes, but the little pig said no"?

17. Why are your eyes full of tears? Why do you look at me but your body is shaking slightly? I know, as you know, we all have the same answer in our hearts: you not only miss me, but also ... forget it, I mean you are cold!

18. A lover is a road, but a friend is a pig. There is only one road in life, and there are countless pigs on the road. Don't forget your way when you are rich, don't sell pigs when you are short of money, don't get lost when you are happy, and feed pigs when you are at rest.

19. Teach you four magic weapons to distinguish a man: identify his circle of friends; Identify the degree of his love; Agree with his tolerance; Identify his work attitude.

20. The kid next door finally vowed to lose weight-at the graduation job fair, someone said to him, "Sorry, buddy, you blocked my cell phone signal."

Careful selection

1. Your voice comes from the valley. I looked down and found you at the corner of the mountain. It is you! It is really you! You were with an old man, and I excitedly ran over and said, "Grandpa, borrow the donkey!" "

2. I like Anita Mui, dead, I like Barbara Yung, committed suicide, I like Ka Kui Wong, fell dead, I like Leslie Cheung, jumped off a building, I like you, you decide …

3. "As a gang leader, I am very cautious in texting. Fame is given by everyone, and status is spelled by brothers. I am responsible for everyone! I remind you for decades: children! It's time to pay the protection fee. I heard that your mobile phone has no SMS function, so I sent this SMS test. If you receive it, confirm that there is a short message function and it is not my short message, please reply to me: I have it, it is yours! "

4. A meteor flashed in the night sky, so I quickly made a wish, hoping that you could become more beautiful. Who knows, just after making a wish, the meteor came back and said to me: big brother! It really embarrassed me, didn't it?

5. I'll give you a couplet for the New Year! The first part: eat what you should eat, drink what you should drink, and don't take it personally. Bottom line: Take a bath and look at your watch. One second is very comfortable. Horizontal batch: Just be happy!

6. When a cat meets a mouse, it needs protection money. The mouse has no money to pay, although it is beaten. Escaped to the bottom of the wardrobe and turned into a plastic bag, revealing only half of the body. The cat said, "Shit, you still wear a leather jacket when you have no money."

7. I like crawling around on you, touching every inch of your skin and lying in your arms. I can't live without you for a moment. I love you.-sofa.

8. Piggy asked his mother sadly: Mom, am I so stupid? Mother pig comforted the pig and said, silly son, you are not stupid. The person reading this news is more stupid than you!

9. I will build your happiness; I will give in to your rectification; I will make up for your confusion; Your greed, I will satisfy it!

10. In the third grade, many boys and girls fell in love early, but our class spirit was super good, so the class teacher was very proud and publicized how well she educated us. That day, she bragged in the office again. The English teacher was silent for a long time and said meaningfully, "No puppy love is not a good sign ..." The head teacher was stunned and didn't understand. Then, the math teacher calmly explained: "At the foot of Brokeback Mountain, lilies bloom."

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