Humorous jokes about seducing beautiful women

1, "You owe me a lot of money, you know?" "When did I owe you money? Why don't I know? " "Time is money. Of course you don't know how much time I spend thinking about you every day. " 2. "Do you think we are suitable?" "Not suitable." "I don't think we are suitable friends either. Let's go out." Once, like many boys, I couldn't learn to pick up girls, my emotional intelligence was not high, and I missed many good opportunities. Later, after studying in the online "Mountain Love" system, I suddenly realized that even if you are not tall, handsome or rich, you can still let girls catch up with you as long as you master the correct skills of picking up girls. 3. "I don't ask you about money and love, nor about talent and money. I want to ask you which one do you choose? " "I choose freedom, so I won't be restricted by you, so I can choose both." 4. "What's the use of being unhappy about money?" "You can cry on the steering wheel of Lamborghini." 5. "Don't stop, don't stop, do it." "I can finish this corn cob in one minute." 6. "Is your heart graded?" "What do you say? . ""If I do, I will have a VIP and I can stay for a long time. " 7. "Which do you prefer, day or night?" "You." 8. "Do you guess whether I like playing the king or drinking?" "Love to drink." "Wrong, love you." 9. "I have a stupid mouth." "Can you teach?" 10, "I'm lonely." "I love you." Humorous jokes about picking up girls (selected articles) 1. Last night, many women passed a crossroads. One of them asked me, handsome, are you asleep? I didn't speak because I met this for the first time. Now another woman told her that she was scared to death, so I replied, well, scared to death. The woman said again, how did women scare you to death? I was so embarrassed that I replied, I am dizzy. 2, the whole class, Xiaoming looks the most "distinctive", so his friends tease him every day: "Xiaoming, your mother is the most beautiful mother in the world, your father is the most beautiful father in the world, but why are you so ugly?" Another student replied, "Don't you know the old saying that dragons and phoenixes become auspicious?" I once played by the river with my nearsighted girlfriend, and she said that she knitted me a beautiful scarf recently. I asked her what color it was, and she pointed to an object on the side and said, this is the color. When I looked intently, it turned out to be a pile of shit. I fought back my inner excitement. After returning, I fainted for seven days and seven nights and decided to break up. I'm afraid there will be more wonderful things in the future, and I won't live! 4, listen to a few paragraphs of Guangzhou girls! They came to Wuhan to take a taxi and spoke Cantonese in the car. The taxi driver asked them what dialect they spoke, and they said Cantonese. Then the driver said, Oh, I see, it's Vietnamese! Vietnamese! Vietnamese! 5. Wife goes to work and sits in the office. These days, she said that she was too tired from work, and her cervical vertebrae and shoulder blades were sore. She asked me to rub it with safflower oil. For good effect, she also asked me to rub it hard. As a result, when you rub it, you shout pain and scratch your balls. Let me leave her alone and keep rubbing. I decisively saved my life! 6. After seeing the cars from 500,000 to/kloc-0,000,000 in car home, I don't know which one to choose. It's so tangled Car configuration is much better than suv, but I miss suv. Think about it, the life of rich people is also quite tangled, so I feel gratified for those who have no money! 7. A friend of mine is an otaku. I asked him, how can you live if you don't go out to eat and burn every day? Do you rely on instant noodles? Then the idiot said a big sentence, I have boiled the water! My mother slapped me as soon as I got home. "Why did you fight at school today?" I was so angry that I cried: "No way, I didn't even go to school today." My mother slapped me in the backhand again: "Well, the teacher said you skipped class, but I still don't believe it." 9. I once went to a massage parlor and asked a sister paper to help me massage. As a result, the sister paper is not particularly good, and the pressure is uncomfortable. I am so angry! I turned to her and said, sister paper, lie down. Let me press it for you. What is massage? Then I pressed it for an hour. When I finally left, my sister praised me for my skill. 10, I took the subway yesterday, and there were many people standing. I sat in a seat with a low chest and a big chest. I looked down and saw my waistband, which made my mouth water. I'm a little embarrassed. I took out a can of chewing gum and wanted to eat one. I accidentally dropped a piece of chewing gum and fell between two waves of beautiful women. Oh, my dear friend, do I want it or not? Humorous jokes about hitting on beautiful women 2 1. Let me tell you a story. It's a long story. I'll make it short. I miss you. 2, you say that I am your Youlemei! I'm worth 3.50 pounds. I don't take the initiative to find you, not because you are unimportant, but because I don't know whether I am important or not. The reason why I smoke is simple: My grandfather smokes, and so does my father, so it's my turn not to break the fragrance. Don't flirt with me, or I will flirt with you. I have fixed the wedding date, and now I just need to fix the bride. 7. I found you a liar, because I look much better than in the photo. I love you until the news broadcast is over. 9. Is your blood type square? Why else are you so handsome? 10, why do you always talk to me? Do you like me? If not, I'll think of something. 1 1. I find that you are not suitable for dating, but for getting married. 12, you were in my heart when you were thin, and then you got fat and fell into it. 13 Why are you so vulgar? You always take selfies, and it hurts my hands to watch them several times. 14, do you prefer cats or dogs, cats: meow; Dog: Wang Wang. Do you have a boyfriend? If not, would you like one? If so, do you want to change it? If not, would you mind another one? 16. Would you like to experience the feeling of not being single with me? I have been proud for more than ten years, and I am afraid to see you. 17, I want to sublimate our pure revolutionary feelings. 18, "classmate, may I know you?" "Why?" "I think your future has something to do with me." 19, since you said good night to me for the first time, I decided to give you a good night every day. 20. Can't you accompany your girlfriend? I don't have a girlfriend. Oh? Didn't you say you always had a goddess? Am I not chatting with her? 2 1, I can't say you, but I like you. 22. I don't envy him for being more handsome than me. I don't envy him for being richer than me. What I envy is that he has you by his side. 23. Do you still want your mother? I'll give you my mother. 24. Do you know what I cherish most? Is the first word of this sentence. I think you must be very busy, just look at the first three words. Humorous jokes about hitting on beautiful women 3 1. Today, my boss called me to the office and suddenly asked me, "Do you think people can be resurrected after death?" I thought he was out of his mind, so I smiled and said, "Huh? How is that possible? There is no such thing in the world. How can you ask me such a low-level question? " The boss slapped the table angrily and roared, "Then you asked for leave yesterday and said you would go back to your grandfather's funeral. Why did he come to your company after you left? " 2. The poisoning incident at Fudan University in Shanghai caused panic. A sister said, if you mess with me, I'll poison you. Another sister said that you were not poisoned. The goods smiled insidiously three times: feed you Sudan red and gutter oil in the morning, and feed you lean meat at noon. There is still dead pork at night. You can't die if you don't believe in poison. During World War II, the Germans occupied Paris. Two Nazi officers entered a hotel on the banks of the Seine. The owner of the hotel was a dedicated patriot who hated the Nazis very much. Nazi officers looked around proudly and said, this pigsty! How much is it per night? The boss replied, one pig 100 francs, two pigs 200 francs. When I got home at noon, I felt so hot that I turned on the air conditioner. After driving for a while, I felt cold and turned it off. So I turned the air conditioner on and off. Finally, simply open all the windows and turn on the air conditioner, and finally feel comfortable. Just lying down, the alarm clock rang and it was time to go to work again! Xiao Mu always goes home after drinking in the middle of the night. When he entered the room, he saw his wife sleeping with Lao Wang next door. He suddenly flew into a rage. Catching two dogs and people is a beating. He sobered up a little after being beaten. Look over there, damn it, he entered the wrong door. He quickly apologized to Lao Wang and his wife and said that drinking AG was the wrong home. Lao Wang grabbed his neckline: I can understand your fucking entering the wrong door, but don't you know you don't have a wife? 6. It's raining. If your girlfriend has no umbrella outside, you must get to her as soon as possible. Otherwise, she may go to the nearby shopping mall to take shelter from the rain, and then she may go shopping, and then she may ask you to buy her lipstick, shoes and bags. 7. I said to my girlfriend: If you have children in the future and you are still so rude and disobedient, then I will live with the children and don't want you. Girlfriend: If you dare, I will strangle him. Me. . 8. My father taught me from an early age: How can I sweep the world without sweeping the house? I grew up, and I didn't live up to his old man's expectations. I began to clean the street. 9. When I got home, I saw my girlfriend curled up on the sofa. You can see her graceful figure and hear her breathing through her pajamas. I approached her. Close to her chest. Listen carefully to her breathing. I went back to my room silently. Turn on the computer. Gave the seller a bad review: Shit, I just bought it and missed it. 10, having dinner with little gay friends, ordered a soup and a dish, and suddenly she caught a bug from the dish. I'll call the waiter as soon as I see it. She patted me on the shoulder and said, turn around. I said, why? Open your mouth. She asked if it was delicious. What did you give me to eat? She looked at me indignant and meatless. I think it's a little meaty. Don't waste it That's right. If I hadn't been dragged by the people in the shop, she wouldn't have seen the sun tomorrow. Humorous jokes about picking up girls (classic) 1. I just went to the toilet and played with my mobile phone for half an hour. I didn't even know my legs were numb. When I opened the door, I went straight to the floor. The key is the public toilet. The floor is dirty, so many eyes are staring at me. Fortunately, no one knows me. I'll stop talking and go home and take a shower. 2. The supermarket was crowded with people, and suddenly the broadcast sounded: "Which parent lost a 4-year-old boy wearing a yellow plaid shirt and blue jeans, please go to the service desk to claim it immediately." I saw a tired woman next to her immediately said to the man next to her, "Go and buy some food, and someone will look after the children for us." My boyfriend is late for dinner. After sitting down in a hurry, I saw the roast suckling pig in front of me, so I said happily, fortunately, I sat next to the roast suckling pig. As soon as the words came out, I found a fat lady glaring at each other. He quickly said with a smiling face, I'm sorry, I mean that is ripe. My son is three and a half years old. I am very happy and looking forward to taking the bus for the first time. Refuse to get off when you want to, but you still have to sit and can't pull it down. I cried too. Suddenly I feel like a personal trafficker, and my face is red. Imagination is too rich. 5. A very good buddy is married, and this buddy likes to be funny. Today, he pretended to be deaf, and I didn't seem to respond to anything I said. Later, I stood next to him and whispered, "There is so much water under your daughter-in-law!" My buddy was in a hurry, kicked me cruelly and said to me, "How the fuck do you know?" Me, because I damaged her house. 6. There was an awesome buddy who was bullied by seven or eight people in the street. When this guy left, he shouted, "Don't leave if you can. I'll call someone! " Then the buddy inexplicably found a dozen old men in their sixties and seventies, which scared the boys, let alone start work, and no one dared to approach. 7. I went to eat at noon. At the entrance of the hotel, I saw a monk there, and the package seemed to be sealed. The best part is that Nima drove here. Next to it, a chef said. Monks without a driver's license can't read classics well. 8. At lunch, I heard that there was a murder case in our community the day before yesterday. The reason is that a young man in his twenties hooked up with a landlady in his forties and was discovered by her husband. As a result, the landlady and her son beat someone to death in their own home. 9. Tell an anecdote about a friend and accompany her on a blind date. After sitting there for a few minutes, both sides were uncomfortable. I told a middle joke. The man didn't laugh, my friend smiled, and then the man asked my friend, do you wear lipstick? The friend said no, the man said, that's good, otherwise the mouth is too big, and how much lipstick is wasted a year. 10, quarreling with my husband at night, two people volcano erupts, it's almost seven o'clock. I am anxious: "I don't want to quarrel with you!" " "The husband said," you don't quarrel with me, because you are going to cook! " "