cold joke

Hey, hey, you finally found the right person, all ears!

1. Once upon a time, there was a steamed stuffed bun walking aimlessly in the street … cold and hungry … hungry … it ate itself …

2. Once upon a time, there was a killer. He is cold, his heart is cold, his people are cold, and his sword is cold. Finally, he was ... frozen to death. ...

Monday, February 30th is fine.

It's too bad the sun didn't shine all day today. Dad bought two goldfish and drowned one in the water tank. I am sad.

Teacher's comment: I am also very sad. I've lived so long that I've never met anyone on February 30! I have never seen a sunny day without the sun, and I have never seen a goldfish that will drown.

1. Subject: When ...

The child wrote: He took off his clothes and put on his trousers.

Teacher's comment: Does he want to take it off or wear it?

2. Title: Among them

Children write: My left foot is hurt.

Teacher's comment: Are you a centipede?

3. Title: One by one

The child wrote: After work, my father went home one after another.

Teacher's comment: How many dads do you have?

4. Theme: Sadness

The child wrote: There is a ditch in front of my house, so sad.

Teacher's comment: The teacher is even sadder.

5. Title: Again ... Again ...

Children write: My mother is short, tall, fat and thin.

Teacher's comments; Is your mother a deformed diamond?

6. Title: Look.

The child wrote: What are you looking at? I haven't seen

Teacher's comment: I haven't seen it.

7. title: prosperity

Children write: bustling confession.

Teacher's comment: Don't watch too many series!

8. Title: Delicious

Children write: delicious fart.

Teacher's comment: Some things are inedible.

9. Title: Innocence

The child wrote: It's really hot today.

Teacher's comment: You are so naive.

Five yuan was kidnapped by a criminal gang. I called the hundred-dollar bill and said, "Hello! Your son is here. If you don't want us to kill the ticket, you can exchange yourself for him! " The hundred-dollar bill thought for a moment and said, "tear it up, you don't even have five dollars!" " "

The earthworm family was bored this day, so the little earthworm cut himself in two to play badminton. Mother earthworm thinks this method is good, so she cuts herself into four pieces to play mahjong. Father earthworm thought about it and cut himself into minced meat. Mother earthworm cried and said, "Why are you so stupid?" You will die if you cut so hard! Father earthworm said weakly. ... I suddenly want to play football. "

A man and a woman are eating. The girl kept asking the boy, "Do you love me?"

The boy glanced at the girl and went on eating dinner.

The girl was very angry and asked, "Do you love me?"

The boy finally said, "Love."

The girl asked again, "Then how do you prove it?"

Suddenly the boy took out thirty dollars from his pocket and asked the girl, "Do you have ten dollars?"

The girl gave the boy ten yuan.

The boys put forty yuan on the table. After a while, the girl asked the boy angrily, "Do you want to prove that you love me?"

The boy said, "I have proved it!" " Forty is just around the corner! "

One day, I visited a snack street and found a shop selling egg tarts. Each one looks delicious, so I want to buy one and try it. I asked the clerk, "Is this sold separately?" Shop assistant: "No, it's from Japan."

A man went fishing by the river. First, I strung a leaf on the hook, but no fish took the bait for a long time. He changed another piece of bread, but no fish took the bait for a long time. He had no choice but to change earthworms, but no fish took the bait for a long time. In a rage, he took out 100 yuan, fell into the water and cursed: "What do you want to eat? Buy it yourself! "

Add a long one: (sorry, it's not a cold joke)

Miser and girlfriend go shopping!

I went shopping with my girlfriend yesterday. ?

I have three dollars with me. ?

Shit. I don't want to bring so much money. ?

I have no choice. I really like my girlfriend. ?

I brought a mineral water bottle. Fill the bathroom with water. ?

Then I told my girlfriend that I bought it. This saves 1 yuan. ?

Then I was hungry at noon. I spent two yuan on two loaves of bread. ?

One for each person. ?

Then we walked to the mall. She wanted to go in, and I suddenly said I had a stomachache. ?

Then I let her go shopping alone. ?

I spent fifty cents on a newspaper and waited outside for her to come down. If I go in, won't it cost money?

Finally, we waited for her, and we wandered around. It's already 5 o'clock. She said she was hungry. ?

So I took her to a station. Then I sent her back, and she was about to say something. I told her, yes, I'm hungry, too.

Let's all go home. I asked her if she wanted to buy a ticket. ?

She said no, I pretended to buy a ticket and she pushed me down.

I am very happy today. I still have 50 cents. Bought a lollipop and went home happily ~ ~?

Shopping with my girlfriend cost me a dollar. ?

Today is sunny and breezy. My girlfriend wants me to go shopping with her.

When a girl goes shopping, she looks for clothes. Of course, when she tries it on, I will say ugly, ordinary, not bad, beautiful, beautiful.

Finally, I saw my girl choose a beautiful T-shirt to say goodbye. She was beaming. I guess she likes it, too The situation is not good. I covered my stomach and said, "Girl, I have a stomachache. I'm going to the bathroom. I bought it and picked me up at the door. " ?

"Very good." ?

Actually, I just want to go to the toilet, but it's not a stomachache, but the only way to get rid of my girl.

When I arrived at the public toilet, an old man asked me to pay 50 cents before I went in.

"Fifty cents? Grandpa, I am a student, so I have a student price?

Students are people, cabbage is vegetables, and mosquito legs are meat?

I met an expert, but I settled down immediately.

"Old man, what do you have? Grandchildren? " ?

"Of course, I have grandchildren. Why do you ask? Check the account? " The old man said in an aggressive tone. ?

"How old is your grandson?" ?

Eight years old?

"Does your grandson buy a ticket in the car?" ?

No?

"Does your grandson go to the park to buy tickets?" ?

No?

"Oh, cabbage is also a dish, a wolf's heart is also a heart, and a dog's lung is also a lung. Let me ask you again, who do we college students want to spend money on when we go to the countryside? Did we students ask for money when we beautified the streets? I helped the old lady carry a bag of rice across the street. Have you ever received any money? " ?

"This ... no" Obviously, the old man was right in my mind and blushed and ate. It is estimated that his heart is full of guilt and he definitely wants to find a hole to get into. ?

I was overjoyed, and I felt a sense of victory. I pursue victory. I said calmly, "no, grandpa, take a step back." Does the PLA 1998 flood control cost money? " Don't! Does Xu Hu have to pay for repairing the toilet? Don't! Does anyone in the park ask for money to give candy to your grandson? Don't! No, right? " ?

The old man blushed to the soles of his feet and looked at me blankly.

I went on to say: "Now it is a socialist society, and our great motherland is building a socialist harmonious society. Students have to pay for going to the toilet. When we were students, we used our parents' hard-earned money. Every dime we spent, we were worried about ... "?

"Don't ... don't say it, it's free." The old man interrupted me in frustration and fell on my shoulder and cried. I patted the old man on the head several times and said, "It's not free. I'm not here to eat and drink for free. Besides, it's not good to come to the public toilet to eat and drink for free. Let's charge me a dime. At this point, I gave the old man a dollar, and the old man quickly got my ninety cents back.

Being in a good mood is natural and smooth.

Out of the public toilet, my girlfriend bought clothes and waited for me outside. I am secretly happy. That girl seems to want to buy something, and she drags me around again. Women's desire to buy is infinite! ?

After walking for about an hour, I feel that she hasn't bought anything for so long, and she is almost ready to buy something. I said to her when she carefully picked out her trousers, "Girl, take your time. I will go there to buy a newspaper. Right there. " I pointed to the newsstand not far away and said to the girl. ?

The girl gave me a "well" as an approval. I threw it away again and went to the newsstand. ?

I asked my aunt why the newspaper was so expensive. Aunt asked me, "Reference News" at 60 cents is still expensive? I said nothing, and suddenly it dawned on me. ?

"Aunt, do you have last year's newspaper?" ?

"This young man, I'm not selling annual reports, am I?"?

"It must have been sold out last month. Do you want to get rid of it? " ?

Yes, here's fifty cents?

"Less, 40 cents, 20 cents, 25 1 cent is not good, is it good luck?"

All right, take it?

I am ecstatic. I took out four dimes that the old man had just found and gave them to my aunt. ?

After all, the girl didn't buy those pants, so she walked around and looked around. She is very tired, isn't she? She said she would go back. I said yes, and she said she would take the bus. ?

I was shocked. ?

It costs two yuan for two people to take the bus, but I only have fifty cents on me, so I said to my girl, "Girl, the bus is so crowded and dirty that I accidentally got infected." Why not go back, healthy and fashionable? "

"Walking in such a hot weather? ! "？

"I buy popsicles and you eat them." ?

Before first frost, she took a grain of Erie from 2 yuan. I quickly put it back for her and said to the girl, "I only have a few 100 on me, and there are fifty cents left." Keep the change. " ?

The girl obediently took a 50-cent popsicle to the child. ?

It hurts to go back to the dormitory. It cost me a whole 1 yuan to accompany the girl today. Why do women spend so much money nowadays?

Write so many words, give me a good review! Very tired!