Humorous sketch material

Anecdote A: I'm a doctor. I have been a doctor for more than 20 years. Thanks to my rich experience and superb medical skills, I have cured countless patients. According to incomplete statistics, I have treated about100000 patients in the past 20 years, that is to say, I have relieved about100000 patients. Of course, counting the dead, it may be much more than that! B: (on stage) Doctor ... Doctor ... A: Here comes the business. What happened? What are you? Cover your mouth. Must be a toothache? B: Tell Dr. Dafa that I don't have a toothache, but my mouth itches. A: Oh! Itchy mouth, not toothache? B: It's not a toothache. Do you know what caused it? b； I fought with my daughter-in-law the day before yesterday, and this bitch kicked me in the mouth. Today, I feel a little itchy in my mouth. So I scratched it with my hand. I really don't know. When I caught the next jump, my mouth not only peeled off but also blistered! Open your mouth and let me see. B: (opens his mouth) A: Oops! Great! Doctor, what's the matter with you? A: You have Hong Kong feet here. B: Ah! -Doctor, look carefully, I'm talking! How can you get beriberi? Let me ask you something. Does your wife have beriberi? Ah-yes! A: That's right. You made your wife angry, and she gave you an athlete's foot in a rage. B: Doctor, would it be strange if you have athlete's foot in your mouth? What's so strange about this? Yesterday, there was a woman with bad breath Much more serious than yours! That must be my wife. Doctor, what should I do? A: First of all, make sure you still want this mouth. B: Ah! Yes, doctor, I estimate that I can use it for another twenty or thirty years. I live so big, but I have to rely on this mouth. A: Ah! Do you still want it? Yes, doctor. A: Do you still do a lot of calculations? B: Ah! -if you don't cure the doctor, as long as you know what's wrong, your buddy will die in the print. A: Is it really hopeless? B: Why should I call you if you don't cure me? Cured, right? And prescribe some medicine? Doctor, I have beriberi in my mouth. What medicine should I take? I think we should open something similar. What is it called effervescent tablets? Doctor, if I remember correctly, is that medicine for gynecological diseases? A: Oh! Yes, yes, yes, look at you. You've really become a good doctor after a long illness! B: I've never had that disease after a long illness! Doctor. A: Then open some beriberi water! B: So you said I was wearing athlete's foot water? Is it beriberi lotion? Or soak your feet and breathe water? Oh, my God! Because of the special geographical environment of your lesion, you'd better use some dakening suppository. B: Doctor, Dakening suppository is still used to treat gynecological diseases. Why do you say so much? Are you a doctor or am I a doctor? B: You're a doctor, but I'm not in charge of gynecology here. A: It's really wordy! All right, whatever you say. Whatever you say, I will be cured! Doctor, it's beriberi. Can you treat my illness as beriberi? You mean beriberi is beriberi? Don't worry, doctor. I know my wife's feet better than you do. Go! A: Then prescribe some Dakening beriberi cream! Open 20 boxes first, eat first and then come back. Doctor, I eat very little. It's enough for you to open a case for me. Why did you open twenty boxes? A: Our doctors are also thinking of your patients! No, I want a box. How could you? I am responsible for you! But I am responsible for my money. I just want one box. A: All right, stop arguing and open ten boxes. b； No, I want a box. A: I tell you, you need at least five boxes of this disease. B: Just one box A: Five boxes B: One box A: Five boxes B: Forget it. I'll buy it at a big pharmacy. A: All right, all right! Listen to you! A box, take it! It's not easy to make some money from you. Thank you, doctor. Then I'm leaving. (Step down) A: Look, isn't it just an oral ulcer? Ah! Oral ulcer! Oh, no, that man is not beriberi! This is an ulcer. Hey, hey! (Sorry) Ulcer! I knew it was an ulcer. I have been a doctor for more than 20 years. Don't I even know about oral ulcers? Ha ha! His wife is really fierce. One big foot kicked out an oral ulcer! C: (On the stage, the character is an 80-year-old man coughing) Cough ... Doctor, cough ... A: Ouch! Slow down, your dad. Doctor, please give me some cough medicine! I really can't stand it! Please take your time and speak slowly. How long have you been coughing? C: It's been almost a week. I bought some medicine at the drugstore myself and I haven't recovered yet. Look at you, an old man. If only you could buy your own medicine, then why do you need us doctors? You still have to see a doctor if you are sick. Tell me, what nonsense did those drug sellers tell you? C: They asked me to come to you. A: Ah! Right, right, right, it's easy to see a doctor. How old are you this year? C: Eighty. A: How big is it? C: Eighty armour: How old are you? C: Eighty. Doctor, I doubt that you can even cure your own ears. A: I also suspect that you are a relative of Huang Hammer's family. Do you usually smoke? C: One pack a day. A: Drink? C: Drink it. Give it away in twos a day. Do you like women? C: (Sorry) Yes! A: You still like women at your age. Eat meat? C: Eat, no meat, no appetite. A: Your habit is not good! Doctor, do you think I can live to be a hundred years old? If you want to live to the age of 100, you must give up these bad habits. C: What's the point of living a hundred years old? Did you cough when you were a child? Did you cough when you were forty? C:No. A: Did you cough when you were 50? C:No. A: Did you cough when you were 60? C:No. A: Did you cough when you were 70 years old? No. A: Is that right? C: What is right? Doctor A: Think about it! You didn't cough when you were a child, at 40, at 50, at 60 and at 70. You are not 80 now. You don't cough now, when will you cough? Doctor, you are absolutely right. I have been waiting for this day! A: Hey! That's right! Don't be too happy when you are not sick. This disease will befall you one day earlier. Of course, don't be afraid if you are sick. Isn't there our doctor? Tell me, doctor, what's wrong with me? A: whooping cough! C: Ah! A: I didn't get it when I was a child. Now I come to you. C: Doctor, what medicine should I take for whooping cough at my age? A: Don't worry about taking medicine. You need to know the cause first. C: No whooping cough? Doctor? A: You want to! Pertussis was acquired as a child. Why now? C: Then why do you think it is? Doctor. A: This human body! Like a building, you think! You are eighty years old. What does 80 years of architecture mean? C: Then what do you mean? A: An 80-year-old building means that all water pipes, sewers and heating pipes are aging. What should be rusty is rusty, what should be peeled is peeling, and it is leaking. C: Doctor, there is no water leakage in the water supply and drainage pipes in my house, mainly because the heating pipes are inflamed. A: That's right! You want to! The heating pipe has this upper water pipe and return pipe! C: Doctor, I only have one pipe for air outlet and air inlet. A: That's right. The problem is found. The problem lies in this heating pipe. What do you suggest I do? A: Then you plan to suffer for a long time! Still lack of pain! C: How do you say this? A: Long-term pain means giving you some medicine at will, but you can't be sure it happened again that day. What should I do if I want to have short-term pain? There'd better be an operation to change the heating pipe. C: change the pipes? A: Yes, it is to change an artificial trachea. No need, doctor. When the pipes are changed, my old building will be demolished. Doctor, just give me some medicine at will. A: OK, I'll give it to you for half a year. C: Doctor, why did you drive for half a year? A: Responsible attitude towards patients. C: You can give me medicine for three days. A: Why not drive for two months? C: Just three days. A: How about a month? C: Should I buy medicine or should you buy medicine? If you don't sell it, I'll buy it at the big pharmacy. A: All right, all right, three days. After talking for a long time, I only opened 3.80 yuan. Take it! C: Doctor, is it a crime for you to take out the heating pipe of an old building to scare people for this 3.80 yuan? (End) A: I am so angry. Nowadays, people's health awareness and ideology are almost the same. They really have no culture. I don't know which is more important, health or money. It's strange today, one is more stingy than the other. At this rate, it is better to see a doctor for free! D: (Little girl, regardless of age) Uncle, uncle doctor! A: Hey! Come on, kid. Children are terrible. See how I deal with him. Little friend, is there something wrong with your health? D: No, uncle, I've been wanting to eat earthworms recently. My mother asked me if I had any strange diseases. A: Oh! Then why do you eat earthworms? D: I think that's noodles. A: shall I ask aunt wet nurse to dig earthworms to eat? D: ok! Nurse, bring up the earthworm. (The staff brings the earthworm up) Here comes the earthworm. Eat it! D: I don't want to eat it raw! Raw is not delicious, I want to eat fried! A: OK, OK, OK! Mammy, go and fry the earthworm. (The staff will be back later) Come on! When the earthworm is fried, will uncle watch you eat it? D: I only eat one. I asked my uncle to accompany me. A: All right! In order to find out your problem, my uncle threw caution to the wind. D: I want my uncle to eat first! A: OK, OK, OK! Uncle eats first, uncle eats first. (Pick a big one to eat) Ding: (Wow, I cried) My uncle is broken and ate what I wanted! I'm not eating! I'm not eating! A: ... (The earthworm is still half exposed, standing there) Did you see that it really came as I said? I didn't earn a penny for this child. At this rate, I still have to pay for medical treatment. E: (toothache patient) doctor, doctor ... another one, why? Doctor, I have a toothache! A: ouch! This is a big fish. Tooth extraction and dental implantation add up to several hundred dollars! Yes, just make up for the losses of the first few people from him. Oh! Toothache, right? Yes, doctor. A: How long has it been hurting? E: For more than two years, it hurts when I get angry, and it hurts when I eat something sour and sweet. Let me see. Ouch! Damn it, damn it. E: Doctor, I understand you once, needless to say twice. A: Who said it twice? Who said that twice? That's the echo of your tooth cavity. My teeth are so big! Doctor, how much does it cost to extract teeth with echo? A: It depends on the upper or lower teeth. This is my lower tooth. A: Oh! Upper teeth 240, lower teeth 420. E: Then I'd better have my teeth pulled out first! A: Oh! Did you have your tooth pulled out? E: Yes! Upper teeth are cheap. Have you made up your mind? E: Yes. Answer: Lower teeth 240, upper teeth 420. E: Oh! Long time no see. I pulled that, that 420? No, no, no, not all of them. Isn't there still 240? Which 240? Which one do you want? E: lower teeth. A: Upper teeth 240. E: Then I'll have my tooth pulled out. A: Lower teeth 240. E: Isn't there another 240? A: Yes! Which 240? Which one do you want? E: I'll take it ... I think ... I want to take the 420 exam. A: Hey! That's right. Why don't you want to pull 240? E: I can't pull it out! A: ... Are you too dark? It costs more than 400 to pull out a tooth. Oh, my God! You said you were a man! You will have your tooth extracted today, next month! How can I kill you if you come to me for a filling? Yes! This is already very cheap. Although I only pulled out one tooth, I will bid farewell to the pain and be healthy. Think about how great this is. Just 420 yuan. It's really cost-effective, cost-effective, relaxing, great value and happy! E: How expensive! What do you mean? E: expensive! A: Then, 400 pounds. Can we set the price at the integer mark? E: That's expensive, too. A: I'm telling you, it can't be cheaper. If you can't keep the integer mark, it will inevitably lead to a broken position. Then our doctor will lose money, you know? Doctor, are you doing well in stock speculation? A: Cut the crap and pull it if you like. I tell you, your teeth are already ST, and it's time to enter the second-board market. E: Then I won't consider backdoor listing! A: At your age, I don't even think you are old. Are you still listed on the backdoor? Give me a happy word, pull or not? E: expensive! I see. You want to get your teeth pulled without spending money, don't you? E: I didn't say that. A: I tell you, there is no way to get a penny cheaper! If it's too expensive, find one that doesn't cost money. E: That's not good! Why not? Let's play in the street! E: Ah! Who am I fighting? A: Find a beautiful girl and touch her ass. Are you worried that no one will hit you anywhere? Will you hurt me? A: Save money! E: Doctor, I just want to pull out one, not all over my mouth! A: Spend money! Doctor, how about 300? All right, take it when you are ready! Don't run away in the future. All right, then 300! E: Doctor, you earned this money too easily! In just a few minutes, you earned 300! A: If you think it's too fast, I'll pull it out in slow motion. what do you think? E: that's too bad A: Come here. Let's clear the warehouse first. E: Ah! Customs clearance? A: Ah! ..... I don't know, ... it's washing dishes, washing dishes! Doctor, you have washed it for me five times! Didn't you listen to the experts? Washing is healthier! E: What kind of doctor is this? A: Sit tight and get ready for tooth extraction. Doctor, your pliers are too big. I'm a little scared! What are you afraid of? I won't kill you! E: I'm scared at the sight of your pliers. Tell you what! I have a bottle of wine here. Drink it bravely. E: Thank you, doctor. Gee! Doctor, this is a good bottle of wine! All right, drink it! Drink well and work hard. E: (I raise my neck and drink all the wine) A: How do you feel? (Hiccups) Kong Fu Jia Jia ... makes people homesick. A: This is really good wine. You will miss home after drinking it. E: (singing) This is a long-standing Tuopai song ... (burping) It's romantic to be a ghost after drinking alcoholic liquor. A: This wine is very strong. what do you think? Are you still scared? E: (singing) Drink our wine! Cough up and down, drink our wine wow! A person dares to go to Qingshakou to drink our wine. When he saw the emperor, he didn't kowtow. Good wine, good wine and good wine-(burps) Half-cooked wine can be mixed in one bottle. Doctor, have a good drink today. Give me another bottle! (Singing) Let me have a drink, a bottle of Erguotou ... A: It's your treat! Sit down and pull out your teeth! E: Oh! By the way, pull out your teeth (sit down)-(once stood up) What? A: Pull, pull, pull, pull a tooth? Whose tooth was pulled out? I'll pull out your teeth! E: Pull out my tooth? A: That's right! E: Grandma! A: A ... A ... A ... A ... A ... A ... Grandma! A: Hey! Hey! Hey! I don't want to drink that wine! Hey-more than one hundred dollars! (chatting and chasing backstage)