Boring jokes.

One day, Cao Cao and Liu Bei boiled wine to discuss heroes. It's cloudy and thunderous outside. After a few drinks, Liu Bei suddenly farted, which was embarrassing.

Guan Yu said frankly in the back: "Don't take offense, fart comes from feather (rain)!" Liu Beizheng is embarrassed.

As soon as Guan Yu's voice fell, Zhao Yun stepped forward: "Don't make a fuss, fart comes from the clouds!"

As soon as Zhao Yun said it, Zhang Fei shouted loudly: "Farts are flying!"

Everyone burst into laughter. Liu Bei has also returned to normal.

Cao Cao didn't laugh. He is deeply touched by this. After seeing Liu Bei and others off, Cao Cao said to his subordinates, "When Liu Bei's subordinates saw the master's mistakes, they rushed to take responsibility and make up for them. It's really loyal. If it is your turn, can you do it? "

The generals were filled with indignation and said with one voice, "Prime Minister, isn't it a fart matter? What's the difficulty! See it next time. "

A few days later, Cao Cao invited Liu Bei to drink again. During the dinner, he wanted to fart and see how his men reacted. After holding back for a long time, I finally managed to hold back a small Pi. Everyone waited for a long time, only to hear a "goo". The general was a hothead and quickly shouted, "Chu (pig) put the fart!"

The waiter Wang Lang immediately said, "Lang (Wolf) farted!"

Gou An said: This is Gou (dog) fart.

Cai Mao said: This is cat fart.

When Cao Cao stared, others thought that Cao Cao thought he was too slow to take care of himself.

Taurus said, "This is golden fart!"

Yu Xun said: "This is a fart!"

Cao Hong said, "Fart is red!"

Gao Lan said, "Fart is blue!"

Jiang Gan said, "Fuck!"

Sima Shi said: "Fart is the teacher's (wet)!"

Xiahou Yuan said, "Fart is deep (round)!"

ICY said, "Fart is square!"

Cao Cao was so frightened that he was about to have a fit. Guo Jia, the counselor, shouted, "No one is right, no one is right! Everyone is wrong! "

Worthy of being my number one strategist. Cao Cao secretly thought. Listen to him first.

Guo Jia said: "This is a good (fake) fart!"

Cao Zhen grabbed it again: "This is true fart!"

Cao Cao was so angry that he almost fainted and was completely disappointed. He doesn't want more people behind him.

Guo Huai said: "This is Huai (bad) fart!"

Zhang He said: "Fart is near (drink)!"

Sima Yan said: "Farting has inflammation (pharynx)!"

Huang Xu said, "You're all out!"

Xia Houdun said, "Fart escapes!"

Guo Tu said: "Farting is a picture (spitting)!

Xia Houba said, "Fart comes from bullies."

Xun You said, "You let the fart out!"

Man Chong said, "Fart is a pet!"

Jiang Ji said: "Fart comes from the economy!"

Zhong Youdao: "Fart is coming!"

Finally, Cao Cao couldn't bear it any longer and said angrily, "Nonsense, shit."

Liu Bei and others have laughed stagger.

2. One day, a poet and his friends were drinking. They ordered an appetizer and four sparrows. His friend ate three in a row and was about to eat the last one. The poet said, "Is it my turn to eat this one?" My friend sighed and said, "I wanted to give it to you, but I really couldn't bear to break them up." Let them reunite. " After that, he ate the last one.

3. An old lady wiped her tears after watching the 100-meter race of black people and said, It's scary! Several coal diggers knelt in a row and were shot.

Shoot, shoot without aiming, the child will run away in fear, and the rope can't stop it!

Mr. Huang loves revolution. He named his son Jun in memory of the Red Army. One day, he sent his son to class. When he saw that the No.8 bus stopped, he shouted to his son, "Huang Jun, run! The No.8 bus is coming!"! ~~~

John: "Your father is like a miser. You see, he is a shoemaker, and you still wear such worn shoes. "

Tom: "What about your father? He is a famous dentist, but your little brother has only one tooth! "

6. Farmers carry feces. The foreigner looked at it and asked, Grandpa, how much is this sauce? The farmer didn't say anything. The foreigner put a little in his mouth with his hand and thought, I won't tell you how much it is a catty, and I won't tell you that your sauce stinks.

7. What is your annual salary?

B: 960 thousand

A: There were 80,000 that month!

Yes, this is the basic salary.

A: Not bad. What do you do?

B: Dreaming. ......

8. One day, a company held a shareholders' meeting, and general manager Wang Ermazi was giving a report on the rostrum. The female secretary under the stage found that the zipper of the general manager's pants was not pulled, so she said to the general manager, "Manager, your garage door is not closed."

The general manager said, "I see."

After a while, the secretary saw that the zipper of the general manager's pants had not been pulled, and said, "Manager, the garage door has not been closed."

The manager said, "Leave it on. Did you see that car? "

The secretary said, "I didn't see the car, but I saw the license plate number."

The manager asked, "How big is it?"

The secretary replied, "0 10"

9. Difficulties in being a man: If you have money, you must say that you must go bad; No money, say you are a real loser; Have achievements and say that you will speculate; No achievement, say you are worthless; Have a lover, say you are really bad; No lover, right? Call you a pervert!

10. A famous botany professor and his teaching assistant are studying new varieties of plants.

One day, the teaching assistant asked the professor, "What if you go to practice in the field and meet plants you don't know?" "

The professor replied, "I usually walk in the front, and then step on all the plants I don't know to prevent students from asking questions." "

1 1. As soon as the customer bought medicine from the drugstore, the drugstore boy hurried over.

Dude: Sorry, what you want is tonic water. I gave you poison by mistake.

Customer: Look at you, something terrible almost happened.

Dude: Yes, the boss will definitely scold me when he finds out. Poison is twice as expensive as tonic.

12. A Chongqing TV station is tinkering with its own programs, and the ball won't fall.

13. Every six or three o'clock is a big deal. I have been afraid to broadcast small things.

14.1234567 7654321pigs, sheep, cows, horses, cats, dogs, chickens, etc.

15. Talking about bed tonight is unprotected, either an affair or an affair.

16. In the middle of the advertisement, the hospital reports either sexually transmitted diseases or infertility.

17. If you have something to say, just mind his own business and broadcast it backwards.

18 life malatang is the same every day. It's just that those people can't figure out the law.

19. Cow: So many people drink our milk, but no one calls us "mom".

Squid: Damn, Man Mo has become a thief!

Kangaroo: Alas, no money, no matter how big the pocket is, it's still a mouse!

Monkey: Do you want to turn red? Be my ass!

Mouse: Fast and handsome!

Fly: The biggest difference between me and bees is that I have different tastes.

Centipede: To save money, I never wear shoes.

Fish: I'll never go to any Internet cafe!

Firefly: Who wants to learn to discharge?

Mantis: Why didn't the hotel hire us to cut vegetables?

Dinosaur: Sorry, I died too early, which made you nervous!

Hedgehog: I really want to feel the taste of hugging others!

Hen: Why don't people want us to practice family planning?

Rabbit: Our tails are shorter, but whose ears are longer than ours?

Pigeon: Half of us call us "messengers of peace" and the other half put us on the table.

Mosquito: If we can make humans slap themselves hard, it's worth our death!

Ant: Alas, sad ant, we worked so hard, but we got worse treatment than mosquitoes. At least mosquitoes can beat it!

20. There is a woman who is so ugly that men avoid her for three points. A woman's greatest wish is to be kidnapped by traffickers, and then ... so, whenever night falls, she lingers on a sparsely populated country road, waiting for that moment.

Many things happen. Late that night, she was finally kidnapped by kidnappers and stuffed into the car. The kidnapper came to see the kidnapper leader with his "victory fruit", ready to ask for a reward. However, when the kidnapper saw the woman's appearance, he could not help cursing the kidnapper for his lack of vision and ordered him to let the woman off at once. The kidnapper told the woman to get off at the boss's order, but the woman didn't mean to get off at all. After a long stalemate, the kidnappers used threats, intimidation, beatings and other means to let the woman get off the bus, but the woman never gave in and just didn't get off the bus. When the kidnapper leader saw it, he shouted helplessly: "Forget it! The car will send you! "

2 1. People don't tell the truth:

Saying that stocks are drugs, everyone is playing;

Saying that money is a sin, everyone is fishing;

Say beauty is a disaster, everyone wants it;

It is said that the height is too cold and everyone is climbing;

Say smoking is bad, don't quit;

Say heaven is the best, don't go! ! !

22. Wages are indeed rising.

I love the party more in my heart

It's time to reward the children

Dare to shout when you see your wife

Ganchang seafood goose web

I can go shopping in my spare time.

My heart itches when I meet a beautiful woman.

As a result, the price has gone up again.

Everything is fucking wasted.

23. The day before the exam, the mother asked her son, "Have you finished all the books in this unit?" The son replied, "I finished reading it!" " "The next day, the test paper was issued, but my son only got the 65th place in the class. Mother said angrily, "didn't you say you finished reading it last night?" "Why did you do so badly in the exam today?" The son said, "I mean, I think it's over."

24. Once upon a time, there was a temple. There is a mountain in the temple. There are three monks on the mountain. The eldest brother is a robber, the second is a kitchen knife, and the third is trouble. One day, something happened to the third child, and the boss came down to the police station with a kitchen knife and said, I am a robber, and I am looking for trouble with a kitchen knife!

25. Customer: Do you have any cold coffee?

Attendant: No, we only have hot coffee.

the next day ...

Guest: Do you have any cold coffee?

Attendant: No, we only have hot coffee!

the third day ...

Guest: Do you have any cold coffee?

Attendant: We made an iced coffee specially for you today!

Customer: Oh, please heat it for me quickly!

Attendant: ...

26. Dad: Did the teacher teach you arithmetic today?

Son: Yes!

Dad: Let me test you. What's four plus five?

The son plays with his hands and counts …

Son: It's nine o'clock!

Dad: How about seven plus fifteen?

When my son plays, it's not enough, plus his toes, it's not enough …

Son: No …

Dad: Can't you use your head?

Son: It's not enough to add brains! ! !

27. There is a mother-in-law who always thinks her daughter-in-law is stupid.

It's time to change the sheets and wadding.

Mother-in-law said to her daughter-in-law: I'll cotton and you change the sheets!

Daughter-in-law says: OK!

As a result, the daughter-in-law has stuffed herself into the sheets and still can't find the exit.

Daughter-in-law said to her mother-in-law: help me! I am close to the sheets!

The mother-in-law said, you idiot! Serve you right! I won't help you!

Two hours later, my daughter-in-law still can't get out …

She begged and said, help me, I really can't get out!

Mother-in-law said: for your own good, I will help you if I arch out cotton!

28. Hello, this is Division A. I'm officer Chen. Now I'm at home, not in the branch, because we are on strike, so you heard the telephone recording! After hearing the beep, please press one to report the case, two to curse, three to chat, four to make a false report, hang the wrong number and replay. thank you

29. A foreign youth always can't distinguish between "steel" and "iron". One day, the iron gate in the community could not be opened, and he shouted, rent a bitch! Would you please open your steel door? I can't get in!

One day, the doctor saw the patient drinking in the hospital and said to the patient, sweetheart! The patient smiled and said, little baby!

3 1. Once upon a time, there were three ghosts who always wanted to go to heaven. Finally, one day they met God when they were shopping! They told God that they all died miserably and hoped to send them to heaven! God said helplessly, there are too many residents in the sky now, and they are all full. But there's another place! You said, whoever dies the worst will go to heaven!

So,

The first ghost began to say ...

I was a cleaner before I died. Work is very hard! Busy from morning till night!

One day, I was cleaning windows outside a building! It's the kind of dangerous work hanging outside at high altitude! On the 30th floor! Suddenly, my foot slipped and fell! I think it's over! I'm dying! But the survival instinct makes me scratch unconsciously! Luckily, I grabbed the railing of a balcony on 13 floor. I feel saved! So I want to climb up after I recover! Who knows, suddenly someone patted my hand and I fell down again! I think I'm really finished now! However, my life should not be decided, and a tent caught me below. I am glad that I must have accumulated virtue in my last life! I want to wait for my physical strength to recover before I go down. Who knows, a refrigerator fell from it and killed me!

The second ghost said ...

I was a clerk before I died. Everything is fine. I have a beautiful wife. Great figure! But it's just a little water. I have a slight heart attack. One day I forgot to bring my medicine to work, so I went home to get it. As soon as I entered the door, I saw my wife's hair disheveled and disheveled. There must be an adulterer. So I looked everywhere in the house, kitchen and toilet, but I couldn't find it. When I got to the balcony, I found two hands on the railing and thought: adulterer! So he patted his hand. I think, 13 floor! See if I can fall to my death! As a result, I didn't die when I looked at it! Caught by the tent! I was in a hurry, so I searched all over the house and went into the kitchen. I found that the refrigerator was big enough and threw it away. Finally smashed him to death! I'm so happy! Laughing a lot. Who knows, laughing so hard, laughing so hard!

The third ghost said ...

I was a punk before my death, but I didn't do anything wrong! One day I went to a female friend's house to hang out! Just finished, her husband suddenly came back! I have to find a place to hide. So I searched the kitchen and toilet, and finally found that their refrigerator was quite big, so I hid in it! I don't understand how her husband knew I was in the refrigerator and threw it from the 13 floor! I just fell to my death in my refrigerator!

Mahaha and his family are driving along a country road. Suddenly, he found a frog crossing the road. Mahaha quickly stopped the car, stepped down and put the frog on the side of the road. The frog thanked haha very much and promised to realize haha's wish. So, the horse ha ha said to the frog:

"There will be a dog selection contest next week, and I want my dog to take the first place." The frog asked to see the dog, and Ma Haha took the dog out of the car. The frog saw that the dog was stupid and fat, and it only had three legs.

"I'm afraid this wish is difficult to realize. You'd better change your wishes! " The frog said guiltily.

"Well, let my wife win the first prize in the next beauty contest!" Mahaha demanded.

The frog asked Mahaha's wife to call out from home, looked at it and said, "Can I change my mind?"

33. Woman: "I can marry anyone as long as I have money." Man: "Will you marry the safe in the bank?"

My wife wants to lose weight, so she goes cycling every day. As a result, the horse lost 40 pounds in a month.

35. Patient: "Doctor, you left your scissors in my stomach." "Never mind, I have another one."

Judge: Why do you print counterfeit money? The defendant said innocently, because I can't print real money.

37. Part I: Hahahahaha Part II: Hehehehehehe. Horizontal batch: there is something wrong with the nerve.

38. Thief A: "How much did you rob today?" Thief B: "No, just read the newspaper tomorrow."

Teacher: "Peter, do you know how many years a mouse can live?" Peter: "It depends on the cat's mind."

40. Woman: "Why do you always chew candy when you talk to me?" Man: "How can there be so many sweet words without chewing sugar?"

4 1. On the Dragon Boat Festival, a company distributed zongzi to employees. The foreign employee came to work the next day and said to the company's administrative manager when they met, "The Chinese dim sum distributed by the company yesterday was delicious, but the lettuce outside was a little hard." Then he added, "It has dental floss on it, which is really sweet." ...

42. Son: Dad, the emperor calls himself a widow, so why does the emperor's father call himself?

Dad: Little fool, of course the emperor's father called himself a widowed father (wife)!

43.0 See 8 and say: Small sample, fat is fat, but also a belt; 7 said to 2: kneel down, I won't marry you for 500 years; 6 to 9: Cool is cool, but also stand upside down; Seeing 3 and 8 running around crying, big brother, who cut it?

44. If you accidentally mix into the society, it is futile for the prodigal son to turn back. Now I'm really a mess. I am wearing factory clothes and suffering from foreign crimes. Bigger things are meetings, queuing for meals, earning some money and paying taxes. This is fucking society.

45. "The performance has started!" As soon as the director's voice dropped, he saw Xiaogang dozing off and asked him, "Comrade Xiaogang, what did I just say?" If you can't answer, you will be fired! Xiaogang replied absently: "Wild boar shit! "

46. The teacher is telling the students knowledge: Niagara Falls is the largest waterfall in the world. Suddenly, I saw Qiang Qiang dozing off, so I asked, "What did I just say?" ? Qiang Qiang stood up and said unhurriedly, Your big rag is the biggest rag in the world.

47. It is said that a county magistrate with a strong accent came to the village to give a report: "Rabbit, shrimp, pig tail! No pickles, pickles are too expensive! ! "(comrades, villagers, pay attention! Stop talking and have a meeting now! ! After the county magistrate finished speaking, the host said, "Please give me sausages and pickles!" Now, please ask the flight attendant to speak! The township head said, "Rabbit, the dog ate today's meal, and everyone is a big jerk!" " "Comrades, that's enough for today. Let's make a big bowl! ) "No pickles, I'll lick a lump of shit for you. . . "Don't talk, I'll tell you a story. . . After the report, the county magistrate went to a snack bar alone and said to the waitress, "How much is it to sleep for one night (a bowl of jiaozi)?" Hearing this, the waiter changed his face and screamed, "rogue!" Hearing this, the county magistrate said, "Only 60 cents." Very cheap. Come for one night (bowl). "The waiter left angrily, so the county magistrate had to find another snack bar. But I couldn't find it for a long time, so I wanted to eat at my cousin's house, but I didn't know the direction. Seeing a gentle lady coming, I said hello to her and asked, "Rabbit (comrade), give me a kiss (sorry) ..." Before the words were finished, the lady flushed with anger and ran away. The county magistrate was very helpless, wandering around in a daze, and suddenly saw a pair of farmer brothers and sisters riding a scooter to pull wheat to the market. He just wanted to give a gift to his cousin and came to them and asked, "Big Brother, how much is your little sister (wheat)?" "Eldest brother was so angry that the veins stood out on his forehead. The county magistrate is puzzled. When he met a supermarket, he went in and bought some presents. When the waiter saw it, he warmly greeted him, "What would you like, sir?" The county magistrate said, "I want your life (noodles), pig grandson (bamboo shoots)."

48. The child asked his mother, "How to make sentences with ABCDEFG?" Mom: "A (ah)! Who sent this B (fart) boy? Barefoot on the D (ground), EF (clothes) not wearing, little GG (penis) exposed!

49. One day, the teacher arranged a few sentences for Xiaogang:

Prosperity-prosperity and farewell;

News-Dad's socks are new and stink;

Delicious.-delicious fart!

Naive-it's really hot today;

Sure enough-I eat fruit first, then drink milk;

First ... then ... goodbye, sir!

50. Tutu said: My mother calls me Tutu, which is nice!

The puppy said: My mother calls me a puppy, which is also nice!

The pig said: My mother calls me a pig, which is also very nice!

Chicken said: you chat, I walked first!

Rabbit said: I am a rabbit!

The pig said: I am a pig bastard!

The chicken said, I am a son of a bitch!

The dog said: you talk, I'll go first!

General Li Zongren said: I am a benevolent man!

General fu said to him: I am just!

General Zuo Quan said: I have this right!

General Huo Qubing said: You talk, I'll go first!

The door of Lao Zhang's house is made of wicker. Lao Zhang said: My door is a wooden door!

Lao Li's door is made of plastic. Lao Li said: My door is made of plastic!

The door of Lao Wang's house is made of brick. Lao Wang said: My door is a brick door!

Liu's door is made of steel. Lao Liu said: you talk, I'll go first!

5 1. Andy Lau took May to Stephen Chow to drink water. Suddenly, Nicholas Tse exploded and a Nicky Wu emerged from the water. Nicky Wu took Ekin Cheng, rode on Ka Kui Wong and took May; Holding Emil Wakin Chau, Andy Lau stepped on Jay Chou, crossed Zhao Benshan, Rosamund Kwan, leaped over Pan Changjiang, snatched May back and returned to Aaron Kwok. He also hung a flag in a city called Richie Jen!

52. Once upon a time, there was a family whose parents cut down peach and pear trees. There was a knock at the door when the fruit steel was brought back and put on the fruit plate. Mom and dad quickly told their son: When a guest comes to ask you questions, you can answer three questions: The first one is that it has been cut and is being sold in the market. The second said it was trampled, just as the firewood was burning. The third is my unique fruit. If you don't mind, please taste it. After that, mom and dad ran away from the back door. The child opened the door, but it was not a guest. The guest asked, where is your father? The child replied: it has been cut down and is being sold in the market. Then, the guest asked, where is your mother? The child replied: it was trampled, just like firewood burning. Finally, the guest picked up the horse manure on the ground and asked, what is this? The child immediately replied: this is a unique fruit in my family. It's delicious! If you don't mind, please taste it.

A little too much, isn't it? Hehe ~ ~