A humorous joke that makes people laugh until they cramp.

The complete works of humorous jokes make people laugh until they cramp.

A joke is something that makes people laugh. Jokes are short in length, simple and ingenious in story, often unexpected, giving people a wonderful feeling of being suddenly enlightened. The following is what I arranged for you. Welcome to reading. I hope you will like it.

Humorous jokes that make people laugh until they get cramped 1 1. Scientists say that there is no life beyond the ball that makes people laugh until they cramp, because there is no air or water on those planets.

There is a group of creatures in space. They occupied all the planets they saw along the way. Finally, one day, they came to the outer space of the earth, and one of them went out to explore the way before entering the earth.

Three minutes later, I saw the first creature to enter the earth fly out with a gloomy face: "MD, let's go, this planet has air and is not suitable for survival!" " "

It is said that a villager lost a cow, and the director of the police station took the police officers to check it out. Many people don't know it. Only one mute is an insider, but he can't say it. The dumb man used his quick wits to stand behind the director of the police station and pull his hand from the middle of the director's crotch to the front.

The director of the police station suddenly realized that he was anxious to let the driver do it. The driver didn't know where the car was going, so he was so angry that he drove to the back ditch. The second egg in Hougou stole the cow.

The industrial zone where we are located is called Saitu. At first, I didn't understand. Later, I remembered that the name was abusive!

Because the tortoise defeated the rabbit!

MD, if you don't call us turtles behind our backs!

Humorous jokes that make people laugh until they cramp 2 1. As soon as the bell rang, a boy ran into the classroom panting and explained to the teacher: I ran back with the school bus to save money. The teacher replied: next time you should run with a taxi, so you can save more money and not be late.

2. One day at school, the teacher said, "The topic of today's composition is for the teacher." As soon as the voice fell, a student stood up and said, "Teacher, please go to the hospital. We can't cure you. "

3. Even if 99% people in the world think you are ugly, there are still 75 million people on the earth who think you are ugly. Do you feel suddenly swollen!

4, girls are, small and fresh in front of relatives, quiet in front of outsiders, neurotic in front of acquaintances, and female hooligans in front of girlfriends.

Monkey, did you propose to Xia Zi with this ring? You are so funny! You don't have a half carat diamond, so no one cares about you! When Chang 'e was so ashamed of me, she said, Don't tell me if you love me or not. Look at the size of the diamond ring first! Alas, how realistic the little fairy is now. Alas, I tell you, with this ticket fairy, you will shoot her to death with a diamond brick, and she didn't even call for help!

6. There is really no coat like a school uniform: a mobile phone is hidden in the sleeve, a book can be put in the pocket, a pillow is rolled up and spread out as a blanket, and you dare to rub it anywhere. The key is that after wearing it, everyone can be evenly ugly. Sixteen, life is like some people singing, the first sentence is out of tune, and then everything goes wrong.

7. My wife baked cookies for the first time and they were burnt. I encouraged her to say, "My wife is great. She made Oreos." She was a little embarrassed: "No …" I said: "My wife must make the best!" When she was happy, she became excited: "Then you can eat them all."

8. The snail flew into a rage when checking out after dinner: "You are a little too dark. I just ate a small bowl of noodles here and charged my room rate. Please make it clear that the private room is my own, not yours. "

9. A man and a woman are making out. The man tried hard, but the woman didn't respond. The man asked angrily, "can't you respond a little?" Can't even call the bed! The woman immediately shouted, "Sleep! Bed! "

10, the woman is ugly and can't get married, hoping to be trafficked. Finally, my dream came true, but I couldn't sell it for half a month. The kidnapper sent him back, but she insisted on not getting off. The kidnapper gritted his teeth and stamped his feet: Let's go, don't want the car.

1 1, a, I saw someone as soon as I closed my eyes. This is C, my mother, so it's you, stretching your neck, looking at hand G with EF smug expression, grinning, HH smiling.

12. Before I got married, I thought boys were the most handsome when playing basketball. After marriage, I suddenly found that it is the most exciting thing for men to cook, wash dishes and clean up the house!

13. After spending more than a year with my girlfriend, I finally understood two sentences. I can calm my girlfriend down by picking a word at random. The first sentence: You are right. The second sentence: buy.

14, never quarrel with your parents, because you will only be scolded if you win, and you will only be beaten if you win.

15, I went to work today and want to go tomorrow. This is a career; I went to work today, and I will go to work tomorrow. This is a profession! I drank together today, and I want to drink again tomorrow. This is a friend. We drank together today, and we will drink tomorrow. This is the customer! I ate today, and I want to eat tomorrow. This is delicious food. I ate it today, and I will eat it tomorrow. This is a meal!

16, I went to my best friend's house, and she was actually reading a book. I asked her why she was so diligent. She said: color matters to people, and color declines gracefully. I asked what it meant, and she explained: I send selfies every day, and my friends are tired of watching them. So I'm going to make jokes and be an educated slut.

17, a dog grinned and the lion dodged. The little lion asked, "How shameful it is that you dare to fight with a tiger but avoid a dog." The lion said, "Fight with the dog and let the tiger know. Why don't you laugh at me? "

18, Jiaozi wants a divorce, and his wife asks why. Jiaozi: I fell in love with wonton. Madam: Didn't you say that you like my simplicity? Jiaozi: Now I realize that I prefer perspective clothes.

19, asking people to pay back money is like a secret love. I always feel embarrassed to say it! When you get up the courage to say it, you may not even have friends!

20. Xiaoming came to the forest and saw a bird playing mahjong. He asked, What kind of bird are you? The bird playing mahjong answers: I am a sparrow. Xiao Ming walked on and saw a bird taking a bath. He asked, What kind of bird are you? The bird in the shower replied, I am a magpie. Xiaoming walked on and saw a bird making a hole in the tree. He stepped forward and said, you must be a peacock! The bird gave him a white look: roll, I'm a woodpecker!

2 1, the female manager took a nap and stole her WeChat group: "I am pregnant." Who expected the boss to reply: "Are you sure? This is not a joke. " When we saw the news, we were all shocked. As a result, the boss replied: "The project will be established next, and you are not responsible." I think there's a problem.

22. Woman: Brother, I have a tight part on my body. Do you know where it is? M: (secretly pleased) I don't know. Where is it? Woman: It's at hand. Man: Sister, I have a hard part on my body. Do you know where it is? Where is the girl (shy)? M: Yes.

23, a sister. One day after dinner, my father looked at me for a long time. Suddenly sighed and said, hey, I wanted to solve one bachelor for my country twenty years ago, but I didn't expect to be able to do two more. My own dad, stop it. I want to be quiet. ...

24. What is a famous brand? If you add a zero to the cost price, it's called a famous brand. Cost plus two zeros is called luxury. How many zeros can be added after the cost price? This is called a cultural relic!

25. Frog, dog and goldfish participated in the swimming competition. The dog won the first place and the frog won the second place. Why did the champion go to the frog? There is no dog paddle in the international swimming competition, but there is breaststroke.

26. You are very handsome. You have a nest of cabbage on your head and a sack of kelp in your waist. You think you are Dong Fangbubai, but in fact you are the second generation of a failed God!

27. The world is so strange. Poverty limits my imagination, but not my weight.

28. Look at someone in Weibo who said that when he was in a bad mood, he went to chat with his aunt in the community, and in ten minutes, he would know who was worse off than you. I tried to find my aunt in the community and told her about my miserable life. My kind aunt patted me on the shoulder and said, what is this? Xiao Wang in Building 7 is much worse than you. I cried after listening to it, because I am Xiao Wang in Building 7.

29. When someone wants something from others in business, they will pester them and promise anything, but they always try their best to avoid it afterwards. On one occasion, he failed to fulfill his previous promise. He said to his friend, "believe me, I am by no means the kind of person who turns his back on others." The friend looked at him and said coldly, "Slip?"

30. The teacher asked: Why didn't dragonfly come to school today? The fly stood up and answered: yesterday, the street was being swept away and taken away. The teacher asked again, why didn't you get caught? The fly replied with a bitter face: the city manager said I was ugly and noisy, which seriously affected the city appearance. Get off the road.

I want to roast chicken legs.

I asked my sixth-grade daughter what her plans were, and she said that her goal was to be admitted to No.1 Middle School, a key middle school. At that time, my little nephew, who just turned two and a half, was there, so I asked, "Cheng Cheng, what are you going to take when you grow up?"

"I want to roast chicken legs." He answered without hesitation.

Babe, your imagination is too rich.

My son has twins in kindergarten.

When I saw my children off this morning, the kindergarten teacher told me that my son has been bullying new classmates recently and likes to pat twins on the head.

Asked about the reason, the son replied weakly: Did they watch it together? I have been away for three days, why can't the swelling go away? ......

Buffalo likes fish.

What are the grandsons, grandfathers and buffaloes like?

Grandpa: Buffalo looks like an ordinary cow, except that it likes to live in water.

Grandson: Oh, I see. It must like fish.

I am four years old.

Aunt asked Chaochao: Did you take a nap today?

Chaochao said: I am four years old today.

My aunt said, I didn't ask how old you are, I asked if you had a nap.

Chao Chao said: I told you I was four years old. Why did I say I was five? Aunt, how old are you?

My aunt said: I am 32 years old.

Chaochao quickly asked his mother: Mom, Mom, what is 32 plus 1?

33。 Mom said.

Aunt, then you are 33 years old.

Aunt:? ~~~~~~~~

Wake me up.

Son: Didn't you say you never wake me up at night?

Mother: Yes!

Son: When was I born?

Mother: 3 pm!

Son: So you didn't wake me up?

Pretend to be awake

My cousin (four years old) came to Xin Wei's house to play, which was very annoying. Now she finally put her to sleep.

But when Xin Wei went to the toilet, when he came back, the little guy continued to make trouble.

Xin Wei was very angry. He shouted at her, "Are you finished? Do you sleep or not? "

The little guy was probably scared and immediately cried and said, "I'm asleep, pretending to be awake!" " "

satisfy

Hey, what's up? Frederick, father asked, is your female teacher satisfied with you?

Ah, yes, dad, very satisfied.

How do you know she told you herself?

Of course, dad. The day before yesterday, she said to me, "If all the students are like you, I will leave school at once!" " "This shows that I have all learned.

I really want to drink

The father took his youngest son camping in the wild to let him experience a simple life.

When the father reached into the mountain stream and lifted the water, the child was dumbfounded and shouted, "Dad, you don't want to drink water, do you?"

"Of course!" Father said, take it in your hand! Drink water gurgling.

"Oh, Dad!" The child said, "I'm not talking about water, but tadpoles in the water."

An upright man is open and poised, little people are dirty.

My brother is lying on the beach enjoying sunbathing, while my brother is playing with mud all over his face.

My brother sneered, "This is called' an upright man, a dirty little man'."

Ann a Portugal.

My son's deciduous teeth have fallen out.

Son: Mom, my tooth fell out, and all the children laughed at me for having no teeth. Can you help me install a Portuguese? It will look good, and my mouth will smell of grapes every day!

Another road

Mom: What's the number of this question?

Son: 5.

Mom: It's clever to take it out so soon. Here's five cents for popsicles.

Son: Mom, write one more question. 100!

How did the ancients make a fire?

Teacher: How did ancient people make a fire?

Najia: Did they hit each other with stones to produce Mars?

Teacher: What did they use to light the fire?

Najia: Old newspapers.

Bao Xiao's wish

On his birthday, Bao Xiao made a wish on the cake: Let me have a twin brother.

Lingling asked Bao Xiao after hearing this: Why do you have a twin brother?

Bao Xiao said: If I have a twin brother, I will play at home and he will go to school. Well done!

Don't raise me to death

My mother bought a little turtle for her daughter at the end of last year. She died during the Spring Festival and never told her, for fear that she would be sad. Just now, she picked up some small stones and told her mother that she would take them home for the little turtle to eat. Mom said the little turtle was missing. Why? Mom said, "Sorry, mom raised the little turtle to death." After a tearful silence, she said piteously to her mother, "Mom, be careful, don't raise me to death!" "

A humorous joke that makes people laugh until they cramp. 4 line up for a bath.

"How many brothers and sisters do you have?" "Four brothers, two sisters." "What is the biggest problem in living in such a big family?" "Line up for a bath to see who runs first, and the last one has to use cold water." "Do you like taking a hot bath?" "I don't know, I've never taken a hot bath."

Food/rice barrel

One day, a father and son had lunch together. After a while, the father handed the empty bowl to the child and asked him to hold the rice. The child said to his father with a sad face, "My stomach hurts so much that I can't help you with your meal."

Father is furious: "If I can move, I won't call you, git!" "

Little milk man

I told my baby the day before yesterday that cows have multiple stomachs and ruminate after eating grass. The baby suddenly remembered something and said, "Mom, I want to eat grass, too." I was surprised to ask her why.

She said that she would be our little nurse, eat grass and then milk our family. ......

The child went against the sky.

There is a three-and-a-half-year-old girl in my family. The conversation between her and her father almost made me laugh last night.

Daughter: Dad, you said you had a stomachache. Come on, say, I have a stomachache.

Dad: Oh, I have a stomachache. I have a stomachache.

Daughter: Then lie down quickly. I'll give you a caesarean section. You will have a son.

Daughter, you are only three and a half years old. How do you know so much?

This money is all real.

When shopping at ordinary times, I always habitually look at whether the money others are looking for is true or not, so as not to be fooled. I don't want my son to learn.

During the Chinese New Year, my aunt gave me lucky money, and my son held it in his hand and looked at it one by one. Finally, he came to me and said, "Mom, you're here! All the money is real, not fake. "

Here are a few.

There is a 4-year-old super cute shota next door. His mother taught him to count.

Give a finger and say 1, and shota says 1.

Then his mother held out two fingers and said it was 2, and he followed suit.

Then his mother held out a finger and asked what it was. He said "several" seriously. ......

Who is with him?

There's a couple getting married, and my little nephew is going to attend.

Curiously asked: "Uncle, what is this?"

Answer: "Marry a wife."

Little guy: "So I will marry in the future?"

A: "When you grow up."

The little guy pondered for a while,

"Did my father marry a wife?"

A: "... what do you say? "

The little fellow disdained, "Just like him, who will follow him!"

What is a microfilm?

My friend asked me, "What is a microfilm?"

I replied: "Microfilm is a film with small investment, short time and few participants."

At this moment, my 6-year-old daughter chimed in:

"There are many micro-movies made by two people in my father's mobile phone."

Son's idea

When watching TV, there was a scene where money was scattered all over the floor. My son shouted, pick it up quickly, so much money.

Mom asked, if you have so much money, what do you want to do most?

A: Occupy the canteen downstairs and eat whatever you want.

uncivilized

On Sunday, I took my son to travel to Mount Tai. I saw a large row of tourist buses waiting for tourists with air conditioners on, and the air conditioners dripped all over the floor. At this time, my son pointed to a ticking bus and said to me, "These cars urinate everywhere. It's really uncivilized! "

Smashing

One day after school, Gao Jiawen came home in high spirits and told his mother: Mom, the teacher sent out the report card today! And the teacher gave me a comment that my character and study are excellent!

When Gao Jiawen's mother heard these words, she thought the gods would bless her. Gao Jiawen finally understood that she was worthy of her ancestors!

Then I heard Gao Jiawen say, Hey! But why isn't there a word next to this excellent student with excellent academic performance?

My ass caught a cold.

One day, my 26-month-old nephew came to me and said that my ass caught a cold and I was sneezing.

We didn't know what to say, but we heard him say, here we go again!

It turned out that he was farting. ......

10 0 o'clock

Lingling got 100 in the Chinese midterm exam. When she took out the test paper from her bag, it happened that a 4-year-old neighbor, Mao Mao, saw it. Mao Mao went home and told his mother that Lingling didn't do well in the exam. She got 10 in the Chinese exam.

Youxiao automobile

A five-year-old child followed his father to the garage full of cars.

She said to her father, Dad, is this a car kindergarten?

A humorous joke that makes people laugh until they cramp. This baby will be a great success when he grows up!

The teachers of Lz kindergarten, with the theme of "greetings", surrounded the children with various hugs, kisses and handshakes. ......

When busy, a child who often doesn't talk suddenly got up and rushed over, plopping on the ground.

I thought, it's over. Something happened. He slowly raised his head and said, Long live my emperor! ......

test

Naughty Baker knew that his mother had come back and rushed out of the room: Mom, do you know how much toothpaste there is in this toothpaste?

I don't know

I just know that it can be squeezed from the sofa to the door.

I only drink one dollar.

There is a daughter at home, one and a half years old, who is in the process of weaning.

My daughter clamored for milk this morning, but my wife strongly disagreed. The daughter cried. ......

I went to the dormitory in tears for a while and came back in 1 minute with 1 yuan in my hand. I looked at my wife piteously and said, "Mom, I'll just drink one yuan."

It's not my fault.

Xiaoming came crying to tell his mother that he was beaten by his father.

Mother asked, "Why did he hit you?"

Xiaoming sobbed and said, "Today, guests came to play at home. My brother put a thumbtack on the guest's chair. I saw it."

"It's not your fault. What did you do later? "

"I was afraid that the guest would sit on the thumbtack, so I quietly pulled the stool away from the back before the guest sat down."

How was the child born?

Mom is pregnant, and 4-year-old Hai is puzzled. She asked her father how his future brother or sister was born. Dad explained to her, "Sir, come out, regenerate your body, and finally have two legs, understand?"

"I see, dad, and then you put them together with screws, right?

Want to swing in front?

When I went to the park and wanted to play on the swing in front, I went over to discuss with the children who were playing.

I said, "Are you alone, little friend?" The children looked at me and nodded.

So I smiled and said to him, "Let me play, or I will kill you ..."

How can a stepmother be worse than you?

Today, I took my four-year-old daughter to see the pantomime Cinderella.

She asked me, "Mom, what is a stepmother?"

I said stepmother.

After watching it for a while, my daughter said to me with tears in her eyes, "Mom, how can this stepmother be worse than you?"

I want my baby to taste it, too

My three-year-old son made a mistake one day, and his mother made him kneel and rub the washboard.

My son knelt by his mouth and said to himself, I want him to kneel and rub the washboard when I have a child.

* * * Similarities

Brother: Do elephants and golden monkeys have anything in common?

Brother: Yes, none of them can ride a bike.

Why not let the hen teach it?

Feed the baby eggs at home,

The baby looked at the rooster sticker on the cupboard and asked me, "Mom, is this a chicken laying eggs?"

I said, "no, roosters can't lay eggs, hens can lay eggs!" "

The baby asked curiously, "Then why not let the hen teach?"

We have a villa at home.

Take my son to school, at the school gate,

A son's classmate happily ran over and said, "We have a villa at home."

The son said calmly, "What's the big deal? There are peach trees and pear trees in my hometown. "

Tell grandma

A pair of brothers, one day, the elder brother beat the younger brother. The younger brother said, "You hit me, and I'm going to tell grandma." . Brother said, "Don't tell grandma, but I'm not afraid to tell the uterus." .

It happened that grandma was going to have a hysterectomy. Grandma called all her children and grandchildren and said to them, "Son, your hometown is moving."

Why don't you go down and buy me something?

I want to surf the internet after dinner and find that the computer is being occupied by my son in Grade One.

In order to distract my son, I took out ten dollars and threw them on the keyboard.

"Go downstairs and buy whatever you want," he said angrily.

Without looking up, the son said, "I have to surf the Internet. Go down and buy me some. "

My father wishes I hadn't been born.

Xiao Yang: My father wants me to be a boy. What a nuisance!

Xiaoming: My father wants me to be a girl.

Small embarrassment: I am miserable!

The two asked: Why do you say that?

Awkward: My dad wishes I hadn't been born.

crow\'s feet

Mom: It's good to swim.

Xiao Xin: Mom, you are becoming more and more like a fish!

Mom: You mean like a mermaid?

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