2020-04- 18

Natural temperament (1): Understand children and teach them in accordance with their aptitude.

Natural temperament refers to a child's disposition at birth. Observing the child's personality tendency early will make it easier for parents to get along with him and cultivate him more strategically.

People's natural temperament can be divided into four types: optimism, melancholy, radicalism and calmness. In fact, everyone has the above four kinds of temperament, but one of them accounts for the largest proportion in our personality, so it appears as our dominant temperament. However, this does not mean that people with a temperament must have all the advantages and disadvantages of this temperament type, but only that they have a higher tendency. After all, a person's personality is determined by "natural temperament" and "acquired learning".

Why should we learn "natural temperament"?

If we plan to raise a plant, the first thing we need to know is: what kind of flower is this? What kind of fertilizer do you need? How much sunshine and water do you need? Plants have different natures, some like to bask in the sun, while others need to avoid exposure to the hot sun; Some need a lot of water, and some will wither if watered too much.

Similarly, when raising a child, we should also learn to find out what kind of child he belongs to. In what ways is he more talented? In what ways are problems prone to occur? Encourage him more in talent and give him more opportunities to fully develop in this part. In terms of problems, guide children to avoid problems as soon as possible. The advantage of this is that the process of parenting is twice the result with half the effort. More importantly, children are happier, have more opportunities to do things well in their own fields and gain more sense of accomplishment. And if we go in the wrong direction (for example, we raise plants in the wrong way), the child can grow up, but he may not grow so well because he can't show his best side.

Of course, parents who are very keen and good at introspection do not have to learn the knowledge of "parenting". They can also become good parents by observing their children carefully and following their needs. Even if they have tried and made mistakes, sensitive and introspective parents will constantly adjust their state and the way they get along with their children. However, the problem is that when more parents face their children's "problems", their first reaction is: "How can this child be like this?" Or: "When I am old, it is no problem to use this method. Why can't I have a second child? " There must be something wrong with him. "Instead of self-reflection, they blame their children for being so weak, lazy and irritable. They don't know that this has something to do with the child's natural temperament, and when the child shows this trait, it means that he must have the advantages of the other side, just like a coin has a negative side and a positive side.

Parents are used to staring at their children's unsatisfactory places, but they ignore their shining side. In the process of raising children, even before the arrival of children, if you have this understanding of children and some parenting knowledge, you can take fewer detours and accept children more easily, instead of always getting angry in a hurry.

How to observe a child's "natural temperament"?

The younger the child, the easier it is to observe, especially at the age of 0~ 3. When children grow up, they begin to imitate their parents or people they like, which makes the performance of personality more acquired. In fact, when we have knowledge reserves, as long as we are careful enough, every step of a child's growth can reflect his natural temperament: how did he learn to crawl? How to learn to walk? How to learn to speak? How to make friends?

The following are four typical manifestations of natural temperament:

How to teach students in accordance with their aptitude according to "natural temperament"

1. Develop with advantages and learn with disadvantages.

No matter what kind of natural temperament a child belongs to, every trait of him is bound to be accompanied by both advantages and disadvantages. Everyone has shortcomings and advantages. On the one hand, it may be easier for parents to provide their children with opportunities for development as much as possible. When a child shows a bad side, we should first think that it has a negative advantage. A child who is not good at math may be particularly gifted in language or art. Unless we expect the child to be a perfect child, shortcomings and weaknesses are inevitable. Secondly, short board means leaving more time for children. Poor math doesn't mean you don't have to learn or can't learn, but children may spend more time on it, but it's still not very good. It doesn't matter. It is good to know this trait of children and let them reach the basic level with confidence. Don't let children label themselves as "I just can't".

However, the inherent shortcomings and deficiencies are not an excuse for willfulness. Lotte-type children are not careful with their money, and radical children are prone to lose their temper. Does that mean they can attack others in luxury or at will?

Natural temperament is not an excuse to help parents and children avoid shortcomings. On the one hand, we must understand the characteristics of children. On the other hand, in behavior, we still have to help children learn and gradually improve their personality.

Ideally, a child has an advantage and the most outstanding part, and gradually accumulates it so that he can use that trait or advantage in his future work. And the part with shortcomings, we should learn slowly, and don't let it become an obstacle on our way forward.

Don't label it

There is no need for parents to tell their children, and there is no need to discuss what kind of natural temperament he is in front of them. After we know something about ourselves, it is good to observe and pay attention silently. More in the advantages, let the child accumulate self-confidence and sense of accomplishment, and teach him more in the shortcomings, so that he can learn.

Everyone has a long road to maturity, and natural temperament is just a background color for each of us. People who are good at learning will constantly absorb nutrition from the characteristics and advantages of others and enrich themselves. Once a label is attached, it is easy to prevent children from absorbing different nutrients.

3. According to the temperament type of the child, give him the most needed nutrition.

We sometimes observe that some children grow up well in families with many children. Some of them are particularly bad because parents don't understand that children with different personalities need different things. Lucky boy. Only with the unintentional support of parents, unlucky children can't be raised inexplicably.

For example, compared with other types, depressed children especially need a stable relationship between their parents. Depressed children benefit the most from families with good psychological nutrition supply. Because this kind of children are the most sensitive, self-examination and learning from others are particularly strong. When the family provides them with a stable and harmonious environment, they will absorb nutrition from all aspects to the maximum extent. But when the family environment is bad, depressed children are also the most vulnerable, because the negative energy they feel will always stay in their bodies, causing emotional and psychological problems. In such an environment, cheerful and calm children are relatively safe.

Therefore, if we can know more clearly what kind of children our children are and what special needs they have, the parenting process will be smoother and easier.

Different proportions of temperament tendency

People's natural temperament can be divided into four types: optimism, melancholy, radicalism and calmness. But this does not mean that everyone has only one temperament tendency. In fact, everyone has four temperament tendencies, but the proportion is different. For example, if a child is 60% depressed, 20% optimistic, 15% radical, 5% calm, and "melancholy" prevails, we say that the child is depressed. And even the same melancholy type, there is a difference between 60% and 80%. Obviously, the melancholy characteristics of the latter will be more obvious. In addition, age and gender will also affect temperament tendency. For example, boys will have more "happy" factors, while women (including girls) will have more "melancholy" factors.

Natural disposition (1) Happy children

Most concerned about relationships, have the advantage of interpersonal communication!

Wechat Picture _202004 18090755.png Just as melancholy traits usually occupy a certain proportion among women, every child will have some optimistic traits, such as being positive, optimistic and enthusiastic ... So we sometimes see some optimistic traits of children and think that the temperament type that dominates children is optimistic, but it is not necessarily so. A child is an optimistic child only when most of his behavioral tendencies show the following characteristics.

Personality keywords-positive optimism, interpersonal skills, love to enjoy, eager for affirmation.

Positive and optimistic

Happy type, as its name implies, is characterized by being used to seeing things from an optimistic perspective. They tend to focus on what they have first, not what they lack. In the process of doing things, we also pay more attention to the success side and ignore the failure or mistake side. The advantage is that such children are more positive and optimistic, and they will not care too much if they do something wrong. The disadvantage is that it is easy to make mistakes again and again.

Interpersonal expert

Happy children have almost all the advantages of dealing with interpersonal relationships, such as rich feelings and sympathy. He laughs most easily when he hears a simple joke. Hearing other people's sad things, he is most likely to cry and be moved by other people's things. Happy children don't have deep feelings, but they are rich. If a melancholy child can grasp some subtle feelings of others, then a cheerful child will only feel it after you say it. Once he feels it, it is easy to laugh and cry.

Because the expression of feelings is by means of external crying, laughing and shouting, even if he has unhappy things, he will not hide them in his heart for a long time. I was angry for a moment, but if I get angry again, the past will be over and I won't hold grudges. This is also a great advantage of their interpersonal communication. People who associate with him can be more relaxed and less afraid of stepping on his mines. Even if you step on it, happy people will not take it too seriously.

Generally speaking, happy children are truly extroverted children. Warm, and like to express warmth. Enthusiastic, naturally like to contact many people. On various occasions, he is the role of adjusting the atmosphere. He likes to attract others' attention and make them happy by telling jokes and the like.

It is precisely because of this feature that happy children are more suitable for crowded jobs when they grow up, and are not suitable for jobs facing computers and machines. Talking with people at work, helping others through work and serving others will make him feel a sense of accomplishment.

? enjoy

Happy children love spending money and having fun since childhood. Similarly, when he grows up, he loves spending money and making money.

Happy children live in the present, and they will do things with their physical feelings, so it is difficult to restrain themselves with the knowledge in their minds. Because his self-control ability is poor. When you think about it, you have to do it, enjoy it and experience it.

When a happy child wants to eat a candy, it is difficult for parents to teach him to give it up rationally. The driving force of inner feelings is too strong, and it is useless to say more reasons or even punish children.

? Eager for affirmation

Every child wants to be affirmed, praised and recognized by his parents, but no type is as eager as a happy child.

The most important wish of a happy child in life is to be affirmed, praised and recognized by people who value him. If parents can't provide this kind of nutrition for their children, they won't be homesick. Just like all trees need sunshine, water, soil and nutrition. The difference is that different kinds of trees need these elements to varying degrees. Some trees only need a little sunshine, and too much is not good. Happy children are the kind of trees that long for sunshine (affirmation, praise and recognition).

Happy children can't stand that you can't see him or pay attention to him. Therefore, he especially wants to speak loudly and make jokes in the crowd to attract others' attention and give him positive feedback: affirmation, praise and recognition.

In the family, if this demand is not met, he is particularly easy to seek outside, use his compassionate and chivalrous characteristics to help others, and also gain the psychological nutrition he wants most.

? Parenting keywords-quality relationship, playing warm cards, planning and responsibility

? Quality relation

? Parents of happy children must establish a good parent-child relationship with their children. Because what he cares about most is relationships. If the relationship is not good, parents can't teach him.

His logic is: I don't care about anything but people. I care about your feelings only if I care about you, and I care about what you teach only if I care about your feelings. Lotte is willing to please people, but only if I like you.

For those who want to strengthen the guidance of children, we must not use criticism. Instead, when a child does something right and good, he expresses interest: "Can you tell me how you did it?" Give children a chance to talk about things in detail, the more they talk, the more cheerful they are, and then they do better and better.

Give up criticism, actively pay attention to him and guide him on the basis of good parent-child relationship.

? Play warm cards

When getting along with happy children, if parents can learn to guide him with warm feelings, many unnecessary disputes will be reduced. For example, if you want a carefree child to say hello to his elders, if you say "If you see grandpa, you are a polite boy", then most children will not buy it. But if we put it another way: "If you see grandpa, call him, he will feel very warm in his heart", and he will listen. What he can listen to is always related to people's feelings, especially the positive emotional connection and mobilization. For example, if a child hits someone, you say, "You are not doing well. If you do something wrong, people will reject you. " This is a warning of negative results, which has no effect on him, but if you say, "mom cares about you and loves you very much, I believe you can do it ... he will listen more."

The only thing that can inspire a happy child and make him try his best to be self-disciplined is the warm feelings with others.

? Plans and responsibilities

Happy children are not "task-oriented", that is, completing and doing well is not the most important thing for them. He values the relationship between people most. As a direct result of this trait, he will neglect his responsibility for the sake of relationship. For example, when he grew up, in the process of doing a job, he suddenly received a call from a friend who needed help. He can leave his job and help his friends first, regardless of the boss's objection. In contrast, the "task-oriented" melancholy type, as long as he promises to finish one thing, he will finish the task first and then take care of others. He will explain to others first: "I know you have a problem, but I will help you after I finish the work." It is precisely because happy people always put relationships before tasks that they are often criticized by others: irresponsible! In fact, he is not irresponsible, just because he spends a lot of time comforting and encouraging his friends, and his working hours are not guaranteed.

Therefore, the shortcomings of this part require parents to guide their children from an early age and let them know what they have chosen and promised, and they must do it and be responsible. Such children are easy to agree when faced with other people's demands, but easy to escape and give up when faced with excessive pressure. Only with deliberate guidance can children's persistence last longer.

In addition, because of poor self-discipline, happy children are easily unplanned. We can also guide children to think more and seek more information before doing something, and be responsible for their choices when making decisions and choices.

Including the management and planning of money, lotte children need to learn from an early age, otherwise it is easy to develop the habit of spending money indiscriminately and spending money without a plan at all.