China's classical jokes and translation.

1. Translation of two ancient jokes in China 1. Nose and eyebrows compete for position. Nose said: "I know all the smells and tastes first, and my contribution is relatively large." You are a useless thing. What credit do you have? How dare you press on me? " Eyebrows said, "Then, if the nose is above (me), how can fashion be so reasonable?"

2. There was a man who wanted to cross the river and was sad that there was no ferry. Suddenly I saw a chinemys reevesii. The man said, "Brother Tortoise, please take me across the river. I will recite poems to thank you. " The tortoise said, "Sing a poem before crossing the river." The man said, "Don't be fooled by you. How about singing a few words before crossing the river? " The tortoise said, "Yes." "The man recited," Then the man recited a poem and said, "............."

2. Translating China's ancient jokes can't save money —— Laughing Building by Feng Ming Menglong.

A person is extremely stingy, and the stream in Lu Yu is newly rising. He is stingy to cross the river and wade desperately. In the middle reaches, the water washed down and drifted for half a mile. His son searched for a boat on the shore to save him. The boat wants money, and the money goes there. The son only pays five cents, and the price is uncertain for a long time. On his deathbed, the father turned to look after his son and shouted, "My son, my son, five cents to save you, but no money to save you!" "

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He is very stingy. Once, when he was on the way, he met a new river rising. Although he could cross the river by boat, he was afraid to pay for the boat, so he waded across the river regardless. Just to the middle of the river, it was washed down by the water and drifted for more than half a mile. His son is on the shore, looking for a boat to save him. The boatman set the sailing price and said that he could only go if he gave a sum of money. His son bargained for him and said that he would only give five points. This bargaining has dragged on for a long time, and there has been no conclusion. At this time, his father was dying. When he was dying, he turned around and shouted to his son:

"My son, my son, you can save it in five minutes and not a penny!"

3. The more translators, the better the plaque. A man boasted that he could get into Imperial High School and said, "I dream at night, and someone plays drum music to give me a plaque."

His friend said, "I also dreamed that someone gave you a plaque with four words written on it: outrageous." I'm afraid someone grew up in a rich family and spent money to buy a five-product official, but they don't know the sufferings of the people.

One winter, he went out to inspect. I saw a beggar standing shivering in the cold wind.

He felt very strange and asked his entourage, "Why is this person always moving?" The waiter said, "It's cold and my clothes are thin. I'm shivering." The man was even more surprised and said, "Isn't it cold to shake?" A rich man bought a barrel of wine and put a seal on the lid. His servant drilled a hole in the bottom of the barrel and stole wine every day. The rich man was surprised to find that the seal was complete, but the amount of wine was getting less and less every day. It is suggested that he check the bottom of the bucket to see if there are any defects. The rich man replied, "You are a fool, but there is not enough wine above and there is no wine below.".

A man was invited to dinner. When the host poured wine, he only poured half a cup at a time. The man said to his master, "You have a saw at home. Please lend it to me." The host asked, "What's the use of borrowing it?" The guest pointed to the cup and said, "Since the top half of this cup can't hold wine, it should be sawed off. What's the use of keeping it? " Two friends who have invested in brewing together are going to brew together. A said to B, "You give food and I'll give water." B said, "I can pay for the meal. After drinking it, how can I divide the profits?" A said, "I will never let you suffer." After drinking, I just want water, and the rest is yours. "

Zhang Youyu, who guessed the riddle of Wumen, aroused the curiosity of talents. Every day, there are intruders who pretend to be riddles and stick them on the door: "If you hit it, you can enter." Mystery cloud: "old but not old, small but not small;" Don't be embarrassed, okay. "

There is nothing in it; Wang Gubai shoots a cloud: "The squire is 80 years old when he meets King Wen; Gan Luo twelve as prime minister, small not small; It is shameful to swallow it alone after closing the door; Open the door for everyone to eat, okay? " Zhang laughed.

A man was ordered to deliver an urgent document, and the boss specially gave him a fast horse. Isn't it faster? But he just ran after the horse.

Passers-by asked him, "Since it's so urgent, why not ride a horse?" He said, "Isn't it faster to walk with six feet than with four feet?" Willing to die, there was an emperor who loved playing the piano, but he played it so badly that the civil servants and queens in the Qing Dynasty could not stand his piano sound. The emperor searched the whole court, but he couldn't find a bosom friend.

He ordered a condemned man to be released from prison. The emperor promised: "As long as you say I play the piano well, I can save you from death."

Unexpectedly, the emperor had just played half the piano when the death row shouted, "Please don't play, I am willing to die!" " "Pick up the straw rope someone committed theft and was locked up by the government. Someone asked him, "What big crime did you commit?" He sighed: "A person is unlucky and walks against the board.

I happened to see a straw rope in the street yesterday. I thought it would be useful in the future, so I picked it up

"The questioner asked," Is it so heavy to pick up a straw rope? " I only heard the prisoner continue to say, "I didn't know there was a cow tied to the end of the straw rope!" "Salt bean family is very stingy when they are wealthy businessmen.

He put the pickled beans in a bottle and put a few in each meal with chopsticks. He was having dinner that day. Suddenly, someone told him, "Your son is eating big fish and meat in a restaurant!" " Hearing this, the rich merchant scolded, "Who have I worked so hard to save?" Then pour a handful of salt beans from the bottle, put them all in your mouth, chew and say, "I lost, too!" " "Like father, like son, there was a man who was arrogant and never let others.

One day, he was walking in the street, and a man came and didn't make way for him. Of course he wouldn't let him, so the two men stood face to face.

After a long time, the man's father came to him and asked him anxiously, "Why are you still standing here? Everyone in the family is waiting for you to buy food and cook!" " ""I can't go, this man won't make way for me! " "That you go to buy rice, I stand here to show you, who finally give way to who! "JVG words A scholar met a monk. The scholar thought of the monk's ugliness and asked him, "Master, how do you write the bald words of a bald donkey?" The monk said, "this is just a scholar's beautiful words." * * * just slightly bent. "This is the Passover.

A newly married couple didn't understand complicated holiday etiquette, so the husband asked his wife to peek at the blacksmith's house next door. The wife approached the window and saw the blacksmith hitting her with a coal shovel! When his wife came home, her husband asked her what she saw, but she wouldn't say.

Finally, the husband got angry and picked up a coal shovel to hit her. She cried and said, "Since you know all about it, why did you send me?" Monks should use blood to repel mosquitoes.

When there were a lot of mosquitoes, the monk couldn't stand it, so he beat around with his hands. People nearby asked, "Why do you want to feed mosquitoes?" The monk said, "They ate and ate, so they should fight."

The story of a scholar-a scholar took an extremely good student to catch the exam. I lost my hat on the way.

The extreme boy said: The hat fell (the first one). The scholar said quickly, not landing, but the ground.

Extremely help the scholar pick up the hat, fasten it firmly on the scholar's head, and then say: I won't touch the ground again this time. A couple of landlords are notoriously stingy.

One day, a man went into town and wanted to go to the toilet while walking, but on second thought, this good fertilizer can't be cheap for others. So I've been holding it.

Later, I couldn't hold it any longer, so I went to the toilet. But nothing came out except a few farts.

So I'm proud. Go home and tell the old woman about her experience.

Who knows that my wife flew into a rage: You are a black sheep, how can you live like this? How nice it would be to save these farts and blow the lights! Once upon a time, there was a scholar named "Xipo" who often praised Su Shi. During the drought, the satrap set up an incense table to beg for rain and ordered him to write poems to remember this grand occasion.

The scholar wrote a poem saying, "The prefect prays for rain, and all the people are grateful for virtue. Last night I pushed the window to see the moon. "

The satrap was furious and sent Yunyang. His uncle gave it to him.

Farewell, the scholar saw that his uncle was blind, so he presented a poem: "See Yunyang, and see my uncle as if he were my mother." People cry together, three lines. "

To match, officials like his poems, take his wife as the topic and ask him to recite them. The scholar said, "Ring Ding Dong, madam, come out of the back hall.

Three-inch golden lotus, horizontal. "Officer, make its self-mockery.

Scholars are.