Humorous jokes are very short.

Jokes come from life and are learned. Joke is a language form processed by art, and it is an artistic language. The following is "Humor is extremely short", I hope it will help you!

1. Don't be discouraged by children who don't go to college. Hurry up and work hard to start a business, and help the old students who just graduated to solve the employment problem after three or four years. Is the most important thing. ...

Counting the college entrance examination, we spent 12 years of youth, at least 400,000 to 500,000 tuition fees. We have supported Chen Guang Factory, True Color Factory, Machine-readable Card Factory, numerous paper mills, numerous printing houses, Hanlin Bookstore, Xinhua Bookstore, transportation industry in the city, restaurants around the school, salaries and bonuses of all teachers, the headmaster's car, gas money and gymnasium (this ……). This is our credit!

3. On rainy days, physical education class stopped, and the PE teacher asked everyone to study by themselves. Leah propped up the desk and dozed off with relish. Suddenly the saliva flowed out and pulled for a long time. A male student immediately cut the mineral water bottle and made it into a cup. The PE teacher woke up and saw that there was already half a cup. He felt thirsty and drank decisively. Then put the cup away and continue to doze off.

4. children: a train passed by, and besides, besides ... teacher's comment: forget it if I die.

5. When my cousin was in primary school, the teacher asked me to make a sentence: Yes … Yes … Yes. Cousin: Class is over. Some students have blossomed, some have borne fruit, and some have sprouted! The teacher fainted. ...

6. Chinese teacher: "Xiaojun, you should either ... or make sentences!" " "Jun Xiao thought for a moment, then stood up and shouted," sell preserved eggs! Or? Or? "

7. One day in Chinese class, I talked about poetry appreciation. The teacher asked, "When will the chrysanthemums bloom?" One or two students simply said, "When you go to the toilet." I still can't forget the way the teacher looked at him. . .

In Chinese class, the students are discussing their favorite books. Xiao Ming said to the teacher, "Our whole family loves reading, mom loves reading health books, and grandpa loves watching jokes." The teacher asked Xiaoming, "What books does your father like to read?" Xiao Ming said without thinking, "Since my father became a manager, he likes to see secretaries."

9. In the entrance examination for financial schools, one of the questions is: Please write down three institutions that can lend money. A teacher lost his heart after correcting a candidate's test paper. The candidate's answer is: bank/credit union/parents.

10, one day, a classmate's girlfriend came to the dormitory to find him. It happened that he had something to do temporarily, and his girlfriend was sitting on his bed waiting for him. When she sat idle, she looked around. I saw a pair of calligraphy couplets hanging on the bedside: spring blossoms, and one person enjoys endless happiness. The woman thought, "I didn't expect him to write calligraphy and enjoy flowers." Heart secretly pleased unceasingly, unknowingly eyes moved up, but suddenly was livid. See a horizontal batch: Long live the harem!

1 1. There is a classroom in a certain department, and there is something wrong with the wall clock in it-it goes faster and faster as soon as you knock, and it takes five minutes to knock. One day, when the professor was in class, he found that every time he was writing on the blackboard, the students wiped the base with plates and threw a wall clock, but the professor kept quiet and still followed the clock in class. A few days later, the final exam arrived and everyone worked hard. At this moment, I saw the professor practicing losing the clock with an eraser. ...

12. In class, a teacher said that when I was a child, my mother often told me stories about angels. A classmate said, teacher, your family likes to shit so much, and it is said to the sky.

13, grade three, when I first started writing. The teacher assigned a composition and forgot the specific topic. There is a girl who doesn't distinguish between "sister" and "socks" and the topic is "washing sister" The whole article, from taking off the younger sister to washing the younger sister, was enthusiastically read by the teacher. In particular, I read "I put my sister in the basin, poured some water, wiped it, and finally didn't wash it." How dirty your sister should be! The whole class laughed like crazy. ...

14, I still remember that in biology class, the teacher said, "Students should exercise more, and then pointed at me and said, Look at this classmate, how well his chest muscles exercise." The classmate flushed and said, "teacher, I am a girl!" " "Laughter rang out from the class. .

15 teacher, can you tell us something about the Taiping Heavenly Kingdom? Yes, I did. Then why can't I find it on the map?

16, a university dormitory is often visited by rats and often faces rodent infestation. When the school found out, it gave us rat poison, and as a result, none of the rats were fooled. Everyone thought of a way to mix a bag of peanuts with rat poison to lure them into falling for it. The next day, everyone got up and found that there was not a peanut kernel left and there was no shortage of rat poison. Everyone can't help but sigh: the mice in the university dormitory also graduated from undergraduate courses!

17. Last night, after a group of people in the dormitory had enough to eat and drink, a classmate suggested "fighting the landlord". Everyone said forget it. Let's take a rain check. He must play. Everyone can't help but stay with him. He was the landlord in the first game, and his cards were good. He proudly put three bomb cards on the table, and then he proudly played cards with us. After a game, he lost. Do you know why? Because his three bombs are still on the table.

During the sports meeting, Ashi and Xiaoke are responsible for putting up posters. A Shi just worked hard to post a picture, but Xiao Ke shouted, crooked! A Shi's eyes stared: What are you yelling about? It's right to look askew!

19, teacher: Wang Dabao, what are you talking about with your classmates in the next lecture? Stand up louder and cut the crap. Wang Dabao: Teacher, I have something to say, but I don't fart.

20. When Xiaoming came to school, his classmates found that his face was swollen and asked him how he got it. Xiaoming said: Yesterday my father and I went boating in the park, and a bee landed on my face. The classmate asked again: Then why don't you just drive it away? Xiao Ming said: before I could drive it away, my father killed it with an oar!

2 1. In class, the students listen to the teacher talking about the Bible. Speaking of the big flood that drowned all the creatures on the earth, we learned one sentence together: "Are you sure?" The teacher said, "OK." He asked, "What about the fish?" Teacher: "You go out!"

22. One day, a leader visited a school, which was having a meeting. The leader said: People are coming and going today, about 8/5 of them have come. After a while, he came to the football field again. There were 20 people playing football. He added: Your school is so poor that so many people compete for one.

23. In the agronomy class, the teacher asked: Do you know when is the best time to pick apples? A student quickly replied, I know, when the breeder's dog is locked up.

24. In math class, the teacher said to a student: Why can't you even subtract? For example, there are ten apples in your house, and you ate four. What is the result? The student said gloomily, the result was ten spanks!

25. I know your Mandarin is not good. Every time I attend class, I always read the rebellion of An Shi as "Green of An Shi". As your teacher, I never blame you. In the future, you can read according to Anshi Green, and everyone will cheer for you!

On 26th, a batch of primary school Chinese examination papers asked "you ... you ... and ..." to make sentences. A student wrote: Yesterday I went to my grandma's house, and grandma brought me a chicken leg. After eating, I asked my grandmother if there were any more. Grandma replied: "Yes, yes!" "

27. Henry failed in the final exam of surgical anatomy and failed in the make-up exam. The professor gave him another chance, but he still failed. Henry swore in front of his classmates in the dormitory that if he failed in the next exam, he would cut out his heart. Everyone panicked, and the professor said calmly, "Don't worry, he can't find a heart at all."

28. The nature teacher asked: We know many facts and examples from nature. For example, because of intuition, an animal doesn't like another animal or hates another animal. For example, dogs don't like cats, foxes chase hens, spiders are enemies of flies, etc ... Who can give us some examples? Little Anna raised her hand to answer, such as students and teachers.

29. Teachers and classmates play small games together, that is, in pairs. One person in each group covered another classmate's eyes with gauze, then fed him food, and finally guessed what the food was. A classmate gave each other a sip of milk from a silver heron and peanuts, and then asked them to guess what he was drinking. The classmate couldn't guess at the moment, so he replied, "I forgot." One of my classmates suddenly said loudly, "Teacher, I know he is drinking Meng Po Tang."

30. Class Two has poor discipline. Once, the teacher couldn't bear to write a big word "Jing" on the blackboard and asked, "Do you know how to read it?" Someone immediately shouted: "Zheng Qing (steaming)." The teacher was startled.

At the 3 1. sports meeting, the class teacher didn't know where the school uniform came from. Because students were not allowed to stand on the playground, the school security guard went over and said angrily, "You can't stand on the playground, don't you hear?" The students fainted collectively. ...

32. There is a sleeping god in my class. In a deep sleep, the young English teacher pulled his ear. Sleeping God calmly grabbed the English teacher's hand and said, "Wife, stop fooling around and sleep with your husband!" ! ! "The English teacher went crazy in an instant!

33. My mother said that school started, so don't fight with classmates as before. After listening to her mother's advice, I learned a lesson. On the first day of school, I had a fight with my teacher.

34. The Chinese teacher asked the students, "Who can make sentences with prosperity?" Xiao Ming said, "Prosperous marriage proposal"

35. The math teacher asked Xiao Pengyou: How many boats can a person row with 25 Xiao Pengyou? The children answered: 25 small basin friends asked: Where does Miss Li sit? Some friends said: Teacher Zhang fell into the water.

In biology class, the teacher said: The heart can't stop beating for a moment. Student: Teacher, it doesn't matter if the heart stops 10 minutes?

37. After being admitted to college, I feel that college life is just different, and there is not as much pressure as high school. I began to learn to skip classes. At first, I skipped one or two classes a day, and then I didn't go to the classroom for several days. I wanted to go to class yesterday and met the professor. The professor was surprised and said, I haven't seen you for so long and I've grown so big.

I met a beautiful MM when I went to study today. Feeling that the chat was good, I asked her what her phone number was. She said, "I'll give you my QQ. Convenient! " I said, "Good!" Add her QQ when she comes back from her studies. The verification question is: What's my phone number? Girl, would you stop being so tactful?

At the end of the math class, the teacher said, "I'll ask one last question." Then a boy in the front row replied, "I loved you!" " After a few seconds of silence, the whole class burst into laughter.

40. One night, a classmate got up and saw that the sleeping posture of the classmate in the lower berth was extremely indecent. The next morning, he said to his classmates in the lower bunk, "I find your sleeping position really marshal!" " That classmate was overjoyed: "thank you, can you tell me which marshal it is?" "Marshal Tian Peng!" "……"

4 1. In the chemistry class, when it comes to organic synthesis, the professor said to the students, "There is a need for a reagent here." The student asked, "What reagent?" The professor said, "It is an organic base, quaternary ammonium base." The student asked again, "What alkali?" The professor repeated, "a quarter of ammonium base." The student said angrily, "Only you know pinyin!"

42. In Chinese class, the teacher asked the students to explain the meaning of the idiom "respecting teachers and valuing morality". A classmate replied, "It means that in ancient times, girls should wear as much clothes as possible, but now girls should wear as little clothes as possible."

43. When I was in junior high school, I lived on campus. Boys, a sheet has been tossed and turned for a year ... A girl who has admired me for a long time asked to wash my sheets, secretly pleased. But when I saw my sheets, I was ashamed … so I resolutely went home and took some clean sheets. I think it's too clean and unreal. I went to the playground bunker to rub a box of sand ... A few days later, the girl secretly said to me, "Did you get kidney calculi?" I washed 5cc of sand when I washed your sheets! "

44. The teacher asks questions. After asking one question, he asked another. There is a children's shoe holding his hand high. The teacher asked and asked, and finally asked about the child's shoes, but he stopped raising his hand. The teacher asked, "Why don't you raise your hand?" The children's shoes said, "It's too late, I've finished peeing." The whole class laughed and the teacher froze. ...

45. This morning, the physics teacher came into the classroom and shouted, "Close all the windows quickly!" The students were stunned and didn't know what this meant. Then the teacher took out the test paper and said, "I got a poor grade in physics this time." I am worried that some students will be unhappy. "

46. Teacher: Where is the wool mainly produced in China? Student: On sheep.

47. "Xia is a little fat, but after the winter vacation, she is even fatter. After seeing my classmates at the beginning of school, I show off my high turn-back rate to my classmates. Some students have to turn back three times, which is not enough. Classmate Ding Xiao said bitterly, "Really? Oh, I wonder if they have to look at the second eye and the third eye because they didn't finish it at first sight. "

48. Teachers should insist on doing things in class: failure is the mother of success! Xiaoming immediately raised his hand, and the teacher's face turned black: What do you want to say? Xiaoming: Who is a successful father? Teacher: Get out. ! Xiaoming: Fortunately, I am wearing a down jacket this winter. ...

49. The school held a meeting of all teachers. Principal's speech: Tomorrow, come up and check. First of all, we must do a good job in health. Student dormitory is a key point. Manager of the dormitory for men and women, you two must not sleep again tomorrow. You can't get up early to clean up. The following teachers burst into laughter.

50. Teacher: "The ancients made words for a certain reason. For example, the word "card", "up" can not be up, "down" can not be down. Isn't the card there? Another example is the word' uneasy', and' heart to heart' keeps jumping, what an image! " Student: "Not necessarily? For example, can the word' axe' be interpreted as' father weighs only one catty'? Another example is the word' dad'. Has' more dads' become' dads'? "

5 1, high school has a lot of classes every day, but I still have time to do what I like. There are not many classes in college every day, but there is always no time to do what you like. High school classes are very lively, and college classes are boring; In high school, my friends were rude, but they were dead. In college, friends are especially polite, but not necessarily good. I was very tired and happy in high school, and very busy and confused in college.

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