Joke Collection Website - Cold jokes - You can think I'm stupid, but don't think I'm really stupid

You can think I'm stupid, but don't think I'm really stupid

(1)

Erliang sent a close photo of her and Xiaowan to a circle of friends, and attached a very sad text:

No amount of persistence can beat the indifference you gave again and again, and no amount of pride can stop your waves of love bombing. From today on, we will always be together.

This rather melodramatic text and the tiresome photo of Zhang Tian made friends circle explode, leaving comments at the bottom.

Erliang, you're stupid. You and Xiaowan, you're not with me?

Erliang, are you hurt so deeply? You're giving up?

Xiao Wan, a flower inserted in cow dung blinded the fertilizer.

a good cabbage is so arched by the pig.

If I had known Erliang's criteria for choosing a spouse were so low, why the fuck would I be sneaking around and falling in love? Why don't the overlord just bow down?

Erliang swears while brushing comments. "Shit, these idiots."

Xiao Wanyi looked indifferent and said, "Let them scold you. Anyway, you are my man now, and I can't let you escape in this life. I don't care what they say, as long as you love me."

"But I don't love you."

Xiao Wan opened his eyes wide and made a frightened look. "Really? Erliang, you are nakedly deceiving the feelings of a good woman and man. "

"Then would you like to cheat me?"

"Yes, you'd better lie to me all your life."

"that will do."

Erliang raised his eyebrows and took a sip on Xiaowan's side face. Xiaowan was complacent, but it was not enough. He handed her the other side face, and Erliang righted his face and kissed his lips.

I know this decision will attract a lot of criticism, but because it's you and because you are here, it doesn't matter.

Erliang's circle of friends was bombed for nearly a month and finally calmed down.

Erliang has found a new job, and her desk is near the window. She can see the beautiful sunset and sunset every day. Xiaowan also found a new house, with the window facing the sun and a beautiful sunrise every morning. For this reason, Erliang moved into Xiaowan's new house.

that weekend, they discussed where to go to play, so as to commemorate this glorious day together. Just as we were leaving, Daewoo's phone rang.

Daewoo is a male god in the eyes of many girls, and also a person that Erliang can't reach with all her efforts.

Daewoo said on the other end of the phone, "Do you have a minute? Have a meal together. " There's something ... um ... how can I put it? It means a lot to beg for Erliang.

What Erliang never told Xiaowan was that on the night when she promised to be with him, she was crouching at the door of Daewoo's house, crying at the top of her lungs, but the people inside didn't give her any response.

at that moment, she silently vowed from the bottom of her heart that she had nothing to do with him in this life, and if she did, she would be condemned by heaven.

What she may not know is that while she decided to pick up the strange number, she has been chopped up several times in parallel time and space.

Hearing Daewoo's voice, half of her good mood has been destroyed, and the rest is used by her to consider whether to go to Daewoo's appointment or not.

Xiaowan saw her hesitation and said, "Go ahead. There will be plenty of time after our date, but you won't see him so much later. Maybe this will be the last time."

Erliang looked at Xiaowan's serious but slightly injured face, nodded solemnly, and then raised four fingers and said, "I swear, this is definitely the last time. I don't know this person from now on."

Xiao Wan put down her hand and said, "Don't swear, I believe you."

Erliang went to the restaurant designated by Daewoo with extremely complicated feelings. It is a romantic western-style restaurant suitable for couples to date, with luxurious decoration and elegant environment. However, Erliang felt very uncomfortable as soon as she entered the restaurant. She once dreamed that one day she could come to a place like this for dinner with Daewoo, but I didn't expect it to be so unsuitable for people like her, just as Daewoo didn't deserve her.

Daewoo is wearing a clean blue suit, with all her hair combed back, and a valuable Italian watch on her hand. She smells like a successful person. Seeing Er Liang coming in, he got up and waved.

In contrast, Erliang went to town like a village girl, and everything seemed so rustic.

Erliang felt a little uneasy and stiff. When Daewoo asked her to order first, Erliang shook her head and refused, saying, "Just order. It's my first time here, and I don't think I can understand the menu."

Daewoo smiled and said, "It doesn't matter. It's marked in Chinese. Please order whatever you want. It's my treat today."

Erliang smiled reluctantly, took the menu in Daewoo's hand and ordered a few casually.

Daewoo said, "You always said you wanted to come, and I didn't have a chance to bring you here. Don't mention it today. I went to your company before, and as a result, they said that you resigned and changed jobs again? "

Er Liangdian nodded and said, "Well, I've always wanted to work in a place where I can see the sunset, and I want a house where I can see the sunrise. I used to walk too fast and always forgot my own needs. Now I have slowed down, but all my wishes have come true. "

"Is it because of him?"

Erliang was a little surprised, and never thought he would ask.

"I know him a little bit, so why did I suddenly choose him? I remember you always had a high eye. " Daewoo spread out his hands to show that he didn't understand.

When Xiao Wan was mentioned, Erliang suddenly became less nervous and relaxed. Erliang said: "I overestimated myself before. In fact, Xiaowan is not bad. He is very smart and earns more money than me." I can also cook. With him around, I don't have to spend money to eat those expensive and unpalatable meals outside every day. He can match different nutritious meals according to my taste. Going out to play together doesn't need me to worry about the route. Even if I lose it, he can get me back. He will tell me jokes when I am unhappy, tell me stories when I can't sleep, sing to me, and occasionally write me a love poem as a relief to my life. On the contrary, I can't give him anything, because there is a person in my heart, so even saying' I love you' is a luxury for him, but he still pays wholeheartedly and is willing to give himself to me. These, except Xiaowan, no one is willing to do for me, so why don't I choose him? "

Erliang really didn't expect that Xiaowan already had so many advantages in her heart.

I heard that if you love a person, all your eyes are on his good points, and you didn't say a word when introducing him to others, but the smiling expression on your face has proved the position of this person in your heart.

Erliang thought, maybe, unconsciously, she has already loved it.

(2)

Think about yourself in the past. She only has Daewoo in her eyes and heart, running after Daewoo's ass every day, but Daewoo never treats her as an ordinary friend, even an ordinary friend among ordinary friends.

Daewoo is a senior in her senior year, a favored son of heaven, a leader in study and work. He is handsome and shining, and there is never a shortage of girls around him. But how hard did he work to have dinner with him?

What about asking about his QQ number, micro-signal, phone number, following up after class, writing letters and delivering love letters, having sex with breakfast, etc.? What Er Liang hasn't done? Even the KTV he has been to, she has led her roommates to visit them one by one. Just like a female fan of idolize, she pulls whatever he has.

until she graduated from college, she went to his city. She summoned up the courage to call him. I didn't expect Daewoo to remember her, which made her happy for a long time. After that, Daewoo took her to find a house and a job, and she served her after the saddle. Erliang was even more moved.

Erliang thinks, maybe Daewoo knows that she likes him!

Yes, Daewoo knows, but she is not the most special one in Daewoo's eyes.

He took her to dinner, went to various parties and drank her wine.

It was on such an occasion that Daewoo boasted to his friends that Erliang's capacity for drinking was particularly good, and no one could match it, which made many men on the field eager to meet the legendary Qianbei who was not drunk.

what about erliang? Should I refuse? When she looked at Daewoo with pleading eyes, Daewoo opened the wine for them very politely.

Erliang drank more than 2 bottles of beer with tears in her eyes, and the whole person was floating on the clouds. She staggered up and went to the bathroom, and finally passed out.

Daewoo doesn't know at all that Erliang never drinks. She is allergic to alcohol.

after waking up, I was lying in the hospital bed, surrounded by a strange man who was busy. He said his name was Xiaowan.

From that day on, there was not only Daewoo in her life, but also a very clingy Xiaowan. Xiaowan's purpose is very clear, that is, to catch up with Erliang and then marry her without any disguise.

Xiao Wan, who is full of energy, is warm-hearted. He never cares what others think of him, but only cares about Er Liang.

No one knows that when Erliang is sick, when her work is not going well, when she can't find her way by car in the wrong direction, when she is sad because of Daewoo, when she suffers from stomach trouble and anorexia in order to lose weight, Xiaowan is always with her, working hard to serve her, and she can't get rid of it.

Daewoo called to go to his house that night and didn't tell her exactly what to do. Erliang didn't ask specifically, and she happily forgot everything when she thought it was her own male god.

As soon as she got off work, she took a taxi to Daewoo's house. There was a traffic jam, and it was very late when she arrived. She stood at the door, a little excited and a little uneasy. She was about to ring the doorbell when she heard the voice of conversation inside.

"When you say" Liang Liang ",you are a silly girl. If you give her a little benefit, she will follow you like a fart. She has been obsessed with me since she went to college, and it is estimated that she has been unable to extricate herself. " It's Daewoo's voice.

After that, another boy's voice came into Erliang's ear. "Yo, so confident. What if she doesn't come?"

"No, as long as I ask her out, no matter what the reason, she will come. If you don't believe me, just watch and I will win her tonight."

"Hahaha, Daewoo, praise your confidence." There was a lot of laughter from men and women.

A cold pain extends from the soles of the feet to the chest, and then directly hits the crown from the chest. She seems to be frozen, and her hands and feet can't move.

after a long time, there was a burning pain on my cheek, and it turned out to be tears. She squatted in the corner and called Xiaowan to ask if he had time to pick her up.

When the phone was connected, Xiaowan's first sentence was: "Erliang, I was about to call you. I am so entangled. I want to eat shredded pork with Beijing sauce, braised chicken and noodles, but I only have five eggs, three tomatoes, two carrots, one cucumber, half a chicken leg and two potatoes. How can I cook?"

Erliang opened her mouth, wanted to say something, but held back. She said, "Why don't you have some porridge to drink? It's a big night, so why eat so much?". Just right, I want to drink, too. If you make one more, I'll come over. "

"eh? Are you coming? It's late, hey, do you want me to pick you up? "

"No, just cook before I come."

Erliang hung up the phone, got up, took a deep breath, reached for the doorbell, and left Daewoo's house.

(3)

Before the food was served, Erliang stood up and said, "I have something to do, so I'll go back first."

Daewoo was a little surprised. "You haven't eaten yet, and the food hasn't been served. What's your hurry?"

"Today was my first official date with Xiaowan, but when you called, the date was cancelled. Yes, that's right. As you said to your friend, I am a silly girl. As long as it is your date, I will come for whatever reason, and this time is no exception. However, just this once, it won't happen again. This is the last time we meet. Please don't contact me again. I already have a boyfriend, and we are going to get married next year. Thank you. Bye. Oh, no, never again. "

When Erliang turned to leave, Daewoo got up and grabbed her wrist and said, "I don't believe that you can put it down so quickly. Haven't you always liked me? Moreover, I have everything I want. Compared with him, it is just a sky and an underground. Why should I let go? "

Erliang shook off his hand and said, "He is poor, but he never tramples on my heart; You are rich, but you never take me seriously. I used to be stupid, but now I'm smart. I'm not a little girl that everyone can cheat. You'd better leave your cheating tricks to others. I don't need them. "

Erliang walked out of the restaurant with her head held high. The waiter at the door smiled at her very gently and whispered, "Please walk slowly and welcome to come next time".

when I came to the main road, I looked up at the sky and my eyes were bright. Call Xiaowan while taking a taxi and say, "Get ready, let's go and play."

Xiao Wan, who had been fidgeting on the other end of the phone, suddenly received a call from Er Liang, and he was so excited that he could only say a word "good".

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