Who has a funny text message?

I met a lady at lunch yesterday, asking about your recent situation. Let me tell you: the child is well taken care of and looks like you, so you can have a good holiday!

In the middle of the night, there is no light in the toilet. You go to relieve yourself, fall into the toilet, fight with maggots and compete with excrement, and no one saves you. You die heroically, and your life is great and your death is silent. In memory of you, a light is installed in the toilet.

the beauty of learning lies in confusing people; The beauty of poetry lies in inciting men and women to cheat; The beauty of a woman lies in being stupid without regrets; The beauty of a man lies in telling a lie.

That night I held you in my arms and told you to wear that thing in your ear, and it was cool enough for you to say that you didn't wear it. Now it's a safe period, it's okay ... What should the traffic police do if you don't wear a helmet?

The first time I was nervous, he kept asking me to relax gently, and then he stuck me in my body, where it was bleeding, and I couldn't cry out in pain, so I realized ... Blood donation is like this!

Men and dogs, men are 2 like Haba dogs, with sweet words in their mouths, men are 3 like watchdogs, and they are the best at cooking and washing clothes, while men are 4 like crazy dogs, who bite at the sight of beautiful women.

Valentine's Day wish: Be a koala and sleep on a big eucalyptus tree. I am a koala and you are a eucalyptus tree. Amen! ! Stick to you all my life, love you and need you! ! !

Chickens and hens are husband and wife, and they are busy incubating chicks all day. Chickens have a mental problem, and they don't eat, drink or rest. Roosters and hens are anxious and hide to watch chicks. Stupid chicks are secretly watching their mobile phones.

without you, shopping is boring for me. I'm tired when I walk one meter, and shopping is like a living hell. I can't sleep at night without you, my bike.

busy? Nothing, just want to tell you that I am thinking of you in a way that doesn't bother you! I hope that when you receive this message, your mouth is smiling, your nose is arched, and you hum twice to let other pigs know that your master likes you best!

I loved Teresa Teng and died; I like Barbara Yung and committed suicide; I like Anita Mui and died; I like Ka Kui Wong, and I fell dead; I like Leslie Cheung, jumping off a building; I like you, do it yourself!

My wife is an operating system. Once it is installed and uninstalled, it is very troublesome. Small secret is the desktop, you can change it every day as long as you are interested; The lover is the internet, and the scenery is infinite and the money is constantly spent; Miss is pirated software, remember to kill virus first when using it!

I admit I can't catch up with you, there are so many people chasing you! Well, I'm sure there's no hope. Some things can't be forced. Forget it, give the opportunity to others. Anyway, whoever catches up with you will kill the people. You still run, dead mouse.

I heard that you were limp and numb last night, crazy, trembling all over, sweating all over, spinning around, screaming, dying ... Alas, nothing happened to touch the high-voltage line!

when I have money, I will flush your toilet with XO, light your cigarette with US dollars, buy 999 roses for your bath, make you a maid with Huanzhugege, fatten you with KFC, and then send you to the pig farm with Boeing.

, that's because I love you. If there are countless drops of water in the sky, it's … Don't dream about it, it's raining!

There is a bean that falls down. It is discouraged and depressed. This bean is me. What can encourage it to stand up? The answer is you! Because there is something called "pig encourages beans".

In the middle of the night, Bush saw bin Laden standing in front of his bed, giving out his head. He was frightened and said, How dare you break into the White House at night! Bin Laden shook his chest-high beard and smiled grimly, saying, Rejoice is so confident!

a plum on a high mountain, who do you love? I want to get along with you, and no one can stop me I'm yellow when I get laid, and I'm so crazy. I'll do it when it's yellow. I'm so cool.

If you were a comet, I would see you every night; If you are a meteor, I will wait for you every night; It's a pity that you are a gorilla, so I can only buy tickets to see you in the zoo!

There are rumors about you in the Jianghu. Your swordsmanship is unique in the Wulin, but you should not be proud. You should continue to practice swordsmanship. When you become one with your sword, you will be successful. Then you will no longer be a man. Remember, you are a swordsman!

When a person was traveling, he was besieged by a group of wild boars, and they took out food and money, but the wild boars were unmoved. Taking out the only ID card, the pigs knelt down and cried bitterly, Boss, we have found you!

"I have a famous poem. Only a few people in the world know it. A fool is reading this poem. Knowing it means knowing it, but not knowing it means not knowing it. I knew you were a fool. A fool must be reading this poem when he heard the phone ring."

One day, the king asked a minister to help him catch 1 tortoise (water fish). As a result, the minister only caught 99. The king asked him, "Why is one missing?" The minister said, "Because one is reading a short message"

Remember me, old friend? That year, you were very impressive. The central leadership personally received you, the national defense personally escorted you, and millions of people looked up at each other. The loudspeaker loudly read the welcome speech: criminal 48, death penalty, pull it out and shoot it!

It's as eternal as a gust of wind, as real as a dream. I can't calm down when you bow your head and meditate. I can't help but say you-dog! You flash too fast!

A cricket bet with a pig that if I jump into the grass, you can't see me. The pig said, How can I see? So cricket jumped into the grass. The pig is watching, the pig is watching! The pig is still watching! Why is the pig still watching? !

I want to see the sea with you, but I can't grasp the unpredictable future; I want to climb the mountain with you, but I am full of confusion about my ideal; I want to wander with you, but I can't get to a happy paradise; I want to go shopping with you, but I met the police and said no dogs.

I had a dream last night: God told me that I was doomed to be lonely in this life. There is only one way to crack it-send a short message to ten fools. I cried at that time: God, I only know you, I'm finished.

when you flashed by, I suddenly lost myself. Looking at your back, I really wanted to keep you. I told myself loudly that I couldn't let you go, so I shouted at your back: Stop thief!

You make clothes out of white clouds, borrow the right wings from a bird, and you fly in front of me like an arrow, telling me-this is what a birdman looks like!

Dear users, as the sum of digits in your mobile phone number is the same as the number of strokes in your name, we suspect that you may owe money, so we will stop working for January.

it's not because of this cold night that I think of you, but because I only think of you in this cold night. Can't you see that I mean it? I am attached to your gentle embrace and can't leave for a moment, dear quilt.

what if I'm hungry? Have a hot pot rinse! What if you are thirsty? Go to the seaside! What if there is no money? Find a fool to cheat! What if you have no guts? Find bin Laden to practice! What if I miss you? Look at the pigsty!

Your quality is as strong as plum blossom; My personality is as subtle as a glacier; You have a convincing connotation; You have the coolness that makes people dump; So we respectfully call you "Mei Chuan Inner Cool"!

It's cold and hot, and it's hard to be calm in this season. I always miss you far away. I'd like to keep a homing pigeon and let it fly to your place every day, even if it's just a simple action: take a shit on your head!

The dusk is as thick as wine, and the autumn wind blows the willows gently. The chrysanthemums have been defeated for a long time. Where have you been running? It's been cold for a long time. Did you add clothes? The city won't allow dogs, and the owner didn't beat you. You can call me if you are safe, so that I won't be worried all the time!

donor: hello! We are the Tibetan Buddhist Council. When you receive this message, we have deducted the donation from 5 yuan from your mobile phone fee. In order to thank you, this Council has awarded you the supreme legal name-mental retardation.

You are in charge of the Yangtze River flood control. You walk up to the dam, tear off a small bag of white objects and throw them into the breach, and the flood quickly subsides. You shout with your arms: An Le sanitary napkin, super suction! Lock the moisture! Never leak!

A pig and a penguin were kept in the cold storage of-2.C. The next day, the penguin died and the pig was fine. Why don't you know? By the way, pigs don't know either. Haha. . Are you asleep? Sweet dream! Good Night!

who are you? I accidentally lost my phone book. I guess you are Sheng Jinbin or Ai Baiwu, right? Otherwise, it wouldn't be Mei Renxing. If not, then I conclude that you are Bian Tai.

Say that pigs are fat, lazy and stupid. Why do people always blame pigs for things they don't want to admit? You are furious: don't insult me again. Don't eat pigs if you dare.

I beg the Buddha for a long-lasting blooming rose every day, and when I get 999 roses, I will give them to you together, and I will say emotionally, "Little son, I don't believe that the attracted bees won't kill you!"

mobile phone maintenance experience: 1. Always use distilled water for cleaning. Use ice water to cool when charging. Sterilize with microwave oven regularly. 4. Block the receiver to prevent dust

Please pay attention to eye hygiene when surfing the Internet for too long. Do as I say: please turn your head 36 degrees and bite your ear with your teeth, and look at your eyes 2 times in the meantime. < P > It is not difficult for a person to make a mistake once, but it is difficult to make mistakes all his life and never correct them. You can do such a difficult thing, admire you!

You were on TV. I saw you. It's really eye-catching and photogenic. You look so cute, confident and perfect in the advertisement ... I told you, you can be a model in any advertisement for pig feed.

I recently got a whitening secret recipe. I saw with my own eyes that a person who was originally very black suddenly became very white. It really works. Of course I think of you if there are good things. The way is to paint several layers on your face with white chalk. You're welcome!

Tang Priest was kidnapped by a mountain thief. In order to demand ransom, the mountain thief called the Monkey King's mobile phone, and the prompt sounded: the other party has flown out of the service area! He asked the Tang Priest: What's the number of Pig Bajie? Tang Priest: I have sent it a short message, and it is watching

When I was a child, we had no guesses. I sang and you danced, and I could sing 2 songs, so you could dance 2 dances. So everyone kindly calls me 2 songs and 2 dances!

In view of your consistent support for Pakistan's national liberation, Pakistan's autonomous government has decided to award you a lofty title in the name of the whole Arab world: Mud Labaki!

It's summer. When you are bored, you can kill watermelon with a knife, thinking while killing: I kill melons, I kill melons ...

Cowardice is not your nature, patience is not your destiny, silence makes you into trouble, and reserve is your heart disease. Whoever dares to disrespect you again, I must let you bite him!

You point the long barrel air gun at the sky, hold the barrel in one hand, and pull the bolt up and down repeatedly with the other hand, showing a satisfied expression. People ask what are you doing? Just say I masturbate!

when my mobile phone rings, it means I miss you; Two, I miss you so much! Three times, I miss you very much! Four tones, I miss you very much; Five tones-demo, it's time to answer the phone!

people say that you are stingy, "the needle cuts the iron, the swallow grabs the mud, and the crane splits the lean meat on its leg"

where are you? I can't get through. I'm worried sick! I have something important to see you. Go to the epidemic prevention station for a physical examination as soon as you see the information, as soon as possible! Here's your chance. If you pass the physical examination, you will be able to transfer from a private pigsty to a state-owned pig farm!

My car has no license plate, driver's license, driving license, and no road maintenance fee ... In short, it has nothing, but it travels all over the world unimpeded. Actually, it's nothing, because it's a bike!

I heard that you are resourceful and clever. Please steal me from my present room. I will give you a reward of 1 million dollars. Please contact me when you think about it-Saddam Hussein

One day, I was walking down the street and a beautiful girl came up to me and asked me, "Are you handsome?" I said "no" and she left! Then he turned around and gave me a vicious punch, saying "I told you to lie"

Congratulations on getting a white house with a lawn in front of it. It is located in Washington, DC, and the current owner's name is Bush. You can ask him to move out of your house immediately!

I have an unfortunate news for you. Last night, the God of Wealth gave me a dream and vowed to haunt you until you begged him for mercy: "There is too much money, and I don't want it anymore."

In the bathroom, a gentleman frowned, grinned and tried his best. Hey-it's finally out. Boy, it takes so long to squeeze a toothpaste.

On your way to xishuangbanna tourism, Yunnan, you were besieged by a group of wild boars. All the tourists took out food and money, and the wild boars were unmoved. You took out your only ID card, and the pigs knelt down and cried bitterly, Boss, we found you!

remember? That time you went to the TV station to sing a song, and three of the four referees fell. Fortunately, one referee came to the stage and shook your hand excitedly and said, Talent! Others need money to sing, and it's fatal for you to sing

! You are so elegant and charming. No wonder everyone says you are … bloated!

The earth is turning, people will change, the sky is blue and the sea is deep. I miss you for real, love is eternal, and it is impossible to marry you. If you are rich, we are still destined.

I heard that your mobile phone doesn't have short message function, so I sent this short message as an experiment. If you receive it, it is confirmed that there is a short message function and it is not my short message, please reply to me: I have it, it is yours!

You are as light as the wind, as gentle as the water, as hazy as the fog, as romantic as the moon, as warm as the sun, as tolerant as the sea, as healthy as an ox, as long as a tortoise, as lovely as a rabbit. In a word, you are not like a human being!

they say you are a real thing. I say you are a person, not a thing. Good things and bad things are things. How can a good person like you be a thing?

When the clouds pass by, it is the trace that I miss you; When the light shines, that's how I miss you; When the rain falls, it is the evidence that I miss you; When it thunders and thunders, I pray to heaven that you are struck ... haha < P > You are over 2, and you should know something! Days are used for windy and rainy days; Land is used to grow flowers and grass; I am used to prove how great human beings are. And you, it is used to stew vermicelli.

you have a bad year, the mall is frustrated, love is hopeless, your reputation is ruined, and your friends abandon you. How to avoid it? Read it in Mandarin for a hundred times: Wang Wang, Wang Wang, Wang Wang, Wang Wang! Keep your voice down, dog catcher is here.

if you are a bird in the air, then I am a shotgun. Bang! You fell into my arms, braised! If you are a fish in the water, then I am an electric fish machine. Cheep! You just float on my chopping block and steam it!

You rode a motorcycle, and you ran up and down the hill and killed more than 2 people. The police came to arrest you. You ran into the ladies' room, and there was no light in the ladies' room. You fell into the poop pit. You struggled with the poop and almost didn't die!

My dog pulled it on the ground, which I can't understand. I remember you said you could understand, please help me translate, thank you!

I heard that your mouse moved, and the fly was sent to the hospital. Just now, I met your cockroach in the supermarket to buy a freshener, and the bug bought incense! Dude, wash your feet!

Scientists have developed an IQ measuring instrument. You stick your head in and the instrument prompts: Please don't put the wood in! You put your head in again, and the instrument prompts: This piece of wood looks familiar!

you point the long barrel air gun at the sky, hold the barrel in one hand and pull it up and down repeatedly in the other.