Joke Collection Website - Cold jokes - What was the most sensational thing Zhuge Liang did?
What was the most sensational thing Zhuge Liang did?
Kongming saw Zhang Zhao, Gu Yong and more than 20 civil and military officials, including E Guan, sitting there neatly dressed. As soon as Kong Ming saw the ceremony, he sat down at the guest table.
When Zhang Zhao and others saw Zhu Gekongming's rich gods floating and imposing manner, they expected him to lobby. Zhang Zhao took the lead in asking Kong Ming, "I, Zhang Zhao, am a nobody in Jiangdong. I have heard for a long time that Mr. Zhang lives in the middle reaches of the Yangtze River. Is there such a thing? "
Kong Ming said, "It's just a small comparison in Liang's life."
Zhang Zhao said: "Recently, I heard that Mr. Liu Bei, Mr. Liu Yuzhou and Mr. San Gu are in a thatched cottage. Fortunately, Mr. Liu thinks he is like a duck to water, so he wants to sweep Jing Xiang. Now Jing Xiang belongs to Cao Cao. I wonder what your intention is? "
Zhuge Liang thought: Zhang Zhao is Sun Quan's first counselor. How can we convince him without stumping him first? So he replied, "In my opinion, it is easy for my master to take the land of the Han Dynasty. My Lord Liu Bei was modest and kind, and he could not bear to take his brother's business, so he ceded Jingzhou. When Liu Cong was a child, he surrendered privately, which led to Cao Cao's rampage. Now my master is stationing troops in Jiangxia, and there are other good strategies that idle people can't understand. "
Zhang Zhao said, "Sir, if this is the case, it would be self-contradictory.
Mr. Wang compared himself to Guan Zhong and Le Yi, and Guan Zhong assisted Huan Gong to dominate the princes and unify the whole country; Le Yi supported the weak Yan State and captured more than 70 cities in Qi State.
These two people, but they are both helpful talents! But Mr. Wang will only smile proudly and sit on his knees in the thatched cottage. Since Liu Bei is in power, he should work for the welfare of the people and destroy thieves. But when Liu Bei didn't get Mr. Wang, he was still able to divide the world. Now with Mr. Liu, people are looking forward to it even more. Even the three-year-old children said that Liu Bei was a tiger wing. Soon the Han Dynasty prospered and Cao died. The government and the public will wait and see. They have high hopes for Mr. Liu. But why did you abandon armor and flee, abandoned a new field, went to Fancheng, lost the sun and rushed to Xiakou, where there was no place to live? So you failed Liu. Is this what happened to Guan Zhong and Le Yi?
I am stupid and straightforward, please don't take it to heart! "
Hearing this, Kong Ming smiled silently and said, "Wan Li is a big fly. Can those little birds know its ambition? For example, if a person has suffered from chronic diseases for many years, he should be given some gruel and taken together with drugs. When his lungs and abdomen are in harmony and his body is gradually stable, he should be nourished with meat and treated with strong medicine, so as to eradicate the root cause and make people fully recover. If the patient's pulse is relieved, it is necessary to give him strong medicine and eat again. It is really difficult to achieve peace. My Lord Liu Bei. Only Zhang and Zhao Yun will be locked up, just like the critical moment when they are seriously ill. Xinye county is a remote place with little food. How can he stay there for a long time? But it was in this case that they were able to burn Wang Bo, the flood king, and make Xia Houdun and Abala. In my opinion, Guan Zhong and Le Yi fought so much. As for Liu Cong's surrender to Cao Cao, Yuzhou didn't know it at that time, and he didn't have the heart to take advantage of the chaos to seize the consanguineous inheritance; When Yang was defeated, Yuzhou could not bear to leave the people behind. Hundreds of thousands of people help the old and carry the young across the river, bumping with the people for more than ten miles every day, and giving up Jiangling. What a great act of kindness! Being outnumbered, it is common for military strategists to win or lose. In the past, Emperor Gaozu Liu Bang lost to Xiang Yu many times, but he won a decisive victory in the next World War. Isn't it because Han Xin made a good plan for him? But Han Xin helped Liu Bang for so long and didn't win several times. Therefore, national affairs and world security depend on planning. People who talk big and are good at arguing rely on the pressure of vanity; Although I can sit and talk, I can't do anything to deal with various changes at the critical moment.
-this is what really makes the world laugh at! "The bore is clear words let Mr. Zhang have nothing to answer.
At this time, a man in the seat suddenly asked loudly: "Now Cao Gong has a million troops and a hundred thousand troops, and they are eager to step on it and swallow Jiangxia. What do you think should be done? "
Zhuge Liang saw that it was Yu Fan. "Cao cao tackled lombardi ants, rob liu table mob. Although there are millions of troops, they are fearless. "
Hearing this, Feather Fan sneered, "Your army was defeated in the sun and poor in Xiakou. It just asked for help and said' not afraid'. This is really a big story! "
Kong Ming said, "Isn't Liu Bei able to resist millions of cruel people only by relying on Qian Qian's ten thousand benevolent teachers? Retreat to the gorge and wait for a better opportunity. Now, you Jiangdong soldiers are well-fed and have the natural barrier of the Yangtze River. Some people still want to make the master Sun Quan kneel down and surrender to cao thief, regardless of the ridicule of the whole world. -So, is Liu Bei afraid of Cao Cao? " Yu Fan was speechless.
Someone in the audience asked, "Does Mr. Kong Ming want to follow the example of Zhang Yi and Su Qin to lobby us for Soochow?"
Seeing that it was a stepping heron, Kong Ming replied, "Mr. Bushan thought that Zhang Yi and Su Qin were debaters, but he probably didn't know that they were heroes. Su hung the national seals of the six countries, and Zhang Yi was the prime minister of Qin twice. Both of them are counselors who help the country, and they can't compare with those who are afraid of the strong and bully the weak, afraid of knives and guns. You and others are so scared that you just want to surrender after hearing a lie from Cao Cao. Are you still so embarrassed to laugh at Su Qin and Zhang Yi here? "
The walking heron was also asked speechless.
Suddenly someone asked, "Who does Kong Ming think Cao Cao is?"
Seeing that it was Xue Zong, Kong Ming replied, "Cao Cao is a thief of the Han Dynasty. Do you need to ask? "
Xue Zong said, "Sir, this is not true. From the Han Dynasty to the present, the days are almost over. Now Tsao Gong owns two-thirds of the world, and everyone turns to him. Liu Bei doesn't know much, and trying to argue with him is tantamount to throwing eggs at a stone. How can he be unbeaten? "
At this time, Kong Ming said sharply, "How can Xue say that there is no distinction between father and son, and there is no ethical level? Life between heaven and earth should be based on loyalty and filial piety. Since Gong Xue was a minister of the Han Dynasty, he was unfaithful, so being a minister was the right way. Cao Cao's ancestors ate Lu Han, but they didn't want to report their filial piety to the Han Dynasty. On the contrary, he had the heart of usurping power and rebelling, which made everyone hate him, but Gong Xue said that the sky belonged to Cao Cao. What a man without father, gentleman and discipline! I don't need to talk to you, please don't say anything! " Xuezong was ashamed and speechless.
Another man replied from his seat, "Although Cao Cao was a vassal, he was also a descendant of Cao Can. Although Liu Bei claimed to be the so-called Miao descendant of Wang Jing in Zhongshan, there was no way to prove it. People can see with their own eyes that he is just a vulgar man who weaves straw mats and sells straw sandals. What qualifications are there to challenge Cao Cao! "
When Kong Ming saw it, it turned out to be a great achievement. Kong Ming laughed and said, "Since Cao Cao is a descendant of Cao Guo Xiang, it proves that he has been a Han minister for generations. But now he holds the kingship and runs amok. He is not only arrogant, but also despises his ancestors. He was not only a traitor in the Han Dynasty, but also a thief in Cao Shi. Liu Bei was an upright Han Dynasty. Besides, Gaozu started from a mere pavilion. What's so shameful about making seats and selling shoes? I think you are really a child's opinion, how can you argue with Gao Shi! " The grades can't help but shut up.
Another person in the audience said, "What Kong Ming said is all sophistry. It's not serious at all. There's no need to talk about this anymore. Is there a classic theory of Kong Ming? "
Kong Ming looked at him and said somberly, "It's all the actions of those pedantic Confucian scholars in the world. How can we make the country rich and make things happen? In ancient times, Yin, Jiang Ziya, Deng Yu and other famous people did not see any classic works. -Do you just learn from those acid scholars all day, just between pens and inkstones, counting blacks, discussing pornography and dancing? Severe depression, unable to answer.
Suddenly, a man said loudly, "Zhuge Gong likes to talk big, but he may not have real talent and practical learning. I am afraid that he will be laughed at by scholars. "
Seeing that it was Cheng Deshu, Kong Ming replied, "Scholars can be divided into gentlemen and villains. A gentleman, loyal to the monarch and patriotism, sticks to justice, hates evil, tries his best to make his own contribution to the times, and his reputation will spread to future generations. Little people only try their best to carve insects, concentrate on writing and write poems when they are young. " Although he was famous for his articles, he succumbed to the hands of savage robbers and finally jumped to his death. This is the so-called Confucianism of villains. Even if he sings poems and writes tens of thousands of words every day, what's the use! "Cheng Deshu also can't cope with.
Everyone turned pale with fear when they saw Kong Ming's answer.
At this time, someone in the audience wanted to question Kong Ming. Suddenly, a man came in from the outside and said sharply, "Kong Ming is a genius of an era. It is not polite to show respect to guests. Cao Cao's army is under siege, so you bicker here and don't discuss the plan of withdrawing troops! " When everyone saw it, it was Huang Gai, the grain supervisor, who replied. Huang Gai said to Kong Ming, "Sir, why don't you tell my Lord about the theory of stones?"
Kong Ming said, "You gentlemen know nothing about current affairs and ask each other questions. I can't bear not to answer them. "
Huang Gai and Lu Su were introduced into the middle gate, and they met. Please pay their respects.
(I hope to adopt it, thank you)
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