Complete collection of humorous jokes and stories, quite long

Reporter interviewed migrant workers: If a war broke out in China, would you be willing to go to the front line? Migrant workers: Are there any household registration restrictions for working on the front line? Is it okay to have a rural household registration? Are people with a household registration in Beijing or Shanghai given priority to go to the battlefield? Do you need a temporary residence permit? Do I need a work permit or health certificate? Is it necessary to have a tax payment certificate for more than one year? Also, will the price be the same even if everyone loses money? When we actually fight, will we assign odd and even numbers? Do we need to draw numbers before charging? How long does it take to get the number drawn?

A foreign driver asked the traffic police for directions in Maoming. The Maoming traffic police replied: "If you drive to the left, it will be 5,000. Wuchuan. If you drive to the right, it will be 6,000. Lu Chuan will drive forward for a while and there will be no way. Mei Lu, keep walking. Just kill Zhanjiang! The driver was shocked, I didn’t want to leave. Traffic policeman: You’re going to die in Maoming. The driver almost wet his pants and begged: Boss, can I turn around and go back? Traffic policeman: You’ll die anyway.

Finally I couldn’t help but announce it. In fact, I won 10 million in the lottery yesterday. Maybe other people will use the money to buy a car or a house, but I am not so materialistic and just want to use this money. Money will cure my paranoia.

One day, I was riding a bus. A beautiful woman in front of me got on the bus and said to the driver: "Master, I didn't bring any money today, so I'll give you a kiss as a coin, okay?" "The driver said yes, and the beautiful woman kissed the driver and sat down in the back. Another female man could see clearly from behind. After getting in the car, she held the driver down and kissed him wildly. She raised her head and said, "I don't have any money either. , I kiss you so much, just think I put in a coin! The driver was so frightened that he cried, "The one in front of you is my wife!" "

After a party with friends, Xiaoli was walking alone in a dark alley. Suddenly a figure jumped out in front of her and said viciously: "Take out the money! "Xiao Li said timidly: "The money... the money just... was spent... on eating.... Heiying smiled and said: "I know you have no money. If you have money, you can take a taxi." "Then why are you still scaring me?" "I don't want to scare you. You are still hiccupping now." "After saying that, he took the knife and disappeared into the moonlight.

Once I went to dinner with my husband, and he paid the bill in advance. I didn't know. After eating, he said to the boss: "I forgot to bring it. If you have money, let my wife wash the dishes for you! "After that, he turned around and left, leaving me staring at his back in horror.

In the history class, the teacher asked me: "Which emperor of China lived the longest. "How could I, a scumbag, know this? Suddenly, a sentence came from nowhere: "The Jade Emperor. "The teacher was speechless!

Today I went to a fast food restaurant to eat, and the young couple at the next table were showing off their affection. The man had just fed the woman a mouthful of rice, and the woman asked: "My dear, what are you doing? Who else have you fed besides me? Be honest! The man thought for a while and said with fear: "Dog!" "Immediately blowing my mind!

I didn't see the driver wearing a Bluetooth headset to make a phone call while taking a taxi, so I listened to his conversation all the way!

A female colleague weighs 140 pounds. Every day Yesterday, I was asked to watch the square dance with the aunts, and after that, I asked how it looked. I said: I think you look like a little swan...a brand of barrel roll. Washing machine.

When I was a kid, I went to the canteen with my dad and saw something in a big pink package. It was so bright and tempting! “Dad, I want this! "Don't make trouble!" "I want this!" ""no! "I want it!" I want it! I want it! "Then that day, many people saw a naughty kid walking home happily carrying a large pack of sanitary napkins... Can you imagine my bleak mood when I got home and excitedly opened the package, only to find that it was inedible...

My friend’s breasts are very small! She said to me, don’t look at my small breasts, but every time my husband touches them seriously, I said: Yes, even if he doesn’t touch them seriously, he can’t touch them. Come on!

I took a taxi today! The driver didn’t say a word in the car. I wanted to ask him something, so I patted him on the shoulder and said, “Hey, buddy. "Unexpectedly, the driver's reaction was to yell "Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh". I was stunned at the time. When he finished, he suddenly calmed down and said, "I'm sorry, buddy. It's my first day driving a taxi. Before, I'm sorry to be driving the hearse.

Every time I quarrel with my wife, she will be frightened by my loud voice.

It was like this again today. After the quarrel, she came over and held my hand and said to me: "Husband, please don't do this in the future. You cried so loudly that the whole corridor heard you."

Woman: My dear, let me ask you this once, if your mother and I fall into the water, who will be saved first? Man: Why are you asking this question again, do you love me? Woman: Love it! Man: If you love me, you shouldn’t ask such questions! Woman: Then I don’t love you, please answer quickly. Man: You don’t love me, why don’t I save my mother first?

I remember when we were in high school, we didn’t live on campus. They are all cheap houses rented in nearby small villages. Because it was too hot at night, a classmate slept on the ground at the door with a mat. I was shocked when I woke up the next day. A dozen old hens raised by the landlord squatted around him, and several more were on top of him. Another classmate sighed. Truly the happiest man in the world. A dozen chickens slept in one night!

There is a new girl from my colleague. She usually looks weak and weak, the kind of girl who would even let others twist a bottle of water. Today, she met someone who drank too much and teased her. He started to hide back and forth. The man became more and more impudent. Just when I was about to save him, she saw him put down with a roundhouse kick and said: A sentence that has made me confused so far is,

"Hey, it seems I won't be able to pretend anymore."

Not long after my daughter-in-law took the driving license test, she said to me: "I want to drive to my grandpa's house." I said OK: "We can only go by ourselves, and we can't take the children with us." As soon as I finished speaking, The son shouted: "Dad, I'm not afraid of death, just let my mother take me there." This naughty kid is talking nonsense...

Don't name your dog "Haha" when you raise a dog. My neighbor has An old woman had a husky. She thought it started with Ha, so she called it Ha. Today her dog was lost, and the old lady was very worried. She searched around the community, calling the dog’s name everywhere, just haha, haha, hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha...

When I was a child, I went to the zoo to see tigers. I vowed to raise one when I grow up. After 20 years, my dream finally came true. Enough talking, it’s time to cook for my wife.

I lost 20 pounds last year. Everyone asked me how I lost weight. I smiled and said, "It's all thanks to my girlfriend. She is always by my side. I can't feel sick anymore." I can't eat anything.

"

A thief stole a watermelon and sang while running: "Run with the wind, freedom is the direction."

The old woman growing watermelons cried and chased: "See me crying, and you didn't look back."

The police saw the thief and chased him. It's because I'm not good enough that you want to escape."

The thief was caught later, and the judge asked: "What else do you have to say and how many tears do you want to shed?"

The thief replied: "Please give me a chance."

The prison boss said to the thief: "It is not a sin for a man to cry."

The thief said happily: " If I still remember you in the next life, we will be together even in death."

The executioner said: "I will send you thousands of miles away..."

Tang Seng's home letter. :

Dear Wukong, I am writing this letter very slowly because I know that you cannot read quickly.

We have moved, but the address has not changed because we brought the house number with us when we moved.

It rained twice this week, the first time for 3 days and the second time for 4 days.

Yesterday we went to buy pizza, and the clerk asked me if I wanted to cut it into 8 slices or 12 slices. I said 8 slices would be enough, and I couldn’t finish 12 slices.

I sent you a coat. I was afraid that it would be overweight when I mailed it, so I cut off the buttons and put them in the pockets.

Chang'e gave birth, and because I didn't know whether it was a boy or a girl, I didn't know whether you should be an uncle or an aunt.

Finally, I want to tell you that I wanted to send you money.

But the envelope has been sealed

May Day is coming soon, don’t forget to tell the children about a long, long time ago: At that time, the sky was still blue, the water was green, and the crops grew on the ground. In it, pork can be eaten with confidence, rats are still afraid of cats, courts are reasonable, love comes first when getting married, barber shops only deal with hair, medicine can cure diseases, doctors save lives and heal the wounded, and make movies There is no need to sleep with the director. You need to wear clothes when taking pictures. You need to pay back the money you owe. The father of the child is clear. You can't sell dog meat with sheep's head. You can't date girls after you get married. When you buy things, you need to pay. If you pay, if you don’t forward it after reading it, you will be spanked.

Sunny on Monday, February 30th

The sun did not rise all day today, which is really bad. My father bought two goldfish and kept them in the water tank. One of them drowned. I am very sad. .

Teacher’s comment: I am also very sad. In all my life, I have never met a 30th in February! I have never seen a sunny day without the sun, and I have never seen a goldfish that would drown. It’s too long to upload. The content is too long and cannot be submitted. I’ll give you some short jokes. I hope you’ll be happy every day