Guo Degang’s cross talk suitable for junior high school students (super funny)

Junior high school students said "The Crooked Criticism of the Three Kingdoms" is more appropriate

Guo Degang (A): Many friends came to listen to the cross talk!

Li Jing (B) : Alas

A: Great! Listening to cross talk often is good for your health!

B: Yes?

A: Have fun, good health , what do you listen to when you listen to cross talk?

B: Tell me!

A: I have to teach you,

B: Ah

A: When listening to cross talk, I mainly listen to Guan'er

B: Oh, that's Guankou,

A: Boring, boring, boring, boring, no matter how many sentences , done in one go!

B: A long line of dialogue

A: A clean mouth

B: Alas!

A: Listening to cross talk The main listener is Guan'er!

B: Alas!

A: What about listening to storytelling?

B: Ah!

A : I heard this praise!

B: Character praise

A: Character praise! Flowers and birds praise! Armor praise! I heard this praise!

B: Yes!

A: Where is the conductor?

B: What are you listening to?

A: Look at this! ,

B: Oh!

A: Dancing!

B: Ah!

A: Look at this companion!

B: Look!

A: Watch!

B: This is it. . . .

A: Pay attention to this belt

B: That’s right!

A: Pocket watch!

B: Ah!

A: Look at this chain

B: Oh

A: Bun!

B: Ah!

A: Eat this stuffing

B: Yes!

A: Tang suit!

B: This. . .

A: The button you are looking at (ancient button, pronounced "Pai'er") is a urine kang! Pay attention to that piece, buy a tortoise! ??

B: Ah

A: Look at that guy, there are so many universities to learn about this stuff, ah?

B: What kind of knowledge is there?

A: Most people can’t tell,

B: Yes, no one is thinking about this!

A: That’s me!

B: Ah!

A: So much ability!

B: This ability is not that great!

A: I am a literary giant!

B: What are you?

A: Huh?

B: I didn’t see it

A: Smell me, then you will howl after you smell it

B: This literary giant It’s a word, don’t break it apart

A: I am a scholar!

B: Oh? Learned

A: Alas! You Listen carefully

B: Ah!

A: We all know! Poems and songs

B: Okay, okay, please stand up and speak first. Ah?

A: I’m used to sleeping on the kang at home!

B: I still live on the earthen kang here

A: Poems, songs, and classical literature are all Have to learn,

B: Alas!

A: Gold and silver are the most expensive! Time is like a sword that cuts people! The sun and the moon travel to remind people to grow old! The sun Buddha has three golden lights. People endure. This is a Tang poem.

This? You can sing and say this!

B: Yes? Sing?

A: (Singing, Beijing Qinshu tune) That gold and silver treasure has the highest price! Time It's like a sword that cuts people! The sun and the moon shuttle back and forth to encourage people! The Sun Buddha's three golden rays can kill people. (Qin Shu passes the door) tells the story of the common people!

B: Are you applauding this? ?What kind of mess is this?

A: This? Tang poem, Sun Buddha’s three golden rays bring people to sleep

B: This one is not included in Tang poems.

A: This is too much!

B: Ah

A: A horse is considered a good horse if it is fat! People must work hard if they want to get rich! Take a break outside If you make unintentional friends, he will leave a hole for you to see! Flowers bloom and wither every year! How many times does the moon wax and wane? Tolerate and tolerate, spare and spare, the word "tolerance" means three knives! We all know this!

B: This is called the "Hundred Forbearance Picture"

A: Alas! Even fishermen, woodcutter and plowmen have to endure. Listen to me tell you a few things about forbearance. Even the woodcutter who chops wood has to endure. You have to endure it because there are no howling tigers and wolves in the mountains. Fishermen also have to endure it. They have to endure it because the wind is calm so that they can catch the fish and shrimps. They have to endure it like a bastard, turning a blind eye and pretending not to see it. Look at this. ah. This, are you looking at it?

B: No.

A: Pretend not to look at it!

B: Don’t make it up, why are you making up a line?

A: Ah! Tang poetry, Tang poetry and Song lyrics!

B: There is no such song

A: Everyone has seen a talented person, right? This?

B: Is this what a talented person is knowledgeable about?

A: This is a lot of knowledge, to be honest. You have to study everything!

B: What else are you studying?

A: Huh? You have to study them all, the classics! You have to study them all, Eastern and Western Han Dynasties, Journey to the West, and Three Kingdoms , ah?

B: If you want to talk about the Three Kingdoms and Water Margin, then you should study the classics. This is interesting

A: Do you know both the Three Kingdoms and Water Margin?

B: Do you know?

A: No? Okay, that’s it!

B: Ah

A: People who talk about cross talk don’t have much knowledge, you Made me change this view. Okay! Kid! Ah? Ha!

B: Who is the kid?

A: I also know about the Three Kingdoms! I am very excited!

B: Huh?

A: Huh? You? Ha? This? Yo? Ha! He also knows about the Three Kingdoms? Look!?

B: What's wrong? What is this?

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A: I am very happy! There is a successor in the Chinese cross talk industry. Ah? You also know about the Three Kingdoms?!

B: I know that the Three Kingdoms don’t show up very often

A: I am an expert in this field!

B: Oh, Specialize in studying this!

A: You have to ask me about the Three Kingdoms!

B: Yes?

A: I just study that The things inside and outside the Three Kingdoms, up and down!

B: Oh, tell us what you are studying.

A: What I know is unknown to others.

B: Oh!

A: Do you know how to borrow the east wind?

B: There is such a drama

A: Ha! Have you seen this play?

B: Ah

A: Huh?!?!? Okay! Okay! Okay! Is this thing still alive? In the Three Kingdoms, borrow the east wind , Peking Opera has this! Peking Opera! There is this play of "Borrowing the East Wind"!

B: Yes

A: (Singing) I predict that the east wind will fall on Jiazi! Right?

B: There is this line!

A: Wei Rongyuan sings this the best! Do you know?

B: Who?!?!?! ?

A: Ah?

B: Wei Rongyuan? Wei Rongyuan sings opera!

A: Who is this?

B: Ma Lianliang!

A: Ma Lianliang?

B: Alas!

A: This is the best song! But let me ask you! Jiazi Day The east wind will surely fall, and by virtue of the east wind, this day is Jiazi Day

B: Yes

A: On this day, what day of the week is it?

B: What day of the week

A: What day of the week is it?

B: Then. . . Who knows?

A: I don’t know?!?

B: I don’t know!!!

A: Thursday!

B: Thursday?

A: November 20th, the 13th year of Jian'an! AD 208! Calculated by day, plus leap years, divide by 7, it is Thursday! Thank you !Thank you!

B: It’s okay, I really work hard!

A: Thursday! I’m going to sell this to the Beijing Peking Opera Theater!

B: Alas? What do people need this for?

A: Let’s put it in a play from now on! (Singing) I predict that on Thursday, Jiazi Day, the east wind will come down! This is so good, so good. Ah?!

B: If you sing like this, you have to take the band into a ditch

A: How great, Peking Opera comes with a weather forecast, this thing, huh?

B: It’s nothing!

A: Don’t you want to watch it? I want to know what day we can go to the theater!

B: Just know that day?

A: Great contribution! Do you know?

B: Not much contribution!

A: Others don’t know, but we know!

B: Oh, what else are you studying?

A: Well, does Guan Yu know?

B: Of course I do!

A: Guan Yunchang, he Who is the master?

B: His master?!?

A: Do you know?

B: Guan Yu still has a portal?

A: Look!?! There are masters and apprentices

B: Oh!

A: I don’t know?

B: I don’t know!

A: It’s over, it’s over!

B: Ah

A: Don’t ask for a better explanation!

B: Then tell us about it .

A: Who is Guan Yu’s master?

B: Ah!

A: Who knows? No one knows! Let me ask you a little question first, Guan Yu What books do you like to read?

B: Alas? You can’t hide this from me!

A: Yes. B: Spring and Autumn Period - Sun Wu’s Art of War!

A: Yes! Sun Wu The Art of War! Why do you like to read Sun Wu’s Art of War?

B: Why?

A: That was left by his master

B: Oh?

A: Do you know?

B: Ah

A: Sun Wu! There is a word left behind!

B: What?

A: Empty!

B: Sun Wukong?

A: Alas!

B: Monkey?!?!?

A: Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes!!!

B: Is this Guan Gong’s master?

A: Guan Gong’s old mentor! Huh? Sun Wukong! Uncle Zhu Bajie, do you know?

B: Yes

A: Monk Sha, do you know?

B: Alas! Monk Sha

A: His master, Tang Monk, yes!

B: Yes, that’s not right either?

A: Why is it wrong?

B: Is this Sun Wukong a monkey?

A: Yes, this Guan Yu is also a monkey!

B: Guan Yu is a monkey

A: Shouting of the Han Dynasty - Monkey! Right?

B: Your little knowledge has been wasted here

A: After the Three Kingdoms came the Two Jin Dynasties. The two Jin Dynasties ended with the Southern and Northern Dynasties, the Southern and Northern Dynasties ended with the Sui Dynasty, and finally the Tang Dynasty unified the world. Do you think that during the 500 years during the Three Kingdoms period, Guan Yu, who was taught by Sun Wukong, was trapped under the Five Elements Mountain, and 500 years later he was brought out to learn from the scriptures. Go, take a look. . . Right?

B: What is all this mess?

A: Look?! Knowledge? Knowledge!

B: Apart from this, you What else are you studying?

A: Increase your ability!

B: Ah

A: Cao Cao, do you know?

B: Cao Cao knows

A: Cao Cao, who is his father?

B: Cao Cao, his father?

A: Ah!

B: I know!

A: Who is it?

B: Cao Zigao (name of dim sum)

A: Look? That’s nonsense Right? I don’t want to make fun of you!

B: You don’t want to make fun of this

A: This is the time to learn this knowledge!

B: Ah! I know!

A: You are not serious, just ask if you don’t know. What does Cao Zigao mean? That's nonsense. Ah?

B: His name is Cao Song

A: No. . . Let me tell you, I have been studying knowledge for so many years, ah?

B: You always have no standing posture

A: There is no place to rest your legs. You know this, you know Well! Cao Cao’s father is not Cao Song!

B: Who is it?

A: Do you really want to learn?

B: I really want to learn!

A: Take a notebook and write it down! Let me tell you, Cao Cao’s father! His name is Banana!

B: Banana

A: Banana !!

B: Not as tall as Cao Zi like me!

A: How hard are you doing?

B: Yes! You have water! Son! What two words are there?

A: Good relationship, friendship. Cao intersects.

B: Isn’t that the fruit?

A: No, no, no, it has nothing to do with that.

B: Oh, A: Cao Jiaojiao, this has a history.

B: Tell me what basis you have.

A: Have you seen the Peking Opera "Catch and Release Cao"?

B: Yes!

A: There is an old man named Lu Boshe in it

B: Oh

A: I said this when I met Cao Cao.

B: Which sentence?

A: My relationship with your father is true! I have a relationship with your father, Cao - we have a good relationship

B: Also Is it true?

A: It's true!

B: You are a "dog with a bit in the mouth - Hu Lei"

A: Cao Jiaojiao, Do you know? You don’t know this, right?

B: I don’t know!

A: How powerful is this? Through our research, we found that in the Three Kingdoms, the feelings between men and women were There are different ways of processing.

B: Oh, what is there?

A: For example, there is a great person here,

B: What is his name?

A: Liu Bei, Liu Xuande. Liu Bei is not a very good person.

B: Ah

A: Especially to his wife, he is not good! In the Three Kingdoms, he gave his wife to him three times Abandoned

B: Oh?

A: This is called Liu Bei abandoning his wife

B: When did it happen?

A: A: Look! Lu Bu beat Xiao Pei and he ran away. His wife (Mi Zhu) left him alone and ignored him.

B: Ah, A: When we hit Xuzhou, he ran away again. What should I do with my wife? Let Guan Yunchang get two cars and take him away. Just hide.

B: Right

A: Later, when we were on Tuen Tu Mountain, we made an appointment for three things. Is there such a period?

B: When we were on Tuen Tu Mountain, we made an appointment for three things.

A : Later, Zhang Wenyuan came and asked about this matter. Zhang Wenyuan had a lot of things to do. He just came out of Wulongyuan, do you know?

B: Oh, this and this. . .

A: Say, I’m busy too!

B: Zhang Liao, Zhang Wenyuan, not that Zhang Wenyuan

A: Ah? Is it different from that (?

B: It’s different

A: What dynasty does he care about with his temper? Ah

B: That needs to be taken care of, and that needs to be figured out.

A: Ah, this was one time. Later, when I abandoned Xinye and walked to Fancheng, I abandoned my wife again.

B: Oh?

A: Later, thanks to the generals, Zhao Yun and Zhao Zilong, who went in and out seven times, the young master Adou was rescued.

B: Yes

A: Liu Bei took the child , the invitation to buy is so exciting

B: Ah

A: Tears are coming down. When I look at this Adou, it’s all because of you!

B: Does Liu Bei talk like me?

A: He, what are his characteristics?

B: What are his characteristics?

A: Just because of you, You almost lost one of my generals! Why did I keep you, this unlucky boy? I'll throw you and me to death! --- Throw it to the ground

B: Throw it to the ground and you won't fall to death?

A: This is bad! It’s a bad door, can you fall to death? First, Liu Bei’s waist is hairy!

B: Oh

A: Second, his arms are long, like a gorilla.

B: Yes

A: Third, the child just dropped to the ground in the sand.

It’s okay! I really want to fall to death, I really want to kill myself, there are many ways.

B: What can I do?

A: Hold the leg and swing it against the tree

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B: This is too cruel

A: It’s over in two strokes, isn’t it? This is Liu Bei abandoning his wife

B: Inviting to buy people’s hearts

A: And this Lu Bu loves his wife

B: What’s going on with Lu Bu’s loving wife?

A: Lu Bu is amazing!

B: Ah A: Lu Bu among men, the red rabbit among horses!

B: There is such a saying,

A: No horse head can beat him,

B: Yes

A: Run fast! Oops, this lap is hundreds of miles away,

B: Yes A: And I’m not tired, just pull the reins He screamed violently, and the war horse raised its hooves, ha! He was still talking to other horses!

B: Ah

A: I am the fastest runner!

B: It’s over, right? Does this horse smell like this?

A: That’s what it means

B: What do you mean?

A: Red Rabbit among horses, Lu Bu among men! Amazing! He is very capable, but there is one thing: he is greedy for beauty and likes Diao Chan. When he was at Baimenlou, he asked Cao Cao to kill him. Lu Bu loves his wife

B: Alas!

A: And Liu An killed his wife

B: What kind of story is this?

A: It was Liu Bei who escaped from Xiaopei. He didn’t eat anything along the way and was very hungry. I found a small house in the wilderness, and there lived a man named Liu An, who played and sang with the sword.

B: Alas

A: What does playing the sword mean? People in the past would sometimes sit in the house, stretch out their swords, play the sword with their fingers, and sing while playing the sword.

B: They used to do this in the past

A: To relieve my boredom, yes, (singing) the fragrance of flowers in spring is bright and bright.

B: Is there such a song?

A: Just to relieve my boredom! Liu Bei came here and banged on the door. The door was about to open, and Liu An came out. Who are you looking for?

B: If you try to learn this again, I will slap you!

A: I am just so honest, do you know that?

B: Why do you have this in every paragraph?

A: Let me come in and sit here. Liu Bei said he hasn’t eaten yet. It doesn't matter, I'll prepare a meal for you! He went to the back and killed his wife, cooked a few dishes, and cooked them all. Liu Bei ate them all, and then he ran out and met Cao Cao. At that time, there was a man named Liu An. He invited me to dinner, and his daughter-in-law ate it. Cao Cao was very moved and sent someone to send a thousand taels of silver. From here on, Liu An suddenly became rich.

B: Rich

A: But, my spirit is very empty,

B: Ah

A: I will be a bachelor for the rest of my life,

B: What's wrong

A: No girl from any family dares to be his wife,

B: Why?

A: Afraid of his treat.

B: Yes, are you going to kill me again?

A: Isn’t that right? If you look at these pieces of knowledge, you can’t tell if you look at the Three Kingdoms.

B : That’s not the case

A: You have to come here to learn from me,

B: Yes, just think about this

A: Isn’t that right? Let me ask you another question,

B: What is the problem?

A: Who is the most capable among the three kingdoms?

B: Alas? This is not something you can do. I, I know!

A: Who is it?

B: Zhuge Liang!

A: Zhuge Liang is very capable. He knows both astronomy and geography. , Zhongxiao Renhe, knows Yin and Yang, knows the Eight Diagrams, knows the Shield and Armor of Xiaoqimen, is wiser than Guan Zhong and Le Yi, sits down with his knees folded, and knows three parts of the world before he is born in the cottage

B: Incompetent Small! How capable you are!

A: How could you be so capable? Why did Sima Yi squeeze out Wuzhangyuan and Qixing Deng?

B: That means Sima Yi is very capable.

A: That’s right! Sima Yi is very capable. Commanding thousands of troops and horses! Ah? There are as many as a thousand generals under his command. He is an amazing hero. When fighting at Jieting, he sent Zhang Heyi to win the battle. Sima Yi is so capable! B: How big!

A: Then why did Zhao Yun scare him away at the street pavilion? What's going on?

B: That's how capable Zhao Yun is. Big!

A: Yes! General Changsheng, he went in and out seven times in Changbanpo to rescue the young master Adou.

B: Alas! A: Zhao Yun is very capable! Why did Zhang Fei cut off the rear when he was in Yangqiao?

B: That means Zhang Fei is very capable!

A: Hulao Pass, three heroes fight against Lu Bu, how can three heroes defeat one man?

B: Lu Bu is very capable!

A: Baimen Tower, Cao Cao, kill Lu Bu

B: I don’t know!

A: You don’t know who is the most capable among the three countries?

B: I don’t know!

A: Guo Degang!

B: Are you still here?

A: Look, how many times have you been without me? Can you say it so happily?

B: You don’t show your face very often

A: What a talent! To study it, you have to study its extension. It’s boring just to think about the story. These heroic figures performed by the Three Kingdoms, do they have different uses in today's society!

B: Oh? They all have their uses!

A: Alas!

B: How many people should I mention?

A: I can give them re-employment!

B: Oh, you can arrange a job for them.

A: No problem.

B: The one you just mentioned, Zhang Liao and Zhang Wenyuan, general!

A: Zhang Liao and Zhang Wenyuan,

B: What can he do?

A: Let’s go to a kindergarten and become a teacher. Specializing in taking care of children,

B: Why is this?

A: During the battle in Xiaoyaojin, millions of children did not dare to cry. Zhang Liao stopped crying and put it in the kindergarten. Most suitable for children.

B: He can calm even children.

A: They are all afraid of him.

B: What can General Zhang Fei and Zhang Yide do?

A: Zhang Fei and Zhang Yide are put in the bank as security guards.

B: What's going on?

A: One is snoring while sleeping, and the other is staring when sleeping. In this way, being a security guard is most suitable.

B: Yes, to guard against thieves. Cao Cao

A: Cao Cao, become a plastic surgeon! Cut off his beard and discard his robe to completely change his appearance.

Plastic surgery is the best!

B: What can Zuo Ci do?

A: Zuo Ci is an amazing person, with a half-immortal body. I think back then, he could do all kinds of tricks. Really? Become a magician!

B: A magician? A: David Zuo Cifield

B: David Copperfield

A: Well, he doesn’t stumble

B: What do you mean by not stuttering?

A: He just has quick hands and a fine mouth.

B: Can be a magician

A: Magician

B: Okay. Let me mention one more, Liu Bei and Liu Xuande

A: To act in a TV series

B: To act in a TV series?

A: Just cry if you want, Liu Bei is the most suitable

B: Full of emotions

A: No problem

B: What can Zhang Song do?

A: Zhang Song, oh, offer Xichuan Zhang Song!

B: Yes

A: Be the host, sharp-tongued, don’t save face, let him crowd the guests

B: Oh, Kong Ming

A: Kong Ming opens a website,

B: Opens a website?

A: Such a smart person doesn’t open a website, ah ?Unjustly accused. www.Zhuge Liang.com

B: Yes, yes, yes

A: Really?

B: Zhao Yun Zhao Zilong

A: Express !

B: Huh?

A: Express! Seven in and seven out, no delay. Fast!

B: Fast?

A: Fast!

B: Miheng

A: Miheng, strike Are you going to criticize Cao Cao and take off his shirt to fight with Cao Cao?

B: Yes, yes, yes!

A: Send him to the Academy of Fine Arts to be a nude model

B: How did you figure it out?

A: Take it off there, take it off there

B: Guan Yu Guan Yunchang,

A: WTO negotiator, passed Killing six generals in five levels, this is the most suitable place for him.

B: There is a man named Cao Chong

A: Free market, forget about the fair scale

B: Yes, Cao Chong weighs the elephant

A: He has studied this

B: Pang Tong?

A: If you act in a sketch, you will definitely look famous, let me tell you.

B: Well, Pang Tong is not good-looking.

A: Ugly star!

B: What can Yang Xiu do?

A: Lucky 52, guess the riddle for Li Yong, choke. . . . This, how great!

B: Sun Quan?

A: Acting in a drama, playing a foreigner, no makeup required

B: Oh,

A: Green eyes, red eyebrows

B: What can Meng Huo do?

A: Meng Huo, seven captures of Meng Huo? A, A, and B should be coaches! It’s just 7 times!

B: What about after seven times?

A: After seven times, get out of class is over.