Adult classic joke stories

When listening to other people's jokes, I feel funny and cold, but when I watch them, I laugh too hard. Have you ever had such an experience? The following adult classic joke stories, I hope to make you laugh.

Adult classic joke story 1 1, the applicant for driver's license lost his job after taking care of it, because he habitually asked, "Are you doing it for entertainment or business?"

Twenty years ago, when my father was waiting for the bus, everyone laughed at the ugly child, and my father cried. An old man selling bananas patted his father and said, "Don't cry, big brother, give the monkey a banana!" " ! Poor thing, I'm so hungry that I have no hair. "

The mouse is particularly depressed because he doesn't have a girlfriend. Finally, a bat agreed to marry him, and the mouse was very happy. Others laughed at his lack of foresight. Mouse: What do you know? She is at least one.

4. A couple went to register for marriage. "Did you do it?" "Checked, his home. The cars are gone. " "I'm going to the hospital." The young woman blushed and whispered, "Yes, it's a boy."

On the bus, a standing pregnant woman said to the man sitting next to her, don't you know I'm pregnant? See that person says nervously only: "the child is not mine!" ! "

6. Children are thinking about "heredity and environment". Mother interjected: "This question is very simple. Everyone knows that if a child is like a father, it is hereditary. " Like neighbors, that's the environment. "

7. One day, Aries and a lion walked into the restaurant.

What did the boss say you wanted? The sheep said,' A set meal. Thank you. "

The boss asked again, "isn't your lion hungry?"

The sheep said, "No, thanks."

The boss wouldn't give up and asked, really? '

The sheep said yes

The boss is a little unwilling to ask: Think again, is it really unnecessary?

The sheep growled impatiently. Do you think I can still be here if it is hungry?

Adult classic joke story 2 1, MLM counterattack

I also participated in pyramid schemes. After being cheated by friends, I eat and sleep every day. Class is also drowsy, which is incompatible with other people's excited dreams of making money.

Finally, they said I couldn't get on the wall because of the mud. I said I could go, but I can't go without the fare. I didn't leave until they paid 300 yuan for the trip.

2. What do you hate most?

Reporter: What do you hate most?

Diaosi: Horse!

Reporter: Why?

Diaosi: Mosaic, Ma, Ma Yun!

3. Will my life change?

When I got up, I found several stacks of dollars on the table. I found a silver Rolls Royce when I went out. The foreground is a garden. The lovely nanny said it was my property. I slapped hard and it didn't hurt.

4. It really embarrassed Grandpa.

The teacher called a student outside the classroom.

Teacher: "Your homework is getting worse and worse. What's wrong? "

Student: "Teacher, can I tell you after I find out the reason this afternoon?"

Teacher: "All right!"

In the afternoon, the teacher called the students outside the classroom again. Teacher: "Did you find the reason?"

Student: "Yes, my grandfather said that homework is getting more and more difficult, and he can't help it."

5. Dear, what is death?

Tonight I asked my boyfriend, "Dear, what is death?"

He looked at me and said, "You are a fat woman, fat and ugly, and you love to be spoiled. Who gave you the confidence? "

Honey, come here and let's talk.

Adult classic joke story 3 1, a colleague asked his boss to give him a day off on Saturday: "Today is my wedding anniversary, and I have never spent an anniversary with my wife."

The boss was moved by sympathy and agreed.

As soon as the boss left, I asked him, "How long have you been married?"

"It will be a whole year by this Saturday."

At the end of the year, there have been many robberies in the corridor recently. Pay attention to safety!

Especially for girls, people in society are relatively indifferent now. If you want to meet the bad guys in the corridor in the middle of the night, don't shout "help!" Robbery! " Maybe no one will come out to help you.

You shouted, "Fire! Fire! " The whole building can come out ... remember! Remember!

I was bored two days ago. I tried to send a message to 10086: "I miss you".

Unexpectedly, 10086 really sent back a message: "You damn fool, come and find me!"

Then I was so scared that I quickly put down my father's cell phone.

I got drunk last night and took a taxi home. After getting off the bus, I threw a hundred dollars casually and said to the driver heroically, "Keep the change!" "

The driver got excited when he heard it: "I don't even look at where you threw the money!" " "

5. Colleagues go out for physical examination, and there is a small advertisement at the door. An advertisement for treating infertility was sent to colleagues.

After a long walk, the second man sent me the same advertising paper.

My colleague took out the previous advertising paper and said, I already have it.

At this time, the other party immediately took out another piece of paper, which read: painless abortion. ......

Kong Rong has five brothers. One day, my father bought some pears and specially chose the biggest one for Kong Rong. Kong Rong said: "When I was young, I ate the small ones and left the big ones to my brothers."

Dad was very happy and praised Kong Rong for being sensible.

After Dad went out, several brothers touched Kong Rong's head and said, "Brother has grown up and is sensible. If you were like this before, would we still hit you? "

7. As soon as I answered the phone, I asked, "Hello, are you at home?"

The number is strange, but the tone is definitely an acquaintance. I don't know who is still afraid of embarrassment, so I pretend to know him well. "Blind, can you still be at home on Friday?" Dinner! Friday is like this. Several bureaus shouted, where are you? What's the matter?

The other party was silent for a while and said, "You order takeout, I'm at your door."

8. Patient: "Nurse, nurse, come quickly!"

The nurse quickly asked, "What's the matter? What's wrong? "

Patient: "I feel sick."

The nurse was very nervous and asked, "What's the matter?"

Patient: "I have a stomachache."

Nurse: "What's the problem? What does it feel like? "

Patient: "I just feel so hungry."

Adult classic joke story 4 clever chief

A chief has a hobby of listening to stories. One day, he entertained his guests. At his repeated request, a foreign guest told a very interesting story:

The guest met a very pretentious person in the city. The guest said to him, "Please guess what I put in my pocket. If you guess right, I will give you half of these eggs; If you can guess the number of eggs, I will give you all ten eggs. "

The man thought for a long time and said, "friend, although I am not stupid, I can't know everything." I can't guess. "

The guest said, "Guess again, this thing is white outside and yellow inside."

"I guessed it!" The man said loudly, "It must be a pile of white radishes with a potato hidden in the middle."

Hearing this, the guests all laughed, and the chief laughed even more. Finally he asked:

"That's a fool. Dear friend, now please tell us what's in your pocket? "

Adult classic joke story 5 "What did you eat"

Li Le is a person who likes to take advantage of petty gain. He saw raisins, walnuts and cashews in the supermarket, and often picked them up to eat when people were unprepared.

One day, he saw the waiter spread out the scale, grabbed a handful of cashews and chewed them. Suddenly, he heard a thin voice next to him asking, "Uncle, what did you eat?" Li Le was surprised and lowered his head. It turned out to be a little boy of three or four years old, looking up at himself. Li Le shook his hand to him and turned to leave. Unexpectedly, the little boy grabbed his pants and raised his voice curiously and asked, "Uncle, what did you eat?"

Li Le was afraid of what the little boy would say, so he quickly picked him up and stuffed a cashew nut into his mouth.

Unexpectedly, at this moment, I only heard someone screaming: "Get the child!" A woman rushed to Li Le like a madman, grabbed him and shouted, "You trafficker, put my child down quickly!" People around "make a hullabaloo about" and shouted, "Get him, get him." ..."

Two security guards rushed over, and one of them held Li Le down with one hand. Li Le was so anxious that he shouted: "I am not a trafficker!" Two security guards hugged him tightly and said, "Don't lie, the witnesses are here." Li Le busy way: "you misunderstood, I'm not stealing children, I am ..." Li Le embarrassed to go on.

When he arrived at the security room, Li Le finally had a chance to defend himself: "Comrade security, this is what happened. I ate some cashews in your supermarket, the child asked curiously. I was afraid that the salesman would find out, so I gave him a cashew nut to eat and told him not to shout. As a result, it is purely a misunderstanding! "

Hearing this, the security guard immediately said, "Tell me the modus operandi in detail. In recent incidents of stealing children, you cheated them with dried fruits. You didn't press the gun. Wait for the police to come before you tell the police ... "

Adult classic joke: six stories one: two little raccoons.

Two little raccoons, one with a black nose, called Xiaohei; One is a white nose, called Xiaobai. They are neighbors and good friends. However, one day, Xiaohe and Xiaobai quarreled. After that, they never spoke again. One night, Xiao Bai came home and felt very hungry. However, there is nothing at home except cooking corn. At this time, the smell of bees came from next door. Xiaobai suddenly thought, "I wonder what Xiaohei is doing?" So he decided to have a look. There is a small hole in the wall between Xiao Bai and Xiao Hei's house. Xiaobai looked into the hole and saw Xiaoheijia looking here, too. Xiaohe smiled shyly: "Come and eat bees!" " "The little white said," come on, I'll treat you to corn! Xiaohe added, "Why don't we tear down the wall and become a family?" So, they started work together and soon pulled down the wall. Xiaobai and Xiaohei are singing, eating boiled corn and bees. How happy they are!

Chapter 2: Drink soup.

One day, mother cat caught a big loach in the river. Ha! Children can drink delicious loach soup. When the mother cat comes home, she washes the loach and orders loach soup. Mother cat put some salt in the pot for a while, monosodium glutamate in the pot for a while and onion and ginger in the pot for a while. When the soup was cooked, Mother Cat brought the delicious soup to the table and cried happily, "Come and eat delicious loach soup, children!" " "Mother cat and the children drank loach soup and went to wash the dishes when they saw the loach still swimming in the basin. Just now, mother cat was busy putting salt and monosodium glutamate. Mother cat put loach soup into the pot. Clear soup!

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