Somebody make some jokes.

( 1)

Just a week after going to work, Xiao Wu, who just put on his police uniform, decided to treat himself and go to the cinema to see a movie. There was a long queue to buy tickets, and Xiaowu breathed a sigh of relief and came to the end.

"New police, right?" Next to a person asked.

Xiaowu wondered, "How do you know?"

"Well, how can an old policeman queue up to buy a ticket?"

"Oh." Xiao Wu understood, went straight to the ticket booth, handed in the money and said, "I'll buy a ticket."

"New police, right?" The man in the window smiled.

"How do you know?"

"How can an old policeman buy a ticket? Go inside. No one dares to stop him. "

"Oh." Xiaowu learned it again, but no one stopped him when he tried.

Entering the theater, Xiaowu went downstairs and took a seat casually. Before I could sit down, someone next to me asked, "New policeman?"

It's really weird. Xiaowu was puzzled, but his mouth was still hard: "Who said that!"

"Old policemen are watching movies upstairs, and new policemen like you are downstairs."

Xiao Wu went upstairs to have a look, didn't he? There are many policemen here.

Xiaowu picked a seat and sat down. Before long, the film began. A policeman next to him turned to look at him and said coldly, "New policeman, right?"

"How did you know I was a new policeman?"

"The old policeman didn't sit and watch movies as well as you did, just like me."

Xiaowu learned the way of an old policeman, put his feet up and put them around the necks of people in the front row. He felt much more comfortable and found some feelings of being a policeman.

Halfway through the movie, Xiao Wu was a little anxious and hurried to the bathroom. At the door of the bathroom, I was stopped by a staff member: "The new policeman?"

Xiao Wu also wondered: "I didn't write it on my forehead. How do you know? "

"The police are still here? People pee from upstairs to downstairs. You look like a new policeman. "

Xiao Wu was so ashamed that he almost threw someone to the police. He stood on the edge of the second floor, pulled out a guy and splashed downstairs. ...

"Hey, it's the new policeman who pees upstairs!" Suddenly someone shouted downstairs.

"..." Xiao Wu bent down.

"You see, the old policeman is a lump of urine. How can a new policeman like you pour it on my head!"

"……￥# *&……"

Small five flushed, he quickly zipped up, turned around and sat down in his seat as if nothing had happened.

"New police, right?" A buddy next to me said.

"……"

"The old policeman didn't zip up quickly after urinating, and he wouldn't let the exposed guy scare the little MM for a while."

After watching the movie, I took a taxi home and took out a five-yuan bill to the driver. The driver looked at him with a big smile on his face: "Brother, the new policeman, the policeman doesn't have to pay for the ride."

Xiao Wu couldn't wait to find a gap and get into the ground. He really lost all the policemen.

When Xiaowu got off the bus, Xiaowu said, "Thank you, Master!" "

The taxi driver said, "the new policeman, right?" Old cops never say thank you! ! I'll invite you to dinner tomorrow, so please forgive me later! "

Xiao Wu said, "How can that be done?"

The master said, "The new policeman, right? Old policemen are always beating their chests and beating their feet, inviting people to eat for themselves everywhere! ! "

(2)

Xiao Wu was depressed and found a young lady to keep warm on the road. After some groping, the young lady asked, "new policeman!" "

Xiaowu is a little dizzy. "What's the matter?"

"How can an old policeman be so polite? They are all bullies. "

After putting a bow on the young lady, Xiaowu decided not to embarrass the people's police any more, and left without paying the young lady fee or the bar fee.

The boss turned to look at him and said, "New policeman?"

Xiaowu completely collapsed. He grabbed the boss by the neck and asked, "How can you see this?"

Boss: "The old policeman not only fights for nothing, but also collects protection money when he leaves!" " "

Xiao Wu thought, damn it! ! The new policeman is also a policeman!

So he said to his boss, "Give me the protection money! ! ! "

The boss said, "New policeman, right?"

Xiaowu: ......

Boss: "The people's old police always ask us to send the fees to our door. How can we collect them face to face?"

Xiao Wu was humiliated by the boss of the karaoke bar and decided to show the dignity of the police and give the boss a little embarrassment.

Listening to the obscene sound coming from the next room, Xiaowu kicked open the closed door and snapped at a naked man and woman inside: "Don't move, I'm a policeman!" " "

The woman sat up lazily, hugged the man, squinted at Xiao Wu and said, "The new policeman?"

The man also said, "He is a new policeman."

Xiaowu sharply asked the dog men and women, "How do you know that I am a new policeman?"

The woman pointed to the man around her and said, "How can an old policeman not know their director?"

Xiao Wu heard that the director turned and ran away, and ran into a man's arms when he went out. When he saw that he was a well-dressed gentleman, he quickly apologized. The man smiled. "New policeman?"

Xiaowu is about to explode: "Do you know?"

"I am the manager here, and every old policeman knows me."

Xiao Wu hurried out of the karaoke room, and when he went out, he saw a man prying a bicycle under a street lamp. He ran to catch the man and then went back to the police station. The man glanced at him: "new policeman?"

"no! ! Come back with me! "

"Not yet, the old policeman doesn't care about this!"

"What's the matter with the new police? The new image of the new police! "

"Oh, I heard about it when your director was a new policeman."

Xiao Wu drives a police car to a friend's house, which is very fast. Very pleasant. At the corner of the street, a cyclist suddenly appeared from the darkness. Xiao Wu couldn't step on the brakes, and with a bang, the bike flew out together. Xiao Wu hurriedly got off the bus and looked forward. The man's leg has been bleeding, and there is a big pool of blood on the ground.

Without further ado, Xiaowu picked up the man and walked to the car. The man snorted and asked Xiaowu, "Comrade, are you the new policeman?"

Xiao Wu wondered: Why did everyone ask me today if I was a new policeman? Did I hit an evil spirit today?

The man groaned, and then said, "No matter what hit him, the old policeman left with his flute.". It's not that you stopped to see me, which makes me so miserable now ... "Before he finished, the man fainted.

(3)

Xiao Wu went home flustered, read a post on "Youth Topic" and registered an ID called "Riverside" by the way.

007 ran over and asked, "Is it the new policeman?"

Xiao Wu panicked and said that no one on the Internet knew you were a dog. 007 even the old and new policemen can see it? Busy posting asked: "How do you know?"

007 replied: "The old policeman came here to go undercover, and the registration ID should be at least called' River Bottom' or something."

Xiao Wu is determined to turn over a new leaf and vows to be an old policeman.

One day, he passed a cigarette stall, went up to the cigarette seller and said, "I took these two Zhonghua's" and picked up two Zhonghua's.

The cigarette vendor smiled and said, "New policeman."

Xiao Wu said, "Shit, how do you know?"

The cigarette vendor said, "Old policemen never take cigarettes from the stalls. They all know it's fake cigarettes. The old policeman said, bring me two Chinese in the back. "

After Xiao Wu left the smoke beach with a cigarette, he felt it was useless to smoke it himself. Might as well find a place to change some money. So I went to a tobacco and liquor store.

"The boss came to return these two cigarettes."

"How much do you want?"

Xiaowu wanted to think, and he must not see that I am a new policeman.

"One thousand dollars per person!"

Xiaowu put down his cigarette, took the money and left.

The boss said, "Are you the new policeman? Old policemen always take money without leaving cigarettes. "