Tell me a joke to make me happy, will you? thank you

1. When a hungry wolf was looking for food, he heard a woman training her child: If you cry again, I will throw you out to feed the wolf! The child cried all night, and the wolf waited outside until dawn and sighed, liar, women are liars!

2. A boy stood downstairs in the girls' dormitory and shouted, "Hanako, Hanako! ...

The aunt in charge of the dormitory asked, "Who are you calling?"

The boy replied, "Beggar, from Room 308."

So the aunt shouted: "beggar in room 308, someone is looking for him"!

Xiaoling and Xiaomei are roommates in the same dormitory.

On this day, Xiaoling returned to the dormitory and found Xiaomei looking in the mirror, feeling: "I wash my face every day, apply cream, do care, and my face still has pimples."

Xiaoling smiled and said, "Of course! You are irrigating and fertilizing, how can you not germinate? "

Dagang is a landlubber. He always wanted to learn swimming with his friends, but when he got to the swimming pool, he was afraid to get into the water.

His friend encouraged him and said, "Don't worry, you have excellent prerequisites, and you will never drown in the water." Dagang was curious: "How do you know?"

The friend nodded: "Your girlfriend says you dance like a piece of wood."

5. Once upon a time, there was a little dog named Xiaoxiao. Why is it getting smaller and smaller?

Answer: because I have gone far.

6. A little tiger walked slowly up to the little squirrel, blushing and asking, "Excuse me, excuse me … can I eat you?"

The little squirrel thought the little tiger was very interesting and asked, "Is this the first time you have eaten animals?"

Little tiger said shyly, "Yes, mom is not at home today."

The little squirrel asked curiously, "What did you eat before?"

"eat milk!" Say that finish, the little tiger's face is redder.

7. A young man went to visit his girlfriend, but his parents deliberately avoided it and let them fall in love alone in the living room. When they were kissing, the young man found his girlfriend's little sister watching curiously at the door, so he said, "Little sister, go to bed, and I'll give you a dollar."

My little sister ran away without asking for money. After a while, my little sister came back and put out her hand and said, "I have a dollar." Let me watch it for a while. "

8. Niu Ren was stopped by a traffic policeman: "Comrade, you pressed the line.

The driver looked down at the line and cursed: "I didn't run it over for you!" " The traffic police fainted, and the cattle man refueled and slipped away. Soon, another traffic policeman stopped the cow. After the cow got off the bus, the traffic police said, "Comrade, you drink and drive." The driver sneered: "Does beer count as wine? So you say soy sauce is also oil? Japanese are human, too? " The traffic police fainted again, and the cow ran away.

9. A prisoner was shot. Because the bullet was inferior, the first shot was not fired, and then the second shot was fired ... the third shot ... At this time, the prisoner cried: Brother, you strangle me, it's really fucking scary!

10. After watching the black 100-meter run, an old lady wiped her tears and said that she was scared to death! Several coal diggers knelt in a row and were shot, but they fired without aiming. The children ran in fear, and the rope couldn't stop them!

1 1. Mr. Huang loves revolution. To commemorate the Red Army, he named his son Jun.. One day, he sent his son to class, and when he saw the stop sign of the No.8 bus, he shouted to his son: Huang Jun, run, the No.8 bus is coming! ~~~

12. A little bear went to the mountains to start a business. The farmer gave him a sickle and the carpenter gave him a hammer. When Little Bear came to the mountains, he met a tiger. He was so scared that he held a sickle and a hammer over his head. The tiger said, I didn't see it. You are still party member!

13, farmers are carrying shit. The foreigner looked at it and asked, Grandpa, how much is this sauce? The farmer didn't say anything. The foreigner put a little in his mouth with his hand and thought, I won't tell you how much it is a catty, and I won't tell you that your sauce stinks.

14, one day Xiaoming put a plaster on his hand. The teacher asked: What happened to your hand? Xiao Ming said: It's broken. The teacher said: Why? Xiaoming said: Because I am too lazy, the teacher said: Too lazy will break my hand? Xiao Ming said: I was walking on the road and my shoes hit a stone, but I was too lazy to do it with my hands, so I shook my feet with a telephone pole and let the stone fall out. Passers-by thought I was electrocuted and hit my hand with a wooden stick, so the teacher .................: ............

15, Party A, Party B and Party C went out together, and Party A caught a cold ... Everyone slept in a bed at night, and Party A slept in the middle. In the middle of the night … A took a big sniffle, and B and C were covered with A crystals. Let us know next time ... half an hour later, A: Pay attention ... B C got into the quilt and made sure there was no contact with the outside world ... As a result, a fart.

16, once I went to a high school teacher's house with some classmates to see him. It was an old man. Before leaving, we left some fruit for the teacher, but the teacher held the monitor's computer bag tightly and said, "Look, look what else I brought ... just leave it at the door."

17, I took a taxi with my friends to meet a net friend. After arriving, my friend pointed to an ugly woman not far away and said to the driver, "Did you see that woman?" "See, stop here?" "No, kill her! ! ! "

18, I am an old woman in her fifties. One day, when I visited the boys' dormitory, there happened to be a boy running around without anything on ~ Ban Ren saw it and jumped on the bed with a loud cry ~ Ban Ren left a message: I have never seen anything at my age, what do you mean ~ This classmate is particularly cold! ! !

19, one day, Mr. A took a shit in the toilet, and he probably couldn't pull it out, so he called in the toilet. At this time, Mr. B outside heard it and sang loudly: "I can't pull it out!" " What's more, Mr. C immediately sang: "If you can't pull it out, dig it by hand!" Since then, this song has become our dormitory song.

20. It is said that when the end of the month is the poorest, everyone in the dormitory has no money, so they dare not ask for it at home and go on a collective diet. In order to save energy, everyone skipped classes. At noon, the counselor came to the dormitory and was surprised to see them all lying in bed weakly. Before I could speak, I heard the dormitory owner say slowly, "It's time for lunch". Everyone staggered out of bed, went to the water room to drink tap water, and went back to sleep. ...

2 1, there is a female classmate in the university, from Beijing, who is cold and humorous. She talked about her score after the college entrance examination. Call the sorting desk to check the scores. Find the math score and report on the phone: "Your math score is 6 points-"Hearing this, she secretly rejoiced: "Hey, math made me get more than 60 points?" "-points!" Continue to report by phone.

I am sorry! B: I'm sorry too. A: Sorry for three people. Why are you apologizing? A: Sorry, five.

(Actually, I can't understand it. )

When I took the bus yesterday, the bus driver kept staring at me as if I didn't buy a ticket. -What would you do? It's simple. I kept staring at him as if I had bought a ticket.

24. In an English exam, Mr. A was at a loss. Suddenly, he saw that Mr. B had filled it up, so he threw a note for help. After a while, Mr. B threw a paper ball. Jun was overjoyed and busy unpacking. I saw an eraser wrapped in paper. The four sides of the eraser are painted with the letters A, B, C and D, and the words are written on the paper: Throw it yourself.

25. When I was a child, I ate noodles until I was full. I pulled out a sentence from my throat: "Haha, move your face!" At this time, my father said seriously, "What's so funny about roundworms? Eat quickly! " "

I'm exhausted! ! ! !