Let's have some funny jokes with stomachache!

Mom: "Son, son! Come on! "It's so easy!" What is this? "

Son: "'this is too simple'."

Mom: "Why not make it simple?"

Son: "Oh, it's so easy!" "

Mom: "You didn't think I would hit you, did you?"

After speaking, he taught his son a lesson.

Then, my mother asked again:

"What do you mean by the word' what'?"

Son: "What?"

Mom: "What do I mean by' what'?"

Son: "What!"

Say that finish, the mother taught her son a lesson again. ...

After the punishment, mother asked again:

"Well, I'll ask you again. It's okay to tell mom."

Son: "Um U_U~"

Mom: "What do you often hear' fuck'?"

Son: "(whoops) ..."

-

A teacher in the philosophy department took only one question in the mid-term exam.

The topic is "What is courage?"

While everyone is trying to figure out how to write. ...

A classmate handed in his paper ... he didn't write a word!

But he only wrote five words, "This is courage!"

Absolutely! The teacher gave him full marks.

But it must be in the back.

Finally, the final exam. The teacher still only takes one exam.

The topic this time is "This is the topic, please answer".

Isn't that a strange question? I can't write yet.

But the student handed in his paper soon.

What did he write this time?

He wrote, "This is the answer, please give points ..."

The teacher angry but angry call:

"Boy, bad! Come here, I have two questions for you. Answered the first question, you don't have to answer the second ... "

Teacher: "How many hairs do you have?"

Classmate: "12360 1 block"

Teacher: "How do you know?"

Classmate: "There is no need to answer this question."

He got full marks in the final exam again!

The answer that can piss off the teacher!

Title: Although ......

Student: He undressed and put on pants.

Comment: Does he want to take it off or wear it?

Title: Among them

Student: I hurt my left foot.

Comment: Are you a centipede?

Title: One after another.

Student: After work, my father went home one after another.

Comment: How many dads do you have?

Title: Prosperity.

Student: My brother is thriving.

Comment: Son, is your brother a vegetable?

Theme: sadness

Student: There is a ditch in front of my house, which is really sad.

Comment: The teacher is even sadder. ......

Title: Again ... Again. ......

Student: My mother is short, tall, fat and thin.

Comment: Is it your mother ... a deformed diamond?

Title: ... first, then ... second, third, fourth and fifth.

Student: Goodbye, sir!

Comment on writing: Imagination exceeds the wisdom of people on earth.

Title: In addition,

Student: A train passes by, besides, besides. ......

Comment on writing: forget it when I die ....

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My deskmate has a cold and a runny nose, but he forgot to bring his handkerchief and has been sniffing it. The Chinese teacher who was writing on the blackboard suddenly turned around and shouted, "That's enough! Stop it! Too noisy! " The whole class was silent. The teacher added, "Who steals noodles in class? What are you arguing about? " -

Pinch the cock by the neck but dare not go under the knife. After a long pause, I strangled the chicken!

Let me tell you a story. Once upon a time, there was an idiot. He is so stupid that when people ask him any questions, he just shakes his head or answers "No". Have you heard this story?

Women can see the moon and the sun, which is a serious astigmatism to the moon and the sun.

Listen! I want to chase you! I thought you were! I have been looking for you! I will seize this opportunity! I must catch up with you! Dead flies! -

The teacher said: I want class flowers for two people. So I took a class flower, took a class and chose two most beautiful girls. The teacher said: Go to the Academic Affairs Office to move flowers!

-

Words of blessing

One day, the teacher asked the students to say hello, and Xiao Ming stood up first.

I wish you laugh often, you have to laugh anyway.

I wish you a pleasant journey, disappear halfway and go home without a trace.

Congratulations on making a fortune.

I wish you a prosperous business and getting poorer and poorer.

Have fun every day, leg cramps.

I wish you all the best and hit a wall everywhere.

I wish you good health and all your teeth will fall out.

Have a nice trip and fall down halfway.

I wish you happiness as the East China Sea, and the whole family will jump into the sea.

Have a good life, you are often abnormal.

I wish you an early birth and a natural death.

The teacher fell to the ground.

Xiao Ming: "Dad, am I a stupid child?" Dad: "Silly child, how can you be a silly child?"

Xiao Lou's mother said, "What can I do for you, teacher?" The teacher said, "Yes, your children don't pay attention in class, and they still don't know the initials and finals." Xiao Lou's mother said, "Son, why are you so stupid?" ! Isn't mom your biological mother, and I was your pregnant mother before I gave birth to you? "

Once upon a time there was a man named Shuang.

He is dead.

On the day of the funeral.

Cool ... cool ...

Passers-by were puzzled and asked, "What are you admiring?"

The family burst into tears: "It's so cool ... it's so cool ..."

A foreign language learner accidentally stepped on a foreigner's foot in the street that day. The man quickly said, "I'm sorry," and the foreigner said politely, "I'm sorry, too." Hearing this, the man quickly said, "I'm sorry there." The foreigner asked stupidly, "Why are you so afraid?" The man said helplessly, "I'm sorry."

A lady said to her girlfriend, "I made my husband a millionaire, but now she wants to abandon me." The girlfriend was surprised and sighed: "Then you helped your husband a lot ... What did your husband do before?" ! ? Lady: "A multi-millionaire." "

A family caught fire, and both parents escaped, leaving only their son inside. Mother shouted, "My son is on fire. Why don't you come out?" Son: "I am wearing socks." "What socks were you wearing when the fire broke out?" After five minutes, before my son came out, my mother nervously shouted, "Son, come out quickly. The fire is getting bigger and bigger. Why are you still inside? " The son said, "I'm going to take off my socks!" " "

The funeral home received a body, which was said to have been struck by lightning while climbing a tree, but the administrator was very surprised: "Why are you laughing when you were struck by lightning?" The policeman said, "Because after he climbed the tree, he suddenly saw a flash of lightning and thought someone was filming him ..."

Devil: "God, can I be reincarnated?"

God: "Yes"

Devil: "I don't want to be a devil anymore." I want to be as white as an angel and have wings, but I still want to suck blood. "

God: "Well, you can be reborn as a nurse."

Three people compete in marksmanship, and a black man holds something as a target.

The first man put an apple on the black man's head, and then at a distance of 10 meters, he raised his hand and shot it and broke it. He blew his gun and said, I'm Zorro!

The second man put a cherry on the black man's head, and then at a distance of 50 meters, he raised his hand and shot it and broke it. He blew the muzzle and said, I'm m007.

The third man put a sesame seed on the black man's head, then raised his hand at a distance of 100 meters and shot the black man in the head. He also blew the gun and said, I'm sorry.

Fire brigade: Where is the fire?

Alarm person: My home.

Fire brigade: I mean, where?

Policeman: In the kitchen.

Fire brigade: I mean, how do we get there?

Policeman: Don't you have a fire truck? !

The little white rabbit skipped to the bakery and asked, "Boss, do you have a hundred buns?"

Boss: "Oh, sorry, not that much."

"well. . . "The little white rabbit left in dismay.

The next day, the little white rabbit skipped to the bakery. "Boss, do you have a hundred steamed buns?"

Boss: "Sorry, there is still no"

"well. . . "The little white rabbit left in dismay again.

On the third day, the little white rabbit skipped to the bakery. "Boss, do you have a hundred steamed buns?"

The boss said happily, "Yes, yes, we have a hundred buns today! ! "

The little white rabbit took out the money: "Great, I'll buy two!" " "

Lele went to the zoo to feed the monkeys one day ... and threw peanuts to the monkeys ... but one monkey always put peanuts in his ass first ... and then took them out ... Lele felt sick and ran to ask the director ... why did the monkey behave so strangely? ... the director explained: because someone threw him a big peach last year ... the seeds of that big peach could not be discharged from his ass smoothly ... and he was killed.

Devil: "Princess, you broke your throat, and no one came to save you!" " "

Princess: "broken throat!" " "

No one: "Princess! I'm coming to save you! "

Devil: "Damn it."

Ghost: "Who found me?"

Who: "What's it to me?"

One day, the teacher took a group of children to the mountain to pick fruit.

He announced: "children, we can wash the fruit together after picking it, and we can eat it together after washing."

All the children went to pick fruit.

As soon as the assembly time came, all the children got together.

Teacher: "Xiaohua, what do you have?"

Xiaohua: "I am washing apples because I picked them."

Teacher: "What about you, Xiaomei?"

Xiaomei: "I'm washing tomatoes because I picked tomatoes."

Teacher: "The children are great! What about Amin? "

A-Ming: "I'm washing cloth shoes because I stepped on shit."

A priest is playing golf and a nun is watching. The first shot missed. The priest scolded: "TMD, missed!" " Hit again, the priest scolded again: "TMD, missed again!" "The nun said," God will punish you for swearing as a priest. " As soon as the voice fell, I heard a thunder chop the nun to death. The priest wondered: Why am I the one who cursed? Why should I chop a nun to death? At this time, I only heard the voice of God from the sky: "TMD, I also missed!" " "

Eldest brother and second child fly, and second child gets airsick and keeps vomiting. A bag is full, so the boss has to get it. When he came back, he found that the whole plane was vomiting. The boss asked the reason, and the second child said, "I think this bag is full, so I had to drink half of it and throw up."

A man saw a store having a big sale and went in. "What do you want?" "I want to buy dog food." "We have a rule that you must prove that you have a dog." "Where is such a rule?" "This is the case with goods on sale." The man has been grinding with the salesman for a long time, but the salesman still refuses to sell it to him. No way, the man had to go home and bring the dog before buying dog food. A few days later, the man went to this store to buy cat food. "Give me two boxes of cat food." "We have a rule that you must prove that you have a cat." It was the same shop assistant, and the man dawdled with her for a long time and finally had to go home and take the cat to buy cat food. A few days later, the man came to the shop with a big cardboard box with a hole in it and found the salesman. "What can I do for you?" "Just put your hand in and you'll know." The salesman put his hand in: "What is it? Very sticky. " "I want to buy two rolls of toilet paper."

Once KTV ordered a song, MM yelled: Give me a Shuang Jie cut with a stick every week.

A female alien engaged in biological research came to the earth. After a lap, she felt that there were many places worth learning about human genes, so she arrested a person and wanted to take back the written information about human genes. But the ship is too small to take him away, and the information is too huge to take away at one time. Just when she was anxious, the computer help system of the spaceship said, "This man has a small stick, which can solve all your problems …" Then she suddenly realized and smiled and said to the drooling man. . . . . Give me the flash drive! " .

A person in our dormitory drank too much urine and then brought out a cold sentence: if you drink too much, you will drink too much.