A joke that once told everything.

Watch cold jokes when you are in a bad mood. Read these jokes when you are in a bad mood. It is very useful. In fact, if there is nothing serious, don't be in a bad mood. If you are upset for one minute, you will lose 60 seconds of happiness. I hope you can be happy every day!

1。 One day, the little penguin asked his grandmother, "Grandma, am I a penguin?" "Yes, of course you are a penguin." The little penguin asks his father again, "Dad, Dad, am I a penguin?" "Yes, you are a penguin. What's wrong? " "But, but why do I feel so cold?"

2。 A polar bear stayed in a daze on the ice, and when he was really bored, he began to pluck his own hair. A ..........................................

There is a man who looks like an onion, crying while walking.

On a hot summer day, two bananas were walking on the road.

The banana walking in front suddenly felt so hot. He said it was too hot. I want to take off my clothes.

As a result, he skinned it.

As a result, the banana in the back fell down.

There is a hide-and-seek club, and the person in charge hasn't been found yet.

6. Draw a V on two fingers. What is this? Yeah ~ ~ Hands shaking down, what is it? It's fallen leaves! Ha ha ha, laughing me to death.

7. Stretch four fingers,

What is this?

Four,

Bend four fingers,

What is this?

Wonderful ~!

8. When the millionaire was driving a luxury extended "Lincoln" car through a village, he saw two beggars pulling grass at the roadside to eat. The millionaire immediately stopped the car.

"Why do you eat grass?"

"We really have no money ..." A beggar replied.

"Really, get in the car and go to my house."

"I have a wife and two children at home ..." A beggar muttered.

"Call 1 and the rich man points to another beggar." And you, call your family, too. "

"My family has a large population. Besides my wife, there are five children. " Another beggar said.

"It doesn't matter, all call, go to 1.

In this way, two beggars and their families got on the bus, but fortunately it was an extended bus. On the way to exercise, a beggar's wife said gratefully, "Boss, it's very kind of you to invite even poor people like us to our home."

The millionaire replied, "Nothing, I just came back from abroad, and my house has been neglected.". The lawn in the yard may be more than one meter high and you can eat enough. "

Once upon a time, there was a loaf of bread walking in the street. He felt hungry, so he ate himself.

Once upon a time, there was a marshmallow who went to play ball for a long time. He said, "I'm so tired that I feel soft."

10 Once upon a time, there was a lamb. One day, he went out to play and met a wolf.

The wolf said, "I will eat you!" " ! ! "

Guess what?

As a result, the wolf ate the lamb.

1 1, there is a generation gap and no cleavage-this kind of communication is very difficult.

12, who will definitely be eliminated from the game, wolf, tiger or lion? Wolf, because: Momotaro (eliminated wolf)

13. When will Chen Shui-bian be reunified? When buying instant noodles.

14. Why does the silkworm baby have money? Because ... silkworms can cocoon (frugal)

15, which is the most embarrassing historical figure? Su Wu, because: Su Wu herded sheep in Beihai (kicked by the sea).

16, Xiaoming got a new haircut and came to school the next day. The students all laughed when they saw his new hairstyle: Xiao Ming, your head looks like a kite! Xiao Ming felt very wronged and ran outside to cry. . Cry, cry. . He flew. .

17. One day, three little pigs built three huts to avoid the wolf. Wolves easily destroyed straw houses, wooden houses and brick houses. Three little pigs ran as fast as they could, but the wolf caught up with them. The three little pigs said in despair, it's up to you. We gave up. Whatever. At this moment, the wolf grinned and drooled and said:

Then tell me where little red riding hood is.

18, stones fight with rice cakes, and when they get angry, they kick the rice cakes into the sea. ...

Tell a story. Once upon a time, there was a pair of lovers who privately agreed for life, but the boy needed military service, so they made an oath with the girl and gave her a diamond ring, agreeing to meet the girl three years later today. At that time, the ring will be used as a wedding ring. Three years later, the girl waited for the boy, but she couldn't. Sad and desperate, she threw the diamond ring into the sea and moved away.

20. The diver's movements are difficult. He turned three times, then somersaulted forward for three and a half times, and then somersaulted backward for a month.

2 1. When my friend Li Shansi and I just moved, there was no TV at home, which was very boring. Let's pretend that there is a TV set on the desk, and then we can change the channel by pretending that we have a remote control. This son of a bitch keeps changing channels. I told him, but he wouldn't listen. Then we started fighting.

22. An egg went to a teahouse to drink tea and turned into a tea egg; An egg went swimming in Songhua River, and it became a preserved egg. An egg went to Shandong and became a Lu (halogen) egg; An egg was homeless and turned into a wild egg; An egg accidentally fell on the road, fell to the ground and became a missile; An egg ran into someone's yard and became an atomic bomb; An egg ran to the Qinghai-Tibet Plateau and became a hydrogen bomb. An egg got sick and became a bad guy. An egg got married and became an asshole; An egg swam in the river and became a nuclear bomb. An egg ran into the flowers and became a Hua Dan. There is an egg riding a horse with a knife. It turns out that he is a Beijing opera blues. An egg is female and ugly, and it turns into a dinosaur egg; An egg is a man, and his wife commits adultery with other eggs outside, and as a result, he becomes an illegitimate child; There is an egg. ......

23. Once upon a time, there was a man named Cai, and everyone called him.

result ...

One day, he was taken away!

Once upon a time, there was a bird.

He passes through a cornfield every day,

But unfortunately,

One day, a fire broke out in the cornfield.

All the corn has turned into popcorn! ! !

After the birds fly by, ......

I thought it was snowing, so I froze. ...

25. Xiaoming: Have you ever seen a tortoise shake its head?

Kangkang shakes his head) No.

Xiaoming: Have you ever heard a fool say?

Idiot said no, retarded said no.

The story of words?

Kangkang: .............

A reporter will visit 100 penguins in the Arctic.

He asked the first penguin what his usual interests were. The first penguin said, Eat. Go to sleep. Knock on the door.

The reporter asked doubtfully what is knocking at the door? The penguin left without saying anything. The reporter wants to say ok, don't talk. He visited the second penguin again. What are his usual interests? The second penguin said, eat, sleep and knock at the door. Why are you knocking again? The reporter muttered in his mind. One by one, from visiting the first penguin to the 99th penguin, their usual interests are eating, sleeping and making love.

Until the100th penguin.

The reporter asked him what your usual interests are.

Penguin 100th: Eat. Go to sleep.

The reporter felt very strange and asked it: Why didn't you knock?

Penguin issue 100:'' Because I am a drummer''

27. The coffee cup and the water cup crossed the road together. At this moment, an old man shouted "Be careful, it's a red light now". But after a while, the coffee cup crossed the road smoothly, but the water cup was hit by a truck and flowed into the note. Why?

The key: Because coffee cups have "ears", water cups don't have 5555555555555555.

28. On a straw boat

Lu Su: "Is it really possible to borrow arrows like this? Mr. Kong Ming? "

Zhuge Liang: "Trust me."

Lu Su: "But I'm still a little worried ..."

Zhuge Liang: "There is no need."

Lu Su: "But don't you think it's getting hotter and hotter in the boat?"

Zhuge Liang: "It's a little inconvenient to say that ... Is there anything wrong?"

Lu Su: "Yes, I'm afraid the enemy is shooting rockets ..."

Zhuge Liang: "Hey! ? Amethyst, can you swim? I can't. "

29. Soldier: "Thirst … Thirst …"

Cao Cao: "Hold on a little longer! I have been to this place before, and I remember there is a merlin nearby, which may arrive in a moment. "

Soldier: "Oh! There are plums to eat! Oh! "

Half an hour later-Coss: "Master! The expedition found a lot of water! "

Cao Cao: "Ha ha ha ha, did you hear that? Finally, there is water to drink. "

Soldier: "If you don't go ... you must find Plum ..."

30. the story of diusim: "............."

Dong Zhuo: "........."

Lu Bu: "I just want to hear your truth. Which one do you love more?" ! ? "

The story of diusim: "............."

Dong Zhuo: "........."

Lu Bu: "Answer me!"

Dong Zhuo: "It's really hard to decide! I like both! "

Lu Bu: "Scum!" ! "-according to research, the first BL murder in China history occurred in the late Eastern Han Dynasty. ...