Two homophonic jokes, not the ones in the book

"South China Sea Islands" Mr. Li is taking a geography class. Mr. Li: Where are the South China Sea islands? Have you seen them? The students burst into laughter and shouted, "I saw it, in the front row!" It turned out that there was a "boy" named "Director Zhu" in the class. Tip: South China Sea Islands (Nánhǎizhūdǎo) ≈ Boy Zhu Dao (nánhái Zhūdǎo) 2. "China's Territory" Mr. Li: How big is China's territory? A student: Jiang Yu in China? Jiangyu from the Yangtze River or Jiangyu from Heilongjiang? Mr. Li: Your geography score may be at the bottom. A certain student: First in Sichuan? Then I have to study in Sichuan. Tip: territory = jiāngyù = Jiang Yu; reciprocal = dàoshǔ = to Shu 3. "Three-level administrative divisions" Mr. Li: What are China's three-level administrative divisions? A student: China’s third-level sexual expressions are not suitable for children. Tips: Division (qūhuà) ≈ Interesting Words (qùhuà) 4. "Regional Culture" The first class teacher went on maternity leave, and the school arranged for Li Xian, a geography student, to take his place. One day, the class monitor came to Li Xiansheng and said anxiously: "Our class's blackboard newspaper for this month has not been published yet. The school will conduct competitions next week. Please set a theme and ask everyone to submit manuscripts." Li Xiansheng thought about it. I thought and said, "Go back to class right away and tell the students that this month's blackboard newspaper will be themed 'Regional Culture'. Please actively contribute." The squad leader returned to the classroom and advertised on the blackboard: This month's blackboard newspaper Theme--Hell Questions, please actively contribute. 5. Related to place names. On New Year's Day evening, my younger brother took two overseas Chinese students home for dinner. One was cheerful and the other was more reserved. During the dinner, the cheerful classmate smiled and pointed at the reserved classmate and introduced us: "He is from Myanmar, so he is relatively shy." Then he raised his glass to toast everyone, raised his head and drank it down in one gulp, and then said: "I'm from Yangon." 6. The Chinese teacher with a strong local accent read an ancient poem by Lu You titled "Wo Chun" to the students and asked the students to dictate it. The Chinese teacher read aloud as follows, and a student dictated as follows: "Wo Chun" "I'm Stupid" The dark plum blossoms smell the flowers, I am uneducated, I lie on the branches and feel sad, I have a very low IQ, I hear them lying like water in the distance, you want to ask me who I am, Yi Through the spring green. A big stupid ass. The shore is green, I am a donkey, the shore is green, I am a donkey, the shore is green. I'm a stupid donkey. 7. Once, two scholars went to visit Ouyang Xiu, the great writer of the Song Dynasty. On the way, they happened to be in the same boat as Ouyang Xiu, but they didn't know Ouyang Xiu. These two scholars also knew a little about poetry, but they considered themselves experts. At this time, a white goose suddenly jumped into the water. The two of them couldn't help but get excited about poetry. One chanted: "A goose on the shore", and the other followed: "Plop and jump into the river." Both of them muttered words, but they couldn't recite the following verses and couldn't form a poem. Seeing their anxious look, Ouyang Xiu helped chant a sentence: "White hair floats on the green water, and red palms stir the clear waves." The two scholars were extremely surprised to see Ouyang Xiu uttering such a good poem, but then they thought about it, Something feels wrong. One of them shouted at Ouyang Xiu: "You are not thin-skinned. Is this poem yours?" Ouyang Xiu smiled and said: "This poem is indeed not mine. It was written by King Luo Bin, one of the four heroes of the early Tang Dynasty, when he was a child." The two listened. Then he burst into laughter and said, "I'm telling you, even with your appearance, you can also read poetry." Ouyang Xiu laughed but didn't answer. Soon, the three people got off the boat. When the two scholars saw a pile of ashes on the shore, they wanted to show off their poetic talents. One chanted: "Looking from a distance, it's a pile of ashes," and the other said, "Looking close, it's a pile of ashes." Due to lack of talent, the two couldn't continue. I saw Ouyang Xiu chanting calmly on the side: "A strong wind blew up, and snow flew all over the sky." The two were shocked after hearing this. They knew that what Ouyang Xiu was reciting was a good poem, but they were unwilling to be inferior. One of them said in a pretentious manner: "It's not a good sentence, it's just so-so." The other said: "It's connected, but it's just a little reluctant." They continued to walk forward, and after a while they saw a dead tree by the roadside. Tree, one scholar chanted: "A dead tree by the roadside," another chanted: "Two big branches." The two wanted to chant again, but they couldn't think of words, so they had to chant over and over again. These two sentences made my eyes roll upward. Ouyang Xiu couldn't see it, and added two more sentences to them: "Moss is the leaves in spring, and snow is the flowers in winter." After hearing this, the two still refused to admit defeat and continued to compete with Ouyang Xiu. The two chanted again: "The two of them boarded the boat together to visit Ouyang Xiu.

Ouyang Xiu laughed secretly after hearing this, and immediately chanted: "I already know you, but you still don't know how to repair (shame)" 8. An old farmer was transporting watermelons and accidentally overturned the cart. A young man helped him up. The old farmer I was so grateful that I immediately cut a watermelon and said to the young man, "You eat shit (big braids), and I eat piss (little braids)!" 9. A lady crossing the street dropped her keys on the ground. A kind-hearted gentleman picked them up for her and said to her: "You dropped your keys." The wife heard someone say to her, "You want (the key)" "The key was lost." He suddenly became furious. He slapped Mr. Wei, turned around and left... 10. The newly appointed magistrate here is from Shandong. Because he had to hang up the account, he said to the master: " Go and buy me two bamboo poles. "The master misunderstood the Shandong accent of "bamboo pole" as "pork liver" and quickly agreed. He hurried to the butcher shop and said to the shopkeeper: "The new county magistrate wants to buy two pig livers. Are you a sensible person? , you should know it by heart! "The shopkeeper was a smart man. He understood immediately after hearing it. He immediately cut off two pig livers and gave him a pair of pig ears as a gift. After leaving the butcher shop, the master thought to himself: "What the master asked me to buy is pork liver, and these pig ears are Of course it's mine..." Then he wrapped the hunting ears and stuffed them into his pocket. Returning to the county office, he reported to the magistrate: "Replying to the Grand Master, I bought the pork liver! When the magistrate saw that what the master bought was pork liver, he said angrily: "Where are your ears?" When the master heard this, his face turned pale with fright, and he hurriedly replied: "Ears... ears... here... in me... in my pocket!" ” 11. Make chickens when you see them. Once upon a time, there was a landowner who loved to eat chickens. A tenant rented his land and had to pay the rent. He had to give him a chicken first. There was a tenant named Zhang San who went to the farm at the end of the year. He paid rent to the landlord and shared the land for the second year. When he left, he put a chicken in a bag. After paying the rent, he told the landlord about the land for the second year. When the landlord saw that he had nothing, he left. He looked up to the sky and said: "There are no three types of fields in this field. Zhang San understood the meaning of this sentence and immediately took the chicken out of the bag. When the landlord saw the chicken, he immediately changed his mind and said, "If you don't give it to Zhang San, who will you give it to?" "Zhang San said: "Your words become so fast! "The landlord replied: "What I said just now was 'nonsense (chicken) talk', but now this sentence is 'made when opportunity (chicken) arises'. 12. There is an "opportunity" to take. A salesman went to Guangzhou on a business trip. After arriving in Beijing, he wanted to take a plane there. He was afraid that the manager would not agree to reimburse him, so he sent a telegram to the manager: "There is an opportunity to take advantage of it. Take the opportunity." no? When the manager received the telegram, he thought that the "opportunity" to close the deal had arrived, so he immediately called back: "You can take advantage of it." "When the salesman came back from a business trip to reimburse the travel expenses, the manager refused to reimburse the air tickets because he was not qualified enough and would not be reimbursed for flying. The salesman took out the manager and called him back. The manager was dumbfounded. 13. There are two People from Yunnan went to Beijing and heard that Beijing roast duck was very famous, so they decided to eat it. As soon as they sat down, one of them said to the waiter: "Go and shake the two roast ducks!" After waiting for a while, they saw the waiter and asked He dangled a roast duck in front of them and left. One of them couldn't wait any longer, so he called the waiter and asked why he didn't serve them the roast duck. The waiter said, "Didn't you ask me to bring up the roast duck?" Is that so?" Note: ("Diaodui" is in the cloud