I want some clever jokes.

I am a college student. One night, a room full of people felt that they had nothing to do and couldn't sleep, so they decided to make harassing calls. We dialed the number of a girl's dormitory in Polytechnic University. On the phone, I said in a depressed tone that I have a bad memory and want to commit suicide. The following is part of the live recording:

Me: Hello, I'm sorry to bother you. I didn't mean anything by it. I just want to find someone to accompany me through the last mile of my life.

Phone: No, you didn't commit suicide on purpose (I chuckled, but fortunately she didn't know how thick-skinned I was).

Me: Yes, I have recited it recently. The money I just withdrew from the bank was stolen. Birthdays are easy. I got drunk and got into a fight. I took a brick and opened the man's head. It turns out that that man is our dean. I managed to raise a turtle, but I climbed into the canteen. When I found it, there was only one shell left. ...

Then that girl kept persuading me, telling me jokes and telling me some embarrassing things about herself, hehe, it's killing me!

The next morning, we connected the phone again, but my classmate talked to her:

My classmate: Hello, I'm from a district public security bureau. Who answered the phone after last night 12?

Telephone: That's me. What happened? What a coincidence! Maybe the phone is next to her! )

My classmate: Oh, someone committed suicide by jumping off a building here yesterday. We found out from his mobile phone that his last call was to you. We would like to ask, what is your relationship with him?

Telephone: I don't know you?

My classmate: No? I don't know. I've been calling for over half an hour?

Telephone: I really don't know him. I have never met him. He said he wanted to kill himself. He dialed a random number, and I enlightened him for a long time (I almost cried at the sound)!

My classmate: Oh, well, I can't make it clear on the phone. Let me tell you, what's your name and where do you live? Come at 3 pm! Just ask Liu Duichang from the Criminal Investigation Department when you come. ...

At about 2: 50 pm, we also entered the Gulou District Public Security Bureau (not to arrest her, but to see if she would come and see what she looked like), and we saw a beautiful girl knocking at the door one by one, asking everywhere: Where is Liu Duichang from the Criminal Investigation Department?

In the evening 1 1 half past ten, we dialed the telephone again.

My classmate: Hello, I'm looking for XXX.

It happens to be that girl: it's me. Why is it so late?

My classmate: I came to see you from the Public Security Bureau yesterday. Here's the thing. Take it easy. Listen to me first.

That girl: What is it? I went to the public security bureau this afternoon, but I didn't find Liu Duichang!

My classmate: The situation is a bit complicated now. We just got a call from the hospital. The hospital said that the body of the man who jumped off the building yesterday was missing. They searched for it for a long time but couldn't find it. They only found your phone number written in blood on the wall.

The woman screamed: Ah! ...

My classmate: Don't panic, you should pay attention to closing the doors and windows, and we will come to protect you right away. ...