Jokes Daquan can laugh from ear to ear and never tire of hearing them! ! ! ! !

A teacher in the philosophy department took only one question in the mid-term exam.

The topic is "What is courage?"

While everyone is trying to figure out how to write. ...

A classmate handed in his paper ... he didn't write a word!

But he only wrote five words, "This is courage!"

Absolutely! The teacher gave him full marks.

But it must be in the back.

Finally, the final exam. The teacher still only takes one exam.

The topic this time is "This is the topic, please answer".

Isn't that a strange question? I can't write yet.

But the student handed in his paper soon.

What did he write this time?

He wrote, "This is the answer, please give points ..."

The teacher angry but angry call:

"Boy, bad! Come here, I have two questions for you. Answered the first question, you don't have to answer the second ... "

Teacher: "How many hairs do you have?"

Classmate: "12360 1 block"

Teacher: "How do you know?"

Classmate: "There is no need to answer this question."

He got full marks in the final exam again!

The answer that can piss off the teacher!

Title: Although ......

Student: He undressed and put on pants.

Comment: Does he want to take it off or wear it?

Title: Among them

Student: I hurt my left foot.

Comment: Are you a centipede?

Title: One after another.

Student: After work, my father went home one after another.

Comment: How many dads do you have?

Title: Prosperity.

Student: My brother is thriving.

Comment: Son, is your brother a vegetable?

Theme: sadness

Student: There is a ditch in front of my house, which is really sad.

Comment: The teacher is even sadder. ......

Title: Again ... Again. ......

Student: My mother is short, tall, fat and thin.

Comment: Is it your mother ... a deformed diamond?

Title: ... first, then ... second, third, fourth and fifth.

Student: Goodbye, sir!

Comment on writing: Imagination exceeds the wisdom of people on earth.

1. It is said that it is very clever to make a wish when there is a meteor in the sky. I made a wish on a meteor that day, hoping you would be smarter. Shit! Guess what? The meteor flew back the same way!

2. I spent 80,000 yuan to buy a Western Zhou pottery jar. Yesterday, it went to the appraisal column, and the expert said seriously, "Which Western Zhou did this belong to?" This is from last week!

3. Son: "Mom, I failed the math exam today." Mother: "Why, what's the problem?" Son: "The teacher asked me 2*3=? I said =6. " Mother: "That's right, and then what?" Son: "The teacher asked me 3*2=?" Mother: "Isn't this the same?" Son: "That's what I said. ..

4. A prisoner was shot. Bullets are produced in a county, and the quality is not good. The first shot was not fired, and then the second shot was fired ... the third shot ... at this time, the prisoner cried, "You strangle me, it's so scary!"

5. The father told his son a story: "Uncle told Xiaoyang to chop wood, but Xiaoyang cut down his uncle's favorite peach tree. Uncle was angry but didn't scold him. Do you know why? " The son replied, "It may be because Xiaoyang still has an axe in his hand, so he dare not scold him."

The doctor asked the patient how he broke his bone. A: I feel sand in my shoes, so I shake my shoes with a telephone pole. I shook and shook ... a man thought I was electrocuted, so he picked up a wooden stick and gave me two.

7. A judge squinted and tried three suspects, A, B and C, in one day.

The judge said to A, "Did you steal it?"

A: "No"

The judge was furious: "I didn't ask you."

"I didn't say anything either," C said.

8. Last bus

In the evening, the last bus, a woman in white sat in the last row.

The driver looked in the rearview mirror, and the woman was gone, shocked!

Suddenly braking, people sitting there.

Keep driving and look in the rearview mirror. The woman is gone. Brake back. The woman is now.

Keep driving, look in the rearview mirror, and no more women!

Suddenly, the woman came slowly, with messy hair and blood all over her face, and whispered:

"Old niang and you had been enemies? As soon as you tie your shoelaces, brake hard. "

9. Know the root and the bottom

A group of professors were invited to fly.

After sitting down, they were told that the plane was designed by their students.

As a result, many professors got off the plane.

Only one professor sat there motionless.

Someone asked him why he didn't go down quickly. He said, "Don't worry, this plane can't fly at all."

10. Teachers who care about students

One day, when the math teacher finished class, he said, "Students, the senior high school entrance examination is coming soon. In order to make everyone get good grades in the exam, I went to the bookstore last night to find a very good counseling material. Many of the above contents are the contents of the senior high school entrance examination in previous years. I suggest ... "

Before I finished, I was interrupted by a male voice: "Don't talk so much nonsense, make a price!" "

1 1. I didn't bring my book.

My classmate's school style of study is not very strong, and no one comes to class at the end of the term.

In other words, my classmate was very obedient and went to class one.

As a result, he is the only one in the classroom, which can accommodate 100 people. Seeing his studious spirit, the teacher said, classmate, let me draw the key points for you!

Best of all, my classmate said, "Teacher, I didn't bring my book."

12. Great talent

In the dining room, student A said to student B:

"The new semester is a new atmosphere. The amount of food today is obviously more than before, and our suggestion has finally been taken seriously. "

Student B patted him on the shoulder and said, "Don't think too much. The master has been on leave for two months and his hands are a little rusty. "

13. Only one demonstration is allowed.

The instructor of the Iraqi suicide bomb training camp said to the young people who entered the camp for training:

"Attention, everyone, I will only demonstrate this thing once!"

14. Don't waste salt when cooking.

I was hungry last night, so I went to the ground floor to eat.

When the water boils, put salt, and accidentally put it.

Don't want to waste, brain-dead rinse the pot in his hand. ...

15. I'm Du!

One day, Xiaoming's phone rang. Xiao Ming immediately picked up the phone and said:

"Hello, this is a telephone message. Please leave a message after hearing Du. "

There was no response on the phone for half a day. Xiao Ming said angrily, "I'm Du, why don't you talk!" "

16. People who can sleep

Everyone knows the college entrance examination these days.

Just now, I saw a man of God in Weibo: Shit, I got up late, and I have to repeat next year.

Those who can sleep can't afford to be hurt.

17. You look terrible.

I once quarreled with my classmates. He is so noisy that I can't compete with him.

When I was in a hurry, I said, "I'll spit your face out."

He listened and looked at me for a few seconds, and sure enough, he stopped arguing.

18. What do you want others to say?

The priest asked his parishioners, "What do you want others to say when you are lying in the coffin?"

One person said, "I hope others will say that I am a family-oriented person."

Another person said, "I hope others will say that I am helpful."

The third man said, "I hope others will say,' Look, he seems to be moving!'" " "

19. Doors that cannot be pushed open

Patient: "Doctor, I always have the same nightmare recently. What's wrong? "

Doctor: "What dream did you have?"

Patient: "I kept dreaming that I came to a door, so I pushed and pushed, but I just couldn't open it!" " "

Doctor: "What's on the door?"

Patient: "There is a word" pull "..."

20. Know the good and the bad.

The child who studied well before the exam said, "I went to the exam!" " "If you don't study well, just say," I'll go! Exam! "

2 1. Hold my hand

Before the execution, the warden asked the condemned man sitting in the electric chair, "Do you have any other requirements?"

Death row: "I just hope you can hold my hand during the execution and make my heart feel better."

The child who studied well after the exam said, "I'm finished!" " "Those who are not good at learning say," Shit! It's over! "

2 1. I can't stand this lesson.

After the winter vacation, the school just started. In a class of Grade Two in primary school, 80% of the students are doing their own things.

The teacher was angry: "Do whatever you like! You can't take this course. "

A classmate calmly raised his hand: "Teacher, can I shoot?"

The teacher said casually, "Whatever."

The student casually took out a set of firecrackers from his schoolbag and put them in the classroom. ...

22.

My son came home trembling: "Dad, I only got 60 points in the exam today." Dad is very angry: "Don't call me dad next time you fail the exam!" " "The next day, my son came back:" I'm sorry, brother! " "

23.

China leaders and American leaders are more loyal than their bodyguards. The American leader ordered the bodyguard to jump from the 10 floor, and the bodyguard knelt down and said, "Come on, I still have family." . So the president of the United States gave in. The leader of China ordered the bodyguard to jump, but the bodyguard of China jumped without saying anything. The president of the United States quickly caught him in fear. China's bodyguard said, "Come on, I have a family."

24.

Teacher: "Daxiong, the teacher gave you 90 yuan, and then you borrowed 10 yuan from Pang Hu. How much money do you have?"

Nobita: "0 yuan."

Teacher: "You don't know math at all!" " "

Nobita: "You don't know anything about Pang Hu! ! ! "

25.

Patients in the intensive care unit of a hospital always die around 11 o'clock on Sunday, which makes doctors confused and even makes them think that this is a supernatural phenomenon, so they set up an expert group to investigate the reasons. On Sunday, the clock just struck 1 1 point. Through the monitor, it was found that the cleaner who cleaned on Sunday walked into the intensive care unit, unplugged the wire plug of the life support system of seriously ill patients, then plugged in the vacuum cleaner and began to clean. . .

26.

It's a waste for the handsome guy across the street to eat noodles. Eat two noodles and go. So I poured the bowl of noodles to the hungry wild cats on the roadside. After a while, the handsome boy came back with a bottle of water in his hand. I looked at the empty bowl with a suspicious face … at that moment, I just wanted to be a passerby who buried himself in noodles …

27.

Go shopping in the school supermarket today.

Don't you have to brush the bar code when you register ~ There will be a beep ~

I bought a marinated egg and it won't come out. ...

I don't know what's going on in my head. ...

So leisurely walk out:

"Di! ~~~"

Full-site petrochemical ~ ~ ~

26. A girl like a king

Pick up the plane at noon and stand next to a couple.

The girls wear fancy clothes, blue and white trousers, purple high heels and sequined T-shirts to make a pink suit.

She coquetry to her husband: "Do you think I am dressed well today?"

Her husband calmly replied, "Well, it's fine. If the color is changed to red, it will be more like the king in poker. "