Classic ancient jokes

1. It is said that Zhuge Liang captured Meng Huo six times. By the seventh time, Meng Huo knelt under the account of the Shu army. Zhuge Liang shook his feather fan and asked indifferently, "Meng Huo, are you dissatisfied?"

Meng Huo had a disdainful face, bright eyes and clear teeth. After a long time, he finally spit out ten words: "Are you pretending?"

2、

Once upon a time, there was an old scholar. He was happy when he was old. He named his son Age. A year later, his wife gave birth to another son, so he named the second son Xue Xue. Another year later, he had another son. He thought it was like a joke, so he named his third son a joke. ......

One day ten years later, the old scholar asked his three sons to go up the mountain to cut firewood. After the sons came home, the old scholar asked his wife, sons, how was the chopping?

... she replied that ... she was old and had no knowledge at all, but she had a lot of jokes. ..........

On a rainy day, Yugong borrowed other people's clothes to go out, and accidentally fell down, hurting his arm and getting dirty. follow

Someone helped him to get up and massage his arm, but the pedant stopped and said, "Go fetch water and wash clothes, because your arm might as well fall!" " "

The waiter said, "Why don't you take care of clothes without your arms?"

The pedant said, "My arm is mine and my clothes are borrowed. If it is broken, I will pay. "

Xiaoliangshu was born stupid and timid. One night, I went out alone. The moon shines on him and casts it.

The next shadow is on. Every step he takes, the shadow follows. Look down, suddenly

Panic: There must be a child hugging himself! Looking at it again, I was scared out of my mind: my hair is floating. It must be the hair of another long ghost! So, I started running back. The faster he runs, the faster "kid" and "long ghost" run. Running and running, I can't get rid of the entanglement of two ghosts. Running home, finally exhausted.

It is said that once Zhuge Liang, Liu Bei, Sun Quan and Cao Cao were flying together, and they suddenly met with an emergency and needed to skydive to escape. Only then did I find that there were only three parachute bags left on the plane. Everyone is nervous. At this time, Zhuge Liang shook his feather fan, cleared his throat and said, "Well, the mountain man will jump if he answers a few questions, or jump himself if he can't answer them." Others have no choice but to agree.

Zhuge Liang shook the feather fan again and asked Liu Bei, "How many suns are there in the sky?" Liu Bei thought it was very simple. He answered "one" and took an umbrella bag. Zhuge Liang asked Sun Quan again, "How many moons are there in the sky?" Sun Quan replied, "One" and went down with an umbrella bag. Finally, it was Cao Cao's turn. Zhuge Liang asked, "How many stars are there in the sky?" Cao Zheng was puzzled and had to jump by himself. Unexpectedly, he jumped into the sea to save his life. Cao Cao secretly rejoiced.

The second time, when four people met an emergency by plane, they still discussed it in the old way. Zhuge Liang shook the feather fan again and asked Liu Bei, "Which battle did Zhou Wuwang defeat the crepe king?" Liu Bei thought it was simple, and Zhuge Liang nodded in response to the "Makino War", so Liu Bei took an umbrella bag and went down. Zhuge Liang asked Sun Quan again, "How many people died in that battle?" Sun Quan thought for a moment and said, "About 30,000 to 40,000." Zhuge nodded, and Sun Quan took an umbrella bag and went down. Cao Cao couldn't help laughing and thinking, "Zhuge Liang, I used to be an expert, especially in military affairs, but this time you planted it." Zhuge Liang asked, "What are their names?" Cao Cao almost fainted and had to jump down by himself. No. Cao Cao smiled to himself, "md, Lao tze deadly. What can you do with Zhuge? ! "

The third time, the same four people flew, and the plane encountered an emergency. Cao Cao thought about it, and Zhuge tried to fool me again, so I jumped myself to avoid being insulted. So I jumped into the air at high speed. I heard Zhuge Liang's laughter from above. "Cao Cao, you are so smart. Haha, there are four parachutes on the plane today!" "

Cao Cao "Huh?" Fainted with a sound.

6. One day, the king asked Afandi, "Where is the eighteenth floor of hell?"

"Your majesty. I think the location of eighteen layers of hell is probably under those eighteen dungeons that belong to you. " Two generations of love replied.

7. Someone married the daughter of a rich man and gave birth to a child a year later. The bride's family received a message from the guest and sent the young master to bring eggs and millet. Young master only knows how to send things, but he doesn't know what they are for. When he saw his sister lying in bed with a child in her arms, he was shocked and immediately scolded her in front of everyone: "How dare you have children?" My dad didn't kill you when you gave birth the year before last. How did you forget the pain in less than two years? "

8. One day, two generations came to complain to Qazi.

"What's your name?" Qazi asked.

"My name is bribery!" Two generations of love replied.

"Where did this name come from?" Khartoum transcribing asked with a smile.

"I heard that you like bribery, so I changed my name to bribery." Two generations of love theory. be free of charge

9.

When Emperor Jinhui heard toad's cry in Hualin Garden, he asked the people around him, "Is this cry official or folk?"

The waiter Jia Yin replied: "Officially, it is called an official, and privately, it is called private."

At that time, there was a famine in the world and many people starved to death. Jin Huidi heard this and said, "They are ignorant, too. Why can't they cook meat porridge without food? "