How to make yourself optimistic? Urgent ~ ~

Aristotle said that the essence of life lies in the pursuit of happiness, and there are two ways to make life happy: one is to find time to make yourself happy and increase it; Second, find the time that makes you unhappy and reduce it. How nice, but you will find that what he said is the same as what he didn't say. Who doesn't know to find a happy time? The question is where is happiness? Who doesn't know to avoid unhappy times? The problem is that unhappy things are always chasing us like mad dogs, and we can't escape. The great man is far-sighted, and he reveals that the essence of life is to seek advantages and avoid disadvantages. The executive power that is often said in the society now is the ability to do things well. How to do things well? We should mobilize and integrate our own and others' resources and create opportunities. In fact, it is leadership, and leadership is influence. Therefore, the sunshine mentality is the source of influence and the basis of execution. We should turn a good idea into action, and a small person like me should turn a big-name idea into my action.

Now I will introduce some tools and share them with you to see if we can achieve the effect of benefiting and avoiding disadvantages.

The first tool: change your attitude.

If we can't change things, we will change our attitude towards this matter. A person's injury to what happened is not as serious as his view on it. The matter itself is not important, what matters is people's attitude towards it. When attitudes change, things will change. During the Cultural Revolution, many anti-bad elements were created. After the Cultural Revolution, they were rehabilitated and became good people again. When attitudes change, bad people become good people. There is no difference between good and bad things, the key is our attitude towards things. Although ants are small, they can destroy dams. If a person changes his view of things, things will change.

There is an idiom called "A blessing in disguise is a blessing in disguise". In the ancient East, a wise man lost a horse, and his neighbor said you were unlucky. The wise man replied, I don't know whether it is good or bad; Soon, the lost horse returned with a wild horse. The neighbor said, you are lucky to have another horse. The wise man replied, I don't know if it is good or bad. My son rode a wild horse, fell off the horse and broke his leg. The neighbor said, you are really unlucky. Such a son, his leg is still broken. The wise man replied, I don't know if it is good or bad. After a while, the emperor recruited soldiers, and all the young people with sound limbs were killed on the battlefield. The son of the wise man could not fight because of his broken leg, and he was not called up, but survived. That's the end of the story. We can continue to reason. The neighbor said, you are lucky that your son is still alive. The wise man replied, I don't know if it is good or bad. When the son got married, the neighbor said, that's very kind of you. The son with a broken leg also found a wife. The wise man replied, I don't know if it is good or bad. So from the perspective of large-scale time, it is unknown whether anything is good or bad. There is no difference between good and bad, just some things. If you think like this, people will become free and easy and plain.

Zhejiang University has two female students, A and B, who are good friends. After graduating from college, they stayed behind as teachers. Fortunately, each of them gave birth to two sons. A's two sons are very competitive and both have been admitted to study in the United States. B's two sons fail to live up to expectations, and they are both "brothers". Who do you think is proud, A or B? People envy A and say that you are very kind. Both sons were admitted to study in the United States. But unfortunately, A is not happy. But B's two sons drive to see their mother every holiday and take her out to play. They take care of big things and small things very well, and B is very happy. A is envious of B, so it is not known whether it is good or bad. Maybe you say, it doesn't matter, just immigrate to the United States and enjoy family happiness. I tell you, I don't know if it's good or bad. If you transplant an old tree to another place, it won't live at all. A has adapted to the social ecosystem of Hangzhou. After arriving in the United States, she was acclimatized, had no language, no friends and was lonely. She can't just breathe some air and say nothing every day. Isn't that an underground mouse? Hangzhou is the most livable place in the world. Why did you immigrate to America? There is no West Lake in America. Why do you want to see the lake when no one is watching it? You can't be silly to the water every day, you don't know whether it is good or bad! If we can't change things, we must change our attitude towards them.

There was a beautiful lady who finally married a man after a long choice. Unexpectedly, two years later, she was abandoned by the man. More unfortunately, the child died. The lady was desperate and prepared to commit suicide. She chose to jump into the sea and got on an old man's boat. The ship sailed into the sea and she was ready to jump. Please tell me, how can the old man communicate with the lady to keep her from jumping into the sea? Someone answered, and the old man said, do you think I can do it? I have no wife. So this lady has to jump. The old man can say, girl, what were you like two years ago? The lady proudly said that two years ago, I was a single aristocrat, and many people pursued me. I have neither the drag of my husband nor the troubles of my children. It's tragic now. I have neither a husband nor children. The old man said, aren't these two the same You didn't have a husband two years ago, and now you don't have a husband; You didn't have children two years ago, and now you don't have children. You are as beautiful as you were two years ago. What is the hard part? Start all over again. The old man's words amused the lady. She didn't want to jump into the sea, so she started all over again. There is a song called "Start Over". Start over and pretend nothing happened. There is a female boss in Tsinghua University MBA class. She was divorced in her thirties and was very beautiful. When she was in class, she didn't know which nerve in her head twitched and had a crush on a male teacher in her forties. After class, she said to the male teacher, are there any divorced men in your 40 s in Tsinghua? Introduce him to my friend. My friend and I look exactly alike. Divorced in his thirties, working as a boss in a private enterprise. The male teacher was very tempted and said, do you think I can do it? If I can, I will divorce her. The lady answered seriously, it's too much trouble. We want a ready-made one. Just kidding.

Change your attitude and you will have passion. With passion, there is the will to make progress, and the result will change. There is a classic case that says, a child is chatting with a sailor, and the child asks the sailor, how dare you go into the sea when the sea is so horrible? Sailors say the sea is sometimes beautiful. The child asked, where did your grandfather die? The sailor said, my grandfather died at sea. The child asked, where did your father die? The sailor said, "My father died in the sea, too." The child continued, "Then how dare you go out to sea?" The sailor asked the child, where did your grandfather die? The child said that my grandfather died in bed. The sailor asked, where did your father die? The child said that my father died in bed, too. The sailor asked, then how dare you sleep? You don't necessarily fall into the sea when others fall into the sea, and you don't necessarily have problems when others have problems. When you rise, you overcome the difficulties and the result changes.

The fate of inner sadness will also be sad, and the mentality determines the fate. Tell a classic case of China. In ancient times, two scholars, A and B, met a coffin on the way to catch the exam. A said, what bad luck, met a coffin, the exam will be dead; B said, coffin, promotion and wealth, it seems that my luck has come, and I will definitely be admitted this time. When they answered the questions, their efforts were different, and as a result, B was admitted. When I got home, I told my wife which coffin was really smart. Mentality affects people's ability, and ability affects people's fate. The quality of life depends on your daily state of mind. If you can guarantee that you are in a good mood now, you can guarantee that you are in a good mood today. If you can keep yourself in a good mood every day, you will get a good quality of life and experience a beautiful life that others can't.

The second tool: learn to enjoy the process.

Enjoy the process and make every day wonderful. Life is a process, not a result. If you don't enjoy the process, everyone knows what the result is. Life is a bracket, the left bracket is life, and the right bracket is death. All we have to do is fill in the brackets. We should fill the brackets with beautiful and colorful things and keep a good mood. As a result, the brackets ended. There is an ancient city in Yunnan, with pleasant climate, fertile land and rich products, and people live a leisurely life. An English gentleman saw people living a leisurely life here and asked an old lady, Madam, why is the pace of life here so slow? The old lady said, sir, what do you think is the final result of people? The English gentleman thought about it and said, this is death. The old lady said, since it is death, what are you busy with? Life is a process, not a result. Some people see through it, others see through it. There is a young man who sees through the world of mortals and does nothing every day, sitting lazily under the tree in the sun. The wise man asked, young man, why don't you make money in such a good time? The young man said, boring. If you make money, you have to spend it. The wise man asked, why don't you get married? The young man said, boring, maybe you want a divorce. The wise man said, why not make friends? The young man said: boring. If you make friends, you will turn your enemies. The wise man gave the young man a rope and said, why don't you hang yourself? You have to die anyway. You might as well die now. The young man said, I don't want to die. The wise man said that life is a process, not a result. Young people suddenly wake up, which is called a word to wake the dreamer.

How to enjoy the process of life? Focus on positive things. We think that life is like travel and memory is like photography. Attention determines choice, and choice determines content. Tourism is characterized by starting from the origin and then returning to the origin. When someone travels to Xiamen, they must go to Gulangyu Island. When they arrive at Gulangyu Island, they must go to Sunlight Rock. When I arrived at Sunlight Rock, I saw a rock that was less than15m2. It was crowded with people, and it came down in less than 2 minutes. It took a week and only two minutes on Sunshine Rock. From the result, it is not worth it at all, but the process is more important than the result. There are two people, A and B, watching the scenery. At first, you looked at me, too Both of them are very happy. Later, A played a clever trick, walked faster than B, and went to see the scenery. When B saw that you wanted to have a look earlier than I did, he walked faster and faster than A, so they finally ran faster and faster. Originally, they came to see the scenery, but now it has become a competition. They didn't see the scenery along the way and finally regretted it. The essence of life is to pursue happiness, not competition.

Nowadays people get married later and have younger children. Some people say, how old is your child and why is it so small? When can I "cook"? You ask, after "out of the pot"? He said, go to college? By the way, what did you do after you went to college? He said, go abroad. Then you ask, what will you do after going abroad? He said, get married and find a job. My associate doctoral supervisor in Tsinghua University, an old couple with only one daughter, was admitted to cfau and went abroad to the United States after graduation. As a result, an American boy took a fancy to her, married her and settled in the United States. One day I met them in the canteen, and they said, we didn't realize until now that we had nothing to do in this life, so we gave an American a wife. If your child is young now, you should learn to enjoy the process. He will smile at you in your arms, cry and make fun of you. When he grew up, he learned to play chess. He always wants to beat you. Of course, he just cheated. If you notice the way he cheats, you will be happy. An old man in the suburbs of Beijing has four sons, and his family is too poor to eat a popsicle in summer. He has never been to this city, nor has he seen Tiananmen Square. His wife died, and he dragged his four sons alone, thinking that when their sons grew up, he must go to the city to see Tiananmen Square and eat a good popsicle. Later, when my son grew up, the old man was very ill and couldn't eat popsicles, so he couldn't go to Tiananmen Square. Every day, the old man lies in bed worrying and sighing. When he saw his son, he said, why should I come here all my life? I have never been to Tiananmen Square, nor have I eaten popsicles. The son said, who won't let you eat popsicles, who will eat that stupid thing now; Who won't let you go to Tiananmen Square? Let's go Seeing his son ungrateful, the old man was furious. Later, the old man summed up a truth, treating children with great ability, using seven points and leaving three points for children and grandchildren. Some parents are afraid that their children will fall and touch, and if they don't talk, they won't talk. Mom will speak for you. Don't do what children can't do. Dad will do it for you. Children grow into their thirties, and they can't talk or do anything when they meet people. Parents are in a hurry and scold their children when they see them. Why aren't you like us? This is the result of parents' training. If you don't let children see people who can't talk, they won't talk. If he can't do it well, you won't let him do it, and you deprive him of the opportunity to learn. If the leader is too strong and does everything, the ability of subordinates will be poor. This is called no grass under a big tree.

Learn to understand the process, some people will find the most annoying place to experience. There is always a dark side in this world. When a ray of sunshine falls from the sky, there will always be places that cannot be illuminated. If you just stare at the darkness and complain about the darkness of the world, that's your choice. I teach two courses in Tsinghua University, one is leadership strategy and the other is leadership. The topic I want to talk about today belongs to the category of leadership. To build leadership, we must first build personal influence, so I put forward the idea of shaping sunshine mentality, emotional intelligence and influence. I'm going to teach you the theory today. If you can listen and realize it, you will live at least two more years. Due to the cruel competitive pressure of modern society, the human heart has become a "wolf heart" and the meat heart has become an "iron core". This theory can turn "wolf heart" and "iron core" into "benevolence heart" and create family happiness and team harmony. Do you know what the final elimination is? This is the law of the forest. Animals run desperately to protect themselves, leaving the slowest to the wolf, and the wolf will eat it. When forest rules are applied to people, doesn't people's hearts become "wolf hearts"? Everyone is desperately trying to expand their market share. Under the condition that the cake is unchanged, they just bring other people's food for themselves. Competition has penetrated into people's bones, making people anxious and their mentality worse.

Competition is cruel, people want to be happy, and we live in a contradiction. Some people will say, Mr. Wu, you have given us some contradictory views. Yes, they are contradictory. It is precisely because the viewpoints are contradictory that you can use the contradictions I taught to deal with other contradictions. This knowledge is called intelligent learning. The solution to the contradiction is not to stab your own shield with your own spear. My shield is a spear for others and my spear is a shield for others. If you buy my spear and stab my shield, I can change it.

The third tool: live in the present.

Living in the present English means living in the present. The real meaning of living in the present comes from Zen, and the Zen master knows what it means to live in the present. Someone asked a Zen master, what is it to live in the present? The Zen master replied that eating is eating and sleeping is sleeping. This is called living in the present.

Let me ask you now, what is the most important thing for you? What time is the most important? Who is the most important person? Some people will say that the most important thing is to get promoted, get rich, buy a house and a car, the most important people are parents, lovers and children, and the most important time is the college entrance examination, wedding and defense. I'm telling you, none of these things exist. The most important thing is what you are doing now. The most important person is the person you are working with now. The most important time is now. This view is called living in the present, which is directly operable.

A man was chased by a tiger. He ran so hard that he accidentally fell off the cliff. He grabbed a crutch quickly and hung himself in the air. He raised his head and the tiger stared at him from above; He looked down and the abyss was waiting for him; He looked in the middle and suddenly found a ripe strawberry next to the rattan. Now the man has four choices: go up, go down, hang in the air and eat strawberries. Why do you think he is? (answer: eat strawberries), yes, he eats strawberries. It's called a bite before you die and a bite before you leave. This is a phenomenon of 58 years old. Eating strawberries means living in the present. What you can catch now is that strawberry, so you should eat it. Some people say that I am dying. What else can I eat? Isn't he alive? Opportunities appear in the dynamic, maybe the tiger is gone, and he can still climb up. If you ask the children in kindergarten this question, they will not hesitate to answer and eat strawberries. Children are happier than us adults because they live in the present.

Someone has cancer, which has reached an advanced stage. The doctor told his family to stop treatment and he would not live for more than a few months. He can eat whatever he wants and do whatever he wants. The patient went on a trip and told him to take the coffin with him. Wherever he went, he followed him, hit half of China, and the cancer was cured. One day, it suddenly occurred to me that when I get old, I want to be a consultant to the kindergarten and tell them stories, not to let me take care of the children, but to let them lead me to live in the present. I imagine building a nursing home next to the kindergarten with a low wall in the middle. In old age, people most want to see the beginning of life. The old man and the old lady wait by the low wall every day, expecting the children to come out. This must be a beautiful scenery. There are also some incentive policies. If any old man or woman behaves well, she can go into the children's yard and stay with them. A marketing manager listens to my class, and the more he listens, the more addicted he becomes. It turned out that he had been a marketing teacher and found the lecture boring. Later, he jumped ship to do marketing. He told me that I didn't expect the lecture to be so interesting. If I had known earlier, I wouldn't have jumped ship. I regret it now. I told him that the present is connected with the past and the future. If you regret the present, you will lose the future and cannot connect with the past. You can only grasp the present. Regret the past, you will be depressed; Worried about the future, you will be restless; If you grasp the present, be a marketing manager seriously, keep a diary of everything every day, recall the past and look forward to the future while doing marketing. Without theory, you can read books and learn, and over time, you can write books. Maybe you can pass Wang Zhongqiu. Wang Zhongqiu wrote a book called "Details Decide Success or Failure". You can tell others that details do not determine success or failure, but strategy and tactics determine success or failure. What's the use of paying attention to details? Don't let past unhappiness and future worries rob you of your present happiness like robbers. Grasp the present and achieve the future.

The college entrance examination is the first stress in a child's life. More than 40 people are admitted to Tsinghua every year in the middle school attached to Tsinghua University. In the graduating class of Tsinghua High School, a child is in the top few in every exam. Everyone thinks that he will be admitted to Tsinghua. As a result, in the college entrance examination in 2004, he did poorly and his grades were not satisfactory, so he entered a second-rate university. Children in the college entrance examination should know how to grasp the process, and the result will naturally happen. They should experience the college entrance examination as a process and learn to appreciate the memories left by this process. Our advice to Olympic athletes is to grasp the present and achieve the future. At the Athens Olympic Games, all eyes of China focused on Wang Hao. This is the last gold medal for China. Wang Hao is under so much pressure that his movements have changed. Liu called over and said a few words. Wang Hao went up and lost in the end. The reporters were very upset. A reporter asked Liu angrily, what did you just say to him? How can you be so incompetent that you can't adjust his mentality? Liu said to him, I told him to straighten up. How to straighten your mind? If Liu tells Wang Hao that you are fighting for the last gold medal of the China delegation, you must think about the cultivation of the motherland and the expectations of the Party and the people. If you can win this competition, you will get money, a famous car, a mansion, wine and flowers. Wang Hao must lose. Liu should say that you only need to grasp the process and play well now, and everything else has nothing to do with you; Don't be afraid of him, he is still afraid of you, he is more nervous than you now; You are much better than him. If you despise him, you can hit him! If Liu says so, Wang Hao will win.

A little painter is chatting with a big painter. The little painter said, master, please guide me. How can I draw well? The great painter said, trim this place you painted. The little painter said, thank you, master. I'll take time to trim it tomorrow. The great painter said, no, do it at once. What if you die tonight? It's called living in the present. Now I want to ask you a question. Do you have any regrets and want to wait until the future? If you have such regrets, you can solve them as soon as you get home tonight. If you want to apologize to someone, call and apologize immediately tonight; If you like someone, call immediately tonight to explain what you mean. My college roommate, from Shandong, is a handsome young man, six years younger than me and taller than me. We play ball and drink together every day and have dinner together on weekends. We have a good relationship. When I was a teacher in Tsinghua University, he was a doctoral student at University of Science and Technology Beijing. I want to invite him to dinner, but I have been very busy. Later, he was admitted to the post-doctoral program of the Ministry of Space and undertook a large-scale project about Daqing Oilfield. Daqing sent two drivers to take him from Beijing to Daqing in the starry night. At dawn, he arrived in Zhaodong County, Harbin. The driver took a nap and the car was about to rear-end the truck in front. The driver slammed the steering wheel and my classmate was thrown out and killed. After I learned the news, I was very painful and thought, why not invite him to dinner earlier? I still owe my doctoral supervisor a meal. My doctoral supervisor's daughter is in Japan, and the elderly treat our doctoral students as their own children every weekend. I didn't expect these doctoral students to be baiwenhang. I want to invite him to dinner when I graduate. I have been very busy since graduation. Finally, one day, I received a phone call from a classmate, saying that the doctor had pancreatic cancer and lived in Beijing Cancer Hospital. I'll see him right away and say I'll treat you to dinner after you leave the hospital. The old man said that he was afraid of infection and could not go out to eat. Not long after, the old man was hospitalized for the second time and died soon. Later, I thought, if we want to invite people to dinner, we should hurry up. Old people get sick, young people have car accidents, and you don't know who will die. You must seize the present and live in the present.