Anxious for funny stand-up comedy! ! New Year's Day party is badly needed! !

Super funny stand-up lines in Buy Pears

Originally, this businessman naturally used it to do business, just to make a fortune. But a gentleman loves money, so you have to treat it wisely! Now many buyers and sellers are not thinking about how to improve service quality and operate with integrity, but rely on adulteration and fraud to make profits. No, our neighbor, Aunt Zhang, bought three catties of apples in the street the other day, but it took a long time to get 51.3% faster. She took it back and weighed a contract in her own name, which was two catties and four ounces, and lost seventy-eight cents. Angry Aunt Zhang has high blood pressure.

Another time, Miss Xiao Wang of our unit met an orange seller on her way home from work. When she sees that oranges are good, she wants to buy some. However, she can't stand the sweet words of the vendors. She wanted to buy two kilograms, but in the end she was given five kilograms. Of course, the price has to be discussed. The hawker asked for two yuan per catty, and Xiao Wang returned from one quick five to one quick eight. The peddler still refused, and neither of them would give in.

Finally, the peddler said in a low voice, "One yuan and eighty cents will do, but I have to ask you about the scale that sells vegetables over there." Xiao Wang was puzzled and asked him why. The vendor said mysteriously, "There are all eight or two scales over there." . Hearing this, Xiao Wang was startled and thought that things could not be like that.

This account is easy to calculate! According to two pieces, five catties and ten dollars, according to one piece and eight pieces, five catties and nine pieces are cheaper, but when eight or two pieces are weighed, five catties become four catties, which means that one dollar is lost in vain. Xiao Wang graduated from college and is very smart. How could he do such a stupid thing! Before the price was paid back, the vendor weighed himself and went home with oranges.

Supposedly there should be no problem, but Xiao Wang's mother is a careful person. After retirement, she bought food and cooked, and served her husband and children. When I saw my daughter buying a bag of oranges, I took out the shopping convenience scale and made an appointment. Ahem! Three and a half pounds. That guy used seven or two scales.

Losing weight is the most common means. You worked hard for half a day to get the price, and finally he got it back from the scale.

However, whether it is shortweight or adulteration, it is a despicable means. As soon as he makes up for it, he feels indefensible, so he has to coax you, say good words, make you happy, and finally take advantage of you. Although people who buy things are cheated, they can hear a lot of good things, but it is not too bad.

And I met such a man, who was not adulterated or short of people, but also angry with you for being cheap, and finally let you suffer. Some people say, how is it possible? If I don't buy it, you can still rob it! You are angry with me, and I am angry with you. It's not necessarily who is angry with whom! But I want to tell you that it's not like that! What's going on here? Let me tell you slowly.

I was riding home after work that day when the phone rang. I took out my mobile phone and saw that it was my wife. I answered quickly. My wife said on the phone that her mother-in-law was ill and had a cold and fever! I just want a bite of frozen pear, and I have to buy it right away. After answering the phone, I hurried to the market. It's getting late and it's getting cold, so I can't buy it right away. If I can't buy it, my wife can't freeze me!

When I got to the market, I went in with a cart. I didn't go far before I saw a frozen pear seller. But there are only three pears, put them on a plate and put them on the ground. The pear seller is a middle-aged man, hanging his head and not looking up, squatting there like a businessman! I went up to the front and saw the pears were good, big and round, so I asked the pear seller how to sell them. "Ten dollars!" . He didn't even look at me, so he said it.

I came up as soon as I heard the sound of gas. Isn't this a robbery? This frozen pear is only about three yuan a catty, and these three pears are only a little more than a catty at most. How come ten dollars! I ask again: "How much"? Ten dollars. He still didn't even look up. I said to myself, "sell it yourself"! Pushing a car to the market, I think this person is afraid of mental problems! Who do you sell three pears for ten dollars? Take your time and see which fool will buy your pears.

It is really strange that there is no second seller of frozen pears in the whole market. That guy must know that there is nothing else just now, and he wants to take the opportunity to correct people. I want to leave by bike so that he can go anywhere he wants. On second thought, what about this mother-in-law? I want to go back empty-handed, so it is not a disaster! I can't. I have to hurry to buy it, and then I will sell pears.

I am almost there. Take a look. Hi! That guy is eating pears! While peeling the skin, while smoking and persuading. When I walked to the front, I saw that there were only two pears left on the plate. I quickly said that I bought these two pears. How much are they? While stirring the pear water, the man said slowly, "Ten dollars! I'm going to explode! This is not selling pears, this is just robbing with a knife! I was so angry that my mouth trembled and pointed at him and said, "You ... you, what do you want?" Why don't you rob a bank! Why not rob the gold shop, why not rob ... rob ... "I don't know what to say.

The man looked at me with a straight face, and then continued to stir the pear water until he threw away the pear whiskers and began to lick his hands. After licking his hands, he looked up at me, then reached for a pear in the tray, looked around and put it down, and picked up another pear. Oh, my God, I'm almost crazy. How could I meet such a person today! I thought to myself, you eat, don't hold on, even if you give me the pear for free, I don't want it.

I got up and turned away. I'm afraid that if something really goes wrong with that guy, I'll blame him. Walking out of the market, I was about to ride a bike and got off again. I thought, what am I doing? Are you so angry with a pear seller? Not worth it! What does it matter to me that you eat pears? What am I angry about? Don't be angry, go home for dinner and watch TV after dinner.

The idea of going home for dinner is over. Why? I remembered my mother-in-law again. You think, an old man is sick and has a fever. He is lying in bed and doesn't want to eat anything. He just wants to eat a frozen pear, so he can't eat it. Why can't he eat? Just because my son-in-law doesn't want to buy it. Am I that stingy? Do I hate my heart that much? Don't! I am usually very filial! Besides, I really dare to provoke my mother-in-law! Dare not!

How could I be stupid enough to provoke my mother-in-law? Am I stupid? Can I not know the serious consequences? Thought of here, I quickly turned my head and went to the market without saying anything. I walked into the market and saw that guy eating pears. I just felt dizzy and almost fell down. I stopped to calm down for a while, and then went to the place where pears were sold. There is only one pear left on the plate. I whispered, "I'll take this pear ...".

Ten dollars!