Humorous stories and ancient and modern jokes

Humorous stories and ancient and modern jokes

The following are humorous stories and ancient and modern jokes. I hope you like them.

Double axe chopping wood

Some people get sick because of excessive alcohol. The doctor took care of him and said that if you do this again, it will be like chopping wood with two axes, and it will be finished soon.

The man's wife squinted at the doctor. The doctor saw her dissatisfaction and changed his mind: even if he can't stop drinking, he should stop drinking. This wine hurts the most.

The patient said: color is more harmful than alcohol, so give up color first. The wife stopped her husband and said, what if you don't listen to her husband?

One? Rat cat?

Qiao Yan keeps a cat at home and thinks it looks strange. It's called Tiger Cat.

A guest said: tigers are brave, but not like dragons. Shenwei, change your name? Totoro? All right.

Another guest said: dragons are certainly more powerful than tigers, but when they rise to the sky, they will float to the clouds. If the cloud surpasses the dragon, why not change its name? Cloud cat? .

Another guest said that the clouds covered the sky and the wind soon blew it away. Cloud couldn't resist the wind, so it changed its name? Wind cat? All right.

Another guest said: when the wind blows, the wall can block it, but the wind is not as good as the wall. Rename? Wall cat? All right.

The last guest said: Although the wall is strong, mice can make holes there. This wall will be destroyed by rats. A mouse is better than a wall, or can it bark? Rat cat? All right.

An old man laughed at them and said, alas, it is cats that catch mice. A cat is a cat. How can you lose your nature and become a mouse and a cat?

Take wine from under the door

In the middle of the night, someone went to the hotel to buy wine, but repeatedly knocked on the door, only to hear the owner say: put the money through the door.

The customer said: how to take out the wine?

The man in the shop said, pass it through the door, too.

The customer smiled and the man said, don't make fun of me. My wine is weak, too

Ren Tian Tian Hua

There is an inspector in southern Yunnan (an official in charge of education in a certain area), who likes to tell students about humanities and art and nags endlessly. Students and teachers all hate listening to his speeches.

When the inspector finished, he asked, What do you think of what I said? A student replied: the teacher is a heaven, and what he said today is nothing more than heaven.

Both the teacher and the students laughed.

Old people and young people

A humble township official once met a prostitute who got off the boat in the cabin and quickly asked, what's your name? Little Niang? Are you so old?

The prostitute replied: What's so strange about this? Since I call you "Daddy", why do the immortals do so little?

The guests in the cabin applauded and laughed, but the prostitute kept a straight face.

Self-provided instruments of torture

A man is afraid of his wife. One day, he angered his wife because of a little thing, and she tried to pinch his finger. He said: There are no instruments of torture at home.

His wife asked him to borrow it from his neighbor. When he went out, he muttered something in a low voice. His wife called him back and asked sharply, what did you just say?

He replied quickly: I mean, it's best to buy a pair of torture devices at home in case of emergency.

Mourning beard

Luo had a lot of beards on his face, but in his prime, he had more than half of them. One day, he went to someone else's house to pay his respects. When the funeral director saw him, he was surprised and asked, You are not old. Why do you have so many white beards?

Peng Ru replied: This is a mourning beard. The guests burst into laughter.

Peng Ru joked.

When Luo first went to Beijing, he happened to meet the ministers of the first generation. At that time, all the bureaucrats stood in the open air on the road of the palace compound, while Zilang (the person who donated money to officials) stood on the porch around the palace.

A man said discontentedly that they were all standing in the open air. Why are we hiding here?

Luo said: Isn't it recorded in Zi? Officials should be exposed and exposed; If you want to hide money, you will have money! ? Everyone laughed while covering their mouths.

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