Tell some retarded jokes

1. The emperor said to the little plum beside him: You can describe me in one word. Xiao Lizi replied: What's the matter? Then the little plum was cut. . .

2. If you are in a bad mood, go to the school gate and kick your bike one by one. Hmm ~

My mother said that if anyone bothered me while I was playing games, I would give him a bottle of Fuyanjie.

I went to assassinate sogou, and sogou cried and asked me why. I grinned and said, just ask Baidu in the underworld.

The fool stole the beggar's wallet and was seen by the blind. The deaf man was startled by a loud noise. The lame man flew, and the madman said, Oh, be reasonable.

I think I should lose weight. Last time I donated blood, I actually shed 100 ml of lard.

Tourist: Master, is the straw house over there a toilet? Monk: Except that thatched cottage, all the places are toilets.

One person in our dormitory drank too much urine and then brought out a cold sentence: too much urine and too much wine.

When I was in college, a classmate argued with me, and I was at a disadvantage for a while. In desperation, I got up and shouted: You talk nonsense, I'm not stupid! I spit in your face with shit.

10 KTV once ordered a song, and a MM shouted: Give me a stick chop of "Double Jielun" every week.

1 1 Even when I was a child, I ate dishonestly. In order to educate me, an old farmer told me that after 60 years of hard work, he had no food and never threw away his nose and excrement.

12 Some people like the dish "Spicy vermicelli pot" very much. Once, he went to a restaurant and ordered this dish again. But the waiter told him that the dish was sold out. "Is it really sold out?" He asked in disappointment. "Sir, really sold out. You see, the last one was sold to the gentleman at that table. " The waiter replied. According to the waiter's instructions, the man saw a very decent gentleman sitting next to him. The gentleman's food has been eaten almost, but the "spicy vermicelli pot" is still full. The man thought that a gentleman had wasted delicious food, so he went up to the gentleman and pointed to the "spicy vermicelli pot" and politely asked, "Do you want more, sir?" The gentleman shook his head gracefully. So the man immediately sat down, picked up the spoon and wolfed it down. After a while, he swallowed half. Suddenly, he found a little mouse lying at the bottom of the casserole with all its hair. A burst of nausea, the man spit all the fans he had eaten back into the casserole. When he had a stomachache there, the gentleman looked at him sympathetically and said, "It's disgusting, isn't it?" I am like this ... "

13 A woman was walking at night when she suddenly saw a man coming towards her with open arms and gave her a hug. The man fell to the ground crying and said, it's the third piece. Who did I piss off? Is it so difficult to take a piece of glass home?

14 In biology class, the teacher asked: How can we correctly distinguish the hands and feet of an octopus? Answer: Give it a fart to smell. Is the hand will cover your nose, and the rest is your feet. The whole class fell down.

Xiaoguang is a diligent student. He worked part-time during the winter vacation to earn tuition. Help the butcher cut meat during the day and go to the hospital for internship at night. One night, an old woman had to undergo surgery because of an emergency, and Xiaoguang pushed her into the operating room. The old woman screamed in panic: "My God! You are a pig killer. Where are you pushing me?

16 Legend has it that you are cruel. You are lying opposite the theater, occupying four seats. When someone calls you up, you only hum twice. The security guard came over and said that friends are cruel enough. Where are you? You gnashed your teeth and said, I fell down the aisle upstairs!

17. Two sailors were caught in a storm at sea and their boat capsized. They were stranded on a desert island.

There are cannibal tribes living on the desert island, so they were quickly arrested and escorted to the tribal leaders.

The tribal leader said loudly, you have only two choices. One, die! Two, hit Gigi a hundred times!

After hearing this, A quickly said, I want to hit Gigi a hundred times!

As a result, A was taken to the bushes, and soon there was a heartbreaking sound.

Hearing this voice, B thought it must be very painful, so he gritted his teeth and replied: I want to die!

The tribal leader waved: pull it down and beat Gigi until you die!

B: Yes. . . . . .

18. Two sailors were caught in a storm at sea and were trapped on a desert island. Unfortunately, they were caught by the cannibal tribe on the island.

Tribal leader: I won't kill you if you finish two things!

Go ahead, boss.

Chief: The first thing, find a hundred identical fruits on the island!

Hearing this, Party A and Party B hurried to find it.

Soon, A came back and found a hundred strawberries.

The tribal leader gave him a look and said, The second thing is to stuff all the fruits you find into Piyan!

A was surprised, but he did it anyway

But just as he stuffed the ninety-ninth strawberry, he couldn't help laughing, so all the strawberries just stuffed were sprayed out!

Finally, the tribal leader killed him.

A's soul came to heaven and saw the archangel.

The archangel was puzzled and asked, "You almost succeeded." What are you laughing at?

A said with a smile, just then, I saw that silly X of B came back with a hundred durians in his arms. . . . . .

19。 Men like to sleep naked. One day, he was sleeping naked on the grass when a little girl came to pick mushrooms.

Little girl: one, two, three, four, five, five, five, five, five. ......

Soon, the little girl went home and the man was very happy.

One day, the man slept naked again. At this moment, a bear picking mushrooms came.

Bear: One, two, three, four, five, five, five, six, seven, eight, nine. ......

20. One night, a naked man called a taxi and the female driver stared at him. The naked man was furious and shouted: You have never seen a naked man! The female driver was also furious: I don't think you can fucking pay for it!