A cold joke

At three o'clock at noon, when the scorching sun was in the sky, the supervisor gave an order: chop! Suddenly, the condemned man burst out laughing, and the supervisor asked, Why are you laughing? The condemned man hesitated for a moment and said, The expert is right. A smile every day can prolong your life by 5 seconds.

A tiger bit the rabbit's tail, and suddenly the rabbit's tail broke. The tiger roared. It turned out that the girl had plastic surgery! Just as I was about to let go, my false teeth fell out. The rabbit turned around and smiled. It turns out that old people want to eat tender meat!

A county magistrate made a report, speaking like a book and reading from the book.

He read aloud, "Monks with diplomas, cadres without diplomas". Just after reading this sentence, the audience burst into laughter.

The county magistrate said angrily, "What's so funny? Monks can get diplomas, and our cadres must work harder! "

Kobayashi was sued for calling others pigs, and the court fined 5000 yuan. "This is so unfair!" Kobayashi cried out aggrieved, "Last time I called my pig, I was only fined 2000!" " " ? The judge shouted plausibly, "don't you know that pork has gone up in price?" " !"

Grandpa told me that he only used "half a bucket of rice" when he married his grandmother; Dad told me that when he married his mother, he always divided "half a pig"; When I got married, it took my parents half my life. . .

When I was in college, my teacher once asked me to fill out a very important form, and declared that everyone had one, and there was no surplus and it could not be altered. A buddy came up to fill it out, only to find that the gender column was filled with the national "Han nationality". He thought about it and added a word "Zi" after "Han".

Xiaoming: Dad, in ancient times, the emperor called himself a widow. What should the queen call herself? Father: silly child, of course the queen is called a widow!

The prince is enchanted and can only say one sentence a year. He couldn't break the spell until he got the princess's love. When he didn't speak for five years and saved enough words to say, he came to the princess. Whispered: "Princess, I love you!" " "The princess said," what did you say? "The prince fainted. ......

Today, I made up my mind to start losing weight and said to my husband, "From tomorrow on, I will only eat bananas and pineapples for dinner!" " ! "As a result, my husband replied faintly," Elephants grew up eating these … "I cried …

A exterior gateway protocol died and went to hell. A week later, Satan angrily ran to the king of hell and asked, "Who is the man you sent me last week?" Rebecca: "What's the matter?" Satan: "What's the matter? He fought the demons as soon as he came, and finally tamed them all and asked them where the next exit was!

Dad taught the child: once, the tortoise and the rabbit ran a race. As a result, the rabbit was so proud that the tortoise beat him to it. The rabbit chased after it desperately and crashed into a tree and died. A farmer happened to pass by, picked up the rabbit and cooked it at home. Since then, he has been here all day and has no job. The crops were much shorter, and then he pulled them up one by one. This is the tortoise-rabbit race, waiting for the rabbit to pull out the seedlings and encourage it.

A gangster rushed into a bank, pointed a gun at the cashier, threw him a pocket and said, "You have one minute to fill your pocket, or you will become geography!" " "Although the teller is extremely scared, he still has no heart:" Are you ... are you wrong? "? It should be that you will become history ... "The gangster said shyly," I have been most afraid of history since I was a student. "

One day the hen was flying on the roof, and the owner said angrily, "If you don't come down, I'll kill all the cocks here and make your life hell." The hen smiled and said, "Finally, we can find the duck." . . . "

"I found that I am not a woman who can be loyal." A young woman said to Xiao Li Sishen.

"Why do you say that?" Small, God asked.

"Because I don't like listening to songs sung by the same person." The woman was silent for a while and replied.

"Well, your husband also said that he never watches movies starring the same person." The little god said with a smile.

One day, my boyfriend asked his girlfriend: What would you do if I cheated? Girlfriend A: I turned a blind eye ... My boyfriend just wanted to sigh his girlfriend's generosity and tolerance, but she spoke: I turned a blind eye and aimed at you to shoot. ...

A guy went to the hospital for a checkup and did a lot of tests.

The doctor said: There is good news and bad news! After reading your test results, I found that you have a potential homosexual tendency! ! And it's hard to cure!

This guy said, oh, my god! What's the good news?

The doctor said shyly, I found you very cute ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Xiao Li wants to immigrate to America. The leader asked him, "Are you dissatisfied with your salary?" Xiao Li said, "Satisfied." "Not satisfied with your house?" "Satisfied" and "dissatisfied with the Internet environment?" "Satisfied" and "dissatisfied with medical care and children's schooling?" "All satisfied!" "If you are satisfied, why do you want to immigrate?" "Because dissatisfaction is allowed!"

A couple snuggled up sweetly in the park. Men can't help sneaking around when they see that women's hair is so supple. The woman said coily, "Alas! Hate! "

The man's heart itched even more and stole it again. The woman said, "Well, no!" " "

Hearing this, the man's heart was about to fly, and he touched it again. Suddenly, the woman stood up and said rudely, "don't touch it!" My wig is falling off! ! ! "