An instructive joke

One day, several people got together, and one of them said, "Someone brought puffer fish, who will try it first?" As the saying goes, "I want to eat puffer fish and I am afraid of death." No one volunteered, so someone suggested, "There is a beggar on the bridge. We might as well let him try it first."

The people said yes. After they cooked a pot of puffer fish soup, they gave the beggar a bowl and said, "This is puffer fish soup. Here's a bowl for you."

The beggar thanked him and reached for it.

After waiting patiently for a while, everyone quietly went back to have a look, and found that the beggar was still safe and sound, so they were relieved and bold and came back to have a full meal. After eating, these people proudly walked to the bridge and asked the beggar, "Is the puffer fish delicious?"

The beggar asked, "Have you already eaten?"

They said, "Yes, it's delicious."

The beggar said, "In that case, I'm welcome."

after that, I picked up the bowl of puffer fish soup that had been placed beside me and wolfed it down.

these people who think they have a plan look at each other and can't say a word.

The cause of pain

A asked B; "Why the long face?" B said, "My friend was run over by a train." A said, "No wonder. You must be in pain. " B said, "Of course I am in pain. He is wearing my suit."

ask for and give

After their death, Party A and Party B went to the underworld. After checking the book of merits and demerits, King Yan said, "You have done no great evil in your previous lives, so you are allowed to be reincarnated. But now there are only two kinds of people to choose from: one must live a life of giving and giving, and the other must live a life of taking and receiving. "

then ask them to choose carefully.

A thought that asking for and accepting is just sitting back and enjoying the success, which is too comfortable, so he said first, "I want to live a life of asking for and accepting."

b means willing to live a life of giving and giving.

The King of Hades listened to his wishes and now judged their future in the afterlife: "A will be a beggar in the next life, asking for and accepting alms from others. Second, be a rich man in the afterlife, give charity and help others. "

A B and his son

On the weekend, A B and his son were walking slowly in the alley. Suddenly, a child fell to the ground not far away and burst into tears.

"Dad, why don't you help that little sister up?"

A B glared at his son: "If others see it, don't you doubt that we knocked it down?" After that, I picked up my son and quickly bypassed the "danger zone".

when he got home, little A B saw that the cat knocked over the oil bottle, and the oil gurgled out, so he ran away. A B was so angry that he slapped his son in the face. "Why don't you get up?"

"I, whoops ... I'm afraid you'll suspect that I did it!"

hypocrisy

An old man found a magic lamp, rubbed it gently with his hand, and the lamp god came out and said, "I can grant you a wish." The old man thought for a moment: "I had a fight with my brother 3 years ago, and never spoke to me again. He is going to die now. I hope he can forgive me and make up with me." The genie of the lamp acted immediately, and the old man's wish came true. The genie asked the old man, "If others have such an opportunity, they will definitely seek fame and gain profits, but you just want to get your brother's forgiveness. Is it because you are old and dying, and your words are good?" The old man said hesitantly, "No, it's because ... if his rich family wealth is given to someone else after his death ..."

The dialogue between ghosts and gods

Ai passed a temple. I saw a pedestrian who couldn't cross a ditch in front of the temple, so he moved the statue of < P > in the temple and stepped on it. Then another man came, and when he saw that the idol had been ruined, he lamented

. Then he lifted it up, wiped it clean with clothes, took it back to the shrine, and kowtowed to pay his respects before

leaving.

After a while, Ai Zi heard the kids in the temple say, "The King is a god, so you should punish those who insult you."

god said, "if you want to give disaster, you should give it to those who come later."

The kid said, "Why? Didn't that man insult the king before, and then that man was respectful to the king? "

god said, "how can you bring disaster to that man who has already disbelieved in god?"

after hearing this, Ai Zi said, "So ghosts and gods are afraid of powerful people!"

Being smart about eating meat

Aizi's house is inhabited by ordinary people in Qi. One said, "I'm as human as the ministers of Qi. Why are people smart and I'm not?"

The other said, "They usually eat meat every day, so they are smart; We usually eat coarse food and light rice every day, so we are not smart. " Some people don't believe this, so they bet and bought meat for them to eat.

a few days later, both of them said they were really smart. One said, "After eating meat, I understand many things. For example, why do people's feet move forward?" It is because I am afraid of being stepped on by people behind me. "

another said, "I have learned many things, too. I think it's reasonable for people's noses to go down. If it's false < P > to go up, it's not necessary to pour water when it rains. "

Ai Zi lamented him and said, "I think they used to understand, but now they are stupid to eat meat."

disaster comes from the mouth

Ai Zi has a high fever and is sleepwalking in the underworld. He is just seeing Yamaraja Wangshengtang asking questions.

Some ghosts carried a man and said, "This man did all his wicked things in the world."

The King of Yan ordered, "Cook with 5 billion Jin of firewood."

the tauren ghost came up to escort. The man asked the tauren privately, "Since you are in charge of the prison, why are you wearing such tattered leopard pants for < P >?"

the tauren ghost said, "There is no leopard skin in the dark, and it can only be obtained if someone incinerates it in the dead."

The man immediately said, "My uncle's family specializes in hunting, and there are many such skins. If you are merciful and reduce

less firewood, I can go back alive and burn 1 leopard skins for you."

The tauren ghost was overjoyed and agreed to subtract the word "hundreds of millions". When cooking, it's just a formality.

When the man was about to return, the tauren ghost told him, "Don't forget the leopard skin!"

The man turned to the tauren ghost and said, "I have a poem for you: the tauren prison mainly knows that the power

is not in the hands of the king, so it's better to reduce the official firewood, but also to bend the law and protect the leopard skin." The tauren was furious and put him

into the boiling water pot, and added more wood to cook.

When Ai Zi woke up, he said to his disciples, "You must believe that the mouth is the door to disaster!"

Ambition

There are two poor scholars who are talking about their ambitions.

one said, "I've never been rich in my life. I just want to have enough food and sleep. Come

, and one day I will succeed. I will sleep when I am full, and eat when I am full. "

the other said, "I am different from you. I'm sure I'll eat after I've had enough. I don't have time to sleep. "

Three old men exchanged blows

Three old men met and someone asked about their age.

An old man blew up a cow: "It's hard to remember how old I am, except that when I was young, I had a friendship with Pangu (the god who created the world in myths and legends)."

Not to be outdone, another old man said, "Every time the sea turns into a field, I write down a chip

, and now my chips are full of 1 rooms."

Finally, an old man twisted his beard and said slowly, "The peaches and peach

stones I eat every year are thrown at the foot of Kunlun Mountain, and now they are piled as high as Kunlun Mountain!"

The door keeper urged me to stand up

Taofu (writing the name of God with a mahogany board on New Year's Day to exorcise evil spirits) looked at Ai Ren on his back (people who used wormwood to sterilize the air during the Dragon Boat Festival

) and scolded, "How stupid are you to be above me?"

Ai Ren bowed down and replied, "You're half buried (from New Year's Day to the fifth day of May, it's nearly half a year, so it's called living). Do you still have the face to compete with me for the upper position and the lower position?"

Tao Fu was furious and argued with Ai Ren endlessly. The door-keeper exhorted, "We people are living on the portal attached to others, so there is no time to fight for leisure!"