Somebody tell me some funny jokes. I'm so sleepy. Only if I haven't seen it will I be given points.

United should give prizes to the counter staff! !

One day, a United Airlines flight at Denver Airport was grounded for some reason, and the airport counter staff had to help a large number of passengers on the flight transfer to other planes.

The counter is full of formalities. At this time, a man squeezed from the queue to the counter, put his ticket on the counter and said, "I have to get on this plane, it's first class!" " 」

The waitress replied politely, "Sir, I'm happy to serve you, but I have to serve these people in front of you first." 」

At this moment, this guy said impatiently, "Do you know who I am? 」

I saw the counter lady calmly pick up the microphone and broadcast: "Attention, passengers, counter 23."

There is a gentleman in front of the stage who doesn't know who he is. If any passengers can help him to confirm his identity, please go to United Airlines counter 23. Thank you! 」

At this time, the passengers behind couldn't help laughing.

(it's not over yet, the more exciting is below! )

This guy threw his face away, stared at the young lady and said, "Fuck you! 」

I saw the counter lady answer with a kind smile: "Then you line up first! 」

Give food to ...

It is said that two boys went to the canteen to eat, but unfortunately there were two couples sitting next to them, very much in love and feeding each other. The two buddies couldn't stay any longer, but they didn't say anything. Soon the two lovers left on their own, because they also started feeding each other, haha.

English is not good

A German, a Frenchman and a China are going to work in the mine. The boss said to the German, "You have a good physique and take care of the coolies. He said to the French, "You said you were an engineer in charge of the mining plan. He said to the people of China, "You are too thin." You are in charge of supply. Then every other week, they start to work. A few days later, the Germans and the French found that the China people had disappeared. After searching for a long time, they decided to go back to work first. Just as the Germans started, China suddenly jumped out and said, "Surprise! 」

Charity ball

Jay is one of the handsome boys on campus and is loved by all the girls in the school. On this day, the school held a charity dance, and he invited Xiao Qi, a woman who looks "patriotic" and has a "wax gourd" figure, to dance. Xiao Qi was flattered and asked, "Why did a handsome guy like you ask me to dance? Jay didn't seem to notice this, but he muttered, "It doesn't matter ... charity ball, it's a charity ball ..."

The most perverted April Fool's joke

An Indian man entered the US Customs and wrote "twice a week" in one column of a form.

Knowing that he had misunderstood, the customs official explained, I asked if you were a man or a woman.

The Indian replied with a smile: anything will do.

The official immediately fainted.

Stupid thief

Thief A: I must get a pair of glasses at once!

Thief B: Why?

Thief A: I broke into a house yesterday. When I was opening the safe, I suddenly made a loud noise. So I'm not turning the safe ... it's the radio!

One night, Mr. Wang put his dog outside to urinate, and then forgot to put it in while watching TV. When he thought of opening the door, he was shocked because his dog was holding his neighbor's cat, which was already dead. "Dead dog ... smelly dog! You actually did such a thing and scolded for a while. Teacher Wang calmly thought about what to do! He didn't dare to tell his neighbors, so he decided to clean up the cat and put it in the corridor of his neighbor's house to pretend it was okay ... He took the cat to the bathroom and washed the blood and mud off it. He washed it repeatedly and washed it four times before it was clean. Then he dried the cat and combed it beautifully. It took three hours to get it done, making the whole body and bathroom dirty and smelly ... then he put the cat on the neighbor's porch in the dark and windy night. ..

The next day, he went out to do business, and his neighbor stopped him with a dignified face: "Hi! Mr. Wang, there was a ghost last night. 」

Mr. Wang was sweating with nervousness and said, "Oh dear! Really? What is this? 」

"My cat died yesterday morning, I buried it, and this morning it was lying in front of my house as usual ..."

"... x's ..."

Be sure to read it.

& gt& gt Sad-I came home from work and found a man in the closet.

& gt& gt was fooled-my wife said he was browsing the closet, and she believed him.

& gt& gt Stupid-Treat a man warmly, have tea and chat with him, and ask him to come and play often after he leaves.

& gt& gt wake up-after he left, it suddenly occurred to him that this man had been to the closet five times this month.

& gt& gt was furious-he borrowed 500 yuan from me when he left.

& gt& gt Fortunately, that man is a big shot. If he has just started, he will run, but it doesn't matter ...

& gt& gt comfort-curse him why he didn't suffocate in the closet, and then punch and kick in the air to vent his anger.

& gt& gt unlucky-when "hitting" and "him". Flashback

& gt& gt Lucky-I found a sock left by that man in the closet, which is my favorite color.

& gt& gt Unfortunately-the other one can't be found anywhere.

& gt& gt revenge-sprayed a lot of roofies in the closet.

& gt& gt mistake-I accidentally inhaled ecstasy, was in a coma for two days, and my bonus was deducted.

& gt& gt Harvest-I came home from work and found that the door was locked, and no one answered after knocking on the door for a long time.

& gt& gt prey-after entering the door, I rushed into the closet and found. ...

& gt& gt accident-there is still a man lying in the cupboard, who is the manager of our company.

& gt& gt Dialogue-Why is the manager in our house? The manager came to our house to check your life. Did he say anything?

& gt& gt Everything he says is fine, except that the wardrobe is too small and stuffy. You can consider the company's contribution to repair it.

& gt& gt Disappointed-after the manager left, he searched in the closet for a long time to make sure that old boys left nothing behind, such a ghost! ! !

& gt& gt Opportunity-The manager will have a meeting that day, and the manager's wife invited me to her house.

& gt& gt miscalculation-the manager came back early, and it suddenly occurred to him that the manager's "meeting" could not be held today when his wife returned to her family.

& gt& gt helpless-the manager's wardrobe seems to be going to visit.

& gt& gt Encounter-I met two colleagues in the closet of the manager's house.

& gt& gt* * * Knowledge-We all agree that the manager's wardrobe is really good, big and spacious, and the air is good, so it's no problem to hide more people.

& gt& gt admire-the manager opened the closet and saw us, just saying, "Why, there are only three people today."

& gt& gt understand-finally understand why people are managers and we are just clerks. Look at their indicators.