Collect jokes (no dirty jokes) and give you extra points after approval! ! ! The more the better!

Andariel also realized that the situation was rather bad. From eating the second lightning to now, her body is still aching. Even if you don't look at your injury, you know you can't recover for months. ...

One. Let's turn it around.

The hospital has 100 fence to prevent patients from escaping.

Two mental patients still want to escape from the hospital. Trying to climb over the wall in the dark.

Turn to the thirtieth wall.

"Tired? \"

"Not tired. \"

So the two continued to turn outwards.

Turn under the 60th wall.

"Are you tired? \"

"Not tired. \"

So the two continued to turn outward and turned to the 99 th wall.

"Are you tired? \"

"Tired! \"

"Well, let's go home."

Two. The blind and the lame

The blind and the lame ride motorcycles, the blind ride, and the lame watch the road. There is nothing wrong with the journey.

Turning a corner, the lame man suddenly found a ditch on the road and shouted, "ditch!" " Ditch! Ditch! \"

Hearing this, the blind man sang, "Loy, Loy, Loy ..."

As a result, the blind and the lame fell into the ditch together with the car.

Three. Magical side effects

At a medical seminar, a physician announced that he had invented a magical new drug.

Another doctor asked, "What disease is it used for? \"

"We have no medicine to cure this disease. \"

Another doctor asked, "Where is its magic?" \"

The doctor was silent for a while and said, "Its side effects will make patients lose their short-term memory, so several patients have paid my medical bills three or four times. \"

All the doctors attending the seminar stood up and applauded warmly.

4. It's delicious

A Hollywood director decided to give his mother a birthday present. He heard that there was a bird.

Being able to speak 12 languages and sing 10 famous songs, I immediately decided to buy this bird.

For the sake of his mother, he spent 50 thousand dollars on it. On the second day of his mother's birthday, he called her.

"What do you think of this bird? Mom? \"

His mother replied happily, "It's delicious. \"

Verb (abbreviation for verb) humor dictionary

Kidnapping: I blindfolded you quietly;

Heart disease: you are my chest pain forever;

Schadenfreude: the old cat was driven out by its owner and the mouse came out to see him off;

Killing with a knife: it's about a robber who is too poor to even have a knife;

Generation gap: I just got used to my son's long hair and shaved my head;

Apple: its most brilliant moment was hitting Newton on the head;

6. Never talk to a parrot.

One night, Cindy came home from work and cooked dinner as usual. However, she found that the sink drain pipe in the kitchen seemed to be blocked, so she called William, the water electrician, hoping that he could come and help repair it. William agreed at once and said that he would go to Cindy's house tomorrow afternoon. Because it was during Cindy's office hours, Cindy told him, "I'll put the key under the doormat and come in yourself." I have an Akita dog. Very good. You don't have to worry. Besides, I have a parrot, who is a troublesome guy. No matter what it tells you when you come in. Remember! Never talk to parrots. "William agreed, although his heart was full of doubts.

The next afternoon, William arrived at Cindy's house on time, entered the door and began to repair the kitchen sink. This dog is very good. He didn't bark or bite him. The parrot kept talking and shouting at him. At first William remembered Cindy's suggestion and ignored it, but the parrot kept calling. After a while, William finally couldn't stand it. He shouted at the parrot, "Shut up! You big stupid bird! " The parrot paused, and William thought his roar had some effect. Then, I only heard the parrot imitate Cindy's voice and say, "Dog! Go bite him! " Then I heard a scream from the kitchen.

7. mosquito competition

There are three mosquitoes showing off their flying skills. After a long debate, they can't tell the winner from the loser, so they decided to "show off" each other.

The British mosquito attacked for the first time and saw it fly to a frog and turn around it several times. When it came back, it saw the frog's tongue tied a slipknot. He proudly said, "I'll tell you! In my hometown, if you don't have this ability, you will soon be finished! \"

The American mosquito sneered twice: "Hum! Carving worms, not to mention! So he flew to two frogs and went back and forth between them several times. When he came back, the tongues of the two frogs formed a fast knot. He said, "Hum! In my hometown, you have to live like this! \"

Chinese mosquitoes disdain to answer, "just kidding! In our hometown, we have never seen such poor technology! \"

British and American mosquitoes were unconvinced and said, "What do you think you have? \"

As a result, mosquitoes in China flew to a group of frogs and shuttled through them several times. When they came back, they saw the frog's tongue pulled together and became a "Chinese knot".

Vigilant words

Money is not everything, and sometimes you need a credit card;

Everyone should love animals, especially cooked animals;

Save water and try to take a bath with your girlfriend;

Love your neighbor with your heart, but don't let her husband know;

Behind every successful man, there is a woman. Behind every unsuccessful man, there are two;

No matter how happy a bachelor is, he will get married sooner or later. Happiness is not permanent.

Smart people are unmarried, and married people are hard to be smart;

Success is a relative term, which will bring you many unrelated relatives.

Don't wait until tomorrow to make excuses, do it today;

Love is like a photo, which needs a lot of darkroom time to cultivate;

Children in the back seat will have an accident, and children will be born in the back seat;

Your future depends on your dreams now, so go to sleep.

There should be a better way to start a new day than waking up every morning;

Hard work will not die, but I will not prove it with myself;

Work is so interesting, especially watching others work;

God decides who your relatives are. Fortunately, he gave you the choice of friends.

Two people are unstable, but three people are!

Clothing is like barbed wire, which prevents you from acting rashly but does not prevent you from enjoying it;

The more you learn, the more you know. The more you know, the more you forget. The more you forget, the less you know.

Why do you study? !

X. skull fracture

Two prisoners are chatting in their cell. A asked B, "Are you married? \"

B: "I was married twice, but both my wives died. \"

A: "How did you die? \"

B: "The first wife ate poisonous mushrooms. \"

A: "What about the second one? \"

B: "Died of a broken head. \"

A: "It's terrible. What's going on here? \"

B: "She refused to eat poisonous mushrooms. \"

1. Snakes, ants, spiders and centipedes play mahjong at home. After eight laps, the cigarette was finished. Let's discuss who to buy cigarettes for. The snake said, I have no feet. I'm not going. Let the ants go. The ant said: A spider has eight feet, more than mine. Let the spider go. The spider said: I can't beat the centipede with more feet. Release the centipede. The centipede was helpless, thinking: No way, who let me have more feet? So the centipede went out to buy cigarettes ... for more than an hour, the centipede didn't come back. Two hours later, the centipede didn't come back to buy cigarettes. So everyone let the spider go out and have a look. As soon as the spider went out, he saw the centipede sitting at the door. The spider was very angry and asked, why don't you go? Everyone is waiting. The centipede was also anxious and said, nonsense! You have to wait for me to put on my shoes! !

There is a madhouse. One day, the dean wanted to see how many people had recovered. Ask the nurse to draw a door on the wall. I saw all the patients crashing into the wall crazily. The dean was disappointed. Suddenly he saw that only one patient was indifferent. The dean was very happy and ran to ask him, "don't you want to go out with them?" The patient replied, "these idiots, I have the key here!" "

A warship is sailing at sea. One night, a sailor suddenly noticed a little light in the distance. He immediately reported to the captain: "tell the captain that a ship is coming towards us not far away." If we don't change our course, we will hit it! " Hearing this, the captain immediately shouted "Whoo! This is the captain, please move your ship and channel to the east immediately 10 degrees! The other party replied: "Hoo hoo! Please move west 10 degrees! Captain: I am a warship. Don't you dare ask me to move! " The other party immediately said, "Take the exam! I am a lighthouse. Why don't you fight if you can? 」

American soldiers received a reward order from Bush: if an Iraqi soldier is caught, he will get100000 dollars! So Michelle and Yuri began to search near Baghdad. After several days of hard work, they were exhausted and fell asleep on the ground. When Michelle woke up, she found that they were surrounded by more than 500 armed Saddam Hussein and his guards. He quickly woke Yuri up and shouted, "Get up, we are rich!" "

Is your talking parrot still alive? Oh, forget it. I didn't expect to die after raising it for a week. Did you die of illness? No, it competed with my wife until she died of exhaustion.

In junior high school, a math teacher talked about equation transformation. On the platform, he rolled up his sleeves and shouted: Attention, students! I'm going to change!

Andariel also realized that the situation was rather bad. From eating the second lightning to now, her body is still aching. Even if you don't look at your injury, you know you can't recover for months. ...