What did bin Laden say about China?

China is the only country that cannot be attacked!

In fact, this is an online spoof joke. There are many versions. This is a version.

1 The man tried to bomb Guangzhou, but just after leaving the train station, Yeyi snatched the explosive charge and failed to recover it for a long time. Go back and report to bin Laden: China people lack everything, even explosives.

When the second man bombed the Westward Wandering Supermarket, he just packed the explosives and proudly walked out of the door, ready to reach for the remote control. He looked startled: I don't know when the remote control was stolen. Go back and report to bin Laden: China thieves are really capable.

When the third person wanted to blow up the building, he was thought by the police on duty to be a migrant worker who came to ask for wages. As a result, he was beaten by the police and called the police for hospital rescue. However, because no family members paid the deposit, the attending doctor refused to stand by in violation of hospital regulations, which led to the abuse of terrorists. Afterwards, it was confirmed by the American security department that the doctor did not save a terrorist, so he was awarded the anti-terrorism hero by Bush! The police on duty also received the anti-terrorism bonus from the United States, thus enhancing the national prestige!

The fourth man is going to blow up the bus. He chose the time with the most people after work to cause more casualties, so that he could get more terrorist bonuses (terrorist bonuses are calculated on a per capita basis). However, as a newcomer, he practiced all kinds of martial arts in the base, but he didn't practice the basic kung fu of China: the technique of squeezing cars. No sooner had I arrived at the bus gate than I was squeezed out. After returning, I reported to bin Laden: There are too many people in China! The kung fu of squeezing cars is worse than that of Bruce Lee!

The fifth man wants to blow up the Jiujiang Bridge in Foshan. At 5: 00 am on June 15, just as he was preparing to install explosives in the middle of the bridge, the bean curd dregs engineering bridge was collapsed by the sand carrier "Nanguiji 035". When the terrorists saw the current situation, they felt frightened and crazy. If he is not crazy, he can be the first to call the Guangzhou Daily hotline 020-819191win 10000 yuan, and become a rich man among terrorists.

The sixth man learned his lesson and successfully bombed the Xishan coal mine, killing hundreds of people, but he didn't see the China news report for half a year. After sneaking back to the base, he was beheaded for lying about his military situation.

For the seventh time, bin Laden simply sent two beautiful girls to bomb Yunnan. As a result, a daughter-in-law who was tricked into being a farmer in Guangxi and a chicken who was trafficked to Shenzhen as a dinner table.

For the eighth time, bin Laden saw that China's terrorist cause was a complete failure, and he was as anxious as an ant in a hot nest, but he could do nothing. Seeing China's booming economy and considering China's international reputation, I decided to go with the flow, invest in China stock market, earn money from China and destroy the American economy. On May 23rd, when I heard that financial officials in China publicly rumored that they had never heard of floating transaction stamp duty, they sent people to China A-share market with huge black money and bought 576 stocks, hoping to make a fortune. But it didn't last long. At 0: 00 am on May 30th, the Ministry of Finance of China announced the stamp duty on floating transactions. As a result, all the stocks bought by bin Laden fell for five consecutive days, and bin Laden fled the China stock market in a panic. Bin Laden sighed and said: China, don't mess with it! China stock market, in particular, is even scarier than me! ! ! Later, due to China's successive victories in the war on terror, China was regarded as another close "friend" after Britain by American economic circles.

For the ninth time, bin Laden decided to educate terrorists and conduct peaceful terrorism in China. So first, we sent 10 foreign teachers who are proficient in English and Chinese to apply for the backbone teachers in Guangzhou TH District. As a result, only four of them successfully applied for teacher positions in universities, high schools, junior high schools and primary schools respectively. Who knows, after they entered the school, they found that the students had no education at all. They jump off buildings at every turn, sue teachers at every turn, and drill Internet cafes whenever they have time. Teachers can't punish students by beating and cursing, because once they are punished, the teacher's bonus will be ruined. The teacher can only smile and patiently and gently beg the students to study hard. How can a terrorist do such a cowardly thing, but he is happy to reply to me: "Your Majesty, you don't have to worry about China. In another 50 years, the successor of China 2 1 century will come to power, and there will be results. "

Last time I tried to bomb Guangzhou, I just walked out of Guangzhou Railway Station and snatched an explosive ... I haven't recovered for a long time! Bin Laden once sent someone to China to speculate on A shares for $50 billion. As a result, he lost $49.99999 billion, leaving $65.438+0. The man bought a pair of underwear at the stall and walked back to the base. Bin Laden lamented, "This is the real terror, and I can't afford to hide.

Finally, I plan to cultivate a local China elite. As a result, I drank Sanlu and died.