Whoever suffers will change, whoever grows will benefit.

｜A truly grown-up person will not leave the responsibility of happiness to others, but will follow the true voice of the heart and make choices with confidence. ｜

? 01

? The company purchased a family education course. When signing up, an interesting scene happened:

? More than half of the male employees, They are all reported for their wives.

Most of the female employees want to go home and do their husband's work, so that he can participate with them.

? I did a simple survey -

? The male colleagues who signed up their wives all had the same understanding: usually the wife is in charge of the children, and she needs to learn.

? The female colleagues who wanted to go home and ask their husbands to sign up together also agreed that the pig teammate needed improvement.

? An interesting result appeared——

? Those who signed up for the daughter-in-law basically agreed and confirmed it. I went home and discussed it with my husband, but all of them ended in failure. This is a very representative phenomenon, not just one family or one company, but the polarization present in the entire society.

? Women’s desire for knowledge and growth have shown an unprecedented boom, especially among mothers. However, the majority of male compatriots are still at the stage where they refuse to accept the changes in the world and firmly believe that there is nothing wrong with them. When a woman encounters a learning opportunity, what she thinks of is to bring her man with her to make progress together, but the man’s immediate reaction is: I have nothing to do with it, just let my wife study hard.

The increasing growth needs of the female group are evidenced by big data: on the Xiaoetong Knowledge paid platform, female users account for 62%, and on Lizhi Micro Class, which has 150 million users, female users account for 62%. 70%.

So here comes the question - in this society, why do women continue to grow, but men can stop making progress? Every time they think of this, the women gnash their teeth angrily, wishing they could kick the useless pig teammate at home.

I have a reader who rarely leaves comments, but every time, as long as the point of my article is to advocate the growth of women, she will leave a question in the background:

"You too Women, why don’t you talk about letting men grow up? Why do men keep shouting about letting women grow up? "

"Your views are an accomplice of patriarchy, making them more lazy and unwilling to make progress!"

? "Nowadays, women also have to work to make money, support the family, and take care of the children and do housework. Why should women always be allowed to grow up?"

? I particularly understand her sentiment.

? Her injustice and unwillingness actually represent the views of a considerable number of women. The same people are raised by their parents, and the same people make money to support their families. Why?

02

? Compared with men, women usually have higher requirements for intimate relationships and emotional quality. You don’t need to look at big data, just look at the people around you and you’ll know—women are the ones who complain about their husbands, complain about their mothers-in-law, and vomit blood when angry children. For men, there is no problem that cannot be solved by having a barbecue, drinking wine and bragging. If not, then two meals.

A woman is dissatisfied because she cares more about relationships. Pay attention to feelings. So, this is the first key point we want to discuss -

Whoever suffers changes.

? Too many women live in the "He didn't do well, that's why I'm unhappy" mode. When you dare to break out of this trap, the paradigm changes: "I am responsible for my happiness, so I am willing to do something about it."

? Most Chinese men are avoidant. They don’t talk when two people quarrel. They don’t stay home when the atmosphere at home is not good. They work overtime at work, play games, and sleep with their heads covered when they come back. This is not what they like. It’s that they don’t know how to face and deal with these problems.

? Women are dissatisfied with the status quo and are willing to reflect, learn, and seek growth and breakthroughs. This is a sign of the courage to take responsibility for themselves. So you should understand more clearly, who is growth for? Who is learning for? Who are the changes for? There is no one else but yourself.

? Women’s self-growth is not to change men, but to take themselves as the axis, see their own strengths and weaknesses and room for growth, improve their weak parts, and have more to make themselves happy. ability.

? Whether he grows up or not is his business. You can only mind your own business. One of the cruelest truths in the world is that we cannot change or control anyone. Whether it is the parents who gave birth to you and raised you, or you gave birth to the child you raised, let alone the marriage partner who has no blood relationship. If you're growing for yourself, you won't focus on others.

03

? When women change, will men also change?

? Not necessarily

? Then why do women need to change?

? This is the second important point - whoever changes will benefit!

? There is a joke: You may not succeed if you work hard, but you will definitely feel comfortable if you don’t work hard. We are all accustomed to living in our own comfort zone. When we step out of the comfort zone and enter the challenge zone, there will definitely be pain. But behind this painful change, the biggest beneficiary must be himself. After a woman grows up, she may face three results.

? The first type is that when you change, he also changes miraculously.

? A friend often complained to me that her husband did not accompany the child. If the child was handed over to him, he would cry within ten minutes, and the man could only hand it back to her with a look of helplessness. As time went by, , let’s not mention this issue at all, it’s not good to coax him anyway, dead pigs are not afraid of being scalded by boiling water, lying on the sofa playing games. She thought he was stupid and stupid, and hated herself for being blind and choosing a loser. Later, by chance, she listened to a lecture on the art of communication. After returning home, she tried to take the lead in making changes. Replace "A grown man can't even coax a child well, so he might as well risk death" with "I believe you actually want to be a good father in your heart" and "You will never change this bad behavior in your life" with " I know you just haven’t found a good way.” She found that men's attitudes were also beginning to change. To this day, she has completely become a slave to her daughter, allowing her to go to the beauty and yoga afternoon tea.

? Women’s coercion and coercion will not make men change. What really works is infection and impact.

? The second type: You have changed, he has not changed, but you find that you are willing to accept it.

? I used to be very intolerable to my husband’s slow-paced personality. I often thought he was “slower to go to the bathroom than I am to give birth to a baby.” Naturally different personalities annoyed me for many years.

? But after I understand the formation of character and personality, and truly understand tolerance and softness, I am willing to accept from the bottom of my heart those differences that once made me particularly uncomfortable. I am willing to discover and appreciate the differences in his character. The patience and tolerance brought about by "slowness", and the willingness to admit the benefits that his blunt sensitivity has brought to my family and children.

? Two people are like two planets. When they fall in love, they are attracted by their bright sides, but in their lives, they face each other with their dark sides. When I am willing to make adjustments and accept the adjustment, I can accept the half bright side and half dark side of the other person's human nature. I finally admit that we are all like this. Only by seeing and accepting each other's true existence can I live more honestly and calmly.

? The third type: You have changed, he has not changed, but you have the courage to choose again.

? Many people say, "Could it be that a man's cheating, flirtatiousness, and irresponsibility are obviously his fault, but a woman has to change?"

? "Isn't that right if you always let me grow? Isn't it because he is so ignorant that he takes things too far? "

"Marriage is for two people. If I change and he doesn't change, what's the use?"

Not everyone. We are all children who can be taught, and there will always be someone who is unable to support the wall. But a person who is dedicated to growth has the ability to take the choice into his own hands. He cheats and flirts, and refuses to change despite repeated admonitions. This kind of life is not what you want, so what can you do to get the life you want? He is selfish, lazy and does not seek to make progress. You do not want to rot in the mud with him, so how do you need to be responsible for yourself? People who have truly grown up will not leave their happiness to others, but dare to follow the true voice of their hearts and make choices with confidence.

Growth is a theme throughout our lives.

When we have studied, worked hard, reflected, and improved, and then look back at ourselves, we are still the same people and things are still the same. You can’t tell where you have changed, but it is clear that you think about it. The angle, level, pattern, and thinking mode of the problem are all different from before.

It is like a night rain, moistening things silently and making you look new. Those problems that seemed to make you anxious, confused, trapped, almost out of breath, and almost unable to survive have become calmer, the sea and the sky are brighter, you are open-minded and transparent, and the dust has settled.

This is the true meaning that growth gives us - to have more wisdom and give birth to more compassion. Even if that person still stays where he is, what does it matter? You are no longer where you were.

? This is the real confidence of "you can spoil him, or you can change him". Women, let go of the "why" obsession and just do it.

? At this moment, now.

? Only if you do it, think about it, and understand it, you will understand that sentence: There is no road in the world in vain, and every step counts.

?————This article comes from "The Gathering and Dispersion of Jianghu in This Life"