Who has a short joke? The more, the better. Thank you.

1. There is a polar bear playing with a penguin. Penguins pull out his hair one by one. After pulling it out, he said to the polar bear, "It's so cold!" When the polar bear heard this, he pulled off his hair one by one and turned to the penguin and said, "It's really cold! Xiaoming lost a leg in a car accident. Xiaoming lost another leg in another car accident. Xiaoming lost another leg in another car accident. In fact, Xiao Ming is a dog. One day, Chinese cabbage was walking on the road and felt very hot, so it took off one piece after another and lost itself. 4. A steamed stuffed bun walked on the road and felt very hungry, so he ate himself. Xiaoming and Xiaohong are deskmates. One day, Xiaoming borrowed a pen from Xiaohong, who said, "If you don't borrow it, you will die!"! "Then Xiaohong said," Oh, I'll lend it to you. "When Xiao Ming returned the pen to Xiao Hong, Xiao Hong really died. 6. Once upon a time, there was a lamb. One day, he went out to play and met a wolf. The wolf said, "I want to eat you!" " ! !" Guess what? As a result, the wolf ate the lamb. 7. Xiaohua, did you use my pencil? Xiaohua: No, I'm useless. Bug: Are you really useless? Xiaohua: I'm so useless! Bug: Alas, you are the17th person to admit that you are useless. 8. When will Taiwan Province Province be reunified? When buying instant noodles. One day, Xiao Qiang asked his father, "Dad, am I a stupid child?" Dad said, "Silly boy, how can you be a silly boy?" 10. A medium-rare steak and a medium-rare steak met in the street. Why don't they say hello? (Assuming they can talk) Because ... they are all strangers ~ ~ ~11. Devil: God, can I be born again? God: Yes. Demon: I don't want to be a demon anymore. I want to be as white as an angel and have wings, but I still want to suck blood. God: Well, you can be reborn as a nurse. 12. One day, a person met God, and God suddenly showed mercy and planned to give that person a wish. God asked: Do you have any wishes? The man thought for a moment and said, I heard that cats have nine lives, so please give me nine lives! God said: Your wish has come true! One day, the man was bored and wanted to say death. In short, there are nine lives lying on the tracks. As a result, a train passed by and the man was still dead. Why? Because that train had 10 cars, Xiaoming owed 200,000 yuan to the underground bank, and Xiaoming begged him to give up for a few more days. The man in the bank said, "Be sure to return it tomorrow, otherwise ... chop off two fingers;" The day after tomorrow ... chop 4; On the third day ... "Xiao Ming:" Don't you have to return it? " Banker: "no, you will become a tinker bell." 14, one person has a bad stomach. One day, he went to the Stomach Hospital and said to the doctor, "I pull everything, eat watermelon, eat cucumber and pull cucumber!" " The doctor thought about it and said to him, "I think you have to eat shit!" ""15. Three small animals are chatting in the forest. Pig said: nicknames are popular now, so you can call me pig in the future. Rabbit said: well, I'll call it rabbit. The chicken looked unhappy and said, I have other things to do. /kloc-leave on 0/6 and go to the hospital alone. The doctor said that you should have a blood test, a urine test and a stool test. After a while, he came back and told the doctor that I had swallowed blood and urine, but the stool was really unbearable. There are three people in the family, called robbers and kitchen knives respectively. A day's trouble, a disappearing trouble. I brought a kitchen knife to make trouble. "Hee hee and ha ha are good friends, very good friends. One day, haha died. Hee hee is very sad. He went to Haha's grave and said, "Haha, you are dead. "On Monday, I got on the bus and didn't bring anything except the bus fare of 1. Sitting from the starting point to the finish line, I feel very calm all the way. But when I got off at the terminal, I found a note in my pants: "An adult goes out without anything, and it's no shame to lose it. On Tuesday, I took a broken wallet with 1 cent in it. When I arrived at the terminal, I found that the money was still there, and a note was stuffed in my wallet: "We are not beggars, please don't insult our profession. On Wednesday, I still broke my wallet, which contained counterfeit money of 100. When I arrived at the terminal, I found that the money was still there, and a note was stuffed in my wallet: "It is illegal to keep a large face value and forge a copy. Please consciously hand it over to the relevant departments. -"On Thursday, I took an envelope, which contained a stack of overdue Straits Talent Newspaper. When I arrived at the terminal, I found the envelope was still there. I took out the newspaper and read it. The newspaper was replaced by the latest straits talent newspaper. 1 Remarks: "Now is the consulting era. Only by updating information in time can we seize the opportunity and win success! -"Friday, I put a toy mobile phone in my pocket. After arriving at the terminal, the mobile phone was still there, and there was an extra note: "Please don't make such jokes, which will affect the normal work of our company. -"On Saturday, I took a toy pistol and stuck it in my waist. When I arrived at the terminal, I found that the gun was gone, and a note was stuffed in my waistband: "What you robbers hate most is that you have no technical content at all! Confiscate the tools of crime! -"on Sunday, I was about to get on the bus, and there were too many people to squeeze in. When waiting for the next bus, I felt in my pocket and found that there was an extra 20 yuan, and there was a note: "Brother, our business is not easy this day. This is 20 yuan. Where do you want to take a taxi? Please don't fool us again. " Three mice are bragging. One said, "I eat rat poison as candy, and I feel uncomfortable if I don't eat it for a day." The other said, "I like walking around the street twice a day, otherwise I won't sleep well." "The third mouse said," It's getting late. Go home and hug the cat to sleep. "The husband and wife divorced for their children, and the wife confidently said," The child comes out of my stomach, of course it's mine! " The husband said, "joke! This is complete nonsense. Can the money withdrawn from the ATM go to the ATM? No one inserted the card! ? A mother said to the little girl, "If someone molests you, touch the top and say" No ",and touch the bottom and say" Stop "! The next day, the little girl was sexually harassed and came back crying for her mother. After the little girl listened, her mother said angrily, "Did you refuse that man?" The little girl looked at her mother with innocent eyes, nodded and said, "That man touched me up and down, and I said," Don't stop! ! "Ge Liang is a man who is proficient in eight stunts. One of his specialties is ventriloquism. It is said that Zhuge Liang discussed with Liu Bei in his account this day. Zhuge Liang suddenly wanted to fart, but he was afraid of being heard by Liu Bei. I'm really sorry. He had a brainwave and said, "Master, how about I call you a woodpecker to adjust the atmosphere?" Liu Bei nodded. Zhuge Liang barked twice in imitation of a woodpecker and took the opportunity to fart. Then he asked, "What's the matter, master? Do I learn like it? " Liu Bei said, "Learn it again. You farted too loudly just now. I didn't hear it. " A primary school student participated in the school recitation competition for the first time and was particularly nervous. The teacher encouraged him for a long time, but his palms were still sweating. It's finally her turn. Pupils gritted their teeth and walked a few steps to the center of the stage: "Teachers and classmates, the topic I recited was: Red leaves are crazy (maple leaves) ..." ~ ~ # RMB * * ... I was still a pupil, and I was particularly envious when I saw the teacher let me read the composition, and I always hoped that the teacher would let me read it. The opportunity has finally come. "So-and-so, read your composition to everyone!" Pupils suddenly stood up: "My teacher". Teacher, I look like your mother ........................................................................................................................................................................ once performed, and I hurried on stage without being ready. The performance takes turns. It was her turn to announce the curtain call: "Audience friends, let's listen to Du Zi flute ..." (Note: "Du Zi" means swearing in Northeast dialect). My family often plants green onions in pots in winter to keep them fresh and tender. My sister saw it when she came home for the New Year and said happily to my mother, "Hey! Mom, that's rude ... "My mother and I both laughed. There is a neighbor named "Auntie" who goes to work by bike every day. I met her at the door early in the morning. I smiled and said politely, "Grandma, Big Class …" Bah! ..... I want to bite off my tongue. My classmate anonymous, one day feeling sorry for himself, suddenly turned to the person behind him and said, "Is my chest hair nice?" He was startled and said, "Oh, I want to ask if my eyebrows are fierce." Everybody stand up! Play the national flag, raise the national anthem ... and there is a passage from a Russian writer's novel: all the houses here belong to the lords (referring to the rich). As a result, one of my male classmates read aloud: All the houses here belong to old men. As soon as the voice fell, our Chinese teacher asked him doubtfully: Where do the old ladies live? Electrical appliances hold a joke contest, stipulating that every electrical appliance should tell a joke, so that every audience at the scene can laugh, or they will be arrested in Aruba. The washing machine was the first one to play. As soon as he finished his joke, all the audience burst out laughing. Suddenly I heard the rice cooker say, "It's so cold." So the washing machine was taken to Aruba. Next is the smartest computer. As soon as his joke was finished, all the home appliances laughed. I heard the rice cooker say, "It's so cold." So! Computers were also brought to Aruba. The third place is the most humorous desk lamp. The desk lamp confidently finished the joke, and everyone laughed and rolled on the ground. The rice cooker said, "It's so cold ~ ~" Just as the desk lamp was about to be taken to Aruba, the rice cooker stood up angrily and turned to the refrigerator sitting behind him and said, "I'm full. Laugh, don't open your mouth so wide, it's cold! " Electrical appliances hold a joke contest, stipulating that every electrical appliance should tell a joke, so that every audience at the scene can laugh, or they will be arrested in Aruba. The washing machine was the first one to play. As soon as he finished his joke, all the audience burst out laughing. Suddenly I heard the rice cooker say, "It's so cold." So the washing machine was taken to Aruba. Next is the smartest computer. As soon as his joke was finished, all the home appliances laughed. I heard the rice cooker say, "It's so cold." So! Computers were also brought to Aruba. The third place is the most humorous desk lamp. The desk lamp confidently finished the joke, and everyone laughed and rolled on the ground. The rice cooker said, "It's so cold ~ ~" Just as the desk lamp was about to be taken to Aruba, the rice cooker stood up angrily and turned to the refrigerator sitting behind him and said, "I'm full. Laugh, don't open your mouth so wide, it's cold! " Electrical appliances hold a joke contest, stipulating that every electrical appliance should tell a joke, so that every audience at the scene can laugh, or they will be arrested in Aruba. The washing machine was the first one to play. As soon as he finished his joke, all the audience burst out laughing. Suddenly I heard the rice cooker say, "It's so cold." So the washing machine was taken to Aruba. Next is the smartest computer. As soon as his joke was finished, all the home appliances laughed. I heard the rice cooker say, "It's so cold." So! Computers were also brought to Aruba. The third place is the most humorous desk lamp. The desk lamp confidently finished the joke, and everyone laughed and rolled on the ground. The rice cooker said, "It's so cold ~ ~" Just as the desk lamp was about to be taken to Aruba, the rice cooker stood up angrily and turned to the refrigerator sitting behind him and said, "I'm full. Laugh, don't open your mouth so wide, it's cold! " A woman got on the bus with a child in her arms. The driver glanced at the child and suddenly said, "I have never seen such an ugly child in my life!" " "The angry woman went to the last row, sat down and said to a man next to her," This driver just insulted me! "The man replied," Go and get even with him at once, and I'll catch this ugly monkey for you! ..... "Joke 1, if you can't speak Mandarin well, the fish seller shouted at the top of his lungs:" Fish, fish. " Not to be outdone, a jujube seller nearby immediately shouted, "Shit (jujube), shit (jujube)." "Fish." "Oh,no." "Fish." "Shit." The more fish sellers listen, the more wrong they are. He felt that the jujube seller was deliberately targeting him, so they quarreled. The director of a township enterprise will visit Kobe, Japan. He doesn't even speak Mandarin, but only speaks dialects at ordinary times. So he sent his subordinates to find translators, and when he came back, he reported that "none of the Japanese translators could understand the factory director's dialect". The factory director said, "Easy. Let's invite another teacher from our town to translate our dialect into Mandarin first. " The subordinate said, "Not yet. When I arrive in Japan, I have to ask someone to translate Japanese Mandarin into Kobe dialect. " A foreigner with a strong accent got lost in this city. When he saw a gentle young lady coming, he greeted him and asked, "Rabbit (comrade), give me a kiss (sorry) ..." Before the words were finished, the young lady blushed with anger. 4. A southerner came to a snack bar in Beijing and said to the waitress, "How much is it to sleep for one night (a bowl of jiaozi)?" Hearing this, the waiter changed his face and screamed, "rogue!" " Hearing this, the southerner said, "It's only 60 cents. Very cheap. Come for one night (bowl). " 5. A farmer brother and sister used a scooter to pull wheat to the market to sell. A southerner came to their brothers and sisters and asked, "Brother, how much is your little sister (wheat)?" Big brother was so angry that the veins stood out on his forehead. 6. Uncle Niu is shouting: "I sold four pieces of moon cakes." Many people gathered around to buy this "cheap" moon cake, and only when they paid did they know that the moon cake for the elderly was ten yuan and four yuan. 7. The old people in the nursing home held a party on the night of Mid-Autumn Festival. The host, Mrs. Wang, said: "Ladies and gentlemen, the performance is really damn (start). Please be quiet. " 8. A northerner inquired where the "cable car" was in a park in Guangzhou. He searched according to the answer and found the "men's room". 9. On the first morning after a couple got married, the family got up and washed their faces. The bride respectfully said to her mother-in-law, "Mother-in-law, please die (wash) first." After that, the bride said to the groom, "If your mother-in-law dies, will you die?" I paused and said, "My mother-in-law and you are dead, and finally I died." Hearing this, the mother-in-law was livid and couldn't say a word. The bride said, "Mother-in-law, why aren't you dead?" 10, an old lady in Putian sells sugar cane on the roadside. A bus stopped and a foreigner came to the old lady's booth to buy sugar cane. He just weighed the sugar cane without paying. The car started. The old lady urged, "Come on, give me the money and I'll marry you." . "Outsiders were so scared that they didn't even take sugar cane. Get on the bus quickly. 1 1. A country girl came to the supermarket, and the waiter greeted her warmly: "What do you want, miss?" The girl said, "I want your life (noodles), pig grandson (bamboo shoots)." 12, Chunhua met a friend who was shopping with her son. She hurried forward to say hello and boasted, "This little wolf boy (boy) is really cute. "13, a rural primary school was having a class, and the teacher came into the classroom and said," Stand (in class). " The students chorus: "It's good to die of old age (teacher)!" The teacher said, "Students who are vomiting blood, it is good to die early (on)! "14, two country girls came back from the city. It's getting late. When they saw a truck coming, they waved to it. The driver leaned out and a girl said, "Comrade, can we be your wife (car)?" The driver said grumpily, "Who wants you to be my wife?" Another girl said quickly, "It doesn't matter, we are very close. The driver was very angry. He drove away and thought, "Who will go with you?" "15, the village chief said at the villagers' meeting:" Rabbits, shrimps and pickles are too expensive, not pickles, but pig's trotters. " Translating his dialect into Mandarin means: Comrades and villagers, let's have a meeting now, don't talk, pay attention. When my friends and I first moved, there was no TV at home, which was very boring. Let's pretend that there is a TV set on the desk, and then we can change the channel by pretending that we have a remote control. This son of a bitch keeps changing channels. I told him, but he wouldn't listen. Then we started fighting. The teacher asked Xiaoming questions in class, but Xiaoming stood up without saying a word. Teacher: Xiaoming? Teacher: Xiaoming Teacher: Xiaoming! What's the matter with you? Do you know the answer or not? At least let me know! Xiaoming: Zhi ~ Three rabbits poop. The first one is long. The second one is just spherical. The third one is actually triangular. Asked, it replied: I pinched it with my hand. Pig Bajie was making out with Chang 'e on the moon when suddenly a black shadow passed by. Pig Bajie hurried out with a rake, and came back after a while and said, Shit, Yang Liwei ... A man kept a parrot, which was very powerful, and all the other birds shut up with it were killed by it. Later, the master brought back an eagle and put it together. When the owner came to see it, the parrot's hair hung outside the cage. The host said, "Not this time." But a closer look showed that the eagle was dead, and the parrot said naked, "This grandson is really amazing. You can't beat Yating without taking off your arm." "Have you ever heard the joke that the big pig said yes and the little pig said no?" Most people will say no. Today, I played CS in the Internet cafe. Not far away, there are two non-mainstream players playing hard. 5. Press the keyboard with a bang! I am very distressed! So, I also started to press the keyboard! I pressed hard! Press hard! Press faster than them! Louder than them! They couldn't help looking over, and I glanced at them contemptuously on purpose! They changed their faces and gave me a hard look! I'll stare back at you right away! They went on playing with a livid face, but the noise exceeded mine! Would I want to? So, I beat the keyboard with my palm! Clap hard! Clap hard! Those two guys stopped hitting hard at first sight and started hitting the keyboard! Louder than me again! How can I stop? Knock on the keyboard with your fist at once! Hit hard! Hit hard! The two men looked at each other and began to hit the keyboard! The noise has surpassed me again! I won't give up! Tear off the keyboard! Just throw it on the ground! I stepped on it hard Step hard! Everyone in the internet cafe gave me the warmest applause! Those two non-mainstream idiots are at a loss! However, under my provocative eyes, they are also angry! They also ripped off the keyboard! Throw it on the ground and step on it! Then they looked at me defiantly! At this time, the network management of the Internet cafe surrounded them! A webmaster looked at the keyboard trampled by them and slapped it in the face! Then the network management swarmed! Beat up two non-mainstream! Finally, two non-mainstream people were lying on the ground, and one of them pointed at me weakly and asked, "Why didn't you ... hit him?" "A webmaster kicked him in the past:" People play CS with their own keyboards! "One day, on the bus, a lady left her seat to buy a ticket. When I came back, I found that my seat was occupied by another woman. I was very unwilling and said loudly: I can't lay eggs, but it's very fast. When the woman sitting in the seat heard this, she quickly stood up and said with a smile: I'm sorry for delaying your laying! A man kept a parrot. The parrot was so strong that all the other birds in it were killed by it. Later, the master brought back an eagle and put it together. When the owner came to see it, the parrot's hair hung outside the cage. The host said, "Not this time. "But on closer inspection, the eagle died, and the parrot said naked," This grandson is really amazing. He can't beat Yating without taking off his arm. "A driver is driving a truck full of hens and teasing his parrot while driving. When a beautiful woman hitchhiked, the driver put the parrot and the hen together in the cargo box and let the beautiful woman sit in the cab. After driving for a while, the driver tentatively asked the beauty, "May I kiss you? "The beauty shook her head shyly and said," No, after waiting for a while, the driver reluctantly asked, "Can you give me a hug? The beauty still shook her head and said, "No". The driver said angrily, "If not, go down. "After driving for a while, the driver felt that his practice was very ungentlemanly, so he went back and invited the beauty to get on the bus. But after a while, the driver asked, "May I kiss you? "Beauty still shakes her head." Can I have a hug? "Beauty still shakes her head." If not, go down. "This repeated three times, finally to the chicken farm. The driver opened the suitcase and found that there were few hens in Miu Miu. Only the parrot mentioned a hen and asked, "can a beautiful woman kiss me?" "The hen shook her head desperately, and the parrot asked," Can you hug me? " The hen still shook her head. The parrot said, "If you can't, go down. "The hen was thrown out of the car ... The little white rabbit was walking in the forest and met the wolf. It came up and gave the little white rabbit two big ear stickers and said," I told you not to wear a hat ". The little white rabbit left very grievance. The next day, she skipped out of the house wearing a hat and met the wolf again. He came up and gave the white rabbit two big mouths and said, "I told you to wear a hat." Tutu is depressed. After thinking for a long time, I finally decided to complain to the king of the forest, Tiger. After explaining the situation, the tiger said, "OK, I see. I will handle this matter, so trust the organization." "On the same day, the tiger found his partner, the wolf." It's wrong of you to do so. It is very difficult for me. " Then he wiped the ash off the table: "Do you think this will work? "You can say, tutu, come and find me a piece of meat! She found a fat one and you said you wanted a thin one. She found a thin one, and you said you wanted a fat one. So you can hit her. Of course, you can also say that. Tutu, come and find me a woman. She found plump ones, and you said you liked slim ones. She found a slim one, and you said you liked the plump one. You can beat her. Reasonable and powerful. " The wolf nodded and clapped his hands, and the reverence for the tiger once again reached a new peak. Unexpectedly, the above instructions were heard by the little white rabbit who was weeding the tiger's house outside the window. I hate this in my heart. The next day, the little white rabbit went out again. What a coincidence! It's the big bad wolf coming. The wolf said, "Tutu, come and find me a piece of meat." Tutu said, "So, do you want to be fat or thin?" The wolf listened, his heart sank and he was happy again. He said, fortunately, there is a plan B. He added, "Tutu, Mary, find me a woman." Tutu asked, "So, do you like plump or slim?" The wolf was silent for 2 seconds and raised his hand to give Tutu two big ear stickers. "Shit, I told you not to wear a hat." The little white rabbit skipped to the bakery and asked, "Boss, do you have a hundred buns?" Boss: "Oh, sorry, not that much." "I see. . . "The little white rabbit left in dismay. The next day, the little white rabbit skipped to the bakery. "Boss, do you have a hundred steamed buns?" Boss: "Sorry, I still don't have it." "I see. . . "The little white rabbit left in dismay again. On the third day, the little white rabbit skipped to the bakery. "Boss, do you have a hundred steamed buns?" The boss said happily, "Yes, yes, we have a hundred buns today! ! "The little white rabbit took out the money:" Great, I'll take two! "" " .