Humor joke paste

★ The female teacher drew an apple on the blackboard and then asked, "What's this, little friend?" The children said in unison, "Donkey!" The female teacher ran out of the classroom crying and complained to the headmaster, "The children laugh at people." The headmaster came into the classroom and said with a serious expression, "Why did you make the teacher cry?" Ah! And drew an ass on the blackboard! "

★ A young woman coaxed her child: she slept with her grandfather at night. The child won't go. The young woman said, I can go without you. Grandpa said in a positive tone: educate children to be honest. You can't fool children and old people at the same time.

★ There was a greedy man, and the rich man said to him, "I will give you 1,200 pieces of silver for nothing, so that I can kill you." The man pondered for a long time and replied, "How about beating me half to death and giving me 520?"

Both father Jiang son are stubborn. One day, a guest came to the house. Father said, "Xiao, I'll tell the guests at home first, and you can buy Jin of donkey meat to entertain the guests." My son bought donkey meat, and on his way back, he had to cross the wooden bridge. There is also a stubborn man opposite, who won't give way to anyone, so he stood until dark. If the father doesn't come left or right, he will go to his son. I found my son and the man standing upright, staring at each other, to outdo each other. The father took the donkey meat and said to his son, "Xiao, you take the donkey meat back to drink with the guests, and I will continue to stand with him!" " "

★ A person goes to the hospital for pedicure. Doctor: "Take off your shoes". This man just took off a foot, which stinks to the sky and almost killed the doctor. The doctor said, "I bet this is the stinkiest foot in the city!" " "The man smiled and said," Hey, hey, if you bet, you will lose. Look at this foot! " "

★ When a man took a driver's license test, the examiner asked, "When you saw a man and a dog in front of the car, did you run over the dog or run over the person?" Man: "Of course I ran over the dog." The examiner shook his head: "Come again next time". The man is not convinced: "I don't run over the dog, can I run over people?" . Examiner: "You should brake!"

Girl, don't say that * * * A man said to a woman, "I'll treat you to dinner." The woman said, "Some other time."

A large group of girls went to the farm for internship, and the farmer taught the cows to milk. After the demonstration, everyone was asked to try it with their own hands. A girl looked puzzled that others had filled half a bucket, but she only had a little. The farmer looked at it and said, "Miss, you not only squeezed in the wrong place, but also chose the wrong cow." .

Barber: Ah, your hair is really ugly. I'll cut it for you. Customer: Yes, you have a good eye. You can tell the good from the bad at a glance. Barber: I specialize in this line of work. Can't you see? Guest: No, thank you. Can't you see that this is your last haircut?

★ Policeman: "Why do you insist on other people's things?" Robber: "How can you say strong? I just didn't have time to discuss it with others, so I took it back. "

"As more and more women advocate new simple clothes, such as miniskirts and overalls," a wife is reading the news in the newspaper, "according to statistics, traffic accidents on the street have been reduced by half." The husband on the side interjected, "Then why don't you try to put an end to traffic accidents completely?"

★ A person is always farting in the office, and colleagues can't help but say: Can you keep quiet? Then I saw him sitting there rocking. Q: For what? I turned it into vibration.

★ Someone is visiting a friend's house. At lunch, my friend brought a peanut and then went to get tofu. Later, he found that he had run out of peanuts.

Then my friend went to get peanuts, only to find that the tofu was finished. The friend asked in surprise, "Aren't you afraid of getting sick if you eat so fast?"

The man replied, "I'm sick. I'm going to see a doctor." Friend: "What disease?" He replied, "I have a bad appetite recently."

★ There is a custom in the countryside. When the son is one year old, the family will treat him to celebrate and arrange the children to draw lots.

One day, on his birthday, a little guy became very different. He didn't cooperate at all, not only didn't choose, but also threw all the 10 things prepared by adults under the table at once! Now, adults are puzzled: what will the children do in the future? At this time, someone stood up and said a word, which eased the embarrassing atmosphere at that time. He said: "This kid has a personality, and he will definitely be the material of urban management in the future!"

★ A rich man boasted to others that he had been shaking the cattail leaf fan for thirty years, and it was as good as new. If others don't believe you, just ask him how you use it. The rich man said, "I held a cattail leaf fan in my hand and shook my head in front of it."

★ The daughter told her mother that her boyfriend committed suicide by taking sleeping pills because her mother opposed her falling in love with her boyfriend. Mother was shocked: "Suicide?" The daughter said, "Fortunately, he took the wrong medicine and didn't die." Mother said, "I told you long ago that he is so careless and careless that he can't achieve great things." You see, even this little thing is wrong, how can you entrust it for life? "

★ A beautiful salesgirl went door-to-door to sell washing products, which was a great success. When someone asked her for sales promotion skills, her eyes lit up and she said, "It's very simple. I visited when both husband and wife were at home, explaining the purpose to my husband and introducing the performance and characteristics of the product in detail. Finally, tell him that you don't need to buy it right away, you can wait until the next time you come. At this time, the hostess next to me often showed a positive attitude and quickly bought my things. " Maybe you can find a woman who doesn't eat, but you will never find a woman who is not jealous. )

★ Two women met in the street. A said, "I received a subpoena from the court, saying that there is an important case for me to testify in court tomorrow." B asked, "Do you feel nervous?" A said, "I'm very nervous. I don't know what to wear. " Men regard career as life, while women regard life as career. )

A woman has a son and a daughter, but she only buys new clothes for her daughter and lets her son wear the old ones. Someone laughed at her partiality, and she explained, "If you export, you should pay special attention to the packaging."

★ Robber: "Tell me the password of the safe! Don't say kill you! " Female employee: "Don't tell me if you kill me! I won't say anything if you spoil me! " The robber looked her up and down and said, "You should be beautiful!" "

★ A couple held hands for the first time, and the girl asked, "Besides me, how many people have you held?" ? The boy was silent for a long time. The girl urged, "Tell me, and I won't blame you." . The boy smiled and said, I'm counting.

★ Daniel rushed over and said to Frye, "You still have a mind to play poker! Your wife has an affair with your best friend! " Frye was furious after hearing this, and quickly handed Daniel the poker in his hand and said, "I'll go and have a look." You can play a few songs for me first! " After a while, Frye came back and said contemptuously to Daniel, "You make a fuss all day. I don't know that man at all!

★ I went to the hospital today. At the gate of obstetrics and gynecology, I heard a man look at a woman angrily and say, "My name is required in the column of father. Why do you want to fill in your father's name? " ! "

★ An orthopedic surgeon's patient always can't remember his name. He thought of a clever plan and told the patient many times: "Aunt, you should eat every day. My family name is Fan, just call me Dr. Fan. " Many days later, I saw the patient again. "Aunt, do you still remember me?" I only heard my aunt muttering, "Are you a doctor of snacks?"

★ My deskmate asked me how many people were there that day? I replied, one is noon. She said no, it was three, because it was noon on the day of weeding, sweat dripped and soil fell.

★ A man beat his daughter-in-law, and the daughter-in-law went back to her mother's house to complain to her father. Her father slapped his daughter-in-law and said, "If he hits my daughter, I will hit his daughter-in-law!" "

★ At the end of the year, the teacher left the library to go home for the New Year. My wife accidentally mentioned that "sneezing makes my nose itch, and some people think behind my back." My husband said, "I often sneeze when I teach in the school auditorium." The wife said, "That's all because I miss you at home." After the new year, the school started, and her husband went to teach at Dongjia School. After bidding farewell to his wife, the boatman was stimulated by the rising sun, his nose twitched a few times and sneezed several times in a row. Mr. Wang stamped his foot and said, "No, I just left home. This woman is thinking about the boatman over there."

★ A monk came back from a banquet and was asked which seat he was sitting in. The monk replied, "Du is the first and Qi is the second. Under Du Qi, he is a poor monk. "

★ A man went to the bamboo garden with a knife to chop bamboo. Sudden abdominal pain, want to defecate, just put the knife on the ground and defecate in the bamboo garden. Suddenly I looked up and saw the bamboo in the garden and said, "We need bamboo at home. There are a lot of good bamboos here, but unfortunately I didn't bring a knife. " After he untied it, he saw the knife that had just been put on the ground and said happily, "It's God's will. I don't know who lost a knife here." As soon as I chose bamboo and wanted to cut it, I saw my own shit on the ground and began to scold: "What dog? It's bloody here and I almost stepped on my foot. " After a while, he chopped bamboo and went home. He lingered in front of his house and said, "Which one is this?" It happened that his wife saw him and knew that he had forgotten for a while, so she began to scold him. The man was disappointed and said, "This young lady looks familiar, but I didn't offend you. Why do you swear when you open your mouth? "

★ There is a person who specializes in being a portrait, and there is always no business at home. Someone advised him to draw a portrait of husband and wife, and others will come to you to draw when they see it. The painter did as he said. One day, his father-in-law came to see him, saw the painting and asked, "Who is this woman?" Answer: "It's your daughter." She asked again, "Why is she sitting with this stranger?"

There are two soldiers, one in the south and the other in the north. One day they all went home and met. One said, "It's really cold where I live. If you say something, freeze it immediately, and you can't hear it. You can only hear it if you fry it in a hot pot. " The other said, "My house is really hot. The eggs laid by chickens are all cooked.

★ A man lost his cow and complained to the government. The official asked him, "When did you lose it?" The man replied, "Sir, there will be no tomorrow." A servant nearby couldn't help laughing. The official was furious and said, "You must have stolen it." The officer shook his sleeve and said, "Let your master search."

★ There is an official's birthday. When historians heard that he was a mouse, they collected gold and made a golden mouse for the official's birthday. The official was very happy and said, "Do you know that my wife's birthday is also in the near future?" The official replied, "I don't know. Who is she? " The official said, "She is one year younger than me and belongs to an ox."

★ There are military attaché s patrolling at night. A man who broke the night rules claimed to be a scholar and said he was late for class. The military attache said, "Since you are a scholar, I will test you." The scholar asked the military attache to give a question. The military attache thought for a long time and didn't come up with a question. He shouted, "You are very lucky. Fortunately, there is no problem tonight. "

★ A military attache went out to fight and was about to fail. Suddenly, with the support of the magic weapon, he won a great victory. The military attache kowtowed and asked the name of God. God said, "I am the god of arrows and targets." The military attache said, "Young man, what achievements have I made? How dare I come to the rescue with an arrow and a target? " The target god replied, "I thank you for never hurting my arrow in the martial arts field."

A candidate went to Kyoto to take part in the imperial examination, and the servant followed with his luggage. Walking into the wilderness, suddenly a strong wind blew off the headscarf on the bag. The servant shouted, "We have landed." The host was very unhappy and told him: "Don't say' landing' in the future, just say' harmony'." The servant agreed, then tied up his luggage and said, "Now you can go to heaven and never go again."

★ A Guo Jian student passes by the official school in Kyoto. When he heard that the wine festival was angry, he wanted to punish two scholars. He asked the people in the school, "Do you want to fight or imprison?" People at school said, "Give them a topic to write." Guo Jianzi was unhappy and immediately shouted, "Hey, the punishment shouldn't come to this!" " "

★ Someone wrote to borrow a cow from a rich man. The rich man happened to be receiving guests, so he pretended to open the envelope and read the letter. He said to the messenger, "I see. I will go by myself in the future."

A deaf man went to visit a friend. His friend's dog saw him barking, but the deaf-mute didn't notice. After entering the back room to see the owner bow to each other, he said to the owner, "Does your dog think he didn't sleep last night?" The host asked, "What do I think?" The deaf man said, "The dog kept yawning when he saw his little brother."

A nearsighted man lost his way and saw a crow standing on a stone by the side of the road. He thought it was a man, so he asked for directions. I asked several times, but no one answered. After a while, the crow flew away. Myopia said to himself, "Hum, I asked you if you didn't agree just now. Your hat was blown away by the wind, so I won't tell you. "

★ When two people are together, the beardless person asks the bearded person, "What is the most difficult thing in the world?" The bearded man said, "Stone and steel are the hardest." No one needs to say, "no, stones can be broken, and steel can be forged." How can it be said that it is the most difficult? " ? In my opinion, only a man's beard is the hardest, and stone and steel are not as hard as it. "The bearded man asked," why? "The man without a beard said," Look at that man's thick face, he got it out. " The man with a beard also retorted, "Brother is thick-skinned, and such a hard beard hasn't been drilled through. "

★ Several people are in the same boat together, and some people fart. Everyone suspected that it was a child, so they went to hit him on the head together. The child cried, "Amitabha, let others hit me." Thanks to that fart turtle bastard, he can raise his hand and hit me. "

★ Two blind people walked together and said, "Only blind people are the best in the world. People with long eyes are busy all day, and farmers are even worse. Where can I catch up with leisure? " The farmers listened to them and pretended to be officials, saying it was impolite for the blind not to avoid. After hitting each other with a hoe, tell them to get out. Then he secretly listened to what they said. A blind man said, "after all, it is good to be blind." If you have eyes, you have to ask questions after hitting! " "

★ Someone asked, "What in the world is not afraid of cold?" Another person replied, "The colder the snuff, the more it flows out." Ask again: "What is the coldest?" "Farts are most afraid of cold," he replied. "They just ran out of their asses and immediately got into their nostrils."

★ A blind man, a dwarf, and a hunchback are all vying to sit on the table when drinking, and agree with each other who can talk big and who will sit on the table. The blind man said, "I am arrogant." I should sit in my seat. " The dwarf said, "I am no longer than usual." I should sit down. " The hunchback said, "Don't argue, you are all straight-backed (nephews). Of course, let me sit."

★ After a scholar died, he went to see the ghost king. The scholar claims to be knowledgeable and knowledgeable. At this time, Yan accidentally farted, and the scholar immediately wrote flattering words and said, "Your Majesty, the towering golden buttocks, Hong Xuanbao's fart, vaguely like the sound of silk and bamboo, as if it were the breath of musk orchid, I set the wind and it was very fragrant." Yan was very happy to hear that. He ordered his men to hold a banquet for the scholar and promised to extend the scholar's life for another 12 years. At that time, he asked the scholars to report that no more children were sent to arrest him. Twelve years later, the scholar came to the underworld again. He said to the child at the door, "Please go to the king and tell him that the scholar who wrote a fart article twelve years ago has come again."

★ The mother of the master's wife died and went to pay homage. The boss asked Mr Guan Xue to write a eulogy for him. So, Mr. Wang copied an article according to the sample in the ancient book, but it was mistakenly copied as a memorial to his wife and father. When the wise man saw it, the master scolded the gentleman and said, "This ode is a sample published in an ancient book. How can it go wrong? " ? I'm afraid the wrong person died in his family. It's none of my business. "

★ A scholar has an exam. Before the exam, the scholar was depressed day and night. So, his wife comforted him and said, "It's so hard to watch you write an article, as if I had a baby." The husband said, "It's easier for you to have children every time." The wife didn't understand and asked him, "How do you know?" The husband replied, "After all, you have children in your stomach, but I don't."

★ Some people who are afraid of their wives have been abused by their wives, so they gathered ten people to donate blood at one place and agreed to support each other. Just as they rewarded the gods and swore by wine, they didn't expect their wives to hear about it and hit the swearing place together. Nine of them were scared to hide everywhere at once, and only one of them sat upright and motionless. The other nine people admired him and said privately, "Who can be so calm?"? He should be the big brother. " After a while, after the wives left, everyone took a closer look and found that the man had been scared to death.

★ A doctor who treats adults stepped on a pediatrician and beat him up. The person next to him advised him, "You are all colleagues, why do you do this?" The doctor who treated adults said, "You don't know, this guy is disgusting. The adults I treated were reincarnated as children for him to treat, and none of the children he treated came to treat me. "

★ A doctor killed someone else's son, and the father of the child will go to the government to sue him, and the doctor will compensate his son. Later, the doctor killed someone else's servant and compensated the only servant in the family. One night, someone knocked at the door and said, "My wife is sick after giving birth. Ask the doctor to look at her. " The doctor listened and said to his wife privately, "I'm so angry." That family must have taken a fancy to you. "

★ The doctor killed someone and was tied up by the patient's family with a rope. The doctor untied the knot in the middle of the night, quietly fled to the river and swam home. Seeing his son reading a medical book under the lamp, he eagerly said to his son, "My son can learn slowly, but more importantly, learn to swim."

★ A tailor went to the toilet, put a ruler in a crack in the wall, took care of the stool and left. Later, a Manchu went to the toilet and saw a ruler on the wall, so he hung the waist knife on the ruler. After a while, the tailor came back to get the ruler, and when he saw Manchu and broadsword hanging on it, he was too scared to get the ruler. After standing for a long time, Manchu said, "Man Zi, what do you want?" The tailor replied, "The small one needs a ruler." The Manchus said, "Son of a bitch, you are going to eat (feet) before we finish the sacrifice!" " "

★ A carpenter installed a bolt for others and mistakenly installed the bolt outside the door. The master called the carpenter a "blind thief". The carpenter replied, "You are the blind thief!" " "The master was furious and said," How can I be blind? "The carpenter said," If you had eyes, you wouldn't hire a carpenter like me. "

★ The woodcutter was carrying firewood and accidentally bumped into the doctor. The doctor was furious and wanted to hit the woodcutter. The woodcutter said, "It's better to be kicked than to respect your hand." The people next to him were puzzled and asked the woodcutter why. The woodcutter explained, "kicking doesn't have to kill you, but if you pass through his hand, it's hard for you to live."

There is a man who likes silence very much, but his neighbors are a coppersmith and a blacksmith. The noise was harsh from morning till night, and he felt very uncomfortable. So he often said, "If these two families are willing to move, I'd rather hold a banquet to thank them." One day, the coppersmith and the blacksmith came to his house together and said to him, "We are moving. You made a wish to move for us, so today we are here to get it. " The man was so happy that he immediately prepared a sumptuous banquet for the coppersmith and blacksmith. During the dinner, he asked the coppersmith and blacksmith, "Where are your two families going to move?" The coppersmith and blacksmith replied, "He moved to my room and I moved to his room."

★ A man stole someone else's cow and was shackled for public display. A relative saw it and asked him, "What crime did you commit?" The cow thief said, "I happened to see a straw rope on the ground when I was walking in the street." I thought it was useless, so I picked it up by mistake and went home. I didn't expect to suffer such a disaster. " A passer-by listened and said, "You took a straw rope by mistake. What crime did you commit?" The man who stole the cow said, "Because there is still one thing on the rope." Passers-by asked him what it was. The man who stole the cow replied, "It's a small plow cow."

★ There is an old bachelor in Suzhou. Someone asked him, "Do you have a son?" The old bachelor replied, "It's really hard to talk about children. When my wife's grandfather and my father-in-law got engaged, they succeeded, but they were separated by a damn bastard. As a result, my father-in-law did not marry his mother-in-law, and my mother-in-law did not give birth to my wife. To this day, my son is still missing. "

★ The government brought a scholar, and a person made a wish before the exam and said, "I wonder if I can get in?" God asked, "Was your grandfather born in Hakka?" The answer is: "No" and then ask: "Is there any money at home?" Answer: "Not rich." God smiled and said, "In that case, what did you dream!" " "

★ There is a teacher who sleeps during the day and does not allow students to doze off. The student asked Mr. Wang why he slept during the day, and Mr. Wang lied and said, "I went to see Duke Zhou in my dream." The next day, his disciples imitated Mr. Wang and slept during the day. Teacher Wang woke up the students with a ruler and said, "Why are you doing this?" Disciple said, "I also went to see Duke Zhou." The gentleman said, "What did Duke Zhou say?" The disciple replied, "Duke Zhou said he didn't meet a respected teacher yesterday."

★ There was a teacher, Tomb-Sweeping Day, who took his disciples to the countryside for an outing after school. Mr. Wang walked in front and accidentally farted. Disciple said, "Sir, the Qingming ghost is calling." The gentleman said, "Nonsense."

★ The student asked the teacher, "How do you write' shit'?" Mr. Wang forgot to answer for a moment, and thoughtfully said, "Hey, I just said it orally, why can't I say it!"

★ Several blind people buy fish in partnership, but they can only buy small fish with very little money, and there are many fish people. You have to cook soup in a big pot before everyone can taste delicious food. The blind man didn't eat the fish, but the fish was still alive, so he threw the fish into the pot and the fish jumped out of the pot, but the blind man didn't know it. Everyone gathered around the pot and praised: "This soup is really fresh! This soup is really fresh! " Who knows that the fish jumped to the ground and jumped to the feet of a blind man. The blind man shouted, "The fish hasn't been put in the pot yet." Several blind people sighed and said, "Amitabha, fortunately, the fish is outside the pot." If it is in a pot, everyone will die. "

★ A person is impatient, a person is slow, and he drinks around the stove in winter. The impatient man's clothes were burnt by the fire. When the patient saw it, he calmly said, "Just one thing, I've been watching it for a long time, and I want to say that I'm afraid you're impatient, but I'm afraid it's not good for you if you don't say it." So will you say it or not? " The impatient man asked him what it was, and the slow man said, "Your clothes are on fire." The impatient man pulled up his clothes and said angrily, "In that case, why didn't you say so earlier?" The frigid person said, "outsiders say you are impatient, and it is true."

★ Once upon a time, there was a man who was unfilial and often beat his father, but his father was reluctant to part with his grandson and loved him more. Others asked, "Your son is unfilial, but you love your grandson. Why? " The old man replied, "If nothing else, I will pick him up so that I can vent my anger."

An old man bought his grandson two pence for soy sauce and vinegar. After his grandson went, he came back and asked, "Where did you get the money to buy soy sauce? Where did you get the money to buy vinegar? " Grandpa said, "One money for soy sauce and one money for vinegar. Do you still need to ask? " After a while, the grandson came back and asked, "which bowl contains soy sauce?" Which bowl is filled with vinegar? " Grandpa was very angry when he heard this, so he punished his grandson. Just in time, my son came in and asked why. The old man told the truth. The son took off his hat at will and beat him by pulling his hair. The old man said, "Are you crazy?" The son replied, "I'm not crazy. You hit my son. Can't I hit your son? "

★ Sleeping alone in bed, I have a backache, a stomachache, a backache on one side, and a pain when sitting up. It is useless to find several doctors for treatment. It was suggested that he turn the bed over. When I turned over the bed, I found a heavy object under the mattress.

★ A man accidentally fell, just got up and fell again. So the man regretted it: "Alas! If I had known that I would fall down again, I wouldn't have got up! "

★ Once upon a time, there was a man who always believed in Yin and Yang. One day, the wall fell on him and his family had to rescue him quickly. The man stretched out his head and said, "wait a minute, I'll bear it first." Ask Master Yin and Yang if he can break ground today? "

There were two people playing chess at that time, and a bystander had been teaching. One of the players was very angry and punched the bystander. The man was beaten so hard that he retreated again and again, burying his face in his right hand and gesticulating with his left hand: "Sergeant, hurry up!" " "

★ A local official visited a temple and met a monk and asked him if he ate meat. The monk said, "I don't eat much. I just eat a little when I go to the party to drink." The local official said, "So, do you still drink?" The monk added, "I don't drink much either. I just have a drink with my uncle when he comes. " Hearing this, the local official was furious and said, "You still have a wife. You don't look like a monk at all Tomorrow I will tell the county officials to take back your documents. " The monk said, "Don't bother. I was found to be a thief three years ago and I have already got it back. "

★ A monk needs to go to San Qian to get money and send it to the Western Heaven. A woman asked to cross over her husband and gave him two dollars, so the monk went to the East. The woman was unhappy, and the monk blamed him for giving less money. The woman immediately smiled and gave him another money, and the monk changed his mind and went west. The woman cried and said, "My God, it's so hard for you to run around for these pennies!" "

The thief entered a poor family, and there was only a jar of rice in their house, which was placed in front of the bed. The thief took off his skirt and spread it on the ground. He is preparing to move the urn to pour rice. The owner of the bed secretly saw it. The shopkeeper quietly took the skirt away and called the thief. The thief replied, "There really are thieves. A skirt was there just now and was stolen by a thief in a blink of an eye. "

★ A doorman who loves to flatter his master said to his master, "I dreamed last night that you lived for a thousand years." The host said, "I'm afraid it's unlucky to die in a dream." The man quickly changed his tune and said, "bah, I was wrong." I dreamed that you had been dead for a thousand years. "

★ A lazy man went out after eating bran and suddenly met an old official who left the lazy man at home for breakfast. Xian Han replied, "I just ate too much dog meat, so I can't eat any more." You can have a few drinks if you have wine. " After drinking it, I suddenly vomited, and all the bran was spit out. The host was surprised to see this and asked, "You said you ate dog meat, why did you spit out bran?" Han, who was idle, stared at him for a long time and replied, "Hey, I ate dog meat myself. That dog must have eaten chaff."

★ A man ate a big fish by himself, but made a small fish for his guests. He accidentally left the big fish's eyes on the plate and was found by the guests. The guest joked, "If you want to raise fish, put it in a fish pond." The host said modestly, "This is a small fish. What's worth it? " The guest said, "Although the fish is small, it is rare to have such big eyes."

★ There was a man who was so stingy that he never invited guests. Occasionally, the servants at home take a basket of bowls to the river to wash. Someone asked, "Is your family going to treat you today?" The servant replied, "I want my master to treat me, except in my next life." The host knew this and scolded, "Who told you to ask him out easily?"

★ One of the meanest people suddenly got tuberculosis (zhài): tuberculosis. Commonly known as tuberculosis. The doctor diagnosed: "The pulse is weak, so it is best to use ginseng to replenish the body." The patient was very surprised, looked at the doctor and said, "I am very weak, so I have to resign myself to fate." The doctor said, "If you don't use ginseng, you must use Radix Rehmanniae instead, and the price is very cheap." The patient shook his head and said, "The price of death is too high." Knowing that he was stingy, the doctor lied to him and said, "There is another prescription. One or two dollars can be eaten with dry dog shit and brown sugar, and it can also make up for the body. " The patient asked excitedly, "I don't know if shit is blind, can it be used alone?"

The two sons of the miser had dinner together and asked their father what to eat. The father said, "The ancients looked at plums to quench their thirst. You can eat dried salted fish hanging on the wall at a glance, so you can eat it. " The two sons did as they said. Suddenly, the younger son shouted, "Brother, take another look." Father replied, "Salt killed him."

★ The father and son were carrying an altar of wine, slipped on the road and fell down. Father flew into a rage. My son squatted on the ground and drank the spilled wine. He looked up and said to his father, "Come down and have a drink. Do you want anything else? "

★ One of the guests was greedy for the banquet and refused to get up. The host happened to see a big bird in the tree and said to the guest, "This banquet has been eaten for a long time, and all the dishes on the plate are gone. How about when I cut down the big tree and catch the birds and cook them for you? " The guest said, "I'm afraid the tree will fall and the bird will fly." The host said, "This is a silly bird, and it won't leave when it dies."

★ There was a man with a good capacity for liquor who got good wine in his dream and planned to drink it while it was hot. He was suddenly awakened, so he said with great regret, "If I had known this, I might as well drink it while it is hot."

★ The servant was dissatisfied with the wine, and the guest raised his glass for a long time and said, "This cup is too deep, so it should be broken." The host said, "Why?" The guest said, "You can't hold wine in the top half. What's the use? "

★ A family was afraid that others would pee under the foot of the wall, so they drew a turtle on the wall and wrote a line behind it: "This is the thing that peed." A man doesn't know, but he still goes there to pee. The host scolded: "I am blind, I don't look." The man who urinated said, "I didn't know you were here."

★ Customer: "Boss, this dish doesn't have enough salt and too little oil."

Boss: "Do you know that salt hurts the kidney and oil hurts the liver?"

Customer: "but I ordered fried steak!" " "

★ There are two neighbors, one is Sato and the other is Aoki.

One day, Sato asked his servant to borrow a hammer from Aoki's house. The servant came to Aoki's house next door: "Excuse me, my master wants to borrow a hammer from you and knock some nails."

"Ok, ok, is that nail iron or wood?"

"It's a nail."

Hearing the nail, Aoki snorted and said, "It's a pity that the hammer has just been borrowed."

The servant who returned empty-handed told his master what had happened. Sato shouted loudly: "There are such misers in the world! I really have no choice but to use my own hammer. "

Some people asked the miser, "What are you doing?"

"I'm learning Braille."

"Why do you want to learn Braille? Is your eyesight failing? "

"That's not. I just want to save some electricity when reading at night. "