A young girl trapped by a sense of poverty: Is there really no way to escape the influence of her original family?

In the past two years, the term "original family" has become very popular. In the final analysis, it is just because people are products of the environment.

The impact of a bad native family on a person cannot be underestimated.

You must have heard this saying:

Happy people use their childhood to heal their lives, while unfortunate people use their whole life to heal their childhood.

What this is talking about is that childhood experience determines a person's personality and living habits, and even affects his subsequent life direction.

For example, a person who lacks love may constantly look for love, hoping to get love from others.

She may feel that all things are less important than love.

A child who grows up with violence and quarrels has a high probability of becoming a continuation of the violent gene when he grows up.

A child who grows up in a poor family will be extremely sensitive to prices and lack a sense of security due to excessive low self-esteem. Her once life of lack of food and clothing gradually developed her habit of buttoning and swishing.

These are all things that a bad native family may bring to you.

I heard a friend tell a story like this two days ago. My friend told me that when I was a child, my family's conditions were actually pretty good. Although I couldn't say I was rich, I couldn't be considered poor either.

But in order to cultivate her sense of frugality, her mother deliberately concealed the situation at home from her.

Once she and her mother were walking on the road and saw someone selling candied haws, and hoped that her mother would buy a bunch for herself.

But what her mother said made her feel deeply guilty.

Mother said:

It is winter now, and your dad is still working hard to make money outside. It takes two hours of hard work for dad to earn the money for a bunch of candied haws.

At that time, she felt very sad. Her father worked so hard and worked hard outside, but she was so ignorant that she wanted to eat candied haws.

From then on, she never dared to ask her mother for anything.

But when her mother is in a good mood, she will take her out shopping. Because her father rarely comes home, she almost always lives with her mother.

Almost every time, whenever her mother takes her to go shopping, the amount of money spent and her father’s hard work will be used to calculate the bill.

For example, a meal of KFC is worth half a day's salary of dad, and a piece of clothing is worth two days of dad's salary.

For example, my mother called the school’s textbook fees exorbitant. She burst into tears when she told her about my hard work in front of her.

My mother would often say that she would have to pay for her to go to school even though she was selling iron. She would often talk about how much her parents paid and sacrificed for her.

Let her study hard and get ahead.

Her mother thought that since she was young, these words would not have a great impact on her. But what her mother didn’t know was that even though she was young at that time, she understood the meaning of these words.

Because her material needs have never been met, and because every time she spends money, her mother will mention her father, which makes her become more and more inferior and full of guilt. feel.

For a long time, she was very sad. She felt that it was because of herself that her father had to go out and do hard work.

It was all because of herself that my mother was reluctant to eat or wear clothes, so she saved every bite for her.

Her appearance destroyed an originally happy family and separated a loving couple.

Therefore, she studied harder and did not dare to slack off at all, lest she would be sorry for her family who had devoted so much to her.

But at the same time, because of her deep sense of inferiority, she was often ostracized by her classmates.

This kind of life continued until she graduated from college and started working.

After working, she started to make money to support herself. She had a good income and had some savings.

But despite this, she found that the poverty engraved in her bones seemed difficult to pull out.

She likes to settle accounts. She will fight for half an hour to get a two-yuan discount when ordering takeout. When she goes to the supermarket, she only likes to visit the discount section. She often buys a lot of things that are about to expire for cheap.

When eating with friends, I have to finish the rest no matter how much I hold on. It feels like a waste.

When buying clothes, I always only look at the price. Although the salary is not low, others always tell me that the clothes are sold on the street.

Also because of low self-esteem, I dare not fall in love or have a boyfriend. I am afraid that others will see my poverty, and I am afraid that others will look down on me.

She always pretends to be familiar with things she has never seen before, for fear that others will laugh at her.

But because of this, a lot of jokes were made.

She has not been able to completely get rid of these habits until now. She knows that this is not good, but she can't help but become the person she hates.

She told me that her family of origin had a profound influence on her. Her poverty was written in her genes. She also blamed her parents for making her become like this. Annoying people.

I believe that the family of origin has a great influence on people, but to be honest, I think it is inappropriate to attribute all problems to the family of origin.

Otherwise, there would be no saying that the dragon gave birth to nine sons, and the nine sons had different personalities.

Part of the cause of our character is due to the outside world, but part of it comes from ourselves.

In any case, it is worthy of congratulations for an adult to discover the problems in his own character.

If you realize the seriousness of the problem, it is not too difficult to correct it.

I have written before about the thorns in your original family. You have to pull them out yourself. Childhood may be important, but childhood may not affect your life.

No one wants to be stuck in the mud of childhood all his life, unable to get out.

Every period of life is actually very important.

I know a girl whose original family is even more miserable. Her parents quarrel all day long, and her father is violent and will attack her and her mother.

For her, home is not much different from hell.

When I was in elementary school, other children would have hot meals and dishes to eat when they came home, and they would have loving parents, and the whole family would be happy.

And all she had to face was a cold pot and a cold stove, and her father’s fist.

Therefore, at a very young age, she learned to observe words and emotions, and learned to hide in the cupboard when her father was angry.

Once she hid in the cabinet in the bedroom. After her father and mother had an argument, she fell asleep in the bedroom. She looked at her father who was snoring loudly and was so scared that she didn't dare to come out.

That day, she stayed in the closet for three hours.

She has always lived like this, spending her childhood and adolescence in fear.

Her biggest dream at that time was to fly far away one day and escape from this terrifying and cold hell on earth.

Later, she got her wish and was admitted to the university of her choice, far away from the place that caused her pain.

But the strange thing is that she has always been two different people at school and at home.

She was very enthusiastic, lively, and cheerful at school, with no trace of any misfortune.

She has many friends. Because of her good grades, her teachers also like her, and everything goes smoothly.

After going to college, she also fell in love and found a boyfriend. She did not inherit her father's violence or her mother's aggressiveness.

She is peaceful, gentle, and extremely emotionally stable.

I once asked her quietly:

Did those unpleasant experiences in the past really have no impact on her?

This is what she told me:

Those experiences were very painful, and I have never understood why I had to suffer those things.

I also can’t understand why my parents don’t love me.

But I have secretly sworn since I was a child that when I grow up, I will never become someone like them.

I think they are very pitiful and sad. They don't know what they are living for, and they are very unhappy.

But I am different.

My life has just begun. Just regard the good and the bad as experiences. They are all in the past anyway.

They have already ruined my childhood and I can't let them ruin my life anymore.

I have no way to choose my origin, but when I have the right to choose, I want to live the way I like.

What's more, I don't want to give my children a bad native family.

I'm lucky to have someone to protect me from the wind and rain, but if not, it doesn't matter, I can handle it myself.

I never expected that she could say such a thing. After all, the people closest to her had caused her such deep pain, but she actually chose to be relieved.

But I agree with her approach. We can't live in tension and resentment all the time, tearing ourselves apart from the pain.

We should not be unwilling to take another step forward and feel that life is hopeless just because we have seen what hell looks like.

It is precisely because we have seen the despair and pain in hell that we should yearn for and cherish the small beauties in the world.

I think of what the psychologist Adler said:

Nothing needs to be healed in a lifetime, only whether you are willing to change.

The person who can influence you the most is yourself.

The thorns in the original family can be pulled out.

Who you are and what you have experienced are not important. What is important is who you want to be in the future.

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